


When This Is Over

by ImagineCharlotte



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Corpses, Disturbing Themes, Drama, Family Dynamics, Flashbacks, Heavy Angst, Inspired by The Walking Dead, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romantic Fluff, Slow Build, Smut, Suspense, Time Skips, Violence, Zombies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-20
Updated: 2015-10-10
Packaged: 2018-03-08 08:27:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 104,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3202412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImagineCharlotte/pseuds/ImagineCharlotte
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zombie AU: Jean starts off as an apocalypse survivor who has been on his own for a year, until he meets Marco. While on their journey they come across a small group of survivors. As time goes on and they face challenges of fear, loss, and defeat, Jean has to make decisions that could either risk or save lives.</p><p>Fighting zombies is only half the challenge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Oh, Death

**Author's Note:**

> Struggling to survive in a post-apocalyptic world isn't easy, especially if you're going it alone.

_In the valley of the bones_

_They're gonna rise up and head on home_

_We all wander through this shattered old world_

_Gettin' more glass in our feet_

_Leavin' bloody tracks everywhere we turn_

_Like a morbid hide-and-go-seek_

* * *

Sunsets came quickly late in autumn. It was early in the evening, but it looked more like the middle of the night. Every now and then a cloud would move out of the way to let the full moon shine through. I stepped lightly and quickly. I couldn’t afford to be seen by any of them. I stayed close to the shop entryways, wary of every corner I turned. I saw two of them in one of the more narrow alleyways. They ripped and tore at flesh, growling and gurgling, unable to satiate themselves. Whatever it was they were feasting on, it was too mutilated to identify. I waited until their backs were turned to move again. My eyes darted in every direction, watching out for a possibly safe place to hide for the night. Notes and warnings covered walls, reading messages of loved ones passing, where to look for them, if anyone has seen them. Many of the signs had long rotted away and torn, but there they were there; long gone cries for help.

A little way ahead I spotted a pawn shop on the other side of the street. The doors were shut, which was usually a good sign, and from what I can recall, they leave their doors on lockdown. I hoped that was the case. I crossed the street, crouched low and moving as quickly as possible. Pressing my back to the pawn shop’s door, I reached to the back of my belt and pulled out a screw driver. Yes, I carry it around at all times. Why? Well, some examples would be to pick a lock, break into through windows, impale some heads, and to unscrew things, of course.

I couldn’t pick the lock on the door, so I went with the window route. I couldn’t see or hear any movement, but that didn’t mean the coast was clear. I learned that a while ago, too many times. I exchanged the screwdriver for a coin and tossed it inside, again pressing my back to the wall as I listened. The coin bounced off of something metal before hitting the floor. I winced, not intending to be _that_ noisy. After two long minutes of silence, I jumped in the window as quiet as I could, then shut it behind me. Smart ol’ came prepared. I flipped the cap on a zippo, dimly lighting the room.

A variety of things crowded the room, from bicycles to jewelry, antique toys to DVD collections. I reached into my coat pocket, withdrawing a pretty sizeable hunting knife. To the left of the front door, I found the front desk. It was covered in dust; cobwebs came all the way from the ceiling, covering its corners like a veil. There was a familiar rancid smell coming from behind the desk. Holding my knife up and ready to jump into action, I circled around it and held my lighter toward it. When I saw the decayed body lying face down on the floor, I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding and lowered my knife. His head was blown open, staining the floor black and brown. My guess was he was the shop owner. I checked the gun. As expected, it was empty. I dropped it and moved on.

I checked every nook and cranny in the shop’s front room. Lucky for me, I spotted one of those old fashioned oil lamps. You know the kind that looks like a glass genie bottle but with a wick? I only know about them because my grandma had like, twenty of them. It’s not like I collected them or anything.  Anyway, I held my lighter to the wick and _viola_ , let there be light. Cobwebs covered the shop from top to bottom. There wasn’t a single item that hadn’t been touched by webs or dust. They were like a veil; a reminder what the world had become.

Lantern in hand, I made my way to a door which most likely lead to the back of the shop. I opened the door and followed normal procedure; enter the room with caution, ready any weapons, clear the area, and move on. To the right was a door labeled ‘restroom’, and down the short hall was a sort of break room. There was an emptied mini fridge, above which were three cabinets and a two-person table occupied with only one chair off to the side. Suspecting the place to be completely ransacked, I was pleasantly surprised when I found four cans; two baked beans, one corn, and one peach preserves. A shameless growl ripped through my gut just from seeing something edible. Using my knife, I opened half on the cans. Table manners be damned, my hands were my utensils.

After the well needed replenishment, I sat in silence. That was nothing new. Not many things were new anymore. You know that ‘tiny voice in your head’ people used to talk about? I had conversations with it. Yes, full-fledged, ongoing conversations and arguments with myself, in my mind of course. It was crazy, but there was no one around to judge. There was no one else to talk to. There was no one else in general. I thought of everything, from what language dolphins thought in to what exactly Slim-Jims were made of. Was the guy who created them named Jim? God, I would have killed for a Slim-Jim.

A few hours had passed and I was in dire need of a restroom. I didn’t always have the opportunity to use a proper bathroom, but I wasn’t a complete animal. I stood by the whole ‘pissing where you eat’ thing. I don’t think anyone used that in the literal sense, but that wasn’t important. I reached for the bathroom’s doorknob, stopping when I noticed something etched into the wooden door. I had to strain my eyes to read it. Even with light, the dust and build up make it a challenge.

                ‘DO NOT OPEN’ it read.

I let out a deep breath through my nose, tilting my head back and shutting my eyes. “Right.”

I quickly opened the door. Right in front of me stood a woman-well, what used to be a woman. Her lower jaw was missing along with a chunk of her shoulder, and she reeked. I could never get used to it, and it singed my nostrils every time. She was staring up at the ceiling with cloudy, yellow eyes. Her hand twitched and then her eyes came down to me as she came out of her catatonic state. A gargled growl began to form in her throat, but was interrupted when I drove the knife straight down into her head. I flung her body to the side, releasing the blade from her head as I did so. Her body dropped to the floor, and I didn’t spare another glance before continuing the task at hand.

As I relieved myself, I caught my reflection in a small mirror above the sink. It startled me at first; not only because I didn’t see it, but also because of what was staring back at me. The dark circles around my eyes could rival those of a raccoon. My hair stuck up in all direction, like I’d been electrocuted, choppy and uneven from using a blade to keep it somewhat short. Pale, raised scars decorated the left side of my face, starting from my eyebrow and fading into my scruffy beard. I was filthy. Dark smudges of dirt and who knows what hid patches of my skin. I glanced down at the corps and back to my reflection. We weren’t much different; we were both some sort of dead.

* * *

 

 I stayed in the pawn shop for the one night. I left at sunrise, packing the remaining cans of food I salvaged along with some handy pieces I found; the chain from a bike and a nail gun, for example. Neither were conventional weapons, but they’d make due and possibly save my life in the future. It took me until dusk to travel to the outskirts of town. It always took forever to get from point-A to point-B. What would have been an hour long car ride took half a day of walking, running, hiding, and killing. The first few houses I came across were open and vacant, from what I could tell. A little ways down there was a three story house. What stuck out the most were the boarded up windows and doors. I stayed as low as possible as I made my way over. It wasn’t the easiest break-in I’ve accomplished, but accomplished was the key word.

After circling the perimeter a few times, nudging windows and doors as I went, I found one loose nail in the board, holding it to the window it covered. Once I was in, I slid the wooden slab back into place. It was dark, but I knew I was on a kitchen counter. I knew because my foot slid into the sink as I was crawling in. Night had already come, and from what I could see from outside, only the bottom floor was guarded in that fortress. The daylight would probably shine through from the upstairs during the day. I flicked my lighter open to get a decent look around. Yep, it was the kitchen. There was an island connecting it to the living room. I warily made my way out of the kitchen, holding up the lighter as I went. In between the kitchen and living room was a hallway. There were a few doors, all of which I opened and cleared. I opened the last door on the right to find it was a laundry room. Something was off about it. There were clean towels folded and stacked on the shelves, virtually not a spec of dirt in sight. Then, as if my mind rewound itself, I’d somehow overlooked the order of every room I’d come across, as if they had been kept up.

As I was closing the door, something big and dark passed my peripheral vision. My heart nearly leapt out of my chest. I reached into my back pocket and took out a pistol, aiming it at the other end of the hall, the lighter in my other hand, resting on the top of the gun. The dead were slow and sluggish, but this thing fucking _ran_. I could hear my heavy breathing through my nose. I inched toward the space between the kitchen and living room. The kitchen looked clear. I turned to the living room, and the flame went out.

 I cursed under my shaky breath, my hands in a frenzy to bring back the light. I flicked the lighter open again, it sparked but didn’t take. _Click_. The sound came from the living room. It sounded familiar, but I couldn’t place it. My breathing had become quick and erratic. I opened the lighter again and it lit up the room. I looked up to see something standing in the living room. I held my gun up and aimed with quaking hands.

“Drop your weapons.” The dead didn’t talk. I must have imagined it. I stepped closer, aiming for the head, when I realized there was a shot gun aimed right back at me, the man holding it was very much alive. “I said drop your weapons. _Now_.” Whoever he was, his voice was authoritative, and very real.

I hadn’t dealt with another human in over a year. I swallowed hard, unsure of how to go about the situation. I didn’t know if I should listen to him, shoot him, or run. So, I stood frozen in place, dropping the lighter. The room was dark again, until a bright light was shining in my face. I narrowed my eyes, trying to see through the blaring light, but didn’t dare look away. Whoever he was, he had a flashlight taped to the receiver. The guy was prepared. I opened my mouth, only for an unsteady breath to come out.

“Drop them or I’ll shoot you where you stand.”

With a compliant nod, I slowly put my gun on the floor, next the knife, bike chain, nail gun, any other objects on me. He motioned for me to step away from them. I did so, my hands up and behind my head. I tried to get a good look at him as he stepped into the kitchen, gun still aimed at me. The flashlight prevented me from seeing a clear view of his face. He was slightly taller than me, broad shouldered, a mess of dark hair sticking out every which way. He kicked the weapons away from me, and I could see him tilt his head as he examined me.

“Is that all of it?”

“Yeah.” My voice was hoarse and scratchy. I hadn’t spoken in, well, a long time. My eyes were beginning to adjust, and I could make out his square jaw, dark eyebrows pulled together with speculation. He motioned for me to move to the wall.

“Turn around and keep your hands up.”

“I don’t have anything el-”

I could just barely see his finger move onto the trigger, and I turned around so fast I could have given myself whiplash. He patted me down and took a few steps back.

“Are you with a group?”

“No.” I shook my head. “Not for a while.”

“What happened to them?”

I heard screaming, there was a hand reaching out and flesh being torn apart. I closed my eyes tight and shook my head again, as if I could make the thoughts fall out of my head. “The same thing that happens to everyone.”

“Turn around.” I slowly turned to see he had lowered his weapon. “What’s your name?” he spoke with a voice so smooth and steady, not harsh like it was a few minutes ago.

I stared blankly at him. I hadn’t seen another human in god only knows how long, so a name wasn’t necessary. It was like when someone would ask you for your phone number, and you might have momentarily forgot, because how often do you call yourself? It took me a moment to remember my own name.

“Jean.” It sounded so strange to me. I remembered people always pronouncing it wrong, and how it got on my nerves every time. I wondered if I even said it right anymore. The stranger nodded. He gave me a somewhat sympathetic expression.

“How long have you been out there?”

I shrugged. Did I look like I kept a calendar on me? “Some time now.”

He nodded again. “Marco.”

“What?”

“That’s my name. Marco.” I nodded in acknowledgement before he spoke again. “I would apologize for earlier, but I’m sure you can understand.”

“I get it. You can never be too cautious.”

“Good, we’re on the same page.” He stepped to the side and flicked his wrist for me to walk. I eyed my weapons on the ground, but going for them would have been extremely stupid. I slowly walked in front him, ignoring the urge to look back. He had a gun, but I was close enough to try to take him down in the time it would take to aim and fire. “Up the stairs.”

I obeyed, walking up the flight of stairs to the second floor. It was dim, but there were a line of candles along the hallway, flames casting dancing shadows along the walls. Marco walked further ahead of me, then stood at the threshold of a room and pushed the door open. I stood on the other side of the threshold and eyed him before looking into the room. I thought he had specks of dirt on his face, but looking at all of his exposed skin, I realized they were freckles. A hell of a lot of freckles. His eyes were big and brown, doe-like, though I couldn’t imagine that was the vibe he was intending to put off. To put it simply, he was a good looking guy. There was a made bed in the reasonably sized bedroom, and I’d never seen something so beautiful. I had almost forgotten that Marco was there, until he spoke up.

“Go in.”

 I didn’t comply right away, feeling the edginess creep up my spine. He nudged his head, and I walked into the room, keeping my eyes on him as I did so. I looked away for a moment, just to make sure I was the only one in the room. The door shut, followed by a click of a lock. I ran to it, slamming my fist to it as I shouted for him to open it.

 “Like I said before, Jean, precautions are necessary.” He voice was muffled through the door

I was livid. I’d walked into some kind of trap so blindly. I jangled the doorknob, only to find that he did indeed lock it. I searched the room for something, anything I could use to McIver my way out. I gave a dark laugh and dashed across the room, paper clip in hand. My hopes quickly crashed when I found that he had switched the doorknobs around, the lock on the outside and a plain knob on my side. What a sneaky bastard. I growled, chucking the paper clip across the room. I paced to the other side of the room and looked out the window. I could have jumped, but there was nothing to shimmy down, let alone break my fall.

For the next few hours I paced around the room, thinking up escape plans, only to scratch them off as too risky or too stupid to work. I ran my fingers through my choppy hair, tugging it with frustration. There was nothing I could do for the time being, so I sat on the edge of the bed. Oh. It was the perfect amount of bouncy. I didn’t find any harm in laying back, arms crossed behind my head as I stared up at the ceiling. I was stuck in the room for an indefinite amount of time anyway, so I was going to make the most of it. It wasn’t long before my eyes grew heavy. I fought off sleep as much as I could, shaking my head and pinching myself, telling myself to stay awake. Just in case.

 

* * *

 

 

> _Well I am death,_
> 
> _None can excel,_
> 
> _I open the door to heaven or hell_

 

_We were sitting around a table small enough so small that it only looked big in the trailer we were in. A small record player we found in the trailer played the only available track, crackling out some bluegrass revival on the other side of the room. I held my cards and tilted my head, looking like I was trying to hold back a smirk by biting my lower lip. I looked at the others around the table. Thomas’s eyes were darting around from everyone’s expressions then back to his own hand, while Samuel looked bored as ever, resting his face on his palm while he kept his elbow on the table. Franz leaned over, trying to catch a glance at my cards before I pushed his face away._

_“Stop trying to cheat.” I droned._

_“Why, Jean?” Samuel said, sounding monotone. He lazily tilted his cards down, still facing them away from everyone. “You got a good hand?”_

_I gave him a half-assed shrug. “Sam, if you’re going to fall asleep, there’s a park of trailers you can help yourself to.”_

_“I might call it a night soon, after this round.” Franz leaned back in his chair, stretching his arms up above him._

_“Yeah, gotta sneak off to Hannah’s trailer soon?” Thomas smirked, and Samuel and I snorted._

_Franz turned a deep red, his shoulders rising in defense. “Stop changing the subject!”_

_“Alright, alright, no need to ruffle your feathers, big bird.” I turned my attention back to my hand of cards, scratching the side of my face._

_“You’ve got a bad hand.” Thomas made an accusing gesture toward me._

_“What makes you say that?”_

_“You scratched your face. You only do that when you have a bad hand.”_

_“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” I said smugly, pushing all my chips in._

_“I’m calling your bluff. I’ll bet you never got lucky at the casinos.” Sam said flatly._

_“I bet he never got lucky in general.” Franz grumbled._

_“I've slain plenty of ass in my day.”_

_“You what?” Sam blinked slowly, his eyes barely open._

_“You heard me. Now, put your chips in already.”_

_The other guys grumbled, putting in all of their chips and showing their cards, just wanting the game to end already so they could all get some sleep. They put their cards down in unison, and I let out a cackle._

_“Put your fucking cards down, Jean.” Franz snapped. I guess fatigue turned him into as asshole. Maybe that’s why I got along with him._

_I let out a loud, victorious sigh and put my cards down. They all leaned forward, then looked up at me._

_Thomas looked at me like I had grown a second head. “That’s such a shitty hand.”_

_I tapped my finger on the table. “Take a look, boys, because my shitty hand just took a dump on all of yours.” I hugged all the chips, dragging them to my chest. “Read them and weep.”_

_“You’re such a vulgar person.” Samuel stood up, yawning and turning for the door. “Can we go to sleep now?”_

_“Yeah, yeah. We’ll play again tomorrow so I can reteach you losers how the master works.”_

_Sam and Franz walked out of the trailer, the heavy door swinging shut behind them. Thomas and I remained inside, since we were staying in the same trailer. He was clearing off the table while I walked to the back bunk beds, reaching up to mine to snatch a cigarette out from under my pillow._

> _Death I came to take the soul_
> 
> _Leave the body and leave it cold_

_There was a shrieking sound muffled by the music. I heard it again and walked into the tiny living space, weakly waving my hand toward the record player._

> _To drop the flesh right off the frame,_
> 
> _The earth and worms both have a claim_

_“Thomas, turn that off…”_

_He looked up at me, watching my attentive posture, and pulled the needle off of the record. We both stood in silence, waiting to see if ours ears were playing tricks on us. The screaming started again, growing louder and louder as more people were screaming bloody murder. I ran to the door and wrenched it open. I felt my heart stop._

* * *

My eyes shot open. I could feel my chest heaving as I struggled to catch my breath, each inhale was a wheeze. I stared up at the ceiling, my fingers clenching the sheets tightly. Ripples of sunlight danced around the room, turning it into one big gold lava lamp. I focused on the light, my breathing finally calming down. I heard the rustling of leaves, and turned my head to see the remaining leaves on a tree just outside the window, rattling away with the breeze, blocking me from complete sunshine. Warm. I felt so warm and comfortable and I didn’t want to move. It had to be another dream. I could accept that. Anything would be better than…than that nightmare. I turned my face into the pillow, pulling the thin blanket up over my head to elude the chance of waking up from such sudden bliss. I must have dreamt up that guy, too.

Shit. That definitely wouldn’t be a dream. At least, not the kind I was used to.  I groaned and blinked my eyes open, rubbing fatigue from them. I yawned and rolled over, glaring sleepily at the window. Wait, shit, if it wasn’t a dream, then…

 I sprung up in the bed with a gasp, throwing the covers off of myself. “Fuck!” So much for not falling asleep. “Fucking fuck!”

“I see you’re finally awake.”

I reeled myself toward the door, and almost jumped when I saw Marco standing in the doorway, arms crossed as he leaned against the threshold.

“So, what, you’re gonna kill me already or what?”

“What?” He blinked, looking taken back

“Isn’t that what you do? Wait for unsuspecting victims to wander in so you can take their supplies and then kill them?”

“I-what?” he gave me a double-take, brows furrowed with extreme confusion, “What are you talking about?”

“Why else would you lock me in here?” I glared him from across the room, fists clenching the bed sheets.

“To make sure you weren’t dangerous. You can-“

“Never be too cautious, I know.” I deadpanned.

Marco nodded, stepping to the side. “Would you like to join me for breakfast?”

My eyes narrowed with doubt. What was his deal? Marco gave me a reassuring smile, waving his hand for me to get going. I wondered what he would do if I refused. It was better to just go along with it. I stood from the bed and walked across the room, staring him down as I did so. Marco gave a slightly amused laugh and led the way downstairs. He walked into the kitchen, moving around like he knew the place like the back of his hand, and he likely did. I took a seat at the island, facing him as I watched him like a hawk. At one point, I boosted myself to see if my things were still in there.

“Please don’t tell me you’d think I would leave those where you could find them.”

I lifted my gaze up to see Marco looking at me over his shoulder. I scowled at him, and took my seat again. Of course I didn’t, but it never hurt to check. Growing bored of watching his back, I took a moment to take in my surroundings, streams of sunlight poured through the spaces of the boarded windows. The sound of ceramic on the counter made me spin around in my seat. Marco had placed a bowl of… _something_ in front of me and one in front of himself as he took a seat across from me. The smell struck me first, before I could even process that it was hot. It smelled like actual, seasoned, real-people food, as opposed to half cooked rabbit or canned peas. I could have cried. Marco began to eat so casually that it unsettled me. As if sensing it, he looked up at me, then the bowl.

“It’s venison. I didn’t poison it. Not this time.” he joked, giving me a smirk. I kept my arms folded on the table. “You’re not very people-friendly, are you?” I turned my head away with an annoyed huff. He laughed and returned to his meal. I stared at the wall until he finished, then brought his dishes to the sink. He turned and leaned back against the sink. “Did you know pilot stoves still work? Few people have them anymore, so they’re pretty hard to come across.”

Oh, no. He was initiating small talk. I gave him a side glance. I didn’t want to say anything back. It was hard enough to sit there, wondering what was wrong with him. Maybe he was planning something diabolical. I’ve heard the nice ones are the ones to watch out for the most. And he had freckles. I wonder how many souls he’s taken. Either way, keeping quiet would likely coax him to get me to speak.

“How long was I out?”

“Hmm,” Marco wrinkled his nose, tapping it lightly. “Three days, give or take.”

“Three days?!” I practically jumped out of the chair.

“Shhh.” Marco fluttered his hand up and down. “No need to shout.” He sighed, leaning back against the counter again. “Yeah, you barely moved. At one point I had to check to see if you were still breathing.”

“You were spying on me?”

Marco shrugged. “Technically I wasn’t spying. I was merely looking out for your well being. Anyway, I didn’t want to disturb you. You seemed like you needed all the sleep you could get.”

I did feel somewhat refreshed. I hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in a very, very long time. But there were other pressing matters at hand. “Let me ask you something, Marco.”

“Hm?”

“What do you want?”

“Pardon?”

“What do you want?” I repeated, “You still haven’t told me.”

Marco smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. “Oh, I-uh… well, you didn’t come across as very hostile, and so, I guess I just figured it wouldn’t hurt to take someone in. I’m not really the killing type, at least not when it comes to other people.”

“So you let me in like an abandoned dog.” I deadpanned.

“Yeah.” He realized what he said and put his hands up, shaking his head, “No, no that’s not what I meant. I was on my own for a while, too. I found this place while looking for a place to stay for a night, but it turned out to be better than I hoped. I have enough of what I need to last at least a couple more months.”

I cupped my face in my hand, with my elbow resting on the counter, watching him ramble away his life story. I wasn’t going to stop him though. The more he spoke, the less I had to. And my _god_ , the guy could talk, which was fine by me. I hadn’t heard someone else’s voice in so long, and I liked his. It was soft and comforting, using the perfect emphasis throughout his sentences, like he was a professional story-teller. I wouldn’t put it past him. I’m sure he answered my question somewhere in there, but his damn voice was putting me in a trance. At some point, my head dropped and I jerked up.

“Sorry, I was talking too much. I guess you come up with a lot to say when you keep it all in for a while.”

I hummed and stretched, taking a deep breath to wake myself up. “It’s fine.”

“Would you like to take a shower?”

I raised my head and quirked a brow. “What?”

Marco gave me a crooked smile. “It’s just that… you look really dirty. _Really_ dirty. There’s a shower upstairs. It’s cold well water, but it’s better than nothing, right?”

I would have taken offense, but I knew it was true, and if I could get the grime off of me I would jump on the opportunity. “Yeah, thanks.” I said quietly. I was starting to feel like a pretty big jerk. I mean, I thought to kill him the day before. I’m sure he understood. He was fixing to kill me too, after all.

He gave me directions to the bathroom, handing me a few things, including a razor and a fresh set of clothes. He wasn’t kidding about the shower being cold. Cold was an understatement. The water was _freezing_. Regardless, I scrubbed myself raw until the water was no longer a mix of brown and red. After shaving my disheveled beard, the lack of coverage showcased the scars running down my face, but that couldn’t be helped. I found a short pair of shears and got to work on my hair. It wasn’t great, but it was better than the uneven choppy mess I had before. I cut the bottom layers as short as possible, the hair there darker than the rest.

I emerged from the bathroom a new man. New as in the old me. The me before the apocalypse. New, old Jean, and damn did I look good. I went down into the kitchen to find Marco organizing a few things. He looked over his shoulder then did a double-take. Suddenly he whirled around, picking up a fairly sharp knife, looking like he was ready to kill me for the second time. I took a step back, throwing my hands up in defense.

He exhaled a quick breath of relief and his face relaxed as he set the knife down. “Sorry, I didn’t recognize you for a second there. Fortunately for you, your hair gave you away.”

I wrinkled my nose at him. “Excuse me?”

“Well, it’s unusual to see someone with two hair colors.”

“It’s not unusual. I’ll have you know, many people have gray or white streaks. It’s perfectly normal.”

Marco’s eyes darted from my eyes to my hair and back again. “Right. Well, you look good.” He said flatly before turning back to his task. “So, you gonna tell me your story?”

I scratched my freshly shaven jaw, where I could feel the raised scar. “It’s not much of a story. I was in a group a while back. I’m not sure how long it’s been…maybe a year?  I’ve been on my own since then. Actually, you’re the first person I’ve seen since then.”

“Jean, that’s a long time.”

“Hmm…” I felt my brows knit toward each other as I thought. “Yeah, I guess it is. I’m just as surprised as you that I’ve been able to stay alive for this long, and it sure as hell hasn’t been easy.” I pointed to the scars on my face. Marco crossed the room, looking closely at them. He pointed out the beginning of another line of scars starting at the left side of my collar bone, asking what it was. I rolled up my sleeve, showing him the raised thick, pink scars running up my arm. “I’ve had quite a few close calls.” Marco seemed intrigued by some, and troubled by the larger ones. I looked up at him, changing the topic. “What were you? Before all of this, I mean.”

Marco paused before answering. “I was a nurse in a retirement home.”

I smirked at him, “Makes sense.”

“Oh, really?”

“It’s obvious when you think about it. I mean, if you had been a construction worker or maybe a restaurant manager you surely would have left me out there. Instead, you’ve been more than hospitable, taking in a stray like me.”

“If I do recall, you broke in.”

He had a point there. I wondered how a nurse could become an apocalypse survivor, what he’d seen and done since his nursing days to keep himself alive. Did he do things more terrible than I had? I wouldn’t bother asking. He more than likely wouldn’t tell me anyway.

“What did _you_ do?”

His voice snapped me out of my thoughts, and it took me a moment to realize that he wasn’t asking about what I myself had done to stay alive all that time. “I worked for the secret service.” I guessed my answer didn’t amuse him, because he stared at me indifferently. “My last paying job, I was a janitor.”

“A janitor?” A sly smirked crossed his lips. “A Jeanitor.”

I scrunched my face at him and gave a mocking laugh. “I’ll have you know I was also an intern for a column magazine. So then, _Mr. Nurse_. Let me guess, you gave the old timers a trip playing Marco Polo after a thrilling game of bingo?”

“Yes. Yes, I did.” Marco deadpanned. I felt the blood rising from my neck to my face. I couldn’t think of anything to say back. I was running low on quips. I was becoming flustered. I hated being flustered. Did he have to have a comeback for everything?

“W-well, you-I,” I stammered over words I hadn’t even thought to form yet.

“C-c-c-can’t think of anything else to say? I knew elderly people with faster reflexes.”

My jaw dropped. Apparently, he did. “You!” I ran my tongue along the inside of my cheek, actually taking the time to think _something_ out. “You are a grade-A asshole.”

Marco gave a lax shrug and a smile, before walking into the living room. He yawned and plopped down onto one of the couches. I was still coming down from my frustration, but I followed and took a seat on the other couch, leaning my head back and started sinking in. I shifted around, but I kept going down, down, down.

“Don’t fight it.” I looked over at Marco, eyes closed and his body strewn across the cushions. “Just melt into it.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at him. From the way the cushions absorbed him to his barely clear words, he was straight up ridiculous. I took his advice, and I regretted wasting those lost minutes of cushioned heaven. Neither of us spoke for a while, we just lounged around, and every now and then I would doze off. When we did begin to speak, it started out as small talk, and then grew into in-depth conversations, horrible jokes, and partial therapy. It was strange how fast we relaxed around each other, like we were old friends picking up where we left off in another life. At one point, we were sitting on the floor, playing a game of Apples to Apples. Not exactly a two-person game, but the options were still entertaining.

Marco was hunched over his long, crossed legs, his hands cupping his face as he looked down at the card. “Say, Jean. I have a proposition to make.”

I side eyed him, lowering myself and taking on a similar position. “Does it pay well?”

Marco chuckled and shook his head. “Not with money.”

“Sounds like a scam to me.” I quirked a brow but then smirked.

“You seem to be a decent enough guy. I say we stick this out together.”

“Together?”

“Yes, Jean. Together, as in when-”

I closed my eyes and shook my head. “No, Marco, I know what together means.”  I paused to collect my thoughts. There really was no cons to the suggestion. The rate of survival would go up a few percentages. Besides all that, I was tired of being alone. I looked at Marco, his doe eyes fixed on me. A small grin slid across my lips and I held my hand out. “Alright, Marco. We stick this out together. Where you go, I go.”

Marco beamed, grasping my hand in his. “Where you go, I go.” He chuckled and we made a firm handshake

 

* * *

 

A couple of days later, we went out hunting for the first time since I found Marco. There was a small forest half a mile from the house, and Marco told me he found something to hunt every time. We were lying stomach down on the ground, covered in leaves, army crawling around an area he specified the deer often came to. We used air guns, virtually silent and their precision and distance were pretty sweet. Marco was looking through the scope of his gun, one eye shut as he concentrated. He was looking up ahead, slowly moving the gun around to see if he could spot anything nearby.

He had a lot more freckles than I took the time to notice, and under the beams of sunlight through the bare trees, his skin had tints of olive and tan. Maybe the freckles were sun spots. Sun spots all over his body. His hair was as dark in the day as it was at night, almost black, but shiny as hell with the sun beating down on us. His temples moved as his jaw set, and he flattened himself to the ground. The tips of his shoulder blades stuck out through his jacket, like a tiger ready to pounce.  I ducked lower as well, but I was still looking at him. His hands were bigger than mine, which in comparison were slender and almost dainty. I didn’t realize I was staring at him for so long, or why I was noticing every detail of him, until he said something.

“Right there.” He whispered, keeping his aim through the scope. I followed his line of sight and looked through my own scope. Just as Marco said, a buck was walking through the trees, stopping every so often to graze on what little grass there was growing through the browning leaves. I flipped the scope to see closer, honing in on its head. I looked at Marco again and he nudged me with his elbow. He wanted me to take the shot. I nodded and took aim. I pulled the trigger and the gun pressed into my shoulder. My eyes widened as the buck dropped. I didn’t expect it to be so quick, and a part of me felt bad for the animal. They were just so cute with their big, beady eyes and freckled bodies and…never mind.

“You’re a pretty good shot.” Marco smiled, a hint of surprise in his tone.

“Thanks. I’m kinda rusty with firearms.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” he winked, and I averted my eyes to the buck, “Well, let’s go get your prize.”

We stood up and shook the leaves off, and I started towards the opening. Marco was still behind me when I turned to say something smug over my shoulder, but instead of words, I let out an audible gasp, “Marco!”

He turned around as a stiff came at him, knocking him to the ground. He fought to get it off of him, its skinless jaw chomping its teeth together again and again, lunging for his face. Marco reached for the gun, trying to keep it from biting into him. Adrenaline took over, and I held up the gun, not even taking the time to aim before firing. The bullet went straight into its head with enough impact to make it burst. The stiff went limp, blood spilling onto Marco’s face, down to his chest. He rolled over, pushing it off of him. I grabbed his arms and yanked him up. Before I could think, I had grabbed his face with one hand, using my other sleeve to frantically wipe the blood away. I needed to see that he hadn’t been bitten or scratched, and I was seeing so much red, and screams ringing in my ears, and I couldn’t make it stop.

Marco tried to protest, but my sleeve muffled his words as I scrubbed at his face. He grabbed my wrists and held them down, then took a step back. “Jean…Jean, I’m fine. It didn’t get me.” He spoke slowly and softly, as if speaking too loudly would break me even more. Most of the blood was cleared from his face, but it still stained his neck and jacket.

“It didn’t get you…” I repeated quietly, eyes wide and looking over every inch of his face.

“I’m okay thanks to you.” He gave me a reassuring smile, but he looked too concerned for it to be convincing. “It’s alright now, okay?”

I worked to steady my breathing, letting out a long sigh. “I’m good.” I said, letting Marco know he could let go of me. I walked passed him, heading for the buck again. Marco’s footsteps stayed close behind me. We carried the buck back to the house, where Marco hung it in the garage to bleed out. I didn’t say much of anything on the trudge back, either. I was too angry at myself for my break down, and poor Marco. He probably thought I was insane. I sure would have.

 “Jean.”

I turned to see Marco standing in the middle of the room. He had a strict look about him. I wanted to run, or fall into a hole in the ground. I considered the staircase as an escape route, but looked back at Marco with my head bowed like a dog about to gets its nose rubbed in the floor. I backed away from the stairs, keeping my eyes down, then at the railing, at anything but him. He was going to kick me out on the streets, I knew it. Would he even give my weapons back? What about my old clothes?

“Are you listening?”

“Wha?” I lifted my head, eyes focused on his forehead so he would think I was looking him in the eyes.

“I asked if you wanted to talk about it.”

“About what?”

“Don’t try to play dumb.”

I pursed my lips together, robotically shaking my head. “What do you mean?”

“Come on.” He waved for me to follow him to what I call the ‘therapy couch’. I tilted my head back and let out a small groan. I heard Marco mumble that I was being a big baby, but didn’t bother saying anything back. I sat on the smaller couch, tucking each leg under me. I chewed my bottom lip, definitely not wanting a conversation. I would have rather hid somewhere. Marco sat on the couch next to me, hands folded in his lap. I could feel his eyes on me, waiting for something.

“What is it?” I shifted in my seat, unable to get comfortable.

“What happened earlier?”

“It was nothing. Nothing happened.” I looked down, walking my fingers along the arm of the couch.

“Maybe, but I don’t think that’s the case.”

I slapped my palm on my knee, “What would you know?” I glared at him, speaking low and hopefully threatening.  “You don’t know anything about me.” Marco simply stared back at me, his face a blank canvas. He looked like he was expecting more. I didn’t comply, and he let out a sharp breath and leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees and knotting his hands together.

“Listen, if we’re going to stick together, I need to know that you’re good. Now, come and sit here.” He patted the cushion next to him.

I let out a huff and slowly nodded. I suppose he had a point; we wouldn’t be able to work together if we didn’t know each other like the backs of our hands, but that was the part I wanted to avoid. I took my time to sit down next to him. “I’m _am_ good.”

I raised my eyes to Marco’s; big, brown, and patient.

I lowered my gaze, my hands wringing around each other in my lap. “I don’t really want to talk about it.” He didn’t say anything, but I knew he wouldn’t let it go if I stopped. “It hurts enough thinking about it. Do you know what I mean?” Marco hummed in response. I dug the palms of my hands into my eyes, groaning. “The last person I saw was my mother.” Just like every time I closed my eyes, the scene instantly played out. I didn’t _want_ to talk about it, but I _had_ to. I swallowed hard, pressing my palms harder to my face. Something grazed my arm, and I flinched as goose bumps rose on my arms

I was pulling my hands from my face when Marco grabbed my arm. He just sat there, watching me, his grip still on me. His hands were warmer and softer than I would have thought. “I-we were in a group. We made the stupid decision to stay in a trailer park with no stable protection.” It played behind my eyelids like a movie reel. “There were so many of them. We were surrounded. People were screaming and dying and fighting. I was fighting off as many as I could.”

I swallowed hard, shaking my head and turning away. “It was either her, or both of us.” I looked back at him, and I could feel my face twisting with despair. “I let them take her, Marco. I was running and she was dying. She was still screaming. She was still calling for me to help her.”

It wasn’t until Marco had his arms around me and pulling me into him that I felt the tears streaming down my face. I completely lost it. I cried like a child until no noise could come out.  Marco kept his hold on me, pressing my back to his chest, reminding me to breathe every so often, telling me it wasn’t my fault. I had plenty of time to mourn my mother. I just… _didn’t_. I didn’t have to talk about it, I didn’t have to say it out loud, and so I didn’t.

By the time I could even begin to gather myself, I was more than exhausted. Feelings were hard work. I was in bed, Marco sitting on the edge and speaking soft words. After a few minutes, he leaned forward to stand up.

I grabbed his wrist. “I’m sorry.” My voice was rough, and I was so tired. Marco took his place on the side of the bed again. “Earlier, when we were out there and I lost it. I’m sorry I scared you. I didn’t want it to happen to you, too.” I reached up, grazing my fingertips along his jawline. It was as high as I could reach in my position. “I don’t want you to die, Marco.”

He smiled and grabbed my hand, giving it a squeeze. “Hey, with you here to have my back, I don’t think that will happen any time soon.” I gave him a lazy smile in return. He stood and walked to the door, pausing at the threshold. “Hey, Jean?” he slightly turned his head and I could see his profile in the hallway’s dim light. “Goodnight.”

* * *

 

The weeks passed by quickly as we carried out our normal schedule. Marco didn’t mention my break down, and neither did I, and I preferred that we kept it that way. I didn’t need a reminder of how weak and crazy I must have looked. Not that he seemed like the type to taunt over something like that. On the contrary, he would give me a random smile sometimes; his attempt to ‘brighten my day’, he would say.

We were in his bedroom; it had been dark for some time, so we were stuck with candle light. Romantic, right? I was lounging on the bed, legs crisscrossed, and my back against the wall. Marco sat next to me, long legs stretched out. We were talking about little things we missed, which turned into a sick little game of ours.

“When this is over, I’m buying a hot tub with more jets than I can count.” If I closed my eyes, I could almost imagine it.

“When this is over, I’m taking an all-inclusive trip to the Bahamas.” Marco laughed.

“Yeah? When this is over, I’m getting wasted into next year.”

“When this is over, I’m going to eat all the Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, and there’s not a damn thing anyone can say about it.”

I stopped and lifted my head to Marco, raising an eyebrow. Then we were both laughing at our own ridiculousness, shortly followed by the gaps of silence we usually experienced. We could only talk about so many things. I didn’t realize I’d been biting my nails up until Marco swatted my hand away.

“Stop that. What’s on your mind?” He tilted his head as if that would have helped him read my thoughts. It’d been something I was thinking about for a while, but I didn’t know how to go about it. Marco wasn’t the type to overreact, yet I was apprehensive about bringing up even the most simple of problems with him.

“I don’t know.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “Our supplies are running low, yeah?”

Marco nodded, exhaling through his nose as he leaned his head back against the wall. “Yeah, I noticed.”

“I think that, maybe, it would be best if I took off, you know, to buy you more time here.” Marco sprung up as if he sat on a pin, and a fire sparked in his eyes. He opened his mouth before I waved my hand, wanting him to let me finish. “I wasn’t even expecting to stay this long. If it wasn’t for me, you’d be able to stay here much longer. So, don’t you think it would be beneficial for you if we hunted enough to last you longer, and then I can be on my way?”

“What the fuck?” My eyes were wide as saucers. I’d hardly heard him curse since I’d met him. They weren’t really in his vocabulary. “What the actual fuck, Jean?!” I began to sit up, ready to explain, but Marco put his hand to my chest, and pushed me back against the wall. “If you go, I go.”

“Marco,”

“No. If you go, I go. We both agreed and promised we would stick together. We would have a better chance of survival. Two is better than one, Jean.” He looked so pissed. It was exciting, upsetting, and humorous at the same time. “Besides, even if you did leave, I’d only last another few weeks or so before I’d have to hit the road again. It would be completely stupid to split up when we could just go it together.” He practically sent daggers into me with the way he was glaring at me. “I swear, you say the stupidest things sometimes, Jean.”

“I-whoa now. No need to get hostile, powder puff. I’m trying to look out for you, okay?”

“We look out for each other.” He turned his body towards me. “Got it?”

I wasn’t about to start an argument, not with that look in his eyes. I felt a small smirk creep onto my face. “Got it.”

 

We layered up, armed ourselves, and stocked up with as much food and as we could carry. By the end of the week, we were on the road.


	2. Still Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean and Marco are out in the world, running into trouble around every corner. A mishap leaves Jean in an uncomfortable situation, and they have to make a decision.

_Pack your things, leave somehow_

_Blackbird song is over now_

_Don’t be scared, I’m still here_

_No more time for crying, dear_

 

* * *

 

 

Nights were spent with one of us keeping watch while the other slept, if we weren’t too uneasy to sleep to begin with. We had our run-ins with stiffs, running or fighting. Whichever decision had the lesser chance of death was the one we went with. Marco was right; we were a damn great team. We saved each other’s lives day after day, to the point where we had lost count. Out in the world we were able to spot each other’s strengths and weakness, and we worked to better the other, to become a duo the dead would regret snapping their drooling jaws at. Marco was the better hunter, while I was able to navigate in and around forests, rivers, and most roads. For the sake of keeping the peace, we decided that neither of us was a better fighter than the other.

I don’t know how long we were on the road. Time was never definite, so we relied on our biological clocks, using estimations of hours and days. We were dirty, the rivers only able to cleanse us so much. Some nights we slept, if we were lucky enough to sleep, on the tops of cargo trucks, in tall and thick trees if needed, and in abandoned houses we found in the woods or on back road.

There was never a conversation of where we were going; to what our destination was. I think it was mutually known that the chances of a final destination were slim to none. It wouldn’t get better. We knew that. The world we used to know was too far gone to ever bring back. Life had become a never ending battle. Life was trying to stay alive. We had nothing else to look forward to. Every day we survived was an accomplishment.

We tried to make the best of some days, trying to keep some conversations light. Sometimes we became kids with weapons, pistols on our belts and shotguns slung over our shoulders as we played out sitcom skits, sang out of sync-and let me tell you, Marco could hit a falsetto that Frankie Valli would envy, and we had contests of who could do the perfect backflips…which was me, of course. The fun never lasted that long. Whether it was coming across previous campsites stained with blood and remains, or being ambushed by the dead ourselves. There was always that reminder of what the world had become. But still, we tried.

One night Marco and I were sitting around a small fire.  We sat and stared at the flames without speaking. It was common for us to do. We would think too much, get too deep within our own heads. My mind would often wander, thinking back to how many times I came too close to death. I thought of all the times I stared them in their mindless eyes. I thought about how they were people at some point; maybe he was a delivery boy, maybe she was an executive director, or that kid looked about middle school age. I knew, though. I knew that they weren’t people anymore. I had to put it in the back of my head every time so that we could survive, so that we wouldn’t become what they had.

I wondered what Marco thought about. I tore my eyes away from the fire, blinking away the dryness. His gaze was zoned in on the fire, like mine likely were. I stood slowly, walking around the fire and taking a seat in the dirt next to Marco. Looking up towards the stars peaking over the treetops, I nudged his shoulder with mine. He sucked in a deep breath, as if we were waking up, and looked at me.

“What’s on your mind?” I asked, still gazing up at the night sky.

Marco followed my eye’s trail and shrugged. “Same as you, probably.”

I nodded, and then hit the back of my hand against his arm before lowering myself to the ground, lying on my back. He did the same and we lay side by side, staring up at the night sky, our faces cooling off from the fire’s heat. I extended by arm and pointed at a cluster of stars.

“See that?” I moved my finger around as if I were circling the cluster I was referring to.

Marco tilted his head, closing one eye to target in on which one I was talking about. “I think so.”

“Okay, now see those few bright ones right next to it?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s me. Well, my horoscope. When this is over, I’m going to rename it after myself.”

Marco let out a short laugh and turned his head to me. “You believe in horoscopes?”

“Maybe I do.” I said with a hint of haughtiness to my tone. I pointed at my constellation again, then back at the cluster next to it. “See all _those_ stars?”

“Yes, Jean.” He said flatly, going along with it for the sake of my entertainment.

I couldn’t hide my smile, holding back snorts of laughter. “That’s you.”

Marco clicked his tongue followed by a low, playful growl, “You’re such an ass.”

I chuckled at my own stupid joke while dodging his harmless punches.

“I’ve got one.” Marco said, tapping my shoulder as I settled down from my small fit of laughter. “What do you get when you cross a horse and a blonde?”

My eyebrows knit together in concentration and confusion. “A horse and a blonde…” I repeated, biting at the side of my bottom lip.

“Jean.”

“Don’t tell me yet, I’m still thinking.”

Marco abruptly slapped his hand over his mouth, his shoulders jerking up and down. I looked him up and down, wondering what was so funny. His joke couldn’t have been _that_ much better than mine.

“Jean,” He laughed through his fingers.

“ _What_ , Marco?” I wanted to figure it out myself!

“No, the answer is ‘Jean’!” Marco was howling with laughter, rolling away from me before I could even understand the punchline.

My jaw dropped and I glared over at him. “You’re a jerk, you know that?”

Marco was laughing to the point where only air was coming out, and it was contagious. I was trying to hold back my own laughter for my pride’s sake, but that was short lived. Every time Marco even glanced in my direction, he would clutch his stomach, laughing nothing but air, mouthing soundless words. Seeing him laugh so hard kept making me laugh, and it was making me mad because I shouldn’t have found it so funny, but I couldn’t force myself to be mad at him.

We got whatever laugh was left in us out, lying on our backs side by side again. It felt good to make him laugh. I always felt a sense of achievement when I cheered him up. It was a reminder that I wasn’t gone yet. I was still alive, still a sane person who could function around another person. Even if it was for just a moment, if I could make him forget about the fear and hopelessness, I would. I fell asleep at some point. The last thing I saw was Marco, lying next to me, his head tilted a little bit away from me, but I could see his eyes were shut.

 

* * *

 

_Right at the doorstep was Franz, pinned on the ground, two stiffs on him, and his neck and arm were being torn as they held him down, and I could see every tendon and muscle stretching and snapping. My eyes met his, and oh, god he was still alive, wide-eyed, and struggling to scream through his mutilated, hemorrhaging vocal chords. The stiffs noticed me, moving to make me their next victim. I backed up, slamming the door and locking it with shaking hands. Thomas was behind me, and I could hear his panicked breathing. I turned to see him still standing behind the table, his eyes wide with and his chest heaving, and I was sure I looked just as scared. The stiffs were banging and clawing at the door, gargling and groaning._

_I gathered what little of myself was sane as I could and went back to the bunk, sliding my hand under the mattress and pulling out a pistol. I holstered it in my belt before moving back to the table. I reached underneath and pulled out a rifle, pulling the loaded strap across my torso. My hands were shaking uncontrollably, making it harder to make sure the gun was loaded, and I was getting more and more frantic because I was wasting time trying to do something so simple, and the screaming wasn’t stopping, and they were right at the door. Thomas was running around the trailer, arming himself with the guns and ammunition he’d stocked._

_“Jean!”_

_My head snapped up and I stopped breathing. I looked at Thomas, hoping it was him just yelling at me to move it. I hoped it was him, anyone but who I thought it was. He shook his head, confirming my fear._

_“Jean!!”_

_Oh my god, that was my mother. I ran to the door, flicking the lock and grabbed the handle. I looked at Thomas again, and he nodded, holding up a pistol of his own. I nodded back, drawing my pistol. I stood back, swinging the door open, and the stiffs came tumbling in. We opened fire in a frenzy, shooting every one of them in the head. I went out first, jumping over the fallen stiffs and shooting down the ones stumbling toward me. I saw him in the corner of my eyes, and against my own will, I looked down to see Franz, or what little remained of him. I wanted to vomit right then and there._

_“Jean!”_

_I heard her again, and sprinted toward the trailer she was supposed to be in, exchanging my pistol for the rifle. A group of stiffs came from around the other trailer homes, and I laid my finger on the trigger and let loose the entire magazine on them, the flash of gunpowder almost blinding me. If I hadn’t gotten them in the head, I crippled them enough that they couldn’t move. I kept running, dropping the used magazine and reloading it with another. There were so many people screaming and running, none of which were my mother. I was panicking. I had to find her. There was here trailer, just up ahead, the door wide open and stiffs crawling over each other to get whoever was inside. I whipped out my rifle again and aimed._

_They were dropping before I put my finger on the trigger. I looked to see Sam walking toward the pile, holding a rifle up to aim, firing one by one. He looked slightly more composed than myself, firing clear shots and using his bullets wisely, unlike me, who was using rapid fire and aiming only at a long distant range. He brought his gun down, looking over at me. I nodded in thanks, and took off again. I switched the rifle to and flung it over so it would rest on my back, selecting the pistol to conserve bullets. I turned a corner, and every organ in my body dropped when I saw a flood of stiffs surging from the woods and field. The gunfire was drawing them in._

_I turned around, running back into the midst of the trailer park again. I tried to listen to where her screaming was coming from, but the gunfire and shouts and cries were too loud._

_“Mom!”_

_I ran trailer to trailer looking for her, a mix of dread and relief flooding over me every time it wasn’t her. I told myself that if she was still screaming my name, she was still alive, still somewhere they hadn’t reached yet._

_“Mom!!”_

_“Jean!”_

 

* * *

 

 

“Jean!”

My eyes snapped open, and I jerked up, disoriented and heart pounding. I quickly spotted Marco on the other side of the fire, holding the foot of a stiff struggling to crawl through the flames, clawing at the ground inches from my feet. Another was approaching Marco from the side. He had to let go of the one coming for me, grabbing the stiff and hauling it over his shoulder before slamming it onto its back, stomping on its soft skull into oblivion. I jumped up, my adrenaline pumping. I reached into Marco’s jacket, next to where I’d seen him before we fell asleep. I grabbed whatever I could and didn’t hesitate. I bashed its head in again and again, blood sizzling in the flames and splattering onto my boots and jeans. I was panting, adrenaline coursing through my veins. I looked up to see two more emerging from the forest.

I motioned toward them, and Marco walked over to me, leaving a blood trail of footprints in his wake. He grabbed what was in my hand, which I then realized was just a crowbar, and handed me the hunting knife. “It’s more your style.” He said breathlessly. I almost missed the three fallen stiffs in the perimeter.

“Why didn’t you wake me up sooner?” I positioned the knife in my grip as the stiffs stumbled closer, gurgling and limping.

“I had it under control.”

“Until you didn’t.

I looked at Marco with frustration, but the flames in his eyes were from more than the fire, like he checked out and became a different person. We exchanged a quick glance and moved around the fire toward the stiffs. They were easy kills, and we paused for a moment afterwards, listening and eyes darting around for any more. It was silent, other than the crackling of the flames.

Marco turned and started kicking dirt onto the fire, and the stiff burning in it while I packed our things as quickly as possible. We moved through the woods until we found a main road running through it. We walked in silence, both of us on edge. Our only relief was when the sun rose, when it was easiest to see anything coming at us from some distance away. Joyful moments didn’t last long in the world anymore. And so, we were moving again.

 

* * *

 

 

The leaves had wilted away, snow had come and gone, and the world had bloomed with the brightest hues. It was like Mother Nature’s sick, ironic twist. The chirping of Cicadas came in waves, in sync to the wind that blew the trees they crowded. Their sound always reminded me of summer days hot enough to create mirages of puddles on roads. We had long discarded our heavy jackets and extra layers. It was too hot to wear them, let alone carry them. We could easily find more in abandoned houses or stores once the seasons changed again. Despite the ripped shirt I’d tied around my head, beads of sweat trickled from my temples and down my neck. Marco and I could hear each other’s labored breathing, the humidity making it into a chore.

 I glanced over my shoulder every now and then to make sure he was plodding along with me and not passed out some ways back. Marco’s already olive-tone skin had tanned so much that he was beginning to burn, his skin dry and peeling just as much as mine. He’d taken a thin white cloth and loosely wrapped it around his head and shoulders, leaving only his eyes exposed. It was better than having the sun beaming down on him directly, but it could only cool him down so much.

I could see the heat taking its toll on him. His eyes would go in and out of focus, his body beginning to sway before he caught himself. We were able to carry a small amount of water, which was running low despite our using it sparingly. After all, streams weren’t very abundant that time of year. At one point I had to sit Marco down, which wasn’t hard since he was too sun-poisoned to argue, and poured one canteen of water over his head before tugging his head back and pouring the rest of another down his throat. He yelled at me afterwards, of course, but as long as he was Marco again, we would survive. He would have done the same for me in a heartbeat.

We were walking through a meadow, the sun beaming down and the tall, dried up grass scratching at our shoulders. Marco was behind me when I heard him grunt and hit the ground. I spun around, running back to where he’d fallen. He pushed himself up, a decaying body underneath him.

“Are you alright?” I asked, helping him up.

“Yeah, I just tripped over it.”

Marco brushed off the dirt and decay as we looked down at the stiff. I crouched down by its head, swatting away the mass of flies, and Marco rolled it over with the sole of his boot. Half of the face was gone, its brain and maggots spilling out of its eye sockets.

I looked up at Marco. “Somebody’s been through here,” I motioned to the stiff. “Unless, stiffs have taken to turning on each other.

“Look.” Marco pointed to the remnants of what looked like a trail; tall grass bent and flat on the ground. “Should we follow it?”

“Do you think that’s the smart thing to do? It might be a dead end.” I stood, cupping my hand over my eyes to see how far the bent grass went.

Marco shrugged and looked to the sky before exhaling through his nose. “We’ve got nothing else to lose.”

I nodded, and we were on our way, following what aged trail there was left. Marco lead the way, using his tracking skills to target anything out of place; broken twigs, footprints, and shredded pieces of clothing. The path led us into the woods, and it became more obvious as the amount of battered stiffs grew. We arrived in an opening in the forest, a good sized cabin with half-boarded up windows sitting smack dab in the middle. Marco and I took to the woods again and circled around to the back, not wanting to be seen walking blindly into sight, if there was even anyone occupying the cabin. We approached from the side, where there were no windows.

Marco pulled a pistol from his belt, adjusting the silencer it his grip. He jerked his head toward the front of the house, gesturing me to cover his back while he went first. Inching our way towards the front of the house, we ducked under the windows in case there was someone, or something, inside.

My right foot landed on something hard, and before I could even begin to look, I heard a snap. A burst of white blinded me and lightning bolts were shooting up my leg. I dropped to the ground and felt my flesh being torn. I reached down, frantically trying to rip off whatever had its hold on me, but then my wrists were pinned down as I continued to struggle to get away from whatever had its hold on me. I looked down to see blood spilling around my ankle, a set of unusually large steel teeth of a hunting trap digging into me.

Marco was the one holding my wrists down. He was yelling for me to stop moving so that he could get it off of me. I was shaking hard, my fingernails clawing and digging into the ground as he began to pry it off of my. I could feel the jaws sliding out of my muscles, and the pain was unbearable. My body arched and writhed, unable to comprehend the agony flooding throughout its nerves. My blood made Marco’s fingers slip, and it dug right back into me, blocking out my vision again. A stream of curses and apologies streamed from Marco’s mouth as he tried again.

“I’ve got you, hold on, I’ve got you,” he kept repeating, and I tried my damndest to focus on only his voice, on anything but the sound of my own cries.

I felt the jaws completely release their grip on me, and I’d never moved so fast as when I pulled myself away. I collapsed onto my back, my breathing quick and frantic, whimpers muffled through my teeth. The trap snapped shut, and Marco was ripping the cloth from his head and wrapping it tightly around the wound. I felt my torso shift, and I looked up to see that my head was resting in Marco’s lap. My breathing was shallow, and I wasn’t sure if I was even getting any oxygen. Marco was looking down at me, and he looked so scared and he was panicking, and his hands were slick with my blood.

“Hold on, Jean,” His voice was quivering like his hands, “You’re going into shock. Take deep breaths, Jean, come on hun, you have to try to take deep breaths. Stay with me,” His voice was rapidly fading into a deafening ringing in my ears until I couldn’t hear a word he was saying. He turned his head, and it looked like he was shouting, putting his hand out as if he were trying to block something. I rolled my head to see what he was looking at. I surely was hallucinating, because there were several people surrounding us, all with an assortment of guns pointed at us. It hadn’t been more than a few seconds before I blacked out.

  

* * *

 

 

_“Mom!”_

_I ran trailer to trailer looking for her, a mix of dread and relief flooding over me every time it wasn’t her. I told myself, that if she was still screaming my name, she was still alive, still somewhere they hadn’t reached yet._

_“Mom!!”_

_“Jean!”_

_I turned to see she her on the roof of one of the trailers, Mina and Hannah alongside her. She looked terrified, tears streaming down her face, eyes wide and she was trembling, but she was alive. My chest dropped with the breath I’d been holding in, and I felt a weak smile twitch at my lips. They must have climbed through a ceiling vent in time, because the stiffs were in the trailer and there were so many, the trailer was shaking. If too many of them surrounded them, the trailer would turn over. I switched back to the rifle again, taking down as many as I could, but it wasn’t enough. They were coming from every direction. My ears were ringing and I turned to see Samuel coming up behind me, gunfire spraying passed me and at the stiffs._

_He looked up at the women on the trailer. “You have to get down, now!” he kept firing, stepping beside me. “Franz?”_

_I shook my head, the image of what I saw flashing through my mind. Sam’s shoulders dropped defeated with defeat for a moment, and then he composed himself enough to continue firing. He was shouting for them to get down again, and Mina was helping my mother down slowly. She was half way to the ground and I wrapped my arm around her, carrying her away from the trailer and pile of stiffs. She turned and held me in a bone-shattering embrace. I pressed my face to her shoulder, relief flooding over me amidst a sea of death._

_“Jean , vous savez que je ressens sur les armes à feu.” You know how I feel about guns. She said in a trembling whisper, trying to smile. Even with everything going on around us, she tried to ease me the smallest bit, but the fear was written all over her face._

_“N’est pas le moment , maman.” Now’s not the time, mom. I grabbed her hand, following Samuel and the other women to the remaining members of the group. There weren’t many left. Other than the five of us, there only stood Mylius, a guy I’d hardly spoken to, Daz the Spaz, who I was surprised made it out, and two or three others, all of their faced painted with shock and dismay. I took a deep breath, turned to my mother, and holstered both guns._

_“We have to move out. The gunfire has them coming from all over. We need to go as quickly and as quietly as possible.”_

_A few people in group nodded, and I led the way through the back of the trailers. The stiffs would come in small waves, but we were able to drop them with any damaging weapons we had left on us. I pressed my back against a trailer, hearing the growling and choking of multiple stiffs passing by. I turned, holding a finger to my mouth before pointing rapidly to go around the other way. We made it out of the trailer park, running and keeping low to the ground. I didn’t let go of my mother’s hand. When the sound of stiffs faded in the distance, the night suddenly became mockingly quiet._

_Some struggled to catch their breath, some muffled their cries, some that were still in shock were staring back down the path. I had my arms wrapped around my mother as she cried and heaved against my chest, “Ce ira, maman, c’est fini…”It’ll be okay, mom, it’s over. I whispered in her hair again and again, trying my best to ease her. She looked up at me, her cheeks damp with smothered tears, and I gave the most reassuring smile I could muster, kissing forehead repeatedly, holding her as tightly as I could._

 

* * *

 

 

All I felt was pain, and an involuntary yelp slipped through my teeth. I shot up, tearing the blanket off to see that my foot was indeed still there and….wait, a blanket? My eyes darted around the room. I was in a bedroom, but it wasn’t one from any of the ghost towns Marco and I had stayed in temporarily.  I was stripped down to a shirt and loose pants that definitely weren’t mine. The room was bright with the sun shining in and across the bed. I ran my fingers through my hair, pulling it away to see it was damp with sweat. I was clammy all over. I started to feel dizzy, teetering on the edge of falling off the bed. I couldn’t understand what happened, or why I was where I was, or if any of it was real. Oh. There were people, a lot of people with a lot of guns. My leg was caught in a trap and Marco…Marco!

Shaking my head and trying to rid the spinning of the room, I moved to the edge of the bed and slid my good foot down and onto the floor. The sound of creaking wood caught my attention, and my hand was already at my side, reflectively grabbing for some sort of weapon. Dizziness took over again and I covered my mouth as a wave of nausea came over me.

“Hey, don’t strain yourself!” A soft voice said, moving closer to me.

That wasn’t Marco’s voice. I grabbed the closest object I could find, which happened to be a lamp stand, my other hand still over my mouth. I looked up to see a man, maybe a few years younger than me, his blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail. His blue eyes widened, and I took it his reaction was not from the silly object in my hand. I kept my eyes fixed on him as I slid my injured foot to the edge of the bed. My leg was shaking, spikes firing up to my hip, but I would be damned if I left the world without putting up a fight. It hurt like hell, but I stood up, and my leg instantly buckled. With another yelp, I dropped to the floor on my knee, using the edge of the bed to keep myself halfway up. The stranger backed up, putting his hands up as a sign that he meant no harm.

“Take it easy. You’ll only make your injury worse.”

“Who are you? Where’s Marco?” I growled, my eyes still locked onto his, the lamp stand pointed at him. He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t look as threatened as I wanted him to be. That ticked me off. “Where is he?!” I was shouting, I was dizzy, sweating like crazy, and my foot felt like it was going to fall off. I understood why injured animals became so feral when they were cornered. “ _Where_ is Marco!?” My mind was running a mile per minute. He could have been hurt, or held hostage, or worse…

I heard two sets of footsteps pounding towards the room, or maybe it was my head that was pounding. Two people burst through the half open door. The first was a man with brown hair, not as dark as Marco’s, and awfully intense green eyes. He stared me down with the same wild glare. My eyes quickly darted to the second person entering the room. I did a complete one-eighty, going from animalistic to overflowing with relief, and breathed his name.

“Marco…”

He stepped across the room and ever so gently put his hand to my cheek. “Hun, you look like shit.” He said, with a stupid grin on his face. I let out a weak laugh before he picked me up and pulled me into an embrace. I grunted from the movement of my ankle, but wrapped my arms around him regardless. I practically turned to jelly in his grip, the overexertion taking its toll on me. He guided me back onto the bed, mumbling reprimanding words under his breath.

“What’s going on?” I asked, refusing to lie down completely. My eyes darted over his shoulder, to the two watching from across the room. “Who are they?” I lowered my voice to a whisper so they couldn’t hear.

Marco looked over his shoulder, then back at me. “It’s alright. They’re good people.”

I felt my expression harden, my eyes narrowed with skepticism. “There are no good people anymore. We can’t trust them, Marco.” The rough undertone in my whisper made me sound strained. “We don’t know who they are, or what they want from us.”

“They took care of your leg.” He whispered back just as harshly, “Would you rather we were out there in the condition you were in?”

“They’re the ones who set the trap!” Not that I knew that for a fact. I didn’t realize I had shouted until Marco stood up straight, putting a defensive arm out as the two men behind him took a step forward.

“It was meant for the stiffs or animals. There are several traps hidden all over the place. We didn’t exactly expect a living person to step into it.” That was the green eyed guy. If I wasn’t mistaken, he had an irritated undertone.

“Our group hasn’t come across any others for a while now. I’m sure you can understand our precautions.”

I quirked an eyebrow and glanced at Marco. Yes, of course, the precautions. I nodded slowly and leaned back on the bed, still unable to relax completely until Marco sat next to me. I glanced at him every now and then, but I made sure not to lose sight of the other two people in the room as they summarized the past few days.

The blonde introduced himself as Armin; the other’s name was Eren. There were a total of six of them in their group, but I couldn’t remember all of the names they listed. Originally there were more, but the same fate as any other unfortunate soul claimed them. Marco briefly explained what happened since I blacked out. The group took us in and tended to my leg. The wound itself initially wasn’t life threatening until it became infected, hence my being unconscious for a few days as I fought off a fever. That also explained why I felt as shitty as I did when I woke up. While I was recovering, Marco had time to tell them about us, and our good intentions. I supposed that was the best thing, since he was more of the logical and negotiating type. I probably would have cussed them up and down into next week, taken Marco, and ran. After the short clarifications, Armin announced that he would prepare us something to eat. He and Eren left the room, considerate enough to close the door to give us some privacy.

Marco shifted himself on the bed to face me. “You know, if you wanted to rest so badly, you could have said so instead of stepping into a trap.”

I tried to give him my most unamused face but that freckled bastard chuckled at me and flicked my nose. He legit flicked my fucking nose. I flinched and cupped my hands over my face, which brought more laughter from him. I hit him in the side with my good leg, but I couldn’t keep the smile from creeping onto my face. Damn him. Damn him and his stupid grinning freckled face. Marco got up and grabbed a chair from the corner of the room and placed it bedside the bed before taking a seat. We spoke for a little while, fatigue making my eyelids heavy. Marco decided to tell me a story about a time in third grade when he made an airplane out of popsicle sticks, and how another kid in his class tried to take credit for his magnificent piece of art. He was speaking so low, and his voice was so calming that I couldn’t help but drift back into sleep.

It was sometime during the night, because the window curtains were shut and a single, half melted candle was the room’s only source of light. Marco was still in the chair next to my bed, his head drooping onto his shoulder as he slept. On the nightstand where the candle was, was an empty plate. He must have been beside me the whole time, and the position he was in didn’t look comfortable. Still groggy, I reached over and smacked Marco’s leg until he groaned and his eyes opened. I moved over as much as I could without moving my ankle too much, and Marco got the hint. I was already lightly dozing when his weight sunk the other side of the mattress, and I felt calmer than I had the past few days. The warmth of his back pressed against mine, and his light snoring quickly put me back to sleep.

 

* * *

 

The next few days were an obnoxious cycle of passing out and waking up just barely enough to register my surroundings, maybe say a few words, and then I would be out again. Marco was there whenever I woke up; whether it was in the chair, lying beside me, sometimes he would be leaning against the wall, occasionally gazing out the window. I saw so many different faces throughout the days, but they were fuzzy when I tried to remember them. Someone kept inspecting my foot, carefully cleaning and rewrapping it. I remember seeing red hair, hearing low voices, and someone humming a soft tune every once in a while. “They helped you, Jean.” I had managed to stay conscious that night, and Marco and I were in mid conversation, which quickly turned into a bit of an argument. “They’ve already asked us to stay on after your leg heals. I told them we would.”

Oh, no we weren’t. “Yeah, and have you forgotten our lack of good fortune with other groups?”

“Since when did we have good fortune in the first place?”

I closed my eyes and shook my head in frustration. We’d both been in different groups in the beginning, and we both barely got out alive each time. “More people will only slow us down. I’m sure they’d feel the same way.”

“ _These people_ have made it as far as us, so they must be doing something right. Besides, we owe them for choosing to help two complete strangers.” Marco practically hissed the words, lowering his head in an almost threatening manner.

                I ran my tongue against the roof of my mouth, struggling to keep it shut. Both of us had a reasonably good point; but our polar opposite mind frames made compromises that much harder. Marco was calm, logical, and could think things through. As for me, I could admit that I got a little stubborn and somewhat overly emotional at times. The key word there being somewhat. It was always agitating having an argument with him. He’d hardly ever let me get a rise out of him, and it irritated me, but at the same time it was one of my favorite qualities in him. He was one of the few people in my entire life who could take my shit. Even my own family barely could deal with my attitude.

It wasn’t until someone at the door cleared their throat that I realized how hushed we were speaking. We looked over to find a rather short, and very tired looking man leaning against the door frame. If it weren’t for his fluid movements, I would have mistaken him for a freshly turned stiff.

                “Oh, Jean, this is Levi.” Marco stood from the side of the bed so that I could get a clear look at this Levi. “You’ve met. A few times, actually. You were probably too loopy to remember.”

                He didn’t look particularly friendly. It was definitely a face I didn’t recognize. I was glad I didn’t, because I might have had nightmares. His arms stayed crossed as he walked to the other side of the room, eyes moving up and down as if he were examining me. “Well,” he breathed, “I’m sure you don’t feel as bad as you look.” Wow, he was quite the charmer. “Lucky for you, some of our people were around to save your foot from snapping off.” Please, continue. “Your pain tolerance is very low. You made such a racket over a grazed bone and a few deep lesions. ” Yeah, the nerve of me!

“I greatly appreciate your hospitality,” I made sure he heard the sarcasm, “so, we’ll be sure to leave as soon as possible.” From the corner of my eye, I saw Marco’s head whip in my direction. I didn’t have to look at him to feel his eyes boring into me with a ‘the hell we will’ vibe.

“That may be a while, unless you don’t mind living with one foot. In the meantime,” he motioned back and forth between me and Marco, “assuming you two are butt buddies, you’re both stuck here until you heal. According to the others, your friend here has already agreed that he’ll be staying with us beyond that point.”

He made a quick glance toward Marco, and I turned my gaze to him as well. It was my turn to scowl at him. I knew what he was playing at. He was still looking at me, the most miniscule, snarky smirk on his lips. I could have slapped him silly. I gave a short nod, eyes cast down to my lap. Marco thanked Levi, and the evil tiny tot of a man left the room. He snapped his head in my direction, his lips in a tight line. In other words, I was in trouble. I would have run for my life if my ankle wasn’t half way disconnected from my leg.

“Try showing a little more gratitude.”

“But, Marco! How could y-” I could have sworn Levi was the bigger asshole in that conversation.

“No, no, don’t you try and ‘but Marco’ me. You’re going to sit here and heal, and enjoy it. Stop being such a brat.”

“A brat?” That was new one, and a new vocabulary was not a good sign. If I knew what was best for me and the preservation of my life, I had to shut up, bow my head like a dog, and take his scolding.

It only lasted about half an hour, which was extremely short for him. He asked if I had anything else I’d like to say, as he usually did afterwards, and I shook my head, biting down on both my lips. The room grew silent, me still stuck sitting in bed while Marco stood by then window, tapping his finger on the wood frame. I praised Jesus when Armin came knocking.

“How are you feeling, Jean?”

“I’m fine.” I paused, suddenly remembering that our first encounter wasn’t exactly pleasant, “And also, uh, I’m sorry about the other day. I wasn’t really myself.”

“No, that’s pretty much how you always are.” Marco mumbled low enough for me to hear, looking up at the ceiling, then out the window again. My lip twitched, but I gave him no reaction.

“I don’t blame you.” Armin smiled, waving it off. “I’m glad to hear you’re doing well.” he turned his attention to Marco. “Would you mind stepping out for a second? Eren would like to talk to you about a few things.” Marco hummed in consent and shot me a warning glare before leaving the room. I looked at Armin, then the door, then back to Armin. Was he not going to leave? He took a seat in the chair next to the bed. No, not leaving? Oh, okay.

“You’ve had quite the week.” He said with a friendly smile, moving the chair back to extend my personal space. He looked a lot younger than I thought he did the last time I saw him. Blind rage had the effect of obscuring one’s perception. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear before tapping his cheek, “Or quite a few years.”

It took me a moment to realize he was talking about my scars. I reached up and ran my fingertips along the raised skin. “Oh, uh…yeah.”

“Jean, Marco told me you were on your own for over a year before running into him?”

“Yeah,” I lowered my hand, letting it fall in my lap, “I was.”

“He also told me how strong of a person you are.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Yeah?”

He hummed with a thoughtful nod. “Yeah. The two of you have been through a lot, more than one person should go through in ten lifetimes.”

I turned my body to face him. “What are you getting at?”

Armin blinked his kind blue eyes, “You’re a strong pair. I’m sure he told you about our proposal for you two to join us, Jean. Marco has already accepted, though it’s completely up to you if you agree to do the same.”

I clicked my tongue and turned my attention to the window. Armin was no fool, but that didn’t mean I was. He kept his demeanor calm and kind. He backed his seat away when he came in, and he used my name several times. He was trying to gain my trust. I wasn’t so sure how much I could, but Marco seemed to trust him, and I trusted Marco.

“I don’t see why we should. Every time either of us found a group, trouble seemed to find us more often. More people attract more stiffs.” Armin hummed, following my gaze to the window. “But,” From the corner of my eye, I saw him turn to me again, “I go where Marco goes. I don’t agree with this, so don’t get the wrong idea now. I’d only be doing it for him.”

He nodded, a small smile crossing his lips. He gestured to my ankle. “I found some herbs earlier. Sasha is preparing them to stop any further infections from occurring. They’ll also act as a faster healing aide.”

“Sasha?”

“Yes, she-oh, of course. She’s the one who’s been cooking and tending to your ankle when Marco couldn’t.” I felt my face flush. Marco had not only stuck by my side the past week, but then I found out he’d been playing nurse as well. I fell back, throwing my arm over my eyes. “Jean, are you alright?”

“I’m fine.” I groaned

From the crook of my arm I watched Armin stand. “Well, I’ve got errands to run while there’s still daylight. Sasha will be in soon.” He walked to the door and paused, “And Jean?”

“Hm?”

“Thanks for not biting my head off.” I heard him laugh, and by the time I looked over he was gone. What a strange kid.

About half an hour later, in walked a girl, her auburn hair pulled back into a ponytail with a fringe just skimming her eyelashes. I stared at her for a while as she placed a tray of gauzes, a bowl of water, and bandages. “Sasha.” I said her name as if it was a new word I was testing out. She looked up at me, a soft smile tugging the corners of her lips. “You were the one bandaging my leg.”

She smiled and gave a quick nod. “Yeah, that was me. I’m impressed you could remember that.”

“Armin told me,” I slowly raised my hand, pointing at her ponytail, “but I remember your hair.” She gave a small giggle, dipping some gauze into the bowl.  “Thanks…for that.” I motioned to my leg.

“I can’t take all the credit. Marco’s the one with medical experience. He showed me what to do. He would have done it himself, but he said you’re such a big baby that he’d have to hold your hand in case you woke up.” She said matter-of-factly. I felt the heat of a blush spread up my face, turning me into a cherry tomato. I was most definitely not a big baby.

Sasha turned out to be very personable. She cracked a joke here and there, and was very attentive. She was almost as brutally honest as me, but she knew how to sugar coat things to some extent. For example, she shamelessly pointed out the scars on my face and body, but followed up with a compliment of how ‘resilient’ I must have been.

We weren’t talking for much longer when a man with a short mess of grey hair came barreling in. He couldn’t have been much older than me, if he was older. The color, or lack of, threw me off. I wondered if it was natural, or if something literally scared the pigment right out of it.

“I see you’ve met my girl.” He said it proudly and with a wide grin on his face. “Name’s Connie.” He rested his hand on Sasha’s head, giving her hair a small ruffle. “You’ve sure got a funny way of meeting people, yeah?” He laughed lightly.

I didn’t find it very funny.

                Connie sat on the edge of the bed’s footboard, joining in on our conversation. He was very eccentric, using his hands excessively as he spoke. He and Sasha filled me in about themselves. They had been together since the beginning. They’d grown in on the same neighborhood, went to the same school, and became roommates, and they remained together even after the world ended. I wondered if the same would have applied to me and Marco, if we’d known each other before.

The two gave me the low-down on everyone else’s pasts. Eren and Armin also grew up together, along with Eren’s adopted sister, Mikasa. She was out gathering for wood to chop. The three of them came from the same city, which happened to be one of the first places hit by the catastrophe. The three made an odd trio; Eren could become a loose cannon if his determination got a good enough hold of him. Mikasa was extremely strong, fitting of her stoic personality. Armin had the brains, also playing peace-keeper when needed. Like Marco, he could come up with several strategies for almost any situation, and was able to remain calm and collected as he did so.

Levi, they explained, was a sort of head honcho. He had previous military experience, which served well in such a merciless world. His past wasn’t a complete mystery, but had very little light shed on it. There was another man who had served with Levi. His name was Erwin, and he was originally another leader type. About a year ago, their group was overrun by a mass of stiffs. Erwin, along with a half dozen other people, had either gone missing or their remains were later found. Levi had taken over afterwards, and though he seemed ruthless at times, he got the group further than they could have imagined.

                Connie announced that they had to get going, tasks needed completion or else they’d ‘get their asses kicked by Levi’, as he put it. I gave them a small parting wave as they left, and Marco entered the room soon after. He had a sly smirk on his face, and I immediately turned my nose up at him.

                “Did you make some new friends?” He sounded like he was adult talking to their kid. He did that often, when I thought about it.

I crossed my arms, sinking down into the bed. “They’re alright.”

He chuckled at me and leaned against the bottom of the window sill across from me. I looked up at him and my mind went blank. It was only Marco standing by the window, nothing special. Except, the sun was setting and it cast a shadow over him, and he became both shadow and gold. He had that lazy, crooked smile he would have whenever he knew he was right. He looked like a damn scene out of a romance novel.

“I don’t know, hun,” My body jerked, his voice bringing me back to earth. “You guys were talking for a while. I could be mistaken, but I heard you laughing at some point.” He crossed his arms and tilted his head toward me, smirk still plastered on his face. “You can admit to liking people, Jean. You’re only human.”

“They’re alright.” I repeated. Marco kept longer eye contact than I could handle, and I looked down at my hands. “Okay, I like them. Sort of, but only a little.”

“Good enough.” He stepped across the room and motioned to my leg. “In other good news, you should be up and walking around in a few weeks. We’ll have to make sure you don’t have too much nerve damage, but your pain is a good sign that they’re still intact.” His expression softened, turning somber. “I’m sorry, Jean. If I could switch places with you, I would.”

I covered my ears and fell back onto the pillow with a loud grown. “Don’t start that shit, Marco. You know I’d be saying the same thing.” I tucked my good leg in front of me, my right thigh resting on my left foot, and patted the bed. He sat on the edge, leaning back on his palms. I sat up again, leaned toward him, and rested my hands on top of his. “But you _do_ know what this means, right?” I kept my eyes on his hands, but I saw him look up at me.

“No, not really.” He leaned down, trying to read my face. “What’s it mean?”

I raised my head, giving him a winner’s smile. “This officially makes me more badass than you.” I raised my hand up, then opened my palm and made a quick ‘poof’ sound.

Marco blinked, expressionless. “What the hell was that?”

“That was me dropping the mic.”

Marco burst with laughter, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling me into his chest. I grunted from the sudden impact, but I was laughing right along with him. “You’re the biggest dork I’ve ever met!” he said, his voice a few octaves higher than usual, and he wiped the tears from his eyes with his free hand.

“Yeah, right, you’re one to talk!” I wriggled out of his grip and sat up on my knees to wrap my arm around his neck and rub my fist into his hair, my other hand digging into his ribs, aka his weak spot. He was still laughing, telling me to stop between gasps.

When I say Marco had the most ridiculous, hilarious laugh you could ever hear, it’s an understatement. I’ve broken it down to this; stage one was a bunch of gasps and snickers, stage two was a slur of vowels meant to be words, and the giggling would start to sound kind of like a hyena. The third and final stage was a soundless, river of tears, soundless air laugh. And it was the greatest sound in the world. We were kids again, wrestling with arms weak from laughter. Marco held one of my wrists down when I cried out and shut my eyes tight. Marco immediately let me go, moving off of me.

“Jean? Did I hurt your leg? I’m so sorry!”

I gave him a devious grin and pushed him back, pinning him down. “How do you fall for it every single time?”

“Because you’re actually injured.” He deadpanned. “Usually it’s because you’re really sensitive.”

I scoffed and leaned down, resting my forehead to his. “Take it easy on the sass, yeah?”

“For now.” He said, closing his eyes.

I was too content to move right away. Marco lay under me, breathing slowly, not seeming to mind one bit. I lowered my head more, nuzzling my nose against his, then my lips brushed against his.

“Sorry to interrupt this little shindig,” I glared over my shoulder, imagining I looked a little more than ticked off. Marco sat up, his cheeks turning a deep shade of red. Eren stood in the doorway, looking like he hadn’t been fazed by his intrusion.  “But you’re both welcome to join us for dinner. That is, if you’re not too busy.”

“N-no, not at all.” Marco sputtered, still underneath me. It took a lot of control to keep my composure. I didn’t take to that guy since our first encounter. He had a cocky vibe about him. “We’ll be right out.” Eren nodded and left the room.

I turned back to Marco, not in the least bit amused. “Who the hell is he to barge in on us like that?”

Marco laughed and wrapped his arms around my neck, bringing my full attention back to him as he pressed our lips together. I gave a content sigh and deepened the kiss, until Marco pulled away, drawing a displeased groan from me. “Now then, let’s get you into some real clothes so we can eat.”

“Five more minutes?”

“Nope, people are waiting for your grand appearance.”

I groaned again, rolling over onto my back. I didn’t want to move. “Clothes are for squares.”

“Well I guess that makes you a rubrics cube. C’mon, get up.”

 

* * *

 

  

I sat at the end of the make-shift dining room table, sitting on my hands because biting at my nails would make me look to nervous, and earn me a slap from Marco. I couldn’t exactly walk, so I had to grin and bear it as I used Marco as a crutch. Nothing irked me more than being dependent, no matter whom it was I was depending on. He didn’t mind, of course. And of course, he stayed next to me like some sort of buffer-babysitter. Everyone was sitting around the table, making small talk, and every now and then Sasha would let out a shriek of laughter before Connie would slap a hand over her mouth to hush her. I briefly met Eren’s sister, Mikasa, who sat at the opposite end of the table along with Armin. She was beautiful, but looked just as deadly. Conversing with her would surely end in my humiliation. Eren shot me the dirtiest look when he saw me looking at her hair. Yep, he was a total prick. Levi stayed briefly, monitoring his school of fish before retiring to another room.

The table talk turned into a group conversation to ‘get to know each other’ as Armin put it. By ‘each other’ he meant me. While I was knocked out cold, Marco had already thoroughly acquainted himself with everyone. We asked each other where we lived, out hobbies, then what we used to do. Marco immediately perked up when Connie asked about my former occupation.

“Jean was a Jeanitor!”

I mocked his excitement, pointing a thumb in his direction. “Yeah, and Marco here was a Dalmatian!”

“What’s a Jeanitor?” Sasha asked around a mouthful of meat.

I slapped my hand over Marco’s mouth before he could blurt out anything else. “I was an intern columnist with a part time side job.”

“As a janitor.” Eren said flatly. I shot daggers at him, ready to teach him a lesson in the janitorial arts, but he raised his hands. “Hey, no need to get offended. I’ve never won first place at the science fair. Kudos to you.”

I scoffed at him. “Let me guess, you worked at Starbucks and attended erectile dysfunction group therapy?”

A snarky smirk crossed his face, his eyes challenging mine. “You wish. I actually _was_ somebody, you know, someone people looked up to? Wait, sorry, you probably don’t know anything about that. My turn to guess. You became a trash picker when mommy stopped spoiling you wi-“

I heard Marco draw in a sharp breath right before I fucking lost it. I stood from my chair, using the table as leverage. “Listen here, you loud mouthed little shit. I’ll have you know that despite my past work experience, I’ve last longer than you ever could alone out there. Let me see you jump a barbed wire fence with an arm that’s been torn into by a wild dog, or take down a group of stiffs with just a metal rod. Better yet, how about you stitch your own face back together after falling two stories out of a window? Go ahead, do it! Show me how much better you are!”

Eren stared at me, wide eyed, not expecting my outburst. Then, I noticed everyone was staring at me. Marco looked just as shocked as everyone else, but I couldn’t look at him for too long. I turned, ready to make a break for the door, when my eyes met with Levi’s. The candle light was just dim enough to hide him the slightest bit, making him nearly undetectable. He had his back to the wall, arms crossed. How long was he there?

“You’ll do just fine, kid.” He said without blinking, before turning and disappearing back into the shadows. What the hell was that supposed to mean?

If I wasn’t still so livid, I would have been more unsettled by his ability to pull multiple Houdinis and still manage to surprise me. I turned back and mumbled an apology to everyone else before starting for the door again. Marco stood, ready to help, but I put a hand up in protest. The last thing I wanted was help. I wouldn’t let anyone else try to knock my pride down. I limped to the door, letting myself outside. The night air was cold, but I hadn’t felt it for a while, so I soaked it in. It was quiet, something I was so used to that I’d actually started to miss it. I clumsily sat down on the wooden porch, staring straight into the woods with my head resting on the palm of my hand.

I sat in my anger, running my hands through my hair and tugging hard enough that I could have ripped it out. I was angry about everything; about being stuck there, for letting some punk get under my skin, for being such a burden to Marco, for not wanting to be alone again…

The door opened, but I kept my head down, hands still in my hair. The door closed and the porch shifted and creaked under a second person’s weight. They nudged my shoulder with theirs. Marco. I slowly lifted my head, taking in a deep sigh before looking over to see Eren.

“What do you want?” I spat the words out like venom.

His eyes trailed from his stretched out legs, to the mass of trees around us. “I just,” he paused, turning to look at me. His expression was softer, blank almost, in contrast to my rage filled glare, “I wanted to apologize for what I said. I lost my parents, too. First my dad, then my mom.” His jaw twitched, and I could see him trying to push back the memory as I always had.

I shrugged, trying to push my resentment aside. It wasn’t hard to believe. After all, everyone lost someone at some point. Chances were that if you weren’t with that person, they weren’t _with_ you anymore. But, that didn’t make it hurt any less, no matter how much time had passed.

“For what it’s worth, I might have a sliver of respect for you.” He continued, a somewhat sad smirk accompanied his empathetic eyes, “You were right. I couldn’t do half the things you have if I were out there on my own.”

“Stop with the sappy shit before I lose my dinner.” I narrowed my eyes at him, but I appreciated his attempt at sucking up.

He patted my back with more force, on purpose, chuckling as he did so. “You’re an asshole. I don’t look forward to working with you.”

“The feeling is mutual.” I allowed myself a miniscule grin, and we both turned our eyes to the woods again.

We didn’t say much. Actually, we didn’t say anything at all; just sat on the porch in the chilly night air, taking in the clear sky and chirping of crickets. It slowly grew quiet in the house as everyone filtered into their rooms or wherever they slept. Eren stood, stretching out and looking over his shoulder, looked back at me.

“Don’t stay out too much longer, unless you’re fine with freezing your dick off.”

“Fuck off.”

“Goodnight to you, too, Jean.”

Eren opened the door, but as he walked into the house I heard another pair of footsteps and turned to see Marco take a seat next to me. He yawned, his eyes drooping with fatigue. He leaned on me, resting his head on my shoulder.

“You okay?”

I nodded, leaning my head on his.

“Tired?” I nodded again, but didn’t move until he did. “M’kay, let’s go in.” He stood, grabbing hold of my arm to haul me up, then turned around and crouched down, curling his hands twice. My brows furrowed in confusion, and he snickered. “Hop on.”

“You’re not giving me a piggy back ride.”

“Yes I am, now hop on.”

Too tired to have a ‘yes, no’ battle, I begrudgingly climbed on his back, his hands gripped my thighs and he gave a light squeeze. I tapped the back of his head and he laughed as he brought us back to our room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who's read this far! the kudos mean a lot as well ^.^  
> I'm just gonna.....*slides some JeanMarco fluff in there*...  
> It's sort of a slow build for now, and I apologize for what's coming next chapter.
> 
> Song: Blackbird Song by Dewyze


	3. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Jean's agreement to join the others, the group suits up to travel together. You can never get too comfortable, and you can never feel too safe. With the bad comes the worse.

_Step by step, heart to heart_

_Left right left,_

_We all fall down like toy soldiers_

_Bit by bit, torn apart_

_We never win_

_But the battle wages on for toy soldiers_

 

* * *

 

 

I couldn’t exactly say that adapting to life with six more people to interact with was easy for me, but as the weeks went by, I became more and more used to it. We’d left the house after my ankle was healed enough to limp on, which was about three months ago. At first it _hurt_ , but Marco and Eren took turns acting as my crutch despite my very vocal, and sometimes physical, protests. Both easily overpowered me, but in my defense, I was in a fragile state. I was a burden to some degree, but there were enough of us to keep us moving without much trouble from stiffs.

I hated to admit it, but they were _almost_ as good of a team as me and Marco. Sasha was also a great hunter, using an old fashioned cross and bows that her father had collected, back when it was merely a hobby. She taught us a thing or two about tracking, more things than even Marco knew. Mikasa and Levi were both incredibly strong, Connie was fast as hell, able to maneuver around obstacles and stiffs like he was rounding them up, which he often did. Armin’s intellect helped with anything from how to secure the right traps to hotwiring vehicles, if we were lucky enough to find one with enough gas in it. Eren, if pissed enough, could take out multiple stiffs at once, just with blind rage. I don’t know what got him so fired up so easily, but I had a feeling it was due to his inability to focus his emotions in a healthier way, not that I was complaining.

Levi didn’t say much, but when he did, we’d paid attention to every word. He hardly ever walked in front of us, and I wasn’t sure why. I took it he wasn’t _that_ type of leader. After all, if one of us had an idea or felt like something was off, he would listen and take everyone’s opinions into consideration. It was sort of like a democracy for an eight-person country. No one knew much about his past, only from what they’d learned along the way when they’d met him on, like his being a soldier at one point. We secretly found it slightly amusing that he kept up a hardened façade of himself. Whether he realized it or not, he would occasionally slip and act as a parent figure, a real Mother Goose, except always scowling. I suppose that happens when you stick any full grown adult with a bunch of twenty-somethings.

He was walking beside the group, Eren gabbing away beside him, per usual. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him raise his hand, signaling us to stop. We all came to a halt, going silent as we waited for his command. He motioned his hand to a barn covered in overgrown weeds just off of a railroad track we’d been following. Raising his rifle, he started towards it, and we followed suit. There were two or three stiffs that stumbled out of the patches of tall brush, but they were nothing we couldn’t handle. We lined up against the wall with ready weapons, Levi in front. He grabbed the door handle and slid it open before stepping inside, aiming the gun around. I glanced at the wall, and through the vines, I could see writing. Unlike the city, these were written in blood, and signs were rare out where we’d been. I pushed the overgrown plants out of the way to see the smudged letters.

‘ANNIE GO EAST, WILL WAIT FOR YOU-R&B’ I tilted my head, rereading it. ‘R&B’…rhythm and blues?

My attention turned back to the group. Levi walked into the barn, and one by one we followed, clearing the spacious room. It was empty, other than the stables. Pitchforks and saddles hung on the walls next to stacks of hay. We searched the place for any stiffs or squatters. We’d never come across any other people in our time on the road, but we checked anyway. Levi announced that we’d be staying there for the time being. We all picked out which stables we would stay in, except Levi, who opted to settle for a steel chair by the door. The world ended, but he still had his standards. Connie and Sasha chose one across from me and Marco, while Armin, Eren, and Mikasa were three away from everyone. They had a tendency to stick together, so it would have been strange if they didn’t. We unpacked a majority of our things, relieved to have some weight off of our backs. Like Levi said, it would make for a good base for the time being.

 I kneeled down on a hay stack in the stable, unloading my baggage of weapons, placing them side by side. I took my time to ensure each one was loaded, sharpened, and cleaned. Marco was doing the same across from me, Armin giving him tips on how to lessen any dents as much as possible before moving around to assist the others. Marco looked up at me, a soft smile on his lips. I regarded him for a few seconds longer before returning to my task at hand. I could hear his footsteps crunching in the hay, stopping next to me. I looked over at his boots, my gaze slowly moving up until reaching his face. He had a hand on his hip, eyebrow raised as if he was trying to figure something out. He crouched down next to me, and we silently cleaned our armory.

Once our guns and knives were polished to a ‘T’, he sat down facing me. “What’s up?”

I shrugged, loading them back into the bag. “Not much.”

“Jean.”

I sat down next to him, sighing and resting my arms on my knees. “How long do you think this will last?” I asked with a hushed voice, glancing over at the rest of the group, “How long until it catches up to us again?”

“I don’t know,” He simply shrugged, “but we should focus on today. Don’t think about tomorrow until tomorrow comes.” He glanced over at them before returning his gaze to mine. “We’re all alive today. We’re safe for the night. That’s all that matters right now.”

We simultaneously turned our heads toward the group. They were cleaning their weapons, setting up their temporary mattresses of hay, chatting, and shaking off the stiffness in their bones. I felt the tension in my muscles ease with each passing minute. Marco had a point. We were all there, we made it that far already. We would be able to rest, even if it was only for one night. Having more people around helped me and Marco sleep a little easier, but it was still a struggle not to wake up with a racing heart, the slightest noise sent fear through our bones every time. Worrying about tomorrow wouldn’t help anything or anyone, but it still remained in the backs of our minds.

“You know, Jean, this place really suits you.” I didn’t have to look to know it was Eren’s mouth blabbing.

“One of those pitchforks up your ass would suit _you_ , douchbag.”

“If you two start another argument today, I will personally impale you both.”

                We both went silent, not wanting to further upset Mother Goose. I slid my left boot off, then carefully the right one, doing my best not to cause any more unnecessary damage to my ankle. I kept it wrapped, the pressure easing some of the pain. It bled throughout the day the first few weeks, but it stopped as the lesions filled in with scar tissue. One more scar, one more story etched into my body. I unwrapped the bandage slowly; the cloth stained with light drainage had made it stick to the skin. I rotated my ankle in small circles, wincing when I turned it to the sides. Wrapping it so tightly didn’t give it much room for movement. Sasha must have seen me from across the room, because she was right in front of me, tearing the sleeve of the flannel tied around her waist, a water bottle in her other hand.

“I’m good.” I said, waving her off.

She shook her head and gave me a stern look. “You might be, but your ankle isn’t completely yet. If you want it to completely heal, you need to keep it clean. How many times have I told you that now?” She slapped the side of my head when I rolled my eyes. “Are you listening?”

I pressed my lips, letting out a long groan through my nose. “I think that was number fifty-seven.”

“So then, for the fifty-seventh time, stop being so stubborn and take it like a man. Marco, tell him.”

I heard Marco chuckle behind me, so I threw my boot over my shoulder. There was a plunk, followed by a small ‘ow’ and I couldn’t help but laugh myself. After the repetitive directions from Sasha, she returned to her and Connie’s stable. The sun was setting quickly, the sliver of spaces between the plank walls letting the cold seep in. Marco splayed his jacket out, overlapping mine to make a makeshift sheet between ourselves and the prickly hay.

I was laying the usual way one does on a mattress, injured leg stretched out, the other bent and rocking side to side. Marco had his head resting on my chest, closing his eyes and practically purring as I stroked his hair. I mumbled sweet nothings to him for a while, my words turning to broken whispers until we fell into a silent sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

I woke up to a sound of cards shuffling. Feeling a weight taking over a good portion of myself, I looked down through hooded eyes. Marco had shifted his right arm under my head, the other strewn across my chest, while his legs tangled with mine. His cheek was pressed to my shoulder, leaving a delightful patch of drool. The sun had just barely begun to rise, tinting the barn a dark blue. From my limited point of view, I could see Connie, Eren, and Armin sitting in a triangle in the isle separating both sides of the stable, their legs crossed as they looked at their card hands. My eyes were too heavy to raise my head more to what game they were playing. I rested my head back onto Marco’s arm, continuing to drift in and out of sleep.

I was not a morning person. I’m not just talking bad attitude, I’m talking ‘I can’t wake up and function because it’s too much effort to open my eyes’ kind. I heard mumbling across the room, the volume somewhat louder than the first time I’d woken up. Lifting my head, the three were still sitting around, Eren looking more and more frustrated while Connie donned a devious smirk. I heard Armin say something about a royal flush, his voice barely audible from where I was. Oh, so they’d been playing poker. The girls were still sleeping; Sasha’s light snoring echoing off the walls. Levi was sitting with his back against the door of a stable not far from the gamblers, rifle loose in his grip as his head slightly hung as he slept.

 I wiggled my shoulders to wake Marco only to have him bear hug me into his chest, and knowing fully how much stronger than me he was, I was slightly worried that another pound of pressure would break a few ribs.

“Marco!” I gasped his name, the air squeezing out of my lungs. “Marco wake the fuck up, you’re crushing me!” He hummed, but didn’t budge. Okay. If he was going to play hard ball, I would, too. I turned my head and nipped the top of his ear. He jumped up with a yelp similar to a dog getting scratched by a cat, and knocking a fist into my jaw. He looked around the room, disheveled hair and bewildered, before his eyes landed on me.

“Was that you!?” His voice was a raspy shriek, his vocal chords unable to handle the note he shouted at.

Hysterical laughter burst from the isle, and I pushed myself up to see Eren clutching his stomach, Connie had fallen backwards, playing cards thrown about and his arms covering his face, and Armin seemed confused by their reactions. Sasha shot up straight, hair wild and faint circles under her eyes. Mikasa was out of sight, but I could almost _feel_ her glaring at them.

I wiped my jaw with the back of my hand, turning my attention back to Marco, who was beet red. “Yeah, you were snapping me in half.” His expression turned to guilt, which, of course, sent me a pang of guilt. I hated seeing Sad Marco. I reached over and wrapped my fingers around his wrist, “Don’t worry about it, okay? Everyone was waking up anyway.” A small smile tugged at his lips. Mission complete.

“ _Some_ of us. Pipe down, you little shits.” Mother Goose was awake.

Everyone went silent as we all turned to Levi. He turned his head side to side, cracking his neck a few times, dark circles hardly faded around his eyes as he scanned the room, like he was counting his goslings. We looked around at each other, wondering which one of us was more to blame. He stood up, holstered his rifle over his shoulder as he made his way to the door. He had a habit of disappearing, but only briefly. He usually said it was to shit, so we didn’t ask anymore, not wanting the details.

“I’m running a perimeter check.” He said flatly. I guess he decided to be merciful that day. “If any of you decided to run off, leave your weapons.” He said the same thing every time. “It’s fine if you’re willing to lose your life, but be courteous enough not to waste our artillery.” Yes, Mother Goose. We nodded in unison.

Eren jumped up, always ready to take any and every opportunity to shadow Levi. Then Eren’s personal bodyguard, also known as Mikasa, joined him, shutting the door behind them. The rest of us who stayed took our time to doze in and out of sleep, or partake in random activities. Apparently it wasn’t too early for Sasha and Connie to play cops and robbers, using finger-guns to fire at each other. Marco and I had lay back down and faced each other, talking with soft morning voices.

“When this is over, I’m taking you to Disney World.”

“I’ve always wanted to go there.” Marco smiled, adjusting his head on his arm. “When this is over, I’m taking you jet skiing.”

“Well when this is over, I’m going to propose to you with a ring pop.” Marco snorted, covering his mouth to quiet himself. I grinned back at him and pulled his hand from his face, pressing it to my lips. “I swear to god, I will.”

“I’d say yes.” He said with a silenced laugh.

“Yeah?” I released his hand so that I could dig around in my back pocket. Pulling out a small rusted gold hoop earring I’d found somewhere along one of our many journeys. Okay, so _maybe_ I’d been secretly planning to use it for that very purpose at some point. I took Marco’s hand and slid the earring onto his finger.

Marco looked down at it, then up to me again. “This isn’t a ring pop.”

“I said ‘when this is over’. Now you’re my bride to be.” My lips tugged into a charming smirk.

Marco was laughing softly again, sliding his hand to the nape of my neck and pulling me into a kiss. “You know, you’re supposed to ask me _before_ putting the ring on.” He hummed, nuzzling his nose against mine.

“I’m not asking. You don’t have a choice.”

“ _Oh my god_ , will you two _please_ do this when you have, oh I don’t know, alone time?” Connie barked from an unseen stable.

I raised my hand and flipped him off, wherever he was, before lowering it to stroke Marco’s cheek. “Let’s name our first child Connie.”

Marco turned his face into the crook of his arm, trying to keep himself together, but I could hear that hyena laugh coming out. I loved how easy it was for me to make him laugh.

“It’s the least you could do for what you make me endure.”

Sasha was bursting with laughter and smacking Connie’s back, congratulating him on being an uncle-to-be. Armin covered his mouth with the back of his hand, adding that Connie should be honored.

About an hour later the door rumbled open, drawing all of our attention. Eren, Mikasa, and Levi stepped inside, Mikasa effortlessly carrying what looked like a very large pig slung over her shoulder.

“Where did you even manage to find that thing?” Connie walked over, inspecting it when Mikasa dropped it.

“This is a barn, after all. It probably escaped but stayed in the area.” Eren jabbed a thumb over his shoulder, toward the door. “I doubt it, but here could be more.”

“We’ll check tomorrow.” Levi walked passed the siblings, giving the pig a repulsed wrinkle of his nose. “Filthy creatures.”

Somehow everyone allowed Sasha the privilege of cleaning and preparing the pig so that it would actually be edible while Connie and I made a fire. We sat around the fire, eating, talking, and going over preparations for the next few days. Bit by bit we returned to the barn, ready for some long overdue sleep.

 

* * *

 

For the next couple of days, time was spent searching for any possible farm, or feral, animals to hunt and bring back, chopping wood for fires, really just scavenging the area for resources. I set traps around the barn in case any unexpected guests decided to make an appearance. Marco was hesitant to let me take on the task, but after a few minutes of bickering, he gave up and walked away, quietly fuming. As I set each trap and covered them in grass and leaves, I held each in my hand and wondered which one of them was the one that got me. Deciding it wasn’t even worth the thought, I avoided check each one for red and brown stains.

Levi requested that we clean the barn for however long we might be there. Translation: “Clean it. Just because it’s a barn doesn’t mean we’re animals. Now you all have something to do because I’m sure as hell not babysitting today”. When the traps were completely hidden, I looped around the house to help Armin move the extra stacks of hay outside, piling them up around the front of a barn like a small gate. We would tie strings around with cans attached later that day.

“Your leg seems to be doing better.” Armin shifted his arms around the stacks he carried, arching his head back to see me.

“Yeah, I guess you were right about the herb thing doing its healing magic.”

Armin walked beside me, making it easier to continue the conversation. “It’s not magic, Jean. It’s science and botany.”

I closed my eyes and gave him a disapproving shake of my head. “It was a play on words.”

“Hm.” We stepped outside to drop the hay off, and the sun was blaring in our eyes. “We’ve still got a ways to go.” Armin held out a water bottle to me. “I think a short break wouldn’t hurt anyone.”

I wiped my face and gladly took the water. It was another hot day, and the labor didn’t help. Taking a seat on one of the hay stacks next to Armin, I leaned back on my hand and took a gulp, looking on at the show across the way. Marco and Eren stood across from one another, each using stacks of hay as tables as they timed who could take a gun apart and put it back together, then load and arm it the fastest. It was a long process for a challenge, but it was entertaining to watch Eren get so irked while Marco quickly yet calmly slid the pieces together like a puzzle he’d solved a million times before. Actually, he very well may have.

Their times came close, both of them loading their guns and holding them up to aim at one another, but Eren was a few seconds too slow every time. Connie and Sasha cheered and whooped from their perch a few feet away. Mikasa stepped up next, deciding she’d be the one to take Marco down, so to speak. They took their guns apart and set the pieces down spread across the haystack, then faced each other. He drummed his fingers on his leg while waiting for the signal, his eyes focused on the pieces and the wheels in his mind rewinding to do it again.

“Go!” Eren shouted out of impatience, and the two were clicking the pieces together.

I sat back and watched the two put the pieced together, flipping the gun around in their hands to connect the next part. “Wanna bet on who wins?”

“As much as I’d like to savor the moment I win, you need your energy just like the rest of us. Can’t have you passing out in two inches of water.”

I chuckled and rubbed my chin against my shoulder, “If we find a stream I will _pay_ you to watch me pass out in said water.” That reminded me, “We’re almost out.”

“Yeah, we have about two days’ worth. Three, if we use it sparingly.”

“We already are.”

“What the hell are you all _not_ doing?”

“Shit.” Connie whispered as Levi came around the barn.

“I assigned you all tasks for a reason, not to just sit around and soak up the sun.”

“But it feels so niiiice,”Sasha sang, flopping onto a haystack.

Levi didn’t show any hint of amusement, but he didn’t look as pissed as he sounded. He was in a good mood. “Work first, a little less work later.”

“How do we know when work is done?” Eren called across the hay circle, putting his hand up like a good student.

“When I tell you it is.”

“But you never tell us when it is.” I said flatly, still on my back and viewing the world upside down.

“Jesus Christ,” he pinched the bridge of his nose, “That’s because none of you can do an efficient job, now shut the fuck up and get back to work. Tomorrow we split up into groups and search the perimeter.” He lifted his hand from his face and saw we hadn’t budged yet, “ _Now_.”

 

* * *

 

 

At the ass crack of dawn, we were outside gearing up for our little scavenger hunt. I was paired with Sasha and Connie. Marco was paired with Mikasa and Armin. The third group was Levi and Eren. The plan was routine; find a large enough source of clean water, any objects that might in handy, and of course, hunt if you can and don’t stray too far. Afterwards, we would meet back at the barn in a few hours.

Sasha, Connie, and I were an hour out from the barn before we followed the sound of running water. The two took it upon themselves to belt out an extremely off-pitch rendition of ‘Dog Days Are Over’, despite my begging them to leave the singing to the artist.

“So,” Connie breathed when they finally stopped singing. “How are things with you and Marco?”

I glanced at him then back at the ground, not wanting to misstep and tumble back down the steep and rocky hill. “You’re with us every day, Connie. Why don’t you tell me?”

Sasha laughed, walking ahead of us, not even breaking a sweat. “He means your sex life.”

I could barely hide the shock on my face. “What the hell kind of question is that?! I could ask you two the same thing.”

Connie raised a brow, “Ay, leave me and my girl out of it. But since you asked, all is well. At least we have the courtesy to keep it quiet. You guys take the whole barnyard thing too literal.”

Despite the chilly morning air, my face was on fire. “Will you shut up?”

“I’m just saying. You guys can bump uglies all you want, just let the rest of us sleep.”

“I haven’t heard a complaint from anyone else. Even Asshole Eren would have said something.”

“They assigned us to tell you,” Sasha said nonchalantly, coming to the top of the hill. The tiny stream we had been following had gradually gotten wider, crystal clear water rolling down rocks forming tiny waterfalls, “when we are paired into our groups.”

“They _assigned_ you? What the hell does that mean?”

“What the hell else does it sound like?” Connie mocked. “Anyway, our job with _that_ task is complete. Let’s get this shit done already. The thirst is real.”

“I figured everyone has stopped saying that by now. Congratulations, Connie, you can fluently speak a dead language.”

“That’s such a sick joke,” Connie laughed.

"But you're laughing." I pointed out.

“Ok you idiots, get to work.”

“You heard my girl,” Connie patted my shoulder and headed to the stream and dropped our supply bag before striding to the water and crouching down.

 

Connie filled the canteens; Sasha took her bow and arrow and went off her way, while I brought a machete via Levi and searched the area for anything other than squirrels to eat. I walked through the woods, swatting away gnats and mosquitos looking like dust in the parts where the sunlight leaked through the leaves. I looked up at the treetops, a cool breeze making them sway and make birds fly in and out of the branches. I looked back down, scanning the area.

Out of the corner of my eye, something glistened in a sunny spot. I walked over to it, crouching down to examine it. It was a piece of metal, like the back of a highway sign. I turned it over, only to see two sets of blue and white feathers crossing each other. Turning the metal over and over in my grip, I looked around to find anything else. A few feet away there was another scrap. I tried to put them together, and managed to make out a severely dented white wing.  I looked down at it, tilting my head to read it. ‘WIN-FRE-SAN’. That didn’t mean anything to me, but to be fair, it was only a small bit of whatever the sign was.

I looked around and walked further into the woods. What would a highway sign be doing all the way out there? Spotting a high enough hill, I climbed to the top, thinking maybe there was one nearby, and stared out only to see more trees.  

A broken scream travelled through the forest and I dropped the metal, jumping down to slide sideways down the hill, and took off toward the stream.

“No, no, no!”

Connie was stumbling back, clutching the curve between his neck and shoulder, blood flowing freely from the fresh chunk bitten out of him. He dodged a half a dozen stiffs, all hissing and grabbing for him, using his speed to run to through them and out of their reach. He stumbled over to the bag we’d brought along for the water and drew out a gun, aiming with a shaking bloody hand.

“Wait!” I ran as fast as I could, swinging the machete to slice through the two stiffs heads. He lowered the gun, and I saw his eyes roll to the back of his head as he fell over. I grabbed him before he completely hit the ground, putting his arm around my shoulder.

“Connie, you have to wake up. We have to get back to the others.” I tried to sound as calm as possible in case he could hear me, but I could hear the fear in my own voice.

“Connie!” Sasha was running to the clearing, just as another group of stiffs emerges from beside her. She turned, shooting arrows to take them down, but she only had so many. Stiffs kept appearing in groups. We were outnumbered, and we would surely die if we didn’t move fast. Sasha ran past us, picking up the gun next to Connie and started firing.

“Sasha, don’t fire!” She pulled the trigger and the gun fired rapidly, and the sound echoing through the forest.

When the majority of the stiffs dropped, she ran back to Connie, taking his legs while I gripped under his arms. His grey shirt had turned red and was soaking onto me. Sasha was crying out, running as fast as her feet could carry us. We were an hour out, and Connie was hemorrhaging. I knew his chances of surviving were low, but I pushed the thought to the back of my head anyway. We got back to the barn, and everyone must have heard the gunshots, because they were all there. Their expressions all turned to horror when they spotted us.

“We have to get him inside.” Sasha’s voice was trembling so hard I could barely make out what she said. We carried him in, setting him on the ground. Sasha was ripping the rest of the flannel off, wrapping it tightly around Connie’s arm and shoulder. “You’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, stay with me, Connie, come on,” she was chanting the words with shaky breaths, and with equally shaky hands she removed her boot’s laces and secured the wrap around the wound. The blood soaked through in seconds.

I was on my knees, my hand behind his head, and staring down at him, deaf to the people bustling around us. He was so pale, his lips turning blue, and he didn’t look like he was breathing. Something gripped my shoulder. Still in a trance, I turned to see it was Marco. He motioned for me to move aside. I did so, my eyes still glued back to Connie. His chest wasn’t rising and falling anymore. Sasha started performing CPR, sobbing uncontrollably when she pumped down on his ribs. Armin was looking through the scarcely stocked medical bag, unwinding gauzes and bringing them to Marco.

I looked down at my shirt. It was soaked with Connie’s blood. My hands were slick with it, too. My ears were ringing, blocking out the shouts and sobs. They would be coming soon, and I didn’t know how many or when.  I turned around, walking to the stable I’d been staying in and dropped to my knees. I robotically reached into my bag and loaded my weapons, holstering them on my waist, my back, putting full clips anywhere I could. My hands were shaking, I was breathing hard through my nose, and I felt the panic surging through my veins and into my head.

_“Jean!”_

I lifted my head. That voice was familiar.

_“Jean!”_

There it was again.

Turning to look over my shoulder, I blinked, and when I opened my eyes, I saw my mother on the hood of the trailer, her face tear stained and petrified.

“Jean! Snap out of it!” I blinked again, and I was back in the barn. “Were you bitten?” It was Armin, and I noticed he was loading his gun, eyes wide with fear and urgency. “Were you bitten?!” I looked down at my shirt, red blood turning brown. I shook my head no. “We need to go. The gunfire drew them in.”

As if on Qu, gunfire opened outside. It sounded like multiple automatics from each side of the barn. Armin grabbed my arm, yanking me off the ground. I took Marco’s bag with me, heading out to the barn isle and toward the door. Sasha was pressed to Connie’s chest, wailing sobs wracking her body. Marco took long strides toward me, grabbing me by the shoulders.

“Are you alright?” His eyes were wide, and he had blood smears on his arms and pants. I raised my head, my eyes meeting his again.

“I’m fine.”

His dark eyes darted back and forth between mine. “Jean, we have to leave right now. There are stiffs coming here from every angle.” He grabbed his bag from my shoulder and kneeled down, arming himself with his weapons.

“Marco.” He looked up at me, his hands still loading and tapping his rifle. “It’s happening.”

He stood up, his expression turning stern. “That’s why you need to pull yourself together and help everyone _get the fuck_ out of here.”  He said in a low growl.

I nodded, pushing myself to take everything in. “Right.”

I moved around him, loading the pistol in my hand and heading to the door. His footsteps were right behind me. I passed Sasha and Connie, forcing myself to keep my eyes straight ahead. I stepped outside, and it was like a warzone. Eren, Levi, and Mikasa were firing into the woods, floods of stiffs dropping and stumbling toward us. There must have been one hundred of them. The three were moving forward, attempting to make an opening for us to get out of. Marco was beside me, almost aiming and firing in synchronization. I looked back at the barn and saw Sasha still bent over Connie, and a few stiffs stumbling into the barn.

“Sasha!”

I turned to fire, but they were shot down. Armin appeared from inside, shotgun at hand. He turned and knelt down next to Sasha. I couldn’t hear him, but she was shaking her head, and I could see her tears and grief. Armin grabbed her arms from behind, practically hauling her off of Connie. He pointed to us outside, put a gun in her hand, and shoved her outside. She raised her shaking hands and was screaming and firing with blind rage.

“Jean, look out!” That was Marco.

I whipped around and there was a stiff right beside me, arms reaching out and teeth bared. I slammed the back of the pistol across its head, shards of skull and brain matter splattering on my hand. I fired at a few more approaching, then turned back to look at the barn again.

Armin was standing over Connie with his back to us. He lifted his gun, pointing it at Connie’s head. Pausing, he tilted his head back, and I saw his shoulders rise and fall with a deep breath. He lowered his gaze again, and then he pulled the trigger. The shot was heard over all the others. Armin bowed his head for a moment before turning to run and aide us. I looked over to Sasha. She was struggling not to turn back, her face twisted with agony and rage. To my side, I saw Marco, his eyes lowered. He shook it off quickly, returning to the task at hand.

We kept fighting through, even though more and more kept coming by the dozen. There was an opening, a path where stiffs hadn’t filled yet. Eren and Mikasa went first, their firearms inflicting the most damage. Levi dropped to the back, covering everyone else.  When the opening got larger, we grabbed the opportunity and ran like hell. There were still stiffs coming, but we took most of them down and ran from the rest.

 

* * *

 

 

We ran for hours, until our bodies screamed for us to stop. There were still stragglers coming after us, but for the most part we were in the clear. We took cover beside an old house, reloading our weapons and catching our breath. Sasha had her back pressed to the house, weakly holding her gun and head tilted back as she tried to choke back more sobs.

I walked over to her, unsure of what I was going to say or do. I put my hand on her shoulder and she jumped, her eyes wide and glassy when she looked at me. I parted my lips to say something, anything, but I couldn’t know the words to console her. Sasha and Connie were like the same person, and just like that, she lost her other half. I moved in front of her and she stood up from the wall. She wrapped her arms around me, letting herself sob into my blood-laden shirt.

I still didn’t know what to do, so I held her tightly against me, the realization of what had happened hitting me. I rested my cheek against her head, looking at Marco over her shoulder. He wore the same face as everyone else did, even Levi. They were in shock, scared, exhausted, and trying to hold themselves together. No matter how many times we’ve all had our loved ones taken away, the pain never dulled. It would _always_ hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a lot shorter than the rest due to attempt at high 'shock value'.
> 
> Song: Toy Soldiers


	4. Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean has a change of heart as he watches Sasha mourn, and it leads him to question Levi's intentions.  
> A routine scavenge run turns out for the worse, bringing more fear and questions into the young group's lives.

_Bring, bring the thunder_

_And the loud, loud rain_

_Lead our woes asunder_

_'Neath the proud, proud veins_

* * *

 Four days passed since Connie, and each day felt like a week. None of us spoke very much. Sasha didn’t speak at all. If she managed to get even an hour of sleep, she would wake up and search for Connie, and then she would remember. She would walk ahead of us as we travelled, but we still heard her screams and cries and we watched as she pulled her hair and claw at her head, and we let her. If she came across a stiff, she would beat it until there was nothing left, and we let her.

Watching her from the outside was only a fraction of the pain she felt. Sometimes I would have to turn my head and my eyes would seal shut, because hearing and seeing her mourn _scared_ me. What if it was Marco? Would I be able to handle it or would I lose my mind? I was alone before, but I couldn’t do it again. I couldn’t be without him. It wasn’t Marco, but he was still someone’s. I could barely handle the thought of it alone, so I tried my best to push it out of my head.

I swear Marco could hear my thoughts. He walked beside me, giving my hand a light squeeze every so often to reassure me that he was still there, still with me. Sasha didn’t have that anymore. She would never have that connection again. She would never be anyone’s girl again. I etched it in my mind so that I remembered every time I shut my eyes. _Treasure this man, because he might not be there tomorrow._

* * *

 

 

The next day we came across a train along the tracks we’d been following. It was a derailed mess of stacked and smashed carts. Most of the carts were open, ransacked for whatever they might have contained. Others were sealed shut, the stiffs inside either catatonic or shuffling around. A few had been run over, their bodies sliced across the middle or squashed between carts, but they still reached for anything to satisfy their endless appetites.

We took shelter in a cleared cart, securing the door shut with a couple of belts. We slept under the seats while one took watch. In the morning we stocked up on anything useful that had been left over, and we moved on.

The day after that, we found a small village. We stayed in a house at the top of a hill so that we would have a vantage point. When we first walked into the house, we were met with our daily reminder of how fucked up the world had become. Four bodies hung from the ropes around their necks in the foyer. In the next room, we found two more, both dead from blunt force trauma to their heads. Judging by their size and the clothing they wore, neither of them could have been more than twelve or thirteen years old. One boy and one girl.

Marco slid his jacket off and wrapped it around the boy’s body. He picked him up, cradling the body in his arms. He stood there for a minute, his back to us, and he cleared his throat and turned his head slightly.

“They should be buried.” He said quietly.

I glanced down at the boy in his arms and took a small blanket from the nearest couch and covered the girl. I leaned down to pick her up, the goosebumps rising on my arms when I touched the leather bound bones. Sliding my arms underneath her, I lifted the remains and bowed my head at Marco. He lowered his eyes to the body I held, and back up to me in silent thanks. The others moved around behind us to get the hanging bodies down. We carried them out to the backyard and buried them. Mikasa found stuffed animals in the children’s bedrooms and placed them on the graves. We’d each seen our fair share of tragic and horrible things, but things like that? They were always a punch in the face.

Sasha stayed in the front of the house, eyes sharp while she sharpened sturdy sticks to a point.

  

* * *

 

 

“You need to sleep.” Marco was running his hand up and down my arm.

I sat on the end of the bed in the room we were sharing for the night. I was as exhausted as everyone else, but sleep wouldn’t come to me. I could feel the bags growing heavier under my eyes and my reactions were becoming sluggish. Marco’s hand stopped and gripped my elbow. I slowly turned to him, my eyes trailing from his hand and up to his equally dark circled eyes.

“I can’t.”

“You have to.”

I turned my attention back to the wooden panels of the floor. “I can’t.” He didn’t seem to understand that my mind wouldn’t _let_ me sleep. I would end up waking up every hour, either from nightmares or fright that another swarm was upon us.

The grip on my elbow tightened, and I was jerked onto my back. Marco was suddenly on top of me, brows furrowed and teeth bared in a scowl like a wolf ready to rip me apart.

“What happened was horrible, Jean. I get that. We all get that. But right now we need to focus on staying alive, and that means you either get whatever it is that’s bothering out out of your head or put it on the backburner, but either one you chose, you need to get some sleep.”

“Marco,” I moved to get up, and he grabbed my wrists and held them securely on the bed. He glared down at me, his expression darkening even more, and I turned my head away. I’d never seen that look in his eyes before.

“Don’t even tell me you can’t. You’re one of the last people who get to complain. For fuck’s sake, Jean. She lost _everything_ and you keep acting like it was you.”

I locked my eyes onto his, as hard as it was. “What if it was you?” My voice sounded so quiet compared to his throaty growls.

Marco’s expression softened and he bowed his head, his thick hair tickling my neck, but his grip didn’t let up. “Well it wasn’t, Jean.”

“No, not this time.”

Marco raised his head, eyes narrow and questioning.

“I know we aren’t invincible, me and you, but you’re _my_ everything, Marco. And seeing what Sasha is going through…I couldn’t do that.”

I was thinking only of myself again. I still had him, and I was letting the fear of _not_ having him get to me. Marco shook his head and moved his hands from my wrists up to my hands, entwining our fingers and resting his head to my chest again.

An apology from me probably wouldn’t be enough for him, but I would still try. “I’m sorry.”

Marco gave our hands a lingering, tight squeeze and he moved up and pressed his face into the crook of my neck.

“I’m sorry,” He said back, his voice calmed down to a whisper, and he was my Marco again.

I turned my head and pressed my lips to his temple, his hair tickling me again. He hummed softly onto my skin and lowered himself, flattening out on top of me. Marco ran his fingers along my jaw, his eyes following the motion.

“When this is over, I’m going to beat your ass for every time you’ve said something stupid.”

His hand travelled from my jaw to the nape of my neck and he pulled me in. Once he was done peppering my face with quick kisses, despite my attempt at wiggling away again, he stopped and brushed his nose against mine then took a deep breath.

“Can we please go to sleep now? I’m exhausted.”

“Okay, okay. You need your beauty rest more than me-ow!” I jumped when Marco pinched my side and he snickered, rolling off of me and giving me the chance to suck in a good amount of air.

 

 

* * *

 

 

In the morning, Levi lit the fireplace while Armin and Marco prepared our rations. Sasha didn’t come to the table. I hadn’t seen her since the night before. Everyone figured she locked herself in a room, but even so, she was being awfully quiet. It was two hours later, and still no sign of her. That’s when we started to worry and search for her. We checked every room, the attic, the basement, and the neighboring houses. I went to the backyard to check again. It went a ways back from the house and was dotted with thin trees. My eyes scanned left and right, until I saw something swaying back and forth from a branch. It took a minute for me to register that what I was looking at were ropes.

“Sasha…”

My walk turned into long strides as my heart picked up its pace. I watched the ropes swaying as I got closer. Sasha was strong. She wouldn’t do it. She couldn’t have. _God_ , I hoped she didn’t. I made it to the opening and my eyes trailed down the ropes, and my heart dropped in the best way.

There she was, sitting on a wooden plank swing, staring at a small stream with glassy eyes. didn’t turn to look at me or acknowledge me in any way as I took a seat on the ground beside her, and that was fine. Her hands were gripping the ropes like they were her lifeline. Other than that, her body looked limp, like she was a ragdoll that was placed there and forgotten. I raised my knees and rested my arms over them, turning to watch the water trickle over small stones and under fallen leaves. We didn’t talk, and that was fine, too. There wasn’t much of anything to talk about anyway, so we sat in silence.

My nerves twitched when a small hiccup left Sasha’s mouth. She was still gripping the ropes, her head now lowered and tears streaming down her cheeks.

“What am I supposed to do now, Jean?” Her voice was a quivering whisper, and she sucked a quick breath through her teeth. “What am I supposed do without him?”

I turned my head away from her and looked down at the ground, well aware that the empathy written all over my face wasn’t something she’d want to see. I swallowed the lump of empathy in my throat and shook my head, “I don’t know.”

Her shoulders lurched forward with a broken sob. She moved her hands from the ropes and pressed her red and raw palms to her face as she curled forward and onto her lap. I wasn’t sure which one was worse; watching her go through so much pain, or not being able to do a damn thing about it. I stuck with her until we could hear the searching calls for her, and soon after, my name. I looked over my shoulder and stood up, dusting the dirt off my jeans. Sasha was still bent forward and choking back small cries.

“I’ll take care of them.”

She nodded, shoulders jerking up and down, and a squeak of a whimper came from behind her hands.

“Promise you’ll come back when you’re ready?”

She nodded again, and I started toward the house.

 

“Where were you?” Marco stormed up to me as I came around to the front yard, his brows furrowed and jaw clenched. “We’re already looking for Sasha. I can’t have you go missing, too.”

“I found Sasha.”

“What?” he asked and glanced over my shoulder. “Where is she?”

“She’s fine. Well, as fine as she can be. She just needs to be alone right now.”

Marco watched me with uncertainty for a moment. “Alright.” He turned and led the way up to the wrap-around porch. “Want to call everyone back?”

I nodded and held my fingers to my lips then blew out a sharp whistle. Like birds, whistles returned from down the street and some woodsy areas. It only took a few minutes for everyone to reach the house.

“Did you find her?” Armin asked, Eren in tow, followed by Mikasa.

“Yeah.”

He took note of my calm appearance and nodded. “That’s good.”

We all went into the house to report back to Levi. He was sitting at the dining room table, sipping away at a mug of tea. He lowered it from his mouth and his eyes skimmed past each of us as he counted his goslings. It was barely noticeable, but it was there when he counted again, slower the second time. He was short one, and it wasn’t Sasha.

“I take it you found her?” It was more of a statement than a question.

“Yeah,” I took a step forward, “she isn’t far from the house.”

Levi placed the mug on the table with a low hum and headed into the next room, hanging a kettle over the fire to boil. He was like a chain smoker, but with tea. Taking it as a dismissal, everyone went their separate ways in the house.

I stood by the table for a few minutes, rocking from heel to toe as a persistent feeling crept into my head. I was so tired of running, of people dying, and waking up with images from our nightmares still fresh in our minds that kept our hearts racing. I was sick of fighting day after day to survive, just to fight to survive another day. I was, all of us, were sick of it all, but we kept doing it. Maybe it had something to do with human biology or maybe we’d all lost our minds. Crazy or not, my brain was set on searching for more. Somewhere we didn’t have to live the way we were, even for a little while. A place where we didn’t have to sleep with sealed windows and bolted doors, where the only sounds outside were the calming sounds of nature, maybe even other people going about their daily business. Something sparked inside of me the last few days, but I couldn’t put my finger on what could have started it.

Turning on my heels, I walked into the living room where Levi was still crouched down in front of the fire, adding another chunk of wood. I sat on the end of the small sofa closest to the fire, feeling wafts of heat radiate from it.

“What.” Translation: Is there something you’d like to talk to me about, child?

I looked down at my hands, folding them in my lap. “What do we do now?” I repeated Sasha’s question.

He placed the poker on the mantle and gave me a sideways glance. “That’s a stupid question.”

“No, it isn’t.” Levi faced me straight on, and I realized I raised my voice. “Where are we going? How long can we keep running before we’re all dead?”

“Jean.” He said in an authoritative hiss, but I couldn’t stop now that I was on a roll.

“Have you even tried looking for somewhere other than abandoned buildings and cars, or are you fine with living this way?” I slightly turned and pointed to the window. “What if there’s something else out there?”

“ _Jean_.” His jaw set and his lips pressed to a straight line. The kettle started whistling, but he didn’t move to take it off of the fire.

“There could be other people out there. There could be a stable place where we can actually live, and not be afraid!”

Levi stepped across the room and grabbed me by the shirt, pushing me back against the wall. Sometimes I forgot just how strong he was. “ _Shut_ the _fuck_ up.”

I clamped my mouth shut.

“Don’t you think we’ve looked? That we found these so called safe havens? Well, we did, and guess what? They were over run. Every single one of them. No safety, no people, _nothing_.”

If it wasn’t Levi telling me, I would have thought it was a sick joke. I never counted on there being such a place, but I’d always had a sliver of hope that _something_ was out there. It’s a big world. Levi decided he’d said enough and let go of my shirt. I kept my back to the wall, unable to completely believe him.

“That’s not…It isn’t impossible.” There was my quiet voice again, sneaking out before I could control it. “I found Marco, and we found you. We aren’t the only ones left out here.”

Levi pinched the bridge of his nose and stepped over to the fireplace to move the kettle away. “It was luck that you found us, but luck isn’t something you just come across anymore. Understand this; the only place we’re going is where we haven’t been yet. Not because there might be something waiting for us, but because our _only_ option is to move on.”

“And Sasha?”

“What about her?”

“Is her only option to move on?”

“Yes.”

I stared down at him with a look I felt conveyed the anger and shock that was radiating through me. Everything that came out of his mouth was cruel and cold. And it was the truth. I straightened myself out and turned to the room’s exit. “You might be able to forget them, but that doesn’t mean everyone else can.” I walked out of the room before anything else could be said.

* * *

Hours later, the sun set, turning everything dark shades of black and blue. I walked out onto the front porch and raked my fingers through my hair with a long exhale. Gripping the wooden railing, I rocked forward and took in another deep breath. I knew there was nothing to look forward to. I’d known that for a long time, but I never wanted to hear it said out loud. It was a terrible and helpless feeling, but it was the truth. We were long past the threshold of taking our own lives. We’d seen too much and survived too long to give up that way. Our strength was our weakness. ‘ _Our only option is to move on_ ’.

I let go of the railing and put my hands on my hips in an attempt to stabilize myself, looking out at the night sky. It never looked as clear as it probably did before the establishment of industrialization. Instead of a few scattered stars, there were swirls of purples and reds and blues.

I turned to a white rocking chair a few feet from the door and took a seat, running my fingers through my hair again.

“You know,”

I jumped in the chair and slammed several body parts on the wooden edges. On the other side of the porch door was Marco in a rocker of his own. Even in the dark I could see an amused smile on his lips.

“If you keep that up, your hair will get stuck that way.”

I sunk back into my chair, clutching my chest over my shirt. “Holy shit, Marco. A little warning next time?”

“Sorry. I figured you would have seen or heard me rockin’ away out here.”

“Watch your sass.” My gaze slowly dropped to the porch. “I was in my head.”

“I know.”

“I know you know. You’re psychic.”

He sighed and turned to me, resting his elbows on the arm of the chair. “Only when it comes to you.”

“I’m not sure if I feel flattered or targeted.”

“Why not both?”

Suddenly, Marco’s smile dropped and his eyes were wide and attentive. He stood up, taking on a rigid stance and his eyes darted in every direction. I sat still, wondering what the hell set him off. A few minutes passed and he seemed to calm down, putting his hand on the chair arm. Then there was a rustling behind me. I jumped up and waited for the culprit to show itself. Marco crossed the porch and stepped in front of me, holding his hand up. I saw the small revolver he was holding, his thump sliding down the hammer with a sharp ‘clink’. The rustling stopped. Something emerged from behind the dirt path’s brush, and Marco lowered his gun.

Without a word or glance in our direction, Sasha walked up the steps and into the house. We stood still, listening to her footsteps go up the stairs to the second floor.

Marco and I exchanged a look of sympathy and I took my seat in the chair, rocking slightly. Marco stood beside me, pressing his back to the wall for leverage and crossing his arms. I peered up at him.

“What?”

“You know ‘what’. If it was a stiff, I could have handled it myself. You can stop trying to bodyguard me every chance you get.”

“I know you could’ve.” He reached down and patted my hand. “I hate to break it to you honey, but I couldn’t stop if I wanted to.” He raised his hand to tap his index finger to his temple. “It’s already engraved into my subconscious.”

“So then try and stop yourself next time.”

“You sure as shit wouldn’t.” He wore his crooked and lazy smile, eyes starting to glass over with fatigue.

I opened my mouth to retaliate, but he pressed his finger to my lips, “Ah, ah, ah. You wouldn’t, Jean. I don’t know if you remember, but you broke a twig in a fit of rage once because it fell and hit my shoulder.”

I opened my mouth and held his index finger between my teeth like I would bit it off any second. I wouldn’t, but Marco already knew that. “It was a sharp tree limb, and it could have impaled you.” I mumbled around his digit.

Marco chuckled and I let go so he could slide his hand along my jaw. “It was a small branch, and I barely bruised.”

I pressed my cheek further into his palm and made a low whining sound, drawing another soft laugh from him. Marco stood up, his hand still on my face, and positioned himself in front of me. He leaned forward, causing me to slump into the back of the chair, and parted my legs with his knee. A shaky breathe passed over my lips before Marco stole it in a kiss. He ran his tongue along my bottom lip before he pulled away with a soft hum. His hand moved from my cheek to the nape of my neck, the other on the back of the chair so it wouldn’t rock.

When he pressed his knee forward, my mouth fell open in a gasp, and Marco took advantage of it, his tongue diving into my mouth. I brought my hands up and around his neck, bringing him in closer. He pressed his knee again and I slid forward in the chair in an attempt to gain more friction. He broke away from the kiss again, and I groaned in protest. He stood up and took my hands, bringing me up to my feet. Just when I thought things were going to get hot and heavy, he grinned deviously and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, leading me into the house.

“You know what I’m gonna do to you, Jean?”

A strike of warmth shot right down to my groin. Okay, maybe things would still turn hot and heavy. “What?”

He leaned in close, whispering in my ear, “I’m gonna to take you to bed and undress you, and once you’re lying there, ready for me…”

I shivered with delight. “Yeah?”

“Mhm, I’m gonna crawl in next to you… and pass out.”

I felt my face fall flat. “…What?”

Marco snickered and pressed his lips to my temple. “We’re going to bed.”

“Yeah, but I thought you meant _bed_ bed.”

He started up the stairs and I hunched forward, tilting my head back like it was a chore to climb each step. “But Marcoooo!” He hushed me and grabbed my hand to yank me behind him. “You’re killin’ me, Smalls.”

He chuckled but otherwise didn’t respond. I grumbled words of a man with a neglected erection and let him drag me to our room. Sasha’s door was open, a candle’s flame flickering into the hallway. We passed by quietly, and I stopped when I noticed she wasn’t alone. She sat on the side of her bed with her back to the door, and Levi was next to her. He was talking to her, too quietly for us to hear. Sasha nodded and wiped her eyes of her endless tears. Levi stood and placed his hand on her head, giving her hair a couple of light scratches and offering a few more words. His lips barely moved, but caught the last few.

‘ _It will be okay_.’

“Come on.” Marco whispered, tugging me along. I nodded and followed him, looking on for as long as I could before they were out of sight.

 

* * *

 

Marco was fast asleep, curled up next to me and holding me in his death grip. I stared up at the ceiling, running my fingers through his thick hair, my other hand running up and down his arm. I thought about Connie. I thought about how energetic and positive and _alive_ he was. I thought about his witty remarks and childish pranks and how me groaned and complained about me and Marco’s coddling. Then my thoughts turned to Sasha. She wouldn’t be the same. That was for sure. Half of her light, her life, and her heart were gone. How would she live in a world where everything she knew was ripped away? I thought of her sitting outside, alone for hours. Then, I thought of her in her room, Levi beside her. What he’d said earlier felt so cold, but there he was against all of my judgments toward him, comforting one of his kids.

I took in a deep breath and nuzzled my nose into Marco’s hair. His light snoring rumbled on my chest, but I was used to it after so long. I breathed again, taking in his scent and warmth. I did it again and again until I slipped into sleep. 

 

* * *

 

 

“We should look for any cars that might have some juice in them.” Eren raised the neckline of his shirt over his nose and looked up from the pile of corpses in a backyard pool, their bloated bodies bobbing up and down in dark green water.

“That might take a while,” I coughed and turned to walk back into the random house we were checking, “I mean, it’s been close to four years. How much gas do you really think is out there?”

Eren walked hard behind me, catching up and glaring over at me. “One of the many things you seem to lack is hope.” He picked up his pace and looked over his shoulder with determination in his eyes. “I don’t care what Levi says. There _is_ something out there somewhere. It might be far away but it’s _there_.” He faced forward again and let out a long breathe.

I kept my even strides behind him, eyes scanning the rooms for anything we might have missed. We stepped out of the front door with pillow cases barely filled.

I looked up at the grey sky and sniffed. “Smells like rain and it’s gonna get dark soon. We haven’t cleared more than three houses.”

“Then let’s hurry it up.”

I sighed and flung the bag over my shoulder.

I don’t know why Levi thought it was an acceptable idea to group us together for a run, knowing how we fight all the time. He said it will build our character and make us better people. If that was the case, he should take his own advice.

 

We were just beginning to clear the fifth house when the air grew thick with humidity and the rain began to sprinkle down. I brought a small flashlight, barely enough to light up a room, but it had to do. I flicked it on once the front door was shut and skimmed the sliver of light through the room.

“I’ll check the upstairs.” Eren said, walking past the room I was snooping through and disappeared into the dark to head up to the second floor.

I walked around the living room, leaning, ducking, and standing on the tips of my toes to inspect anything that might have looked interesting. Turning from one wall, I faced the next, spotting the entertainment shelf. I ran my fingers over the dust caked cases of DVD’s, games, and music. I furrowed my brows when I spotted a familiar one. Sliding my fingers back and sliding out the case, I snorted when I saw the title. _Call of Duty_. Also known as sleepless nights hiking up my kills.

A low thunder made my ears twitch, and I looked out the window across the room. It looked like it was going to be a storm. A flash of lightning lit up the room and casted flashing shadows on the walls. Calming down from the sudden surprise, I tossed the CD aside and ran the palm of my hand over shelves until I got to a desk by the window.

There was a picture frame on it. I walked over and picked it up, holding the flashlight up to it. A couple, maybe in their late twenties, smiling for their wedding portrait. I turned and looked around the room again and tried to imagine what it might have looked like when there was life. I must have stood there for a good minute or two. My dry eyes blinked to get some moisture back and regain their focus. I could barely remember what _before_ was like. I set the frame down the way it was and pointed the light at the doorway.

A loud ‘thump’ came from upstairs. I ran out of the room, sliding on my feet and almost face-planting before ran up the stairs. I pulled a gun from my back pocket and aimed it around, clipping the flashlight onto the barrel. It could be a stiff, or maybe more. It was faintly possible that the raging storm spooked Eren and made him trip on something. I planted my back against the wall once I reached the top of the upstairs hallway and held the gun next to me, sliding to the first door and glancing in before hiding outside the door again. With a thrumming heart I would aim into a room with alert eyes, quickly deeming it clear to move onto the next one.

“Eren?” I whispered his name on repeat, just wishing he would answer or jump out in a fruitless attempt to scare me.

The loud crack on thunder shook the house, juggling some of the pictures hanging on the walls and causing me to drop the flashlight. Lightening flashed through every window, throwing off my balance and eyesight. There was another hard thump, and it came from the next room down the hall. I pressed myself back beside the door, reaching over to turn the handle, when the thump was followed by a grunt and a muffled shout.

Gun in hand, I knocked the door down and aimed the flashlight down to see Eren. He was facedown, back painfully arched backwards as the figure over him pressed his knee into his back, his hand sturdily over Eren’s mouth and hooked under his jaw, and he looked about ready to snap Eren’s neck. Whoever it was, looked up and flipped out a switchblade, holding it to Eren’s neck with a devilish grin.

“Drop the gun, and I don’t scalp him.”

Eren shook his head under the palm clamped over his mouth.

I held my hands up, gun still in hand. “Hey, take it easy,” I spoke quietly, leaning down on one knee and lowering the gun to the ground, “We aren’t here to cause any trouble.”

“Kick the gun over to me and keep your hands up.”

I stood back up and slid the gun within his reaching distance. I looked down at Eren until we made eye contact and mouthed the words ‘I can handle this’. To be honest, I wasn’t sure if I could. I’ve never been in that kind of situation before. There was one option I could choose that could end in us leaving in one piece. That’s if we were lucky. I couldn’t only try.

Redirecting my eyes back to the stranger, I took a step back and nodded toward the gun. “You have my gun, now you have the advantage. You’re in charge in this room.” I tried to sweet talk him, to make him feel like he was the bigger man and he would let his guard down.

Eren made a choked sound as the knife pressed harder against his neck.

“You could let us go right now, just like that.” I motioned to the door behind me. “We walk away from this like it didn’t even happen, and we’ll stay out of your way.” I glanced down at Eren for a moment, growing impatient. I’d heard of negotiations taking hours, sometimes more than a day. Somehow I felt like it wasn’t one of those instances.

“Listen,”

Thunder slammed above us, joined by bursts of lightning all at once. Eren jerked his head back, colliding with the guy’s nose. He grunted when the knife cut into his throat, but grabbed the gun and rolled away as his assaulter shouted and grabbed his gushing face. _More_ thunder followed by several _more_ bursts of lightening. I could barely see what was going on, like there was like a broken strobe light somewhere in the room.

Eren pressed his hand to his bleeding neck and took a few quick steps, and then dropped to the floor. I lunged forward to help him, but I was yanked backwards, an arm coming around my neck in a choke hold. I stumbled on my feet, clawing at the arm and gasping for air. Whoever had me was laughing in my ear and it made me gag.

“Wow, Berik. You can’t even handle two kids.” The voice in my ear was husky, a few octaves higher than their comrade.

I writhed violently in their grip, kicking and twisting. I threw my weight and rammed their back into the wall. They grunted, but snickered and tightened their hold on me.

Somewhere in between Eren falling and me being strangled, the assailant called Berik had gained dominance of the struggle and stood over Eren. He laughing and pinned him down with his foot pressing on his throat.

“Shut up, Dancer. This one’s a fucking handful.”

 _Dancer_?

My vision was going out of whack with my lack of oxygen, but through the blurry film I could see Eren’s hand stretching out, slapping his palm around the floor until he found my gun. His finger hooked around the trigger loop, and he raised his arm. The shot was muted by a crash of thunder.

The body dropped and the hold on me loosened. I immediately took action and jammed my elbow back, connecting with the semisoft flesh of a stomach. ‘Dancer’ bent forward and I spun around to face them connecting my knee to their face, and I could _hear_ the bones cracking.

Eren jumped up and grabbed me by my sleeve, running out into the hallway and sliding against the railing. We sprinted to the furthest room at the end of the hall just as the sloppy footsteps stumbled out of the room, their owner bleeding and furious. Eren went to the window and grabbed the sill, but it wouldn’t budge. He looked over at me, panic steadily inclining in his eyes.

“What do we do now?” He whispered harshly. I looked around the room, searching for anything that might remotely hide us.

“Where the hell are you two?!”

We froze in place when footsteps came stomping down the hall and in our direction. I raised my eyes to a barely visible square outlined in the corner of the bedroom. A crawl space.

“There!” I opened the small square door and practically kicked Eren in before diving into the cramped space. There was a sliver of space between the door cracks where I could see what was going on.

Footsteps lighter than before entered the room, crossing over to the window. I looked out to see a figure clad in black, a tall and slender body, someone I wouldn’t expect could take me down like that. They took their time searching the room, and then crouched down and looked under the bed. They crossed the room again, standing right in front of the crawl space’s door. I breathed slowly through my nose to keep quiet, but Eren didn’t seem to get the memo.

“You’re breathing too loud.” I could barely hear my own whisper.

A bolt of lightning lit up the room, then rumbled us with a roll of thunder. The rain was beating on the window, filling the room with white noise. Eren’s breathing was becoming strained and hoarse. I looked back at him. You’ve got to be kidding me.

He was clutching his chest, gasping for air and waving his other hand around for anything to steady him and he swayed front to back, in sync with his strained and wheezy breathes. I grabbed his flailing hand and gave it a hard squeeze.

“Take deep and slow breaths.” I whispered, turning to glance back to the room.

Whoever this Dancer was, they were out there taking their time to inspect around the room.

“I need to get out of here,” His breathing began to sound more like choking, and there was still someone looking to kill us, and I had to think of a way to get us out in one piece. “I ca-ah can’t breathe,” a sharp gasp, “I can’t breathe!”

He pitched forward and I put my hand on his shoulder, pushing him back down. The footsteps were pacing through the room again and I slapped my other hand over his mouth, and pressed my ear to the door. A string of curses and a few long and lithe strides later, Dancer was on to the next room to investigate.

I moved my hand from Eren’s mouth and he took in a large gasp, which only made his wheezing louder. “Open t-the door…I-” he swallowed involuntarily, choking on too much air. “I can’t breathe.” His labored breathing was thickening the air in the tight space.

The footsteps passed the room again before heading down the stairs.

“I can’t open it until I know they’re gone.” I whispered, giving his hand an attempt at a reassuring squeeze. “Just hold on a little longer. Breathe slowly through your nose.”

“Jea-” he took in a sharp wheeze, and they were growing more frantic. His eyes were clamped shut and tears were streaming down his face, and he was rocking himself again. “H-help, please just open th-hah…I need to get out of here!”

There was a boom of thunder, and I heard the click of the front door. Eren could have been dying from claustrophobia for all I knew, but I had to wait. I had to be sure we were clear. Three minutes seemed like plenty.

I turned to Eren again, speaking slowly to make sure he was hearing me. “We’re going outside now.” He nodded frantically, gasping in a breath. “We have to run, and with as little noise as possible. We don’t have much time before they come back.”

I slowly opened the door, scanning the room to make sure we were clear. Eren bolted from the small space. Heheld his palms to his wet eyes, pacing around the room and sucking in deep breaths through his constricted throat. I snatched his arm and dragged him to the next room. The window slid open and I moved for Eren to go first, the rain pounding in and soaking his clothes. He was still struggling to catch his breath, but at least he was moving. He hung his legs out the window and looked down at the bushes below. It was no roof, but it had to work for us.

“It’s a far jump.”

“I’ve jumped further. You’ll be fine.”

He hesitated and I heard the front door slam shut. I shoved Eren out the window, and with a yelp, he dropped into the bushes. I slid myself out next and hung on to the edges, taking a final look down. I let go and prayed I wouldn’t break anything, and landed into another spot of the bushes. I made a croaky whine and struggled to climb out of the sharp greenery. A rosebush. Of course. Eren was on his feet, yanking my arms to get me out of the thorny branches.

We ran like hell, through the neighborhood and behind a backyard’s shed. Eren bent forward, pushing his hands against his knees.

“What the fuck was that panic attack about, Eren?” I panted, running my hand through my drenched hair and looking back at the yard and surrounding areas. “You were starting to scare the shit outta me.”

“Did I just kill someone?”

Oh. I can’t believe I forgot. “Yeah,” I finally caught my breath, pressing my back to the shed and breathing slowly, “Don’t think about that right now, we have to get back.”

“I shot him in the face.”

“Eren, please, we have to _go_.” I didn’t want to think about it just yet. We weren’t home free yet.

Eren nodded and took a couple of shaky breaths before he pitched forward and vomited.

“You did it to defend us. If you didn’t kill him, he would have killed us, maybe even found the others. You did what you had to do to survive, for _all of us_ to survive, do you understand? ”

He spat and wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt. “Do you think anyone heard the gun shot?”

“No.” A flash of lightening made us both jump. “The thunder is too loud. We have to get back and tell the others.”

Eren stood up straight and cleared his throat of the acidic aftertaste of bile. “What do we tell them?”

“Everything.” I started toward the house.

“I’m not a killer.” I turned to see Eren was still standing in place. “I didn’t mean to kill him.”

I shook my head. “I know that, and they do, too. You were protecting yourself.”

Eren stared at me until his eyes completely focused and he nodded. Not looking the least bit convinced.

We ran for the hill, ducking under trees and any other dark places to keep us invisible until we got to the top and to the front yard. Sasha was sitting on the porch, staring up at the sky. She noticed us and jumped in her seat, moving to grab the axe she propped next to the rocking chair.

“Sasha, it’s us!” Eren tried to keep his voice quiet.

She moved her hand away and walked to the top of the stairs. “What happened?” Her eyes went from mine to Eren’s, and she did a double take. “Is that blood on your neck?”

Eren’s hand shot up to his face and slid down to his neck, rubbing and smearing the dried blood under his throat, where the knife got him, into seeping red streaks. I pulled his hand away further from his face and he stared down at it. I took a step up the stairs to at least try and block Sasha from seeing the horror on Eren’s face.

“Where’s Levi?”

“He’s in the back room. What’s going on?”

I moved past her and bound up the steps and through the house. Levi was polishing one of his guns, and barely glanced up at me.

“I thought I told you no wet dogs allowed.”

“We need to pack our shit and leave _right_ now.”

He peered up at me, lowering the loaded magazine to the table. Eren came stumbling into the room with Sasha was behind him, confusion and worry on her face. Levi saw the blood on his throat and his eyes darted back and forth between us.

“What happened?”

“We were clearing a house.” Levi quirked a brow for me to continue. “There were other people there. They tried to kill us.”

“I shot him.” Everyone turned their gaze to Eren, who looked as wide eyed as when he first realized what happened. “I had to.”

Levi stood out of his chair, put the gun down, and tapped his fingers along the tabletop. His eyes darted around the knots on the wooden surface, putting together an emergency plan.

“Where are the others? You said ‘people’.”

“There was one other. I thought I knocked them out but they’re pissed and still very much alive and looking for us.”

“There could be more of them.” Sasha’s monotone voice came from behind as she stood in the doorway. “Jean is right. We should leave as soon as possible.”

There were a few sets of footsteps coming down the stairs, and I peered over Sasha’s shoulder to see they belonged to Marco, Armin, and Mikasa. Good, we are all gathered in the same rom. Seeing the distress Eren was trying so hard to hide, Mikasa pulled him into an embrace but didn’t say or ask anything. Armin glanced around at everyone, taking in our expressions and the messes Eren and I had become as he started putting most of the pieces together. Marco spotted me with questioning eyes.

Levi looked over at the rest of us. “We’re packing up immediately and leaving tonight. We’ll keep to the woods and head northwest for a few days. That’s enough to get back on track without running into anyone,” He looked down at the gun, his brows slightly furrowed, and he spoke low, “which is starting to seem less likely than I expected.”

I rushed through the small crowd and grabbed Marco’s arm firmly, heading up the stairs. “We ran into a couple of guys in the last house,” I began to explain.

“What?” Marco picked up his pace behind me.

“They tried to kill me and Eren. We got rid of one, but the other is still looking for us.”

 Marco was next to me, his hand on my shoulder and guiding me to face him. “Got rid of? You killed someone?” The look on his face was stern and disbelieving.

“It doesn’t matter.” I shoved past him, not wanting to see the look on his face, and went into the bedroom. I slipped off another pillowcase and began stuffing out valuables into it.

“Jean, did you kill someone?” He stood in the doorway, hand steadying himself on the frame, and eyes wider.

I frowned down at the bag and shook my head. “I should have. I had the gun in my hand, but I tried to talk our way out of it instead. It was a stupid idea.” I sighed and dropped a few candles into the back. “I put both of our lives in even more danger.”

I lifted my head and Marco was still watching me carefully, like he was trying to understand what happened and what he should think of me. He took slow steps toward me and I went back to packing, needing to focus on anything but Marco’s eyes. His boots stopped next to me, and then his hand was on my shoulder.

“Jean.”

I didn’t respond. Instead I licked my chapped lips and looked around for anything else.

“ _Jean_.” His voice was demanding that time.

I sighed and finally locked my eyes with Marco. He looked over my face, his brows arched and eyes narrow. My body was trembling, and it wasn’t from the rain. I wondered when that started. Marco’s eyes returned to their normal size and he tilted his head, eyes still boring into mine. I stared back at him not knowing what he was thinking or trying to see. He sighed deep and pulled me into his arms.

“I’m glad you’re safe.” He whispered in my damp hair. Something in his voice was off, like he wanted to say something else but held it to himself.  “You should change into dry clothes.”

Marco stepped back and looked me up and down again before walking to the closet. He pulled out hiking bags filled with our weapons and slid them to the other side of the room. We were quiet. I changed clothes, and Marco started to gear himself up with his back to me. I watched him for a few minutes, but he paid me no mind.

I closed the door and took a step toward him, still on the other side of the room. “Is there something you wanna say to me?”

Marco clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth and shook his head.

“You think you could’ve made a better decision?” I heard the sneer in my voice.

He turned his head enough where I could barely make out his profile. “Do you really think you’re capable of killing someone, Jean? Have you ever killed another person?”

My hands balled into fists and my jaw automatically clenched shut. “I haven’t.” I fixed my eyes on him, knowing he could feel the anger I was harboring. “But the next time our lives are stake like mine and Eren’s were tonight, I won’t hesitate.”

Marco faced his back to me again. “Don’t say that. It would follow you for the rest of your life, no matter the reason why you did it. It haunts me every day.”

“What?” My eyes went wide and my fists loosened up.

“Eren has to live with it, and it will haunt him every day. Is that really something you want?”

“Marco…” I took another step forward and asked a question I never thought I had to. “Who did you kill?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to space out my posts but i had to celebrate because toniGHT THE WALKING DEAD COMES BACK!!!  
> (It's 2:40a.m.)  
> And a quick thank you to you all for reading and commenting and kudo-ing this crazy story ;D
> 
> Song: Lofticries by Purity Ring


	5. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things you just can't give up on.

_There’s bound to be a ghost at the back of your closet_

_No matter where you live_

_There’ll always be a few things, maybe several things_

_That your gonna find really difficult to forgive_

 

* * *

 

 

Outside, the storm had passed, leaving drops of rain trickling down from the trees and the distant lulls of thunder in its wake. The bugs were chirping again and the humidity had finally vanished. Inside was a different story. The room was thick with enough tension to suffocate. Downstairs, there were footsteps across the floors throughout the house and urgent voices muffled by the shut door I stood by.

My eyes fixed on the long curve of Marco’s back as he remained kneeling on the floor. Neither of us had moved since the question, as if we were frozen in time

‘ _It haunts me every day_.’

That’s all he said. He didn’t actually say he killed someone. Maybe I heard him wrong. I had to have. Marco wouldn’t actually kill anyone. He couldn’t. The guy was a nurse for crying out loud. He helped people, not hurt them.

 “We’ll talk about it another time.”

He rose to his feet and turned to face me, hauled his bag over his shoulder, and made a beeline toward the door. As he walked passed me, and I swear my body acted on its own. I back stepped to block him and my arm wound back and shot forward, right into Marco’s face. He stumbled backward and winced as he rubbed his jaw. Something flashed behind his eyes

Despite my throbbing knuckles, I pushed him even though he didn’t budge more than a step back. “What the hell possessed you to keep something like that from me?”

“This isn’t the time.” he spoke in a dark rumble, and something flashed again as he glared down at me.

“Fuck the time! I deserve to know, and you know that.” I’d somehow ended up chest to chest with him, shouting and waving my arms like a madman. “You had plenty of opportunities to say something, and you _didn’t_. I told you _everything_ , Marco. Now that this is out here in the fucking open, tell me, is there anything else you’ve been hiding? Go right ahead! The floor is yours.”

I could see him getting more and more agitated until he couldn’t stand down another second. He grabbed my arms and my feet spun until my back was to him, arm twisted behind me. I pulled my arm forward just enough that I could ram it back and into his gut. He grunted and let go, and I whirled around to knock him on the other side of his face, but damn was he fast. He stepped aside and I fumbled to stop before I could run into the wall, and my knees went limp when he hit the back of my legs.

 “I’m not going to fight with you. Get your shit so we can leave already. You’re holding everyone up.”

 He was already down the hall by the time I gained control of my legs again. I dragged my fingers through my hair and gave a hard tug, a deep growl in my throat and jaw clenched enough to give me a migraine. Needless to say, I was pissed.  I slung a rifle over my back, grabbed my bags, and headed downstairs. Everyone was waiting outside and ready to go. I glared into Marco’s back as he walked in front of me, and he was more than ready to get going.

 

* * *

 

 

The setting sun lit the valley we walked ablaze in reds and oranges as it slowly descended behind balsam and cedar clad mountain tops, but not reaching the wide river below, leaving it a dark and almost grayish color that burst into white with every crash against any boulder in the current’s way. The rushing water followed us as we walked the railroad tracks alongside a strip of graffiti covered cliffs and woodsy mountains on one side of the river. In valleys like the one we were in, it was only possible to build around nature rather than cut through it, leaving hints of civilization slipped into the nooks and crannies of the rugged land.

The bottom of the opposite mountain range was occupied by a highway, north and south road ways separated by a slope of grass and rock, small versions of the goliath peaks around them. The northbound side of the highway had traffic backed up as far as we could see, winding through the mountains. If the automobiles weren't bumper to bumper, piled on top of each other, or flipped, they were in the river.

If I watched closely and long enough, I would occasionally see a stiff or two wandering through the sea of vehicles, tripping over themselves as they continued on in their brain dead journey. If they were attentive enough, they would spot us from the other side and stumble toward us only to fall into the river and wash away with the current. It was rare that we came across any stiffs on the trail we walked. The mountain was too steep and the trail too narrow to accommodate more than a few at a time.

It was beautifully tragic.

 

I gave my eyes a break from the weakening rays of sun, darting around until they landed on Eren. He’d barely slept since we left the town, and when he did, he would jump up, sweating and wheezing.

I was awake and on watch the first time that happened to him. He’d spotted me in the dark and shut is mouth, breathing deep through his nose. His eyes were wide and his hand clutched to his shirt while his heart continued to race.

“I killed someone.” He whispered through his panting.

I lowered my head and contemplated what to say as the guilt drowned me. I didn’t want to give him the truth. If I did, he might break. Only so he would get even the smallest amount of sleep and keep some of his sanity, I lied.

“Bad dream. Go back to sleep.”

He watched me for some time and then eased himself back until he was lying down. I didn’t know whether he fell back asleep or not, but he didn’t move the rest of my watch. I was the one responsible for what he was going through, and I didn’t even know how to begin to apologize.

 

A bright reflection hit my face and I squinted, eyeing a sign on the highway. The remaining rays of sun reflected off of the metal like a flare aimed right at my face. Just underneath the overhead sign, I could barely make out the dented sheet of another sheet of painted metal. It wasn’t green and tarnished like the others, but its corners were uneven like it had been cut with those zigzag scissors teachers gave me in elementary school.

It was almost out of my sight when the sun finally let go of the day and fell behind the mountain peaks, and was able to catch a glimpse of the blue and white in the center. Something about it was familiar. I focused my eyes to see better when my ears twitched and I turned to the rocks that crunched and fell down the steep hill we walked along.

Ahead of the group, Levi slid down and joined us on the tracks. Marco came down sideways and landed neatly on his feet, continuing his stride and walking a couple of feet behind me. Although we hadn’t come across any people, we moved like we could at any given moment. We did long range perimeter checks just to be cautious. Two of us would split from the group and fall to the back and front or sides where they wouldn’t be as detectable as a group. For the first couple of shifts, Marco was more than willing to do a fair share of the distance checks, and it made me bite into my cheek every time.

Since we left the house, we exchanged few words and even less eye contact, and yet we somehow managed to stay within close proximity of each other, only parting when he walked along the cliff of the mountain above. It was sort of second nature for us since the day we agreed to stay together, even if he was being a douchebag.

His light footsteps picked up their pace for just a moment before they fell back to the same long strides. I tried to ignore it, but I could _feel_ him burning holes into my back. I looked over my shoulder and at first he turned his head away toward the river, but then his eyes trailed back to mine. It was barely enough time to blink when he turned again, and it set off a terrible tightening in my chest. He was right behind me, and I missed him.

I faced forward and kept walking.

 

* * *

 

 

As the dark began to take over and cast the valley in blacks and dark hues of blue, it came time for us to stop for the night. Levi led us up a gradual slope on the mountain. Higher ground gave us the advantage, and the chances of stiff climbing mountains were very low.

We started a small fire before we would set up camp. It might have been hot as hell during the day, but once the sun set it would get chilly enough to spoil a good night’s sleep.

“We’ll go on for one more day and then we’re rounding back and heading north.”

Levi had a theory that if we travelled along the coast we would hit a naval base or cargo ship at some point. It was a choice I never considered, but he was the only one with any military experience, so it only made sense that he would have a better idea of the layout of a navy base. We could only keep going and maybe figure it out once we got there, if we ever got there.

“That’s a long way back.” Eren mumbled and flicked a pebble into the flames.

“It might be a far stray from the path, but I don’t see any harm in taking some time to look around and see if we can find somewhere to hold us over for a day or two.”

Marco’s soft voice came from beside me, and my neck went stiff, keeping me from even glancing in his direction. If he noticed, he didn’t show it.

 “If we get too far off track, Jean and Armin will be able to lead us back.” Levi stated, rolling up his sleeves to adjust to the heat radiating from the fire.

My mind flashed to the image of the sheet of metal, hanging loosely over the highway, sun bouncing off and blocking it up until the last moment. I remembered the blue and white, and the scraps of metal I held.

“I saw a sign.” I blurted out before I could stop it. Everyone turned to me, including Marco, all confused at my word vomit. “It was on the highway. I saw something similar in the woods before…” Before Connie. I glanced at Sasha before continuing. “I’ve seen it before. It’s only a few miles back, hanging on the highway. I think we should check it out.”

“The highway could be crawling with stiffs, Jean. I’m sure you’ve seen them.” Armin spoke softly.

“I agree.” Sasha stated, absentmindedly poking the embers with a stick. “I don’t think reading a sign is important enough to risk your life for.”

“Does no one here bother with taking chances? I’ve seen it twice now. Shouldn’t that mean something? No one just hangs a sign up as an art show for stiffs.” I lowered my glare to the pine-needle ground I sat on and my jaw tightened. “I think it could be worth it.”

They were all on the same page, just not mine. Even Eren, who had the so much hope that there was something out there, studied dirt instead. The conversation was obviously over.

I nodded and pushed myself off the ground. “Alright.” I mumbled, going off a few yards away. “That’s fine.”

 

I started stringing up the can strings on trees around our camp site, testing them by tugging on a few strings to make sure they jangled. I was far enough from the group that I could slip away for a minute or two. Little by little, I wandered away and into the dark forest until I could hear the running water again. I came across the high cliffs along the mountain and looked out past the few trees growing sideways and down the slope. Out there, the moon was bright in the cloudless sky, and even from where I stood, I could see hints of light reflecting off the cars and their windows. I scanned the rows of traffic and peered as far back as I could see before the highway wrapped around the mountain. The sign was back there. It was too close not to find out what it was.

I walked along the cliff for a while, studying the trail down, the river, and then the highway. There was a part of the river where the water was shallow, a few large rocks scattered around like a sloppy trail to the edge where the guardrail was. There were a few slopes and flat patches on the way down which would be easier to climb down than up. Something about that sign that wouldn’t let go of my curiosity. It was so much like the puzzle pieces I found a week ago that it _had_ to be the full picture.

“What are you doing out here?”

I whirled around to find Mikasa standing behind me, idly pulling at her scarf and letting it drop.

“Just enjoying the view.”

“You’re planning on going back there. It’s pointless to even consider it.”

“I’ve seen parts of it before. They were in the woods, back when we were at the barn. I’m positive it’s the same thing.”

She was quiet for a moment, eyeing the view below. “Pointless.” She turned and walked back toward the camp.

I glanced over the edge again. Maybe it was pointless, but it was eating away at my conscience. What if, just _what if_ , it held meaning? It could be anything, but anything was still _something_. I ran my tongue over my teeth with a shake of my head, and stepped away from the cliff to head back.

 

The distant fire brought my attention to one particular silhouette sitting in the large circle of the strung up cans. Marco sat with his legs crisscrossed as he hunched over. I approached him from behind and peeked over his shoulder. He was trying to untangle something. I disregarded it at first, flumping my bag around until it was a not so pointy pillow. With a deep sigh, I lay down and tried to find a comfortable way to rest my head, more than occasionally glancing at Marco’s back. Whatever it was he was doing, he was having a lot of difficulty. Sitting up, I leaned toward Marco and peeked over his shoulder to get a better view. It was the rusty earring I gave him.

He gasped and grabbed at it as I snatched it out of his hands. “Hey! That’s-”

“It’s yours, I know.” I took a gander of what it was I was dealing with.

The ring had string caught on almost every edge, creating knots and tangles galore. Once my magic had been worked, I handed the ring back to him. He took it, rolling it around between his fingers and putting it back on. We both face toward the fire a few yards away, assuring me that there would still be no eye contact. I listened to the crackling and popping of dry wood burning, and the crickets merrily chirping away all around us. With a raspy sigh, I lowered my head and brushed my fingers through my hair, likely making it stick out in several different directions.

“How’d the ring get tangled up like that?”

He brought his knees halfway to his chest and shrugged. “I threw it.” He said faintly.

For a moment, a small smile tugged at my lips. I probably should have been offended that he chucked his engagement ring into the woods, but for some reason I found it endearing. “Why?”

He shrugged again and sighed deeply, then leaned over and rested his chin on my shoulder, his warm sigh blowing into my hair and he reached up to scratch the hair at the nape of my neck.

“This is why I didn’t tell you.” He whispered roughly and drummed his fingertips up and down my spine. “I didn’t want you looking at me the way you have been.”

I tilted my head and pressed my cheek to his temple, and his lashes tickled my neck every time he blinked. “I’m still pissed at you.”

Marco nodded, his fingers still absentmindedly twisting and tangling in my hair. “I’ll tell you what happened. Not right now, but I promise I’ll tell you.”

“Do I have to wait until this is over?”

“Maybe.”

A hum formed into a yawn and tilted my head more until my nose was nuzzling against his. His dark eyes blinked up at me, and we actually _looked_ at each other. Slivers of ripping flames reflected off of his eyes, just enough to show the specs of gold and amber around his pupils. They were always striking, even when he was exhausted.

His features settled down as he relaxed, creases in his forehead fading to smooth skin, and his frown lifting to a gentle smile. I leaned down and pressed a quick peck to the corner of his smiling lips. It wasn’t enough. I snickered against his skin as I worked my way around his face, kissing the bridge of his nose as he crinkled it up, his eyelids, his forehead and cheeks. A small whine vibrated deep in his throat. I chuckled and lifted his chin to give him a proper kiss. Marco smiled and didn’t pull away until he was content.  

“Jean.” Both of our attention turned to Armin as he walked toward us. “Up for first watch tonight?”

“Yeah, no problem.” I pushed myself up onto my feet and roughly tousled Marco’s hair, chuckling when he squirmed away and gave me the stink eye.

“Sasha’s second watch, so you’ll both get some sleep tonight.”

“Alright. Thanks, Armin.” I wiped the pine needles and dirt off and walked the short distance to take a seat on an uneven log beside the fire, grinning as I waved flirtatiously to Marco. He shook his head and smiled, saying ‘you’re such a nerd’.

 

* * *

 

 

I can’t say I didn’t like taking watch. It was quiet enough to hear the crickets and other weird animal noises out in the woods, and the distant snoring of those sleeping around me.  It wasn’t how it used to be when I was on my own, staring out into the dark night and jumping every time I heard the tiniest of noises. Even in the quiet night out in the woods, I wasn’t alone.

I kept the fire small, feeding it twigs and dried out bark to keep a steady glow.  I was just about to fuel it more when Sasha yawned and gestured to the woods.

“You’re turn to rest.” She zipped up her hoodie and sat on the ground, resting her back against the log.

I groaned a thank you and trudged back to my bag. I was a few feet away from Marco when the thought struck me. Everyone would be sleeping for another few hours. It was a perfect time to check out the sign. I checked to see Marco’s current status, and watched his chest rise and fall as he slept, a bit of drool on the side of his mouth.

As quietly as I could manage, I tip toed over to my bag, slipping my hand in and wrapping it around my pistol before taking a gander around, making sure was no one ready to pounce on me. Everyone was still asleep, and I was too far out of Sasha’s sight to see me slip away.

I walked along the edge of the cliff as I had earlier, staring out at the black shadows cast on the blue valley. There was enough lighting for me to see where I was walking, although some shadows would trick my eyes and I would trip over a rock. Once at the slope of the mountain, I turned sideways and took slow steps and slides down until I reached the next landing. I waited to listen for any out of ordinary sounds and continued my way down.

On the second landing, I heard a small snap and froze. Behind me was a wall of stone and in front of me was a small strip of the landing leading into the forest. It would be hard enough to fight off one stiff, let alone anything more than that. Splitting my attention between the trees and the next slid down, I lowered myself onto the rocky slope and slowly moved down, one hand on the ground to keep myself from sliding too fast. The mountainside was rougher as it met the ground, and I was barely half way down. My right foot slipped on a small, angled rock and I dug my fingers into the dirt, a mumbled a curse when I kept sliding.

A strong grip wrapped around my wrist and I panicked. One hand still sunken into the slope, I pulled my pistol out with my other hand and aimed it up and at whatever had me.

Mikasa stood over me, and her hold on my wrist was almost too strong, but she pulled me up and stepped away from the landing edge.

I clicked my tongue and sighed. “Why are you here?”

She had her fingers tangled in her scarf, pressing it to the bridge of her nose and what I think was glaring at me. “I could ask you the same thing. Why are you still chasing the idea that it’s any sign of hope?”

“If you aren’t, what are you doing on this cliff?”

Her eyes flickered down and she paused, rubbing the material of the scarf between her fingers. “I’m curious.”

My lips curved up into a small smirk. I wasn’t alone in the realm of hope for survival. “Well, I don’t have all night.” Before I returned to my inching down the slope, I saw her eyes narrow the slightest bit.

It took a couple of hours to make it down the last stretch of rocky hill when we reached the trail we walked earlier that day. Every once in a while a cloud or two would roll over the moon, hiding the valley in darkness.

I glared over at the highway, thinking of the corpses trapped inside their metal coffins, banging on the windows and growling and hissing to get out. We saw things like that whenever we came across main roads and highways. A couple of times, I thought maybe I was imagining the moving shapes, but it was clear that a few stiffs shuffled and bumped into cars and trucks. There weren’t many, not after so long.

My gaze trailed from the highway to up the mountain. “Can I ask you something?”

“Okay.”

“What changed your mind? Didn’t you say it was pointless?”

There was a short pause. “All it’s ever been is pointless. Every time we got our hopes up, we were left empty handed. Still…” Her eyes traveled along the highway and down the line of traffic. “What if this is our one more time, our final chance to find something more?”

She kept her poker face for the most part, but the fear and determination in her eyes was unmistakable. Eren had that same look on his face when he told me to have hope. He’s the one that planted that damn seed in my mind, like he infected me with a heavy dose of optimism.

“Does anyone else feel the same way?”

“Yes.”

“But no one spoke up.”

“No one wants to say it out loud. They don’t want to believe in something that might not exist.”

I bit at my lip and turned my attention back to the highway. I spotted the car in the river I’s seen during the day. “It’s about half a mile down.”

We didn’t speak much more for the remainder of the walk until we were in the right spot. I stopped and pointed to the small rusty sign.

“Right there.”

I slid down the small hill down from the trail to the river’s shore, Mikasa right behind me. I sighted the row of stones forming a crooked bridge from one side of the river to the other. The first rock was a few feet away from the edge. I could make the small jump, I just hoped it wasn’t so slippery that I could fall into the water and be washed away forever. I mentally shrugged. Worse things have happened to me.

Taking a moment to pray that I wouldn’t fall, I leapt onto the rock, squeezing my eyes shut and waiting for gravity to slap me down, and when it didn’t, I turned to see Mikasa nod. She jumped onto the stone and caught herself before she lost her balance. The other side of the river was about thirty feet of rushing water and wet mossy boulders away. We helped each other across the way, having our fair share of scares of fumbling and slipping before we reached the other side. We kept low to the ground, army crawling our way up the hill to the guardrail of the highway.

I pulled myself up to my forearms and slowly scanned the area. Unfortunately, I couldn’t hear much over the roaring water, but I could still see. I waited a few more silent minutes before shimmying back down.

“I don’t see any stiffs.”

Mikasa was contemplating something and she drew her gun, making sure it was loaded. “I’ll go first. No offense, we both know I’m stronger. If there’s anything hiding up there, I’ll be able to take care of it quickly.”

I pressed my lips together and shot her a flat glare before nodding in agreement. She crawled her way to the top and I watched her turn her head side to side, double checking each way before standing and sliding between the opening between the top and bottom guardrail. She held her gun to her shoulder, leaning in different directions and turned back to me to gesture for me to follow.

I stood and slid myself over the guardrail, holding up my gun as well and peeking around every car. We slowly weaved our way through the mess of cars and corpse remains to get to the highway sign, the wings underneath it. From the short distance, I could see the wings as clearly as one can in the middle of the night. It was similar to a family crest. A grey and white shield with two wings crossed in the center, one blue and the other white. Underneath the symbol, there were words spray painted underneath, illegible until we could get close enough.

I peeked around the bed of a truck and noticed the dark figure a few yards away, stumbling in our direction. I kneeled down and Mikasa took notice, stopping in her tracks behind a camper.

“Stiff.” I mouthed, jerking my head in its direction.

She crouched and ran over to me, pressing her back to the truck’s wheel. “How many?”

I raised myself up enough to peer over the truck. “Just one, I think.”

“I got it.”

“Hold on.” I slinked myself over to the car a few feet opposite of Mikasa and looked up again. “I don’t see it anymore. It might have tripped over something.”

I slid myself down the car and a loud bang made me yelp and fall back on my ass. A stiff was inside the car, scratching its black nails down the window and pressing its seeping rotten face against the window. It hissed and growled, clawing mindlessly.

Mikasa came over to observe the stiff. “I didn’t think the dead could last this long.”

“That’s the funny thing about being dead. It’s sort of permanent.” I didn’t pay any mind to her unamused stare and turned toward the sign.

Mikasa trailed behind me, checking other cars as we passed by. Wary of the disappearing stiff, I kept my eyes sharp and glanced at the sign to see how close we were getting. Just a little bit further.

I wheezy growl had me spinning on my heels, my hands reaching out to grab the arms of the stiff, pushing back to keep its half-eaten face off of me. I saw Mikasa coming up from a few cars away and shook my head. It was a slow one.

“I can handle it.”

I raised my leg back and slammed my knee forward and into the stiff’s bony stomach. It stumbled only to come back for more, clawing at the space between us when I took a few steps back. I lunged forward and pushed it back and pinned it against a car, not wasting time to slam the butt of the gun into its head until it stopped moving.

The stiff in the car a few feet away was still making a racket behind the door. I studied it, contemplating opening the door and killing it like I would any other stiff, or leave it be. It jerked its head and chomped its bare teeth, making clacking sounds I could hear through the glass. It was like any other stiff, mindlessly clawing, growling, and always hungry. There was nothing in its eyes, just cloudy grey and yellow with a handful of decay.

I took one step away from the car and stopped. After a moment of contemplation, I walked back. It was a human once, just like all the others, a woman who was someone’s daughter, maybe someone’s sister or wife, someone’s best friend.

My eyes scanned the inside of the car. It was difficult in the dark, but I could still see a few things. There was old blood on the seats and on the dashboard, stained dark on her leathery skin and her faded worn out dress. I peered down into the backseat. The side I stood on had some moonlight to help me see. There was a coloring book, open to a half colored page, crayons scattered all over the seats and on the floor. There was a strange figure on the dark side of the backseat, like some sort of heap. The stiff reached for me as I walked around the car, but I paid her no mind. I leaned down and used my sleeve to wipe the dirt and dust from the window and narrowed my eyes to try and see it better.

A raspy sob cut through my throat and I backed away before I could see what remained in the car seat. My eyes squeezed shut and I pinched the bridge of my nose while trying to steady my breath.

She was someone’s mother.

“What are you doing?” Mikasa stood a few feet away, arms crossed as she watched me do whatever the hell it appeared like I was doing.

I fixed my eyes on the stiff, watching it chomp and bare its teeth. I swallowed hard and exhaled a strained sigh, then stepped forward and gripped the car door’s handle.

“Jean!” Mikasa hissed, looking around for any stiffs.

The door opened and the stiff came tumbling out, hitting the ground arms first. I heard the bones snap under her weight, immobilizing herself from the waist up. She hissed and growled, her bared teeth slowly opening and clacking together.

I crouched down just out of her reach and studied her cloudy yellow eyes. Even through the guttural noises and pungent rotting flesh, I leaned a little closer. A piece of me wanted to find out if there was anything left in her, anything from who she used to be. I searched her face for something, anything but feral hunger, and in return, I got nothing. She was empty. Whoever she was, she was long gone, just an empty and moving shell. I felt my lips twitch into a small smile, and I had to swallow the hard lump forming in my throat. She was gone.

 “I’m sorry.” I whispered under her growlingly vicious snarling. “I’m so sorry that this happened to you, and to your kid, and everyone else.” I shut my eyes to stop the stinging. “I’m sorry.” I opened my eyes again and slid my knife out, eying the blade as I turned the handle in my palm, then at the stiff.

It was one of those moments where you’ve been in something for so long that it’s all you know until something rips you out of it. You see things more clearly and realize, ‘hey, this is crazy, what am I doing?’. The difference is that when _we_ got torn out of it, the pain would be excruciating. We went day after day, confronted with this shit of seeing what we used to know just vanish, to be replaced with dilapidated buildings, signs for loved ones, corpses frozen in time to remind us of what happened. Our days were just searching for anything to keep us alive, and we couldn’t go a single day without our hearts racing or waking up from nightmares of all the shit we’ve seen and done and what might be just around the corner. Every day we had to kill what was already dead, things that used to be us, who used to be people just like us, with friends and families and lives.

When we got ripped out of it, we didn’t just realize it’s a crazy world and call it a day. When we got ripped out of it, we had no choice but to realize that this is reality now, and we’re _stuck_ with it. That mother and her child and every fucking thing in the world…

Reaching down, I held the blade straight to her temple, averted my eyes, and drove it in. Then there was just the roaring of the river. I reached forward and slammed the car door shut before I let myself see inside again.

When I stood up, I dragged the cuff of my sleeve across my face and stared up at the clear sky, and then I remembered I wasn’t alone out there. I tilted my head to the side, and Mikasa was standing a few yards away. Her eyes slowly moved from the stiff and up to me. She didn’t say anything, and neither did the expression she wore. I cleared my throat, wiped the bloody knife on my pant leg, and started down the highway again without another glance back.

What we had was gone.

But we could start again.

 

 

The sign wasn’t as high up as I thought. Dangling from the horizontal rod where the other directions hung was the large sign with the strange emblem. Along the vertical pole was a white board with something laminated nailed to it. Mikasa stood on the guardrail and shimmied up to rip the page off, then jumped down and held it out for both of us to see. Large letters at the top of the board read,

‘Wings of Freedom Salvation’

Underneath was a square with hundreds of squiggly lines of all different colors, and one thick blue one starting right from where we stood.

It was a map.

 My eyes went wide and I smiled up at Mikasa, to make sure she was seeing what I was seeing.

“I guess you were right.” She was still staring down at it, her eyes darting all over the page like it was the most amazing thing she’d ever seen.

I slid it out of her hands and gazed down at it again. It was a map. We had directions to a place that could be everything that we were searching for. It was twenty miles back the way we came, but I couldn’t find a reason not to.

“We need to bring this to the others.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

I scoffed. “Listen, Levi can disagree with it all he wants, but I want him to know…for all of us to know. We have a _map_ , Mikasa. We can actually do this.”

“What if it’s one more dead end? How many times do you think we can do this until it’s time to give up?”

“Weren’t you the one who said this could be that one more time?” I watched as her face shifted to the fear and hope she held earlier. “Here’s your chance.” I held the map out to her, “So take it.”

She wrapped her fingers around the map and her eyes flickered around it, then up to me before sliding it out of my hand. “One more time.”

 

* * *

 

 

There were still a few hours until dawn would break by the time we returned to the camp. Mikasa and I decided we would wait until morning, when everyone was awake and in the same spot. She went off in her own direction while I found my place by Marco.

I stepped lightly around him and slid the gun back into my bag, then lowered myself to lie down, resting the side of my head in my hand and balanced myself on my elbow.

Marco’s chest rose and fell with his shallow breaths, his face relaxed and so serene. I reached forward and gently brushed his hair away from his eyes then ran my thumb from the bridge of his nose and along his high cheekbones, knowing by heart that he had a batch of freckles there. _God_ , he looked so peaceful, and so beautiful, and so alive.

 I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his forehead and took in a lungful of his scent. I couldn’t wait to tell him when my mind wasn’t wavering in and out of consciousness. Pulling away, gave him one last peck on the bridge of his nose and lay back down. I closed my eyes and let out a slow breath, letting my body melt onto the ground.

“Where’ve you been?”

My eyes opened wide and I grimaced. Marco rolled onto his side to face me, the serenity in his face replaced by impatience. Of course Marco would know. I should have known he’d know because he knew everything. He probably knew the next thing out of my mouth would be a lie, too.

“Perimeter check.”

“Jean.”

I sighed and pinched some pine needled between my fingers and let it go just to pick it up again. “I went back to the highway.”

Marco sighed and rolled onto his back. “I figured as much.” He lolled his head toward me. “How’d that go?”

I bit my lip and shrugged.

“Jean.”

“It’s a map.”

Marco’s eyes widened to full consciousness and he turned to his side and propped his head on his hand, balancing on his elbow. His lips fell open and the words only came out as a whisper at first. “Y-you…you found a map?”

I nodded and held my finger to my lips to keep his voice down. “Yeah. It was under the sign. It leads to a place called Wings of Freedom Salvation.”

“Is the map still out there?”

I shook my head.

“You have it?”

“Mikasa does.”

“Mikasa?”

“She chaperoned me while you were off duty.”

Marco hummed and his jaw relaxed a little. “I’ll have to thank her later.”

I gazed over at him, fatigue sucker punching me right in the face from the all-nighter I pulled. “Marco.” He smiled at me and ran his fingers through my hair. “We have somewhere we can go.”

His smile only grew warmer. I was beginning to wonder if he was even listening. “We can’t get our hopes up just yet, hun.”

“I’m gonna bring it up when ev’ryon’s sleep.” I sighed, not caring enough to put the energy into forming coherent words. My brain was slowing down too quickly for conversation.

“You mean awake?”

“Mmhm.”

His fingers trailed from my hair and along my jaw, and I felt his thumb run back and forth across my cheekbone. I didn’t realize my eyes were shut until I couldn’t see him. I put about a second’s worth of effort into opening before giving up. Marco chuckled and his hand moved up to my hair again. His fingers softly scratched across my scalp and I shivered as he played with my hair. He wrapped his arm around my waist and had to literally drag me and my dead weight against him. I grumbled and turned my head so I could bury my face in my designated hiding spot also known as the spot between Marco’s shoulder and the nape of his neck.

His throat rumbled with a lazy laugh when I sighed into him and he held me closer.

“I missed you.”

 

* * *

 

“Jean. Jean, wake up.”

I groaned and rolled over to pull the jacket covering me up and over my face. “Stop it.” I whined and burrowed my face in my bag. “It’s only been like five minutes.”

“Try five hours.”

I rolled back to my other side and let the jacket slid down from my face. Marco gazed down at me with his standard lazy morning smile and leaned down to press his face into the crook of my neck. I groaned when his laugh tickled my skin.

“It’s almost noon, hun. Don’t you have something you’d like to tell everyone?”

“No.” I shut my eyes again and grabbed the collar of his shirt, holding him against me and hogging as much warmth as I could get from him. He chuckled again and I tugged him with my weak morning noodle arms to bring all of him down to my level.

“Nothing about what you found last night?”

It took my mind a second to reboot and I sat up so fast I almost knocked Marco in the face, “The map!”

 Marco laughed and leaned back on his knees to golf clap.

“Okay, asshole.” I snickered and put my hand on his head for leverage and pushed myself up. Marco grunted and hardly tried to fight me off as I used his body as a ladder.

He followed me toward the fire everyone was sitting around. I found Mikasa and stood by her, facing the group as they went about small tasks and conversation. The map was rolled up in her slightly shaking hands. She was nervous about what she was about to do. She was holding onto hope, and she was about to tell them all without a clue as to how they would react.

“Are you ready to do this?”

I smirked and glanced at everyone again. “I was just about to ask you the same thing.”

There was a pause, and she stepped forward. “There’s something we need you all to know.”

Levi turned from cleaning his guns and his eyes darted down to her hand, while Eren, Armin, and Sasha turned to us and were all ears. Mikasa took in the expectant expressions of those around her, then she bowed her head and laughed quietly. Her head stayed bowed but her laughter stopped, then she took a deep breath and looked up at everyone again. I wasn’t alone when I was surprised to see her dark eyes bright and glassy, and a trembling smile on her lips.

“We f-” She shook her head and blinked quickly, trying to remain stoic as always, “We found a map.”

Eren jumped up off of the ground, eyes wide with disbelief. “Mikasa…”

He put his hands on her shoulders and looked her in the eyes. She nodded and Eren’s arms were around her and crushing her against him. He looked over her shoulder at me, eyes still wide. I nodded to confirm what he’d just heard, and he shut his eyes tight and buried his face in his sister’s shoulder.

Sasha’s hand was resting loosely over her mouth as she took everything in. She sat back against the log she was sitting in front of and covered her eyes, letting out a broken sob, and Armin was laughing and running his hand comfortingly over across her back.

Then, there was Levi. He hadn’t moved since Mikasa spoke. I expected him to charge over to us and rip the thing in half or immediately tear down even the thought of such a thing, but no. His brows were furrowed and his lips were parted. I turned to Marco, who was beaming.

Mikasa basically pried Eren off of her and held the map up to him. He rolled it open and stared down at the squiggling lines. He ran his finger up the blue line and lowered the map. He turned his head and took a deep breath before looking down at the map again. It was really there. Then he looked up and made a beeline until he was right in front of me, pointing his finger in my face.

“I _told_ you!”

I chuckled and shrugged. “Yeah, yeah, I remember.”

“You went back to the highway.”

Eren and I jumped when Levi materialized beside us. “I did.”

His stare didn’t waver for the longest time and I was just about squirming until he spoke. “You’re a stubborn son of a bitch.”

My eyebrows shot up. Well, then.

“But I admire that. Never do it again.” Eren handed him the map and he looked it over.

“Can we go?” Eren was looking over his shoulder to view the map again.

All hearing that one big question, everyone went quiet. The anticipation was clear enough in everyone’s eyes, and Levi sighed. He wasn’t completely in charge of making decisions, and his pursed lips expressed the debate going on in his head.

“Levi?” Eren’s voice was small and his eyes big and pleading.

Levi slowly looked everyone over again. “You all want this?” Everyone nodded in unison and he clicked his tongue. “Then start packing, little shits.”

 

* * *

 

 

An hour later we were packed and ready to go. We backtracked through the valley and stopped in a nearby town where we came to a turn on the map. It was an estimated one hundred miles away. That’s a long walk. We found a few cars that, by some miracle, still worked and foraged every drop of oil we could find, and we were off.

For miles there was nothing but trees and tunnels, more trees and more tunnels. I was bored of the scenery, but I was slinking down in my seat and loving that we didn’t have to walk the whole way. Marco and I led the group, him driving while I read the map.

I fiddled with the SUV’s stereo, turning the dial and nothing came in. That wasn’t really a surprise considering the circumstances. I leaned back in my seat and rolled down the window, pinching my shirt to air it out. Fingers were entwining with mine, and I gave them a squeeze. I rested my chin in my hand and let the not so cool wind hit my face. It smelled like rain.

“How long until the next turn?”

“Twenty miles.” I droned, blinking slowly. His hand twitched with restrained aggravation. I gave it another squeeze and it stopped, then he groaned and slowed the car down. Up ahead was an overpass turned into a zigzag of scattered vehicles. I watched as Marco rolled down the window and turn back to the black truck and red car behind us. Sasha stuck out of the car window and leaned high out the window.

“There’s an obstacle ahead. Gaps between vehicles, from what I can tell.”

Sasha looked down into the car at Armin and Levi and back at us. “We’ll go for it.”

She turned around and waved to inform the truck holding Mikasa and Eren that we would keep going. The overpass wasn’t as disastrous as we anticipated. We had to curve around other vehicles, and ahead was the biggest one so far; a turned over camper.

“Can you see past it?”

I raised myself up and peered out the window, leaning around to try and get a glimpse. “Not until further down,” I turned to him, “It was clear from there on.” The sun quickly vanished under a passing mass of dark clouds, and rain started to trickle down, and immediately turning into a downpour.

“We’ll go around slow.”

Keeping to a crawl, he steered the us around the camper. There were only a few trucks ahead that we could easily weave through. Marco tapped the breaks to give the others the go ahead, and picked up speed.

“That would have been a hassle.” I mumbled, opening the glove compartment and snooping around. I hummed in approval and pulled out a nearly empty pack of cigarettes.

“No.” Marco shot me a warning glare.

I shook the last one out of the pack and held it between my fingers.

“Not in my car.”

I rolled my eyes. “Why do you just assume some things are yours? The house, the car, _me_ …”

Marco chuckled and snatched the cigarette out of my hand, rolling down the window to toss it out, and kissed the back of my hand. “I’m yours, aren’t I?”

“Gross. You’re so sappy sometimes, Marco.” I smirked and ran my thumb over his ring. “But yeah, you are.”

He chuckled again and looked back at the road. I was suddenly jerked forward when Marco slammed the breaks, his arm flying out in front of me as we swerved on the wet pavement. A group of stiffs had wandered out from behind the upcoming vehicles and were right in front of us, and we were spinning right into their path. The car managed to run over a couple, while others were hit and knocked out of the way. There was too much rain on the bridge, the ground was too slippery, and the tires were too worn out to control, sending us into a hydroplaning tornado.

There was a loud crunch. I opened my eyes and shouted when I saw nothing but sky. We were in the air, dropping off the overpass.

 

* * *

 

 

I coughed myself awake and spat out the mouthful of blood. Something along of lines of an alarm was going off in a constant, annoying note. Groaning, I opened my eyes and let them focus. Holy shit, my body hurt from head to toe, and my tongue felt like I bit it clear off. My eyes finally adjusted and I focused to the windshield. Through the beating rain, I could see the overpass above, and the broken cement rail. I was tilted really far back, too, and my seatbelt was digging into my hips. I reached to undo it, but the airbag was in the way.

“M-” I grimaced and spat out more blood pooling in my mouth. Damn, I must have bit my tongue _hard_. “Marco…” There alarm was growing louder as my ears stopped ringing. “Marco, I think we’re upside down.”

I reached over and felt around for Marco. My hand met his arm and he groaned and turned his head to me, looking completely out of it. His right eye was dark and bruised, his lower lip split wide and gushing blood. He swallowed hard, gazing at me with bleary eyes. The steering wheel was dented and set the horn off.

“We drove off the bridge.” Marco coughed.

“I know. Is anything broken?”

Marco paused, slowly wiggling every body part that he could with an airbag deployed on his chest. “No…you?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Jean! Marco!” We both looked up and out the windshield to see Levi and Sasha standing on the edge of the overpass, their car blocking oncoming stiffs. “You have to get out of there _right now_!” It was hard to hear Levi over the pounding rain and deafening horn. “Get out of the car!”

Added to the hurricane of loud noises, there was a rhythmless chorus of knocks and thuds around us. I tilted my head back as much as I could and gasped, lowering my head back to Marco and then back again. We were surrounded by stiffs.

“Try to stay calm.” Marco said, eyes darting around and analyzing how to get us out the hell out of there. He unbuckled his seat belt and gripped the seat so he would go tumbling back. “Can you unbuckle yours?”

I reached down and pressed the button, but it would go down all the way. Of course. I leaned forward and cursed when I saw the big dent in it. “It’s jammed.” I grunted, yanking at the belt. My head tilted back to the stiffs threatening to break through the rest of the windows. “You’re out, you go first.”

“Please, not right now, Jean.” he scoffed and tore away at the airbag partially constraining me.

“Marco.”

He looked up at me and I gave him a small smile. “It’s not the time for theatrics. Where’s your knife?”

“It was in the bag in the backseat.”

Marco looked down where it rested on the cracked rear window. “I can get it before they break through.”

“Marco,” The panic was setting into me, tightness in my chest, and the heat growing and turning my stomach, threatening to make me sick. “I’ll be fine, so go.”

“Jean.”

“It’ll be okay. Get yourself out now while I work on this stupid seatbelt. I’ll be right behind you, I promise.” Marco’s eyes were locked on mine, wide with panic. I reached over and cupped his bloodied chin in my hand. “I promise. Where you go I go, yeah?”

I tried to keep my convincing smile, but it wavered anyway. Marco swallowed hard and shook his head. “I can reach the bag in time.”

“Get out of the god damn car!”

He leaned back when I shouted, but then he was right next to me again. The banging was getting louder, more moans around us and glass cracking. We were beginning to rock side to side. I pushed Marco toward the door, almost throwing him off balance. I kept shouting at him until he opened the door and balanced himself on the side of the door.

“Just give me your hand and I’ll pull you out.” His voice was quivering and he held his hand out.

I closed my eyes and shook my head, slapping his hand away. “You’re wasting time, Marco, just go already!”

“You promise you’ll be right behind me?”

I opened my eyes and gave him my best asshole smirk. “I promise.”

Marco studied my face, before turning and looking over his shoulder. I nodded for him to go and he nodded back, jumping out of the car and out of my sight. I heard his feet hit a metal roof, then a pair of fast and heavy footsteps on the hoods on the line of vehicles.

I sat back in my seat, looking up at the overpass. Levi and Sasha were gone, and I didn’t see the others anywhere either. I tried my seatbelt again to no avail and tilted my head back, watching the stiffs slam on the windows. One of the smaller back windows finally broke under the pressure. I sighed and looked out at the pouring sky. Even if I could get free, there were endless stiffs out there. I closed my eyes and the vehicle started to rock side to side.

I don’t think anyone truly knows how they’ll die. Some people claim to have premonitions, like they have it pictured down to every little detail. It doesn’t happen like that. No one knows the details. People can’t just say their lives will turn out a certain way, and it will go that way. It doesn’t happen like that. There will be unexpected pain, joy, fear, anger…they might see things they hadn’t seen in their worst nightmares. I didn’t expect my story to end well, but that was a give-in. I expected pain, fear, desperation, and anger, just not the way I would have envisioned it.

At least Marco would be alive, and that was truly all that mattered.

 

The rear windshield shattered and the glass fell to the ground, and stiffs were already fighting to get in. The car was growing unsteady under the added weight combined with its awkward angle.

Reality was setting in. I was really going to die. After all the time I’d been out there, it came to being eaten alive while strapped down in an old SUV. Shit, I didn’t want to die. Not like that. I fought myself that far. I could do it. I could get myself out. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. What would Marco do?

I crunched forward and jiggled the seat belt again, then grabbed the strap. I hooked my legs under the seat and sunk back as far as I could, and when I pulled the strap again, it went slack.  Every muscle hurt as I squeezed myself out of the seatbelt and grabbed the handle on the roof and pulled myself up. I turned myself around so my knees were on the back of the seat and, got the whole view of what was going on. The ass end of the SUV was sandwiched between two trucks parked bumper to bumper, the front up in the air and tilted back. I clawed into the seat when the car rocked more, swaying me and throwing off my balance.

Then there were four loud pops. The stiffs not close enough to me turned and shuffled in a new direction. _Pop_. I shimmied myself to the driver side and looked out. There was the smallest opening to the hood of a decently large truck. _Pop_.

On the other side of the parkway, Marco stood with one hand covering his ear, the other shooting his gun up toward the sky. The more he fired, the more stiffs went for him, and I jumped. I ran down the tops of the line of cars until I wasn’t surrounded by a horde. The stiffs regrouped and moved toward Marco, but then _too_ many were moving. He must have realized it himself, and he turned and ran for the trees on the side of the parkway _._

 “Marco!” I jumped off of a truck, stumbling on my aching and unsteady feet, and took off after him. I caught a glance of him once I made it to the woods, a sea of stiffs on his tail. “Marco, come back this way!” I ran in his direction, dodging straggling stiffs’ grasps as I went.

One managed to grab me by the arm, immediately leaning down to sink its teeth in. I yanked my arm hard enough to shake its grimy fingers off and I pressed on. My eyes darted around to search for him, but he was out of my sight.

I couldn’t lose him.

“Marco! Mar-” I was yanked back by the collar of my shirt and I spun around. Levi, Armin, and Sasha were holding their guns up, firing at groups of stiffs as they grew closer.

“We’re getting the hell out of here,” Levi yanked me again and turned to push me along with Sasha and Armin.

“Marco’s out there!”

Sasha put her hand on my shoulder, “He could be anywhere, Jean. We can’t stay here.”

“No!” I tore my arms away, “I won’t leave him. I have to look for him.” I ran back for the woods, and she hooked her arm around mine, pulling me back again. I squirmed in her grasp, my feet sliding in mud as I fought my way forward. “Marco!”

The more time we wasted was another second that Marco grew further away. I cried out to him over and over again, and the pounding was getting so much louder.

He couldn’t be gone.

My other arm was gripped and I was being pulled away. I planted my feet in the ground and clawed at the human restraints. Every inch they dragged me, I fought back harder. We had to get him. We had to find him. _I_ had to find him.

“Let me go!” I turned to Sasha and Armin, who had my other arm, then back at the crawling forest, pleading with them, “Let me go, I’ll find him on my own.” I swallowed hard and I was digging my heels into the ground again. “Stop,” My legs weren’t moving like I wanted them too, and I was quickly being pulled back. A desperate whimper came between quick breaths, and I continued to push myself forward. My body was in so much pain, but I couldn’t stop. Marco wouldn’t give up on me. “Please, we have to find him,” my voice trembled and broke, and I felt the warm drops running down my face with the rain

“We’ll find him, Jean.” Armin said quietly, and I turned to him, able to see his sympathetic expression through my blurry eyes. “Just not right now, but we’ll find him.”

I closed my eyes, feeling the rain and tears on my face, my arms shaking in their grasped because I couldn’t give up on him, and I heard the broken raspy wails racking through my body. He wasn’t someone I could just abandon like that. He was Marco. He was all I had. I had to keep fighting for him.

“I can’t lose him, Armin,” I gasped again and took another fruitless step. “Please…I can’t lose him.”

Sasha let go of me and drew her gun, firing at the group of stiffs coming too close. If Armin wasn’t holding my up by my other arm, I would have dropped. My limbs weren’t cooperating anymore, right when I needed them the most. Sasha grabbed my other arm again, and I was being dragged back to the highway.

“We’ll circle around once we’re clear. We’ll find him, Jean.” She spoke as softly as she could.

My feet hit pavement and I pushed myself towards the woods again. Armin tightened his grip on me and pulled me away fast to meet Levi as he stood on a truck, shielding his eyes from the rain as he scoped out the area. “Please,” we were passing through the traffic, “Please, just wait a little longer,”

“Where are Eren and Mikasa?” I heard Sasha call up to Levi.

He lowered his hand and stepped down onto the road. “Their car isn’t here. They might have run into some trouble, maybe looked for a different way down.”

I was barely listening to them. “He’ll come back….Please, we just have to wait,”

“What do we do?”

Levi paused and holstered his gun over across his back, then turned to the leftover groups of stiffs. They were too many to take on. “We can’t afford to wait for them.”

“We have to wait….Marco’s out there.”

They didn’t pay me any mind, either. Armin took a shaky breath and shifted his grasp on me. “You’re right…..you’re right, we have to go.”

I was being pulled again. I raised my head to see the flocks of stiffs weaving around the frozen traffic, the others still filtering into the woods. I was crying out for him again, not stopping until my voice was gone along with the parkway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank you for the comments, they're amazing and so much motivation!!
> 
> Song: Up the Wolves by The Mountain Goats


	6. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The remaining group members take the risk of searching for the others, and come across things they'd never imagined.

_The whole world is dark,_

_And I've looked as far as I can see_

_When the years have torn me apart, let me be_

_Let me be_

 

* * *

 

Our footsteps left deep imprints in the mud, only for them to be filled in by the rain beating down on the earth. The gray sky was growing darker the longer we walked, and the road ahead was getting harder to see through the heavy downpour. The bugs, however, came to life to soak up the summer’s wet relief, chirping and buzzing around. However something other than the rain, the bugs, and our footsteps where following us. A small group of stiffs trudged along behind us, moaning and hissing. There were few enough that we could have killed them off with no problems, but we didn’t plan on wasting our energy on them. They were slow and we would lose them within the hour.

I looked past the dark and swaying figures. It felt like another shard of my heart broke off every time he wasn’t there. I lowered my eyes and tried to keep up pace with our much smaller group. A sharp pain ripped through my side and a grunted and pressed my palm against it. I’d been feeling it since the adrenaline wore off, but I tried to shake it off. A pressure kept building in my head, occasionally throwing off my balance. I tried blinking rapidly in a fruitless attempt to clear my head and my vision.

A light push to my shoulder almost knocked me off balance until I regained my footing. Levi had stopped beside me. He went blurry and I gave a shake of my head only to make the migraine worse. I squinted back at the stiffs and sidestepped him to continue down the road. Sasha and Armin had also stopped, watching us from a few feet away.

“You have a concussion.” Levi said flatly.

I blinked slowly, trying to figure out why he sounded so far away and why the hell he was still so blurry. “I can still walk.”

“You’ll only slow us down.” He motioned to Armin and Sasha, his voice lower and harder to hear, “We’re finding somewhere to stop for the night. Armin,” he gestured from him to me, “Keep an eye on him.”

Armin nodded, and Levi and Sasha moved forward as he waited patiently for me to. I took another glance down the road. He wasn’t there. Another shard, gone. I swallowed the lump rising up in my throat and caught up with Armin.

“Don’t look back anymore.” He said softly, to show he didn’t mean any harm.

My footsteps were slow and heavy, sinking in water filled dips and potholes in the road. I wished it was that easy. I couldn’t understand how they were able to keep moving, to keep their minds in order when half of us were gone. Marco, Eren, and Mikasa were missing with our backs to them. It showed on our faces and how we walked. Our heads hung low and we trudged along the pavement.

We were a breathing group of stiffs.

I had to swallow down the returning lump, and I was thankful for the rain to conceal the warm drops running down my cheeks, growing cold before they dripped from my chin. I reached up to run my fingers through my soaked hair and winced, bringing my hand back down and watched the diluted blood run down my fingers.

It was my fault. Everything. Everything leading up to that point was my fault, and we were all paying for my mistake. I tried to convince everyone that there was something to have hope for, I took it upon myself to go searching on the highway, and once I had that map in my hands I had something to validate my plea to follow the trail. I was too persistent to give it up, and it landed us on the path we walked. Half of us were gone, and the chances of finding them were slim. The chances of finding them alive even more so.

I shut my eyes tight and swallowed back a small whimper. Marco was gone. With every step we took, the more I yearned to go back.

No, no, no. He wasn’t dead.

I so desperately wanted to run and find him. I might not ever see him again, but he was alive. Not just because he had to be, but because I _felt_ it. Something was telling me that he was alive and out there, maybe searching for us, too.

A little ways down the road was the beginnings of a town. We walked through slowly, rummaging through small pharmacies and stores for anything useful until we found a place stable enough to stay the night. We broke our way into an apartment and set up our temporary camp after blocking the entrance doors shut. I stumbled into one of the bedrooms and scanned every corner. It was empty. A hand slammed on the door right by my head, much too loud for the pressure in my head. Levi was watching me again, and he raised a warning finger to my face.

“You don’t clear another room without someone with you.”

“I’m capable of...” I mumbled. My mind was too fuzzy to remember what I was saying.

“Not another room.” He growled and fixed the pistol in his hand, moving down the hall to the next rooms.

The throbbing in my head tripled and I held onto the door to keep me on my feet, my other hand pressing into my temple. My brain felt like it could explode at any minute. I was stuck gripping the door for dear life until the pain died down to where I could see again, and I scuffled to the bed. I pressed my hands to my temples and leaned forward to dig my elbows into my knees, but jumped up again. The aching in my head got worse from the sudden head movement and I didn’t know which one was worse; the headache or the pain in my side. Moving as carefully as possible, I laid myself back onto the mattress and took shallow breaths. Anything more than a pant was like taking a knife to the ribs. I took a moment to focus on getting oxygen before taking on the challenge of getting off of the bed. I bit my cheek through the pain and sat up, waiting a few minutes, and then standing to my feet.

On the other side of the room there was a full length mirror kitty cornered. I dug around the room for a candle or some source of light. It didn’t take long for me to find an assortment of candles in a dresser. I lit a few and took in the past resident’s choice of decoration. There were feathers and dream catchers, fine and dusty cloth strung across the ceiling in an ‘unconventional’ way, collages of black and white photographs in random clusters all over the walls.

Ah, a hipster lived here.

I made my way over to the mirror and was startled into jumping back. There was a gash across my hairline that was still lightly bleeding. My shirt was stained a dark red with blood and rain from when I bit my tongue. That barely hurt compared to the bomb about to go off in my brain. My hands reached down to my shirt again and I rotated sideways. Leaning away from the mirror, I raised my shirt and winced at the pain and the black and blue covering my ribs.

“Don’t push on them,” Sasha’s reflection moved from the doorway and in a few steps she was leaning down and inspecting the damage. She ran her fingers over the bruised skin, pressing the pads of her fingertips every so often. I hissed and leaned away. She grabbed my arm and held me from going anywhere as she continued to inflict more pain on me. She finally let go and stood back. “You might have a few fractured ribs. None broken, though.” Her face was blank, no hint of any particular emotion. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what she was thinking of me.

I let my shirt drop and wheezed. “I kinda figured.”

I shuffled myself back to the bed and inched myself down until I was on my back again. Sasha’s footsteps went to the door and stopped briefly before they were at the bed, and the mattress gave under the added weight. She was lying on her back on the opposite side of the bed, her feet dangling off of the other side as we gazed up at the ceiling, probably recoiling into her mind.

Without the focus of walking, running, and stiffs on our tail to think about, I was left with no other option but to face the day as well. It played like a movie reel in the dark.

 

We were in the car. He held my hand to his lips and smiled. I noticed the ring and smiled back at him. He’d only taken it off once, but seeing it never failed to plaster a grin on my face whenever I saw it. I remembered running my thumb over it, and we were talking about something... We were spinning, and then we were falling. I was jolted forward, my head slammed into something hard that shattered and poured down over me, and then I was thrust backwards. The impact when we hit the ground knocked the wind out of me, and I couldn’t move. It felt like my neck was broken, lungs collapsed, and choking as my mouth filled with blood. I managed to rotate myself enough to see Marco. His right eye was black and swollen and a line of blood trickled up from the corner of his mouth. I reached out for him and my arm went limp before I could move it past the airbag restraining me, and I lost consciousness.

What were we talking about…? I said something that made him smile. _What was it_ we were talking about?

_I’m yours, aren’t I?_

That was it. I teased him about something.

_Yeah, you are._

I blinked, and my pounding mind hit fast forward, stopping when Marco was balancing on the edge, about to jump. The fear and desperation on his face was something I would rather not have ever had to witness, yet I was able to lie to him.

 _I’ll be right behind you. I promise_.

I brought my hands up to dig my palms into my face, pulling one away to see they were wet, and pressing it back again. I didn’t think I had anymore tears in me, but they kept flowing. I contained as much of the shakiness of each breath as I could. Slender fingers wrapped around my wrists and pulled them away. I forgot I wasn’t alone in the room. Sasha shifted herself sideways until her head was resting on my shoulder, then exhaled and folded her hands over her stomach.

“He’s out there.” A strained whimper passed my lips and I kept my eyes shut tight. “I know he is.” Sasha didn’t answer. Instead she sat with me, listening to my choked back sobs and mumbled words. “I’m sorry…I didn’t mean for this to happen. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

“Hey,” Sasha whispered and squeezed my wrist. “You think this is your fault?”

“It is my fault, Sasha. None of us would be here if I just kept my mouth shut.”

“It had nothing to do with you.”

My brows furrowed and I tipped my head back.

The corners of her lips were tugged down with a confused frown. “We’ve had it coming. If it wasn’t this, it would have been something else. In case you haven’t noticed, we’re in a constant state of ‘wrong place, wrong time’. It’s not about you, or us,” she sighed and stared up at the ceiling again, speaking faintly, “It’s just how things are now.”

I followed her line of sight up to the ceiling and the all familiar black hole of trepidation was growing in my chest as I soaked in Sasha’s words. We felt it every passing day, the fear that it might be our last. There was no getting around it or growing accustomed to it; we just had to sit with it day in and day out. We weren’t being targeted by tragedy, we just happen to get sucked into it with every move we made. Only this time I lead the way.

The bed shifted as Sasha sat up and faced the window. We listened to the rain beat on the glass until she stood from the bed. She spoke in a quiet mumble, “All we can do now is keep going.” I watched her as she walked across the room, until she was in the hallway.

I groaned low and shook my limbs to loosen them up so I could sink into the bed and not feel like I had hit rigamortis. The day played again at high speed behind my lids, slowing down and clarifying moments; Marco’s fond smile as he kissed the back of my hand, the dazed expression on his face, upside down, and bleeding and bruised, and then he disappeared into the woods. The same images rolled through my head in an endless reel, engraving themselves into my memory.

The dim room was starting to spin. I pressed my fingers into the mattress to keep myself grounded. The grogginess came back tenfold and I let it blur my mind, taking slow and even breaths. I felt myself slip in and out of sleep and just let my body do whatever is was trying to do.

 

* * *

 

Streaks of sunlight were filtering into the room through the gaps between the window’s blinds and onto the bed, warming every spot of me it touched. Something warmer than then sun ran up and down the left side of my face and over my scars. I hummed and pressed my face into the pillow, welcoming the tender touch. The soft laugh that followed brought a lazy smile to my lips. I breathed a deep morning sigh and opened my eyes. I blinked a few times, letting them focus on the brunette laying on his side and facing me, a lopsided morning smirk on his face. I sighed and inched myself closer until I could bury my face into the smooth skin of his neck. He chuckled and ran his hand from the shorter underside of my hair and down to the middle of my back, repeating the motion and sending shivers of pleasure through my body.

“M’gonna fall back ‘sleep.”

He hummed and pressed his lips to my hair. “I made coffee.”

“Mmm, maybe not.”

I pressed myself more into him when he laughed again. He took my hand in his and entwined our fingers together. I took a deep breath of him and peeked at our hands, my gaze lingering on the gold band around my finger, and I smiled. His other arm dipped underneath me and around my waist, pulling me close against him, and I shivered at the cold metal of his ring on my skin. His slow breaths on my hair and the streaks of sun were putting me back into a half sleep. There was a pain in my side, but I was too tired and far too comfortable in those arms.

“Don’t wanna wake up…” I mumbled into his skin.

He ran his nails up and down the nape of my neck, and I could hear the smile in his whisper.

_“You have to."_

I blinked and stared the mattress, sunlight leaving stripes across the empty sheets. Bringing my hand to my face, I ran my thumb up and down my ringless finger. It was a dream. Just a cruel dream. I didn’t move for some time, instead choosing to shut my eyes again and try to go back to sleep so I could see him again.

Staying in bed would only be acceptable for so long, though, before I had to face reality. I rolled onto my back and studied the window, bright and muffling the birds chirping away outside while I tried to fidget my body awake. Other than the morning lag, my mind was clear and pain free. Not so much my ribs, but it was kind of bearable. I rolled myself up to sit on the side of the bed and gazed down at my lap, running my hand down my face and back to grip the back of my neck and squeeze until the stiffness loosened up.

There was a knock at the door and I groaned, “Come in.”

The door creaked open and Armin stepped in. “How are you feeling?” He asked quietly.

“As fine as I can be.” I sighed, dropping my hand from my neck and shrugging.

Armin hummed and walked over to the window, squinting as he lowered the blinds. “Seems like perfect weather today.” He kept his voice low and soft. “The rain will have cooled everything down, and we have water again.”

I shrugged but otherwise didn’t answer. I didn’t exactly care about the weather.

“You should come out to the main room. Levi has something he’d like us all to hear.”

I bit into my lower lip and nodded, staring down at the floor. “I’ll be out in a minute.” The words came out as dry as my throat.

Once Armin left the room I took a deep breath a released, letting my shoulders drop forward. I didn’t like the sound of ‘something he’d like us all to hear’. My mind sifted through possibilities of what it could be, but kept going back to one; keep moving forward. Next, I tried to come up with solutions. If that was it, I could vote against their decision. Even if just one of us were to disagree, we wouldn’t move until there was a conclusion. I couldn’t move on. Not yet. If it came to it, I would go alone to track him.

I made slow strides down the hall, buying myself time to worry about a conversation that might end really shitty. When I got to the open area, Levi, Sasha, and Armin were in the silent living room; Sasha sat in the lazy chair beside Levi, her legs tucked beneath her, and Armin’s arms were crossed slackly across his chest, his back leaning on the wall opposite of where I’d entered the room. In perfect unison, they raised their heads to each other, and then to me. I felt like I was experiencing an intervention. I slowly stepped over to a seat by the nearest exit.

“Okay, we’re all here.” Sasha grumbled.

Levi drummed his fingers along the arm of the couch, counting each of us out of habit, I suppose. “We’re going back to the overpass as our starting point. It’s been long enough that the area should be clear. We’ll circle around, working our way out from there. There’s a high chance we’ll run into another swarm…” he trailed over each of us slowly, hesitant. “…but there’s a good chance of us finding them, too.”

My stomach flipped. I went in ready to fight my way out, and I was still processing the proposal, making sure I heard him right. We were really going to go find them.

“Perfect weather, right Jean?” I caught Armin’s smug smirk and shook my head with a grin, mouthing ‘you sly little fuck’. He hummed a laugh and leaned off of the wall, taking long steps across the room and toward the hallway, tilting his head back and over his shoulder. “Time to find some ammo.”

He vanished around the corner and my eyes met Levi’s, and we exchanged an equally disturbed glance. Armin could be such a strange kid when he wanted to. Sasha hummed a laugh and rose out of her seat, heading to get herself ready for the journey. Levi paused for a moment before getting to his feet and starting toward the door.

“Hey, Levi?”

“What.”

“….Thank you.”

Levi blinked with no visible expression, “This is for everyone.” and then he was out of the room and down the hall. Alone in the room, I smiled and laughed quietly.

We were going to get them back. 

* * *

 

It was late afternoon when we got back to the parkway. We’d managed to find three guns, very few bullets, and thanks to those who cooked, a handful of sharp kitchen knives. Just as Levi said, the area was clear, not counting the few stiffs that had been trampled by their kind. We walked slowly through the cars, making our way to the one Marco and I had crashed.

I ran to the vehicle, jumping onto the hood of another to see into the driver side’s window. The two front airbags were stained a dark brown and red with our dried blood. It was strange being in the car again, clearly able to see the damage. The center of the horn was dented in the horn long run out since we fled the scene the previous day. There were shards of glass on the seats, more gathered on the back seats.

The windshield was shattered, only the surrounding edges still intact. I lifted myself up and into the car, crawling over the driver seat and onto mine. There was something stuck in the top corner of remaining glass. I reached up and took it between my fingers, and dropped it into my other palm. I examined the blonde strings, wondering what it could have been. When the realization hit me, I sneered and dropped them. It was a tuff of my hair, stuck in the glass from when I was slammed into it. I regarded my door window, millions of cracks circling a spot of impact. It was a wonder I got out with just a concussion and fractured ribs. I could only hope Marco had less.

At the back of the SUV I could see my bag, a little torn and hanging onto the backseat’s headrest by the strap, but still there and bulky with ammunition. I slid myself between the front seats and down onto the back.

“What are you doing?” Armin was crouched next to back window.

“My bag is still in here.” I pressed myself against the backseat and stretched out as much as I could, reaching down for the strap. “S’got my shit in it.”

 I hooked my finger around it and pulled it up with a grunt. I wiped away some shattered glass and leaned back on my knees and feet, unzipping the bag. I went through every pocket and compartment, sifting through my guns and bullets. I stopped rummaging and let my head fall back, flinging the back of my hand over the bridge of my nose. I chuckled and shook my head.

“Jean?” Armin’s brows pulled together and he brought one of his legs to the ground to kneel and see into the car better. “What is it?”

“He was here. Marco was here.”

“What?” Armin moved closer, his hand resting on the dented metal. “How do you know?”

I was still smiling with disbelief. “He took two of the guns and left the rest. He knew we’d come back here.”

I zipped up the bag and spun it around, hearing something other than the clacking of weapons, and unzipped the smallest compartment. I pulled out a thick square of paper and unfolded it, staring down at the squiggly lines, the thick blue one, and a dried trail of a muddy finger around where we stood.

“Marco, you crazy son of a bitch.” I mumbled, and rolling up the map with a chuckle.

I climbed back up to the front seats and jumped from the hood of one car then onto the pavement. Armin went around and met me by the others. Levi and Sasha came over from keeping watch, both questioning the smile on my face.

“Did you find anything?” Sasha motioned to the bag.

“Yeah, my bag was still in there.”

“What else?” Levi inquired, more than interested.

“Marco came back and took some of the guns and ammo.”

“You’re sure?” Sasha asked quietly.

“No one in their right mind would come across a bag loaded with weapons and only take two.” I breathed through my grin and handed Levi the map. “And he left this.”

Levi opened the map and skimmed the muddy route, winding out from us. Levi clicked his tongue and lowered the paper. “He’s a step ahead of us.”

“He’s already got the same idea. He might have found the others.” I set my bag on the hood of a truck and started unpacking everything I could.

“We have to hurry if we want to catch up with them.” Armin took one of the hand guns, checking to see if it was loaded and slid it into his belt. We stocked ourselves with all that there was and laid out the map for all of us to see. “If we estimate the time he came back here and started, I think we should start on the opposite side of where Marco branched out. Depending on how fast he’s moving, we’ll either run into him or end up somewhere ahead of him.”

My blood was pumping. We were going to find him. Marco was alive, and he was looking for us. I could barely contain my excitement. I _knew_ he was alive, I just knew it. I couldn’t wait to start moving. We started off heading down the parkway, on the opposite side of where we dropped. I gazed up at it as we went through the underpass.

“How did you guys manage to get down without your car?”

Levi pointed to a cargo truck. “That was our landing.”

“You jumped off of a bridge and onto a truck? That’s a pretty far down…”

“We weren’t going to leave you there.” Levi said flatly, focused ahead and avoiding my smile of appreciation.

We went off of the parkway and into the wooded area, headed where we would find Marco.

 

* * *

 

We went through the night and into the next day without stopping. We couldn’t afford to lose the lead we had. There were a few times that we had run ins with stiffs, nothing we couldn’t handle but running and fighting used up energy we wouldn’t have for much longer if we didn’t find enough food. The more time that passed by, the more anxious we became. All of us just wanted to get to that point and find each other, and whether it was guaranteed or not, we had to know.

We took our first break on the side of a road, sitting in grass still cold with the morning dew. Armin, Sasha, and I passed around a water bottle, drinking sparingly. Levi wouldn’t drink so much, and he hadn’t been off his feet since we started our day, either. He slowly paced back and forth, silently observing both ends of the road. Break time was over, and we picked ourselves up to move the last five miles.

When we got to the point of our destination, we scattered around for a few hours in case they were out of range, but no one was there. I stepped around slowly, not wanting to miss the tiniest hint of Marco if he’d been that way yet. More shards fell in my chest with each minute I didn’t find him. We regrouped back together at the road.

“Anything?” Sasha cupped her hand to her forehead to block the sun.

I shook my head. “Nothing.”

“Then we keep moving. We follow the trail they left on the map.” Levi glimpsed down at the map spread out in his hands. “Are there any objections?” We shook our heads and changed our direction as he led the way.

 

Another day had passed and still no sign of any of them, and I was frustrated as hell. We could have been too far ahead or behind them, in a circle where we’d never meet. They could have been dying while we were getting lost.

We hadn’t stopped long enough to find food and our water was running low, and the day was just at hot and humid as the one before the storm. It was the longest, most ruthless summer I’d ever experienced.

“There’s something up ahead.” Armin huffed.

There was a large black shapeless thing, hidden and distorted by the radiating pavement. As we drew closer, the heatwaves lifted and the darkness gave way to a truck on the side of the road. It was beyond demolished, a mess of broken glass and countless dents, lopsided from flat tires, and scorched paint.

Sasha weakly gestured toward it. “Is that…their truck?”

Startling all of us, Levi suddenly dropped his gun and took off running to the vehicle. His boots slid on the hot pavement when he got there, and he gripped the door handle to catch his footing, and swung it open. He leaned far into the truck, probing every charred inch. Slowly, he stepped out of the car, resting his hands on the top of the open door and peering in. Then his restraint broke. Levi growled and slammed the door shut hard enough for it to come off one of its melted hinges. He walked away from the truck, both of his hands fisting his hair, only to go back and lean inside the window, then walk away, repeating the process only a couple of times until he stopped and faced down the road with his back to us.

We had stopped walking since Levi bolted ahead of us, standing in our place and nervously watching him. I kept my breathing slow and even, willing myself to remain as calm as possible, to not imagine Marco being in that truck. Moving felt impossible, like my boots had melted into the tar and my legs were heavy, and I didn’t know if I wanted to see whatever it was Levi saw.

Tired of everyone standing in place, Sasha stepped forward and picked up Levi’s gun as she made her way up the road to him. Armin and I exchanged worried looks and trailed behind her. She stopped a few feet behind Levi, not speaking until he acknowledged her. He had somehow managed to but his placid mask back on, taking the gun and slinging the strap across his torso. He glanced back at the truck.

“It doesn’t seem like anyone was in there when it caught fire.” Armin said, covering his nose from the smell of burning rubber and tar, and leaned forward to peek into the vehicle. My stomach flipped with relief. “Their bags aren’t in there, either.” Armin’s calm voice steadied my heart. He wasn’t there. He was still alive.

I took a deep breath and brought my hands up to my sides. “So,” I spun around slowly, scanning every direction, “Which way did they go?”

Levi gestured in the direction we were going, “Whether they kept on this road or took another way around, they were heading this way. The truck is still warm from the fire so it must have happened only a few hours ago.”

“Check it out,” Sasha ran up the road and crouched down, picking something up and walking back to us. She shuffled them from one palm to the other, clinking them together, and then showed us the bullet shells. "They went east off this road. Guys...” she smiled and closed her hand around the shells. “We’re right behind them.”

“You idiots won’t catch them if you’re standing in one place.” Levi scoffed, already heading off into the woods. One by one, we trailed behind him into the woods, anticipation in our hearts.

* * *

 

Without rest, we’d been moving since we discovered the truck. A blanket of thick fog hovered above the ground, flowing over mossy rocks and through shrubs. It swirled around our feet and climbed up our legs with every step we took, then disappearing and returning to its place above ground again. It would be a couple of hours until dawn broke, setting a cast of the early blue air through the tall, slim trees.  It was disturbingly quiet. There wasn’t an animal in sight, not even a single insect. It was only us, the mist, and the forest. There was something unnatural about it. We all felt it.

To my left was Sasha. She was just as on edge, shoulders hiked up to her ears and her hands clasping at her arms crossed over her chest in a way that made her look cold. Armin walked adjacent to my right. Even from the glimpses I caught of his face, I could see the nerves slowly taking hold of him. We could only see Levi’s back as he walked ahead of us. Who knows what was going through his head.

As desperately as we wanted to get through the forest, we kept a slow pace. Something was telling me that any quick movements would be regretted. The hairs on my arms and the back of my neck stuck up with goosebumps as a shiver rippled through me. It was as if the silence had been replaced by something dark hovering over us, whispering threats and warnings if we tried to flee.

“Listen.” I jumped at Levi’s voice. It was the first thing we’d heard since we entered the forest. “I need you all the keep your eyes forward.”

My nerves were starting to fire off, and my mind started racing. I kept my head straight, but I couldn’t keep myself from looking all over the place. I couldn’t spot anything around us, only the resilient fog. Levi didn’t face any other direction but forward. So what did he see that we couldn’t? My eyes travelled from the murky ground up to the brush peeking through and up the tree stems. I tilted my head back and my hand flew to my mouth, barely muffling the strange sound I made. Sasha and Armin slowly followed my line of sight.

“Oh my god…” Sasha whispered, her voice unsteady.

Up in the high branches of the skyscraper trees, countless corpses hung above us, their desiccated bodies, tied together in pairs and swaying with wind that didn’t reach the ground. The early morning light peeked through the treetops and revealed that there was more to the disturbing scene. Some of the corpses were actually stiffs, sluggishly squirming around in their restraints and bumping against the remaining parts of the corpses beside them. Whoever was behind it was making a very loud statement.

“What is this place?” Armin’s face flushed as he stared up at the dead sky.

I swallowed down the overwhelming nausea creeping up my throat. “We shouldn’t be here.”

“Keep going.” Levi continued walking, and we didn’t have many other choices but to follow.

The rows of corpses continued through the forest, and as grotesque as it was, it was impossible for me to look away. One of the stiffs started to fail wildly, legs kicking and hands grasping at the empty air. As if the one set them all off, the scattered stiffs imitated the same odd behavior. They saw us. Their gurgled and choked hisses and groans grew louder as more of them caught on.

One suddenly dropped, falling and hitting the ground not far from us. Its rotten body splattered on impact, thick clops of blood and limbs flying in every direction before disappearing under the fog. There was a series of snaps and I almost choked when I gasped. Their jerking movements combined with their aged and softened bodies set off a chain reaction, and they all began to plummet to the ground.

“Go!”

Whichever one of us shouted, we didn’t hesitate and broke into a sprint. Bodies all around us dropped and burst under the hidden ground, some close enough that unidentifiable bodily fluid spattered our skin and clothes.

Even when the trees ran out of bodies, we didn’t slow down until it seemed like we were out of danger. We stopped to catch our breath, staring back at the distant trail. I leaned forward and balanced myself with my hands on my knees. I gagged when a gooey and greenish brown liquid on my pants made one of my hands slide, and wiped it off on a tree.

Something made a gargling sound and I stood up straight, alert again until they found the source. Her back to us, Sasha’s hand dug into the bark of a tree, ripping off small pieces of bark every time she pitched forward and vomited.

“What the hell was that?” Armin panted, pushing back his bangs and running his wrist along his perspiring forehead.

“I don’t know,” I

 but whoever put their time and effort into something like that is fucked up beyond repair.”

Sasha stepped away from the tree and leaned against the other side of it to catch her breath and run her sleeve across her mouth. “Do yo-,” she shook her head and coughed before recovering herself again, “Do you think whoever did this is still out here?”

Levi glowered up at the clear sky, sun sprinkling down through the bright green leaves and creating little puddles of light on the forest floor as the mist began to fade. “I don’t know, and quite frankly, I don’t plan on sticking around to find out.”

 

* * *

 

The forest was wider than we anticipated. An hour went by and we were still there, still walking and on edge with every leaf that fell or twig that snapped under our feet. The streams of sunlight and clear air were a small comfort to us all, but nothing could shake the fear of what we saw, the possibility of it happening again, and the possibility that maybe something worse was to come.

Another hour went by, but we didn’t stop. Armin and I couldn’t even begin to navigate our way out. The sun and sky were masked by thick tree tops and there were no streams or change in the landscape. It was never ending, like someone put us on a treadmill and stuck rotating scenes around it. It was a labyrinth without walls.

Another hour and we were exhausted both mentally and physically. We were in another world and it felt like we would never get out. I was panting through my nose, my legs felt like they would give out any second, and even in the mass of shade, I wasn’t the only one sweating from the physical labor and the persistent summer haze. Armin had fallen back, straggling along behind us. I slowed my pace until he caught up and wrapped his arm around my neck. He shook his head and muttered that he could make it on his own, but it was obvious he couldn’t. All of us barely could.

“Levi,” I wheezed, “Levi, we have to stop.”

Sasha stopped and glimpsed back with an unfocused expression. I didn’t realize how bad off she was until her shoulder juddered with a spasm. Any fuel we had left in us, Sasha was running below empty after she got sick. Her face and neck were pale and clammy with sweat that seeped into her clothes. Blinked slowly as she waited for me and Armin to meet her where she stood.

“We have to stop.” I repeated, watching Levi as he continued. “Levi.”

He finally came to a rigid halt.

“This forest could go on forever.” I panted through my nose and let out a shaky breathe. “If we keep this up, we won’t make it.”

“We can make it.”

“Not like this.”

Levi spun around, and we all saw a part of him we didn’t know existed. He was panting and sweating as much as the rest of us, but there was something off about him. His hands were clenched into tight fists, his shoulders back and tense, and his head was lowered. His eyes were wide and his brows furrowed to the point of crinkling the skin on the bridge of his nose. He looked scared.

I spotted a large enough rock and set Armin down before turning back to Levi. He walked back to us and his head ticked to the side as he ground his teeth. He stopped a few feet away from me and I thought he was about to punch me in the face. Instead, he took a few deep breaths and his shoulders dropped.

“We stop for a few hours, and that’s it.”

I nodded and Sasha sighed, stepping back until she joined Armin on the rock. She ran her trembling wrist across her forehead, collecting a fair amount of perspiration that dripped down her elbow. I leaned back against a tree, and deciding it wasn’t worth staying on my legs, I slid down and that on the soil and stems peeking out of the ground. Letting my head tilt back against the tree’s rough bark, I looked up at the leafy forest roof. They blew in the wind that I wished would reach down to us and give some relief, but it wouldn’t. Mother Nature sure was merciless.

Once I could catch my breath and my body wasn’t in active mode, I took my knife out and idly scratched the old blood and grime off of it, occupying myself with something other than trees and dirt. I rotated the knife over in my hands and caught my own reflection. I wasn’t surprised to see the dark circles under my eyes, the growing stubble on my jaw, and the scars that became more obvious each time the sun tanned my skin. I tilted my head back, rolling it to the side when I felt my hair resist the movement. A reached back to untangle my hair from the groves of bark, but my hand touched something else and I yanked it back to see a deep brown, very sticky substance. I blinked at it and ran my thumb across my coated fingers, and then a thought struck me. I reached up and over my head to feel around at the tree again.

I stood up, a little too fast which started me off dizzy before I shook it off, and drew my knife back before stabbing it into the tree. I did it again and again, determined to find what I was hunting for.

“Jean, what the hell are you doing?” I heard Armin ask weakly.

I drew the knife back and peeled away the bark to examine the exposed wood that slowly started to seep. A sharp laugh jumped out of my throat and I stabbed the tree one more time, dragging it down as much as the wood let me, and I barked out another euphoric laugh. I angled my knife and let the sticky sap make its slow journey down the blade, and turned around. Everyone was looking at me like I was insane, until Armin nodded and and shook his head with a small smile. He jabbed his thumb over his shoulder to point at Sasha, who was laying back on the rock and taking shallow breaths.

I walked over to her and knelt beside the rock by where her head rested. She opened her eyes and slowly rolled her head to me. Her chapped lips barely moved when she spoke.

“Why are you smiling like an idiot?”

I showed her the knife and the dark sap that covered half the blade.

“What is that?”

“It’s a happy meal. Try it.”

She raised a shaky arm and ran her finger along the dull side of the knife, collecting the dark substance and inspecting it before trying it. “Tastes sweet.”

“That would be the taste of life.” I chuckled and handed her the knife before standing and facing Armin and Levi.

“You couldn’t have thought of this sooner?” Levi scoffed and made clean cuts into a nearby tree.

“You didn’t.” I smirked. “Armin didn’t, and he’s supposed to be a genius.”

“Thanks, Jean.” Armin deadpanned and took out a small knife, cutting an empty water bottle in half and holding it up to the seeping tree. “Leave that to get as much as we can while we rest.”

Sasha sat up and took a shaky breath, slowly waving the nearly spotless blade side to side. “That was kinda gross, kinda good, kinda want more.”

“Of course you do.” Levi muttered the words but we all heard it, all our attention on him and snickering while Sasha huffed and started to come back to life. Levi glimpsed over his shoulder with a raised brow, and when it clicked that we heard him, he only shook his head and guided the sap into a small water bottle.

* * *

Once we were rested and had enough to hold us over for a few more hours, we were back on track. Lucky for us, forests could only be so big in the northern region before something industrialized _had_ to come along and saved us. At the first sight of civilization, we were running to get the hell away from the Blaire Witch-esque forest. We’d come out to a long main road, only houses on either side for as far as we could see.

“We’ll clear a house and rummage the others.” Levi announced as we walked down the street, “After that we’ll figure out where we are and where to go.”

“Maybe they came this way, too.” Sasha breathed, eyes hooded and glassed over.

“If that’s the case, I hope they took another way around.” I glimpsed over my shoulder at the forest disappearing behind us. If I never saw another forest again, it would be too soon.

We chose and cleared a house set back behind two others, concealed by yards of overgrown weeds and grass. We were able to rest more comfortably, though not so much our minds, and better prepare ourselves. The sun had gone down in mere hours, our time lost in the woods of horror changing our perception of time.

I wandered the upstairs, really just snooping around because no matter how much they hurt, my legs didn’t want to stop moving. I walked into the last bedroom and started investigating. Over the bed was a picture frame on the wall, a high school diploma on one side, a first degree in college beside it.

I stepped away from the bed and around the rest of the room, and noticed a door by the window. I slid a pistol out from my belt and held it ready as I walked to the door and pulled it open. It was a small bathroom, barely enough room for one person let alone the small glass standup shower in the corner. Setting the pistol down on the towel rack over the toilet, I opened the cabinet doors above it and hummed when I found the cleanest and fluffiest towels I’d seen in months. I draped them over my arm, after doing what any human would and rubbed my face into the soft plush fabric, and followed my curiosity to the other cabinets.

There was a ton of moldy and dried up hair products, q-tips and piles of dust that were once toilet paper. Unsatisfied, I stood up and opened the mirror cabinet over the sink to find bandages and antibacterial ointment. I slid them into my pockets and chuckled when I found a stack of magazines in a basket beside the toilet. I sifted through them and picked up the one with the most intact pages, flipping through the pages, stopping on the faded imaged of a celebrity couple. At the top was the faint title, ‘ _Pitt and Jolie finally Split’_.

I clicked my tongue and tossed the magazine. “They just got married, idiots.”

With my curiosity satisfied, I shimmied my way to the door when a small drip caught my attention. I paused, listening to hear it again.

 _Drip_.

The sink? Taking the few steps over, I ran my finger along the underside of the faucet handle and flicked it up. What was an occasional drip formed into a steady flow of water. Well water.

Reaching down to shut it off, I slowly pulled my hand away and leaned down and focused my eyes on the faucet. The metal was discolored in some places, slightly darker. I took a swab of the underside of the faucet and pulled it to my face. It was dust. All of the metal parts of the sink were covered in dust…accept for the fresh finger prints

 _Drip_.

It wasn’t coming from the sink though. It sounded like it came from the shower. I slid the glass door open and peeked inside. Green and black mold grew up the walls and down to the floor, in the corner was a pile of soaked clothes, and reddish brown residue around the drain.

 _Drip_.

I ran downstairs, my hand on the handle of my knife, and found the others in the front living space. Levi saw the expression on my face and stood up, reaching back for his gun. “Someone’s here.

“You think it’s them?” Armin muttered around the makeshift hair tie between his teeth and pulled his hair back into a ponytail. His relaxed demeanor went rigid when he saw my face.

“I don’t think so.”

Levi stepped across the room and l held the window curtains aside. “Either way, we won’t take our chances.”

A blaring alarm went off, startling all of us, and we jumped, our weapons up and ready. It was loud, but it wasn’t in the house we were in.

Levi leaned back to the window and pushed away the curtains again. “It’s the house across the street. Sounds like the smoke detector went off.”

“We should get moving.” Armin offered quietly, taking a couple of slow steps backwards. “The alarm’s going to attract stiffs and we aren’t the only ones out here.”

We hadn’t settled into the house once we got there, so packing was quick and easy. We were going out the backdoor and I stopped in the threshold.

“Shit!” I hissed, stepping back into the house.

Armin’s brow creased. “What is it?”

“I left my gun upstairs.” The house was quiet, other than the one screaming across the street. “I’ll be quick.”

“One minute.” Levi gave me that warning glare and pushed Armin and Sasha along into the yard next door.

I ran up the stairs and into the bedroom’s tiny bathroom. Not the cabinet, not the shower, not the sink. I frantically checked every spot…except the towel rack. With a victorious snicker, I slid the pistol into its rightful place on my belt and made my way back out to the bedroom. A door slamming shut made my nerves jump. I would have assumed it was Levi, only the steps were quick and coming up the stairs. With no potentially safe places to hide, I slid back into the bathroom and shut the door.

The footsteps came into the room and I bit my lip, drawing my gun again and crouching down next to the sink and, hopefully, out of view from the entrance. If they decided to come into the bathroom, well, I’d be in pretty deep shit. That would be ironic. Dresser drawers opened and slammed shut. Whoever was out there was breathing hard and cursing, sounding just as nervous as I was. The footsteps were out of the room in minutes, and I slowly rose up from the sink once it was quiet.

Slowly, I opened the bathroom door and peered into the bedroom. From what I could see, it was clear. I stepped lightly, trying to avoid making the floor creak under my weight, some not so quiet which made me flinch, and moved toward the exit. After waiting another few minutes, I walked into the pitch black hallway, my gun raised and shaky. It was way too soon for me to have another house shooting incident.

I continued my cautious steps down the hall, my eyes dancing around the darkness for any figures. A figure unexpectedly spun out into the hall one door down, barely enough time for me to even aim my gun, and I heard that click of the safety turning off of on their gun.

Another figure side rolled out of the room in front of me, still close to the ground and aiming at the person aiming at me.

“Drop your weapon.” Came the growl in front of me.

“Levi?” Where the hell did he come from?

“Levi?” the dark figure down the hall lowered their gun.

Three more figures came up the stairs, two with flashlights. They pointed them at the hallway and I had to adjust to the change in lighting. Sasha, Armin, and Mikasa stood at the top of the stairs, all with questioning expressions.

Wait, Mikasa?

I squinted at the person down the hall. “Eren?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It kinda dragged in the beginning...but Jean's got some heavy feels to feel, ya feel?  
> Ehh, I can't think up original landscapes so I used my rl habitat
> 
> Raise your hand in you live in a valley (-_-)^
> 
> Song: Wolves by Down Like Silver


	7. Hello, Stranger

_Death is a wall but it can’t be the end_

_You are my protector and my best friend_

_Well they say that you’re gone and that I should move on_

_I wonder how do they know baby,_

_How do they know?_ _Well, they don’t_

 

* * *

 

 

The flashlights lowered their glare to the floor and I could see again. Eren was standing at the end of the hall next to the staircase where Armin, Sasha, and Mikasa stood, all watching us with apprehension. His gun hung loosely at his side, dropping to the floor as Levi stood up. Eren’s chest heaved and he made long strides toward our end of the hall, brows knit together while he desperately tried to hold everything in. When Eren finally reached Levi, he threw his arms around him, his head dropping to Levi’s shoulder and let out a small whimper. Levi didn’t respond right away, his reaction time suddenly dropping considerably. Then, in the simplest gesture, he raised an arm and placed his hand on Eren’s back. It was enough for Eren to squeak out a quiet sob and gasp.

Levi waited for Eren to gather himself and took a step back, moving is hand to the side of his neck and give a firm shake, and nodded. Eren nodded in return and wiped his face, whatever their silent language seemed to calm him down, and Levi stepped around him to move to the others.

Eren remembered I was there and watched as I glanced at the stairs, listening for something other than that stupid alarm across the street. There was no fourth pair of footsteps. I opened my mouth, not sure what I wanted to ask, how I wanted to ask, and if I wanted to know. I swallowed hard, my throat dry and chest tightening, but the words wouldn’t come. Eren’s face started to scrunch up in question, and realization suddenly hit him, his features mirroring the distress and uncertainty in mine.

_No, no, no_

_Please_ , no

“He…Marco isn’t with you?”

“No,” I whispered, unable to control the tremble. It was the only thing I could say while trying to contain my internal hysteria. Marco was alone. He was out there alone. My heart was pounding fiercely. He only took two guns. That wasn’t nearly enough for him to fend for himself. My stomach flipped, and I inhaled deep to keep the nausea at bay. He could have been anywhere. Panic and helplessness flooded over me and I ran my hand up the side of my face and into my hair, gripping it painfully.

I might never see him again.

Eren’s focus was still on me, his wilting posture giving away his troubled thoughts. His lips parted in the beginning of a word, eyes darting between mine as he searched for how to start. A dry and broken sound passed his lips and he could only show me what he saw on my face, and it suddenly dawned on me that I wasn’t the only one affected so deeply by Marco’s disappearance. All of us loved Marco, and his not being there with us was like taking a bullet to everyone’s chest. Everyone was just as lost. The others had moved downstairs, already aware of the situation, and we had to get going, too. Eren reached out and put his hand on my shoulder, giving a halfhearted shake and nodding his head with solemn understanding. I returned the gesture and we followed the others to finally get out of the house.

 

The alarm had run out of battery juice at some point back while we were in the house, but it was always safer to flee the scene, just in case. We were out of the town and down a main road when a faint glow caught my eye. Behind us, a cloud of smoke billowed up from an orange glow. Eren already had his fingers to his lips. ‘Don’t tell Levi’. Covering for Eren wasn’t something I hadn’t done before, but not to extent of burning a house, and potentially an entire town, to the ground. That was raising the bar a little too high. I scoffed and he ducked his head in appreciation.

I was quick to notice that Eren had abandoned his usual power walk to meet my strides, silently accompanying me behind the others, our steps gradually falling in sync. To the others, it seemed like we were unaware of each other’s existence, unaware of the person walking beside the other, but it was quite the opposite. We shared a mutual understanding of each other. Each of us had a separate language with one another, somehow understanding every one of them, and some more fluent in others. Similar to Marco and me, we didn’t necessarily have to speak out loud, or even see each other’s faces to say anything. It was just sort of…known.

Eren and I could hold a sufficient conversation, and it worked for both of us, because we were both terrible with words and would only end up strangling each other. Our matching strides and forward gazes leveled us, having a fair idea of what the other was feeling without having to see or talk about it.

 

* * *

 

It was early morning when we got to the next town, and the absurdly long distance between towns added up to a two hour walk. We took a rest stop on the side of a main road, lounging in a vacant truck’s bed or sitting on the hood of the vehicle before the sun would rise and start its summer ritual of drying us into prunes. Whatever small talk we had invested in had long died out, leaving us in silent relaxation.

Not one to sit still for too long, I jumped out of the back of the truck and started walking down the road, informing the others I would just be taking a stroll around. I didn’t have a location in mind. I just needed to go somewhere. It was strange, considering all we ever did was walk, but sometimes I couldn’t seem to stop. I wandered aimlessly down the streets, only keeping track of the direction I’d come from. Steadying myself on a sidewalk curb, I walked to the end of the block, soaking in as much of the morning breeze as I possibly could and savoring each goosebump it left on my skin. Other than the birds cooing to one another and the wind rattling the trees lining the roads, the neighborhoods were quiet. It reminded me of my old neighborhood, of my friends who lived a few houses down or a couple of streets away, of the high school house parties and vandalizing neighbor’s houses with toilet paper. It reminded me that I was a normal human once.

When I came down from the clouds, I was on a street that gradually led to the business district of the town. A gas station mini mart was the first thing I saw, so that’s where I would go. I pulled open the heavy glass door and peeked my head in, humming a ‘hello’ and waiting a moment until I entered. Of course, the place was ransacked with mostly empty shelves and food long since rotted on the floor. I walked up the isle closest to me and along the back wall’s refrigerator section. Most of the doors were open, a mess of broken glass and what used to be drinks pouring into the other small isles.

I peeped around the small store and froze on an unopened container, sitting nice and pretty, and a little dusty, on the shelf. I made a beeline for it and snatched it up, rolling it over in my hands to read the label of the orange substance inside. I read it again, trying to remember what it was and if I’d ever had it before. I sat down along the isle shelves and passed the container from hand to hand, my eyes narrowed in concentration.

“What the fuck is cheese sauce?” Sure, I knew what cheese was, but why would it come in the form of a liquid? I was just giving up on figuring it out when it finally sparked. “Ohhh,”

My recognition was cut short as the door’s service bell jingled. I got to my feet but remained crouched to the ground and moving to the end of the isle. The view from my position was limited, but I wasn’t mistaken. Something was in there with me. I drew my knife and a reflection caught my eye. At the corner of the wall, there was a round mirror showing the entire store. Right in the isle next to me, it was walking down to the opposite end of me. I crouched down further, ready to lunge at whatever it was coming around the corner.

“Jean?”

That was a familiar voice. I sighed and slid my knife away, resuming my sitting position with my back against the wall. “Did Levi send you to come after me or something?”

“No.” Eren said simply and joined me on the floor.

“Did you at least bring the nachos?” I handed him the jar and he eyed it quizzically. He remembered sooner than I did and he chuckled.

“I haven’t had this stuff since,” he lowered the jar and peered up at the ceiling in concentration, “Since a long time ago. What about you?”

“I’ve never had it.”

Eren’s eyebrows rose considerably high at my remark. “How have you never had cheese sauce? Have you never had a burrito?”

“I’ve had a burrito before, you jackass. I’ve never had cheese sauce because I’m allergic to cheese.”

“Really? I didn’t know that.” He said faintly. His brows furrowed.

“Not many people do these days considering we don’t come across cheese products too often.”

“My bad, dairy queen.” He grumbled, tapping his finger along the glass jar.

Silence fell between us and I tilted my head back until it was resting on the wall, my mind silent as all of my buzzing thoughts blurred into a constant ringing. After a few minutes I ventured for an answer for at least one of them.

“We found your truck.”

Eren hummed and placed the jar down, “That happened later that night.”

I quirked my head toward him. “How’d it catch on fire?”

“We were ambushed at the top of the overpass. Mikasa and I were supposed to backtrack and bring the truck down to get you guys, but we couldn’t get through. We were going to try the other way around. That was just as impossible, and then they were after us. At some point, the truck died and we were in deep shit, so I put a cloth in the gas tank and held a lighter to it. The fire distracted the stiffs long enough for us to get out of there. The explosion helped, too, and we were able to make it to that town.”

I chuckled and pinched the bridge of my nose. “So, you blew up a car on purpose, but what about the house?”

“ _That_ was an accident.” He held up his index finger and made sure I didn’t misunderstand him. “I didn’t know stoves still worked.”

“Mhm, they’re pilot stoves. They’re hard to come across but they still work if they’ve got the gas in them. There’s still well water, too.” There was a pile of soaked clothes on the shower floor, reddish brown collecting around the drain. “I guess you knew that, though.”

Eren hummed again and pushed around an empty chip bag along the floor. The silence was back, Eren taking its time until he stopped and dropped his hand in his lap, speaking softly, “Even having Mikasa with me out there…I was scared. I didn’t know if you guys were still alive or if you were searching for us. I didn’t know if I lost my family again.”

After a timely gap of muteness, I cleared my throat as I stood, waving to the jar. “You should have that before it goes to waste.” I mumbled and stepped around the isle and to the door.

“Marco’s alive.” I stopped in my tracks and looked over my shoulder. He had that glint of determination in his eyes, intensifying them to an almost amusing level. “I know because you’re alive. You’ve been out there alone, the two of you, even before you met each other. You made it this far, and you still would be here if you hadn’t run into us. You’re a survivor, Jean. So is Marco.”

I let his words sit with me, relieving some part of me. I wasn’t the only one who knew he was alive. Someone else knew, and that was enough for me to believe he was. I bowed my head and Eren’s footsteps approached.

“He’s alive.” Eren said again, passing me and going out the door.

His hands were empty. He’d left the jar in the isle. “I know he is.” I muttered to myself and stepped out of the shop to catch up with him.

 

We roamed around the neighborhood and wound up back with our group. Levi had the map spread out against the truck’s window, tracing his finger to find where we were. He motioned to Armin, and the blonde met his side. Their mouths moved with silent words as Armin traced the same path, his finger ending a fraction lower than Levi’s.

“-would take weeks.”

Eren and I were in earshot of their conversation toward the end of Armin’s sentence. He appeared just as interested and we picked up our pace to hear what was going on.

“How many?”

“About four.” Armin turned from the map to face Levi, his grim expression switched to surprise when his eyes flickered to us.

“What takes four weeks?” Eren asked harshly and his focused zeroed in on Armin.

His friend glanced at Levi, who didn’t show any sign of acknowledgement, and back to Eren. His stance faltered, momentarily cowering under his friend’s probing gaze but quickly regained his footing. He must have really wanted to know the topic of the conversation, but Armin was quick.

“If we conserve our energy and ration sparingly, it would take about four weeks to get to the map’s target.” Armin’s eyes met mine, and I got it. There was something off, and Eren saw it first. “That includes time to find Marco.”

My jaw jerked with suspicion and I still couldn’t put my finger on it. “And how much time do you plan on taking from those four weeks to search for him?” I noted that the bed of the truck was vacant, and there were only the four of us standing there. “Where are Sasha and Mikasa?”

“They’re hunting. Did either of you do anything productive while you were out gallivanting?” Levi asked, still overlooking the map.

“No.” I said, still fixed on Armin. “How long?”

“When we find him-”

The bridge of my nose crinkled with impatience, “How. Long.” I couldn’t stop the snarl from attaching to the words.

There was a pause before Armin spoke carefully. “Assuming Marco is circling around as we are, it should take about a week to find him.”

“You sure about that?” I took a step forward. I probably shouldn’t have doubted Armin. He wanted to find Marco just as much as the rest of us, and he was our friend. But that didn’t mean my instincts didn’t come first.

Levi stepped between us. I expected it would be Eren to be the first to jump to his friend’s aide, but he stood back. Even he seemed on edge with the tension in the humid air. “Instead of talking about it, get your shit together. The sooner we find Marco, the sooner we get there.” He tapped his finger hard on the map target.

“Levi,” Eren started, but Levi reeled around and met us with a threatening glare.

“That’s enough. We get our shit together, and we go.” The venom in his words was enough for us to back down.

He and Armin circled around to the back of the truck to arm themselves with their belongings. Levi was first to go into the woods, presumably in the same direction as Sasha and Mikasa. Eren and I exchanged unconvinced glances before he took to the woods. I met Armin at the back of the truck, reaching in and taking my rifle. I stopped and glared down at him, waiting for him to respond, but he kept his attention on loading his gun and harnessing it.

“Let’s all hope we find him, yeah?” The words came out dark and low, and I was trying my damndest to keep myself under control. I wanted to shake the answer out of him, but he was already disappearing after everyone.

 

 

Our footsteps scuffed along the hot pavement along the road. I stayed at the back of the group, something that had become usual to the point where no one noticed or found it strange. Armin kept to the front with Levi, Eren behind him with Mikasa, and Sasha the closest to me. Although my placement was usual, the vibe around us wasn’t. Sasha occasionally looked over at me, barely blinking as she took in my every step. She fell back along the way and met my pace.

“What is it?” She whispered, facing ahead even though no one heard her.

“I don’t know.” I shook my head and kept my raspy voice low. I didn’t know, but something was up, and I didn’t appreciate being in the dark. “Not yet, at least.”

She hummed and slowly scanned the group, but didn’t voice any opinions she might have had. Levi’s arm went up in a fist and we stopped when his whistle got our attention. He dropped his hand to his gun and held it ready, the rest of us naturally doing the same. Up ahead a group of stiffs were headed in our direction. They hadn’t seen us when we dove to the side of the road behind thick brush and waited for them to pass by.

I parted the plants and flattened myself on the ground, peering out at the stiffs. My eyes darted to each one, and my breath caught in my throat. There, on the other side of the road, a stiff stumbled over itself with the others, its dark hair matted and sticking out in all directions. I lost sight of it as more walked along, getting in the way of the other. I didn’t think as I dug my feet into the ground and lunged out of the bushes and right into the middle of the group of stiffs and through the other side.

The stiff with the dark hair slowly rotated itself toward me, but again was blocked by the others. I took a few steps back and out of reach of their grimy hands, looking over their heads for the one I was seeking. “C’mon, c’mon,” I chanted, moving around them and onto the road, still out of their reach but trying to flock them so I could see that one fucking stiff. I could hear the line of clicks as they readied their guns and waved my hand down to tell them to wait.

I put more space between me and the dead, and they spread out as they followed my slow backward steps. I was finally able to see it and everything froze except for that _one_ _stiff_. It was tall, broad pale shoulders and dark hair only covering half of its face. Only half, because the other half was gone along with a good chunk or its torso, the ribs and rotted guts showing up to the bared teeth, yet somehow the brain had stayed unharmed.

“Marco…?” the name sounded strangled, nothing like my own, but I felt it in my chest.

It was me and the stiff, everything else blocked out. All I could hear was my heart racing, my harsh breathing, and the snarling creature limping toward me. I took a step forward, studying its mauled face and its clacking teeth. “Is…is that you?”

“Jean!”

Blood splattered on my face, completely snapping me out of it. Mikasa stepped away from the dropped stiff and moved onto the next one. There was a war going on around me and I hadn’t even noticed. I drew my knife and took long and determined steps, grabbing the stiff by the throat and holding it back while its ash grey fingers grazed my face and shoulders. I stared it in its fogged pupils and around the remains of its face. No freckles. Its hair wasn’t dark. It was light and caked with dried blood that only made it appear dark.

I couldn’t fathom it, not something roaming around impersonating him. Marco wasn’t dead, and he was not like that thing. I gripped its neck harder, my fingers seeping into its throat, and I couldn’t see anymore. I was too afraid, too angry, and too lost. Someone’s scream muffled in the distance, and there was a hold on me, and I could hear it and feel it but _I couldn’t see_.

“Jean, stop!”

The shouting faded, and there were still strong hands on me. I blinked and everything was coming back into sight. I was winded, as were the others as they stood over the group of corpses. They all wore a disturbed expression, all directed at me. Following the hold on my arm, I found that Eren had the same look on his face, his grip not loosening. My arm was drenched in blood, enough to drip from my fingertips when I dropped the knife. At our feet laid the stiff, its throat torn out and face full of seeping holes.

Eren cautiously let go once my breaths slowed and he waited for me to affirm that, no, I wouldn’t go into a blinding rage again. I walked passed the group to keep on the road and my arm was grabbed again, but by Levi. He watched me from the corner of his eye, a spark of warning. I yanked my arm away from him and kept walking.

I couldn’t shake the image of that stiff.

 

 

“What happened today?” Eren spoke quietly, keeping our conversation as private as possible.

I bit at my lip and stared into the small fire, listening as the crickets filled in the gaps between exchanges. “I thought that stiff was Marco.”

Eren tossed a twig into the flames and droned. “Are you okay?”

My brows knit in confusion but soon relaxed and I nodded. I wasn’t okay with much of anything, but I still had some sanity left in me, and I figured that counted for something. “Yeah, you?”

“Yeah.” He scanned the group as they kept to themselves or chatted quietly as we were. “They’re okay, too.”

“Good…that’s good,” I sighed and ran the palm of my dry and bloodied hand over the dewy blades of grass. Little lights of white, pink, green, and purple blinked in the night. The lightning bugs came out later than usual. “I lost control of myself.”

“You did.” Eren agreed in a way that came across as understanding. “It happens.”

“I put everyone in danger again.”

“Yes, you did.” he shrugged and stretched his legs out. “But we’ve already forgiven you.”

“Why?”

Eren and I looked at each other, his face calm and tired. “It happens.” He said again.

I exhaled with a nod. “I guess I can’t be pissed at Levi for taking my weapons.”

He chuckled and brought his knees back up, crossing his ankles in front of him. “No, not really. But Levi is Levi.”

“He is.” I waited until I felt my lip had had enough abuse from my digging my teeth into them to speak again. “Anything?”

Eren stopped forming circled in the dirt and shook his head. “He hasn’t spoken much. It’s not like him. Something’s off.” He didn’t need my agreement. He was there days ago back at the last town to witness it. His brows furrowed and his circles went deeper. He didn’t want to go against his best friend, assuming it ever came to that, but why would Armin keep him out of it, too?

Sasha approached us and held out a water bottle. Apparently I didn’t take it fast enough, because she was kneeling in front of me, holding it out again.

I kept my eyes on hers and took the water from her. “I’m sorry.”

Her head cocked to the side and her eyebrow rose. “Don’t be. I get it. We get it.” She patted my shoulder and got to her feet again. “You both should get some sleep. It’s been a long day.”

I raised the bottle to her in thanks and she was off to her own duties. I took a gulp of the water and passed it to Eren. “See, what did I say?” He smirked and raised the bottle to his lips.

 

* * *

 

 

A week had passed, and still there we found no sign of Marco. That wasn’t the only thing I noticed, though. For the last two days the sun had risen ahead of us and fallen behind us. I hadn’t seen the map. It was still in Levi’s hands, and he hadn’t opened it to see where we were. I stopped in my tracks causing a chain reaction for everyone else to come to a halt.

“What now?” Levi scoffed, brows creased and eyes narrow.

“It’s sort of strange, don’t you think?” My eyes fell on Armin and his gaze didn’t falter. “That the sun has stayed in the same course two days in a row?” I made a straight line for Armin and stared down at him, my jaw stiff while I tried not to bite off my own tongue. “It’s almost as if we haven’t changed direction.”

Armin didn’t blink. “It’s been weeks since he went missing. I’m sorry, Jean, but we can’t afford to search for him anymore.”

My fist flew and connected with his jaw, knocking him right on his ass. “You son of a bitch!” I lunged again, hauled backward when my arms were given a good yank. “You said it yourself we would find him. _You_ said that!”

Armin sat up, his hand pressed to his face and his lip bleeding. “Jean, listen-”

“You don’t get to decide.” I stood up straight and my arms were set free. Sasha stepped into my sight, ready to intervene again if need be.

“We had to stop at some point. If he was alive we would have found him by now.”

“Armin,” Sasha whispered, her stance going from defensive to standing beside me, “Is it true?”

He stood up and wiped the blood running down his chin, glimpsing at it for a moment before shaking it off his hand. “It’s for the good of the group. If we keep it up we’ll die before we ever reach the camp.”

“The good of the group.”  The words were low enough to shake my throat as I spoke.

“You have to stop chasing a ghost, Jean.”

“ _Armin_.” Eren barked, but the blonde held his stance even as I charged at him again.

It wasn’t Sasha holding me back the second time, but Mikasa. “Beating the shit out of him won’t solve anything.”

“Maybe not, but I’ll probably feel a lot better.”

“Enough, all of you.” Levi snapped, bringing all of our attention to him.

“You knew about this.” Mikasa’s grip on me tightened before I could go after him next. “Neither of you planned on continuing to find him, did you? How long have we been off the trail?”

A long paused stretched out before Levi broke it. “Four days. We weaved around to throw you off. Apparently you’re a better tracker than I thought.”

“Apparently.” I hissed, wiggling my arms until Mikasa got that I wouldn’t go after anyone and let go. I walked up to Levi and held my hand out, scowling down at him. “Hand them over.”

“We aren’t doing this.”

“No, you’re not. I am.”

Keeping my breathing under control, I waited for him to hand me both my guns and the knife. I checked the bullets and holstered the weapons where I normally kept them on me. Giving Levi one last glare, I took to the opposite direction. The others were a mess of confusion and disbelief, but Eren snapped out of it and stepped in front of me.

“Jean, you can’t just leave.”

“No?” I glanced over my shoulder at Armin, the side of his face already swelling with a bruise, “Isn’t that what we’ve been doing to Marco?”

“Jean,”

“I’m not giving up. You people can go on. Find the camp, I’m sure I’ll see you there.” I said bitterly.

Eren pursed his lips and nodded. “I’m coming with you.”

“No.”

“You can’t go alone.”

My eyes met his, intense and unwavering. I smirked and I shook my head. “It’s nothing new to me. I’m a survivor, remember? Besides, they need you.”

I could hear his teeth grind and could tell he was torn between listening to me and ignoring me. After a prolonged period of our silent conversation, his head ducked and he reached into his pocket, holding out a box. “At least take these.”

He rattled the box of bullets until I took them. “Thanks.”

“Jean, you don’t have to go.” Sasha pleaded. “Please, don’t.”

I sighed and slid the bullets into my back pocket. “I do have to.”

“I’ll go with him.”

Eren immediately whipped around to Armin, his face twisting with anger. “The hell you will.”

“Eren, stop.” Mikasa warned.

“I’ll go with you.” Armin repeated. “I owe it to you.”

I considered it, running my tongue along the inside of my cheek. His face was too blank to read. “Fine.” I brought my attention back to Eren and Sasha as Armin and Mikasa approached.

“Jean, please.” Sasha’s eyes were glazing over. I smiled and wrapped my arms around her.

“Hey, don’t worry. We’ll probably beat you there.”

She laughed through a little sob and she wrapped her arms around me, giving a tight squeeze. I shrunk away with a drawn out groan, the dull pain in my ribs growing. She sniffled after another laugh and pressed her face into my shirt. I ran my hand over her head and she fixed her chin to rest on my chest, tears falling. I wished it didn’t come to that. I didn’t think I’d ever willingly separate myself from a group I’d considered family. I gave her a reassuring smile and pressed my lips to her hair, gently removing myself from her grasp.

“You’re a fucking idiot, you know that?” Eren scoffed, his brows furrowed and his lips tugged down in a disapproving frown.

“Who’s the one who burned a house down?”

Eren’s eyes widened for a moment and he broke into a laugh. He held his hand out and I smirked, clasping it in mine and pulling him in to a half hug, patting his shoulder. He returned the motion and we both stepped back. “It’ll be pretty quiet without your whinnying.”

I chuckled and rolled my eyes before they landed on Mikasa. Eren moved aside and she stood just outside my personal bubble, tilting her head back slightly to view me more clearly. I yelped when she pulled me into her steel embrace.

She leaned back, her hand resting on my scarred jaw. “You’ll find us again?”

“We will.”

She sighed and pursed her lips. “We’ll stay in the area for a few more days. I’ll make sure we do.”

She shoved my bag into my hands and I slung it over my shoulder and smiled appreciatively. “Thank you.”

Armin turned from Levi, where he’d stopped to talk, said his short goodbyes to everyone and waited on the side of the road. Levi didn’t move from where he’d been standing the entire time, but he was peering over at me. I met his scrutiny and turned away, Armin tagging along behind me.

It was a strange, nerve-wracking feeling to know I was going to be out there alone again, with the exception of Armin. I was doing it on my own accord, aware that I might not see them again, but I wasn’t ashamed to admit I was terrified. There was always a chance I wouldn’t see them again.

“Armin!” Eren called out, and we both turned around. “That’s my brother you’ve got with you. You better bring him back.”

Armin dipped his head in agreement and we were off, watching them grow farther and farther with every step until they were completely out of sight.

 

* * *

 

 

The air cooled as the sun began to set, giving me some time to retain any hydration in me. Armin kept up the same pace, his footsteps a short distance behind me. It surprised me how easily it came to forget his presence; however I was also really good at giving people the cold shoulder.

“Jean.”

His voice alone immediately put a block of anger on my chest.

“It’s getting dark. We should stop soon.”

“You want to stop, go back. I’m not stopping. You’ve already wasted enough of my time.”

“I’m not going back. I offered to come with you.”

I spun around and he moved back, probably thinking I was going to punch him again. I could have. There was no one around to stop me, but he wasn’t worth it. “Why? What about the good of the people, Armin? You were so set on moving on, don’t you remember?” Armin kept his mouth shut and I continued on my way down the road, taking longer strides.

“Jean, wait.” I didn’t stop. It was up to him to keep up with me. “Jean, I’m sorry.”

I scoffed and clenched my teeth together.

“I shouldn’t have…I shouldn’t have gone around everyone to make that decision. You’re right.”

Great, good, he understood _that_ much.

“I didn’t think that would be everyone’s reaction. Whether you realize it or not, I was trying to help.”

“People aren’t predictable. We aren’t some statistic you can lump into an equation.”

“Yes, I know that, but I-”

“I think it’s better if we drop it.”

He didn’t speak again. Not through the night, and not the next day.

 

It was day three since we left the group. Fending for myself was engraved in me, and I moved faster and held out longer than Armin could. I wouldn’t wait for him. He volunteered to come with me, he got himself into the situation, and so he could take care himself just as much. If he hadn’t before, he was going to learn on his own.

We were running low on any dried meat we’d brought with us, and we had to find water before it got too low in the relentless heat. I could go a while without much sleep, but the rest was necessary. I quietly stalked through the woods, sharp and at attention for anything, of any size really, to come around. The trees were widely spaced apart, but all I saw was a bunch of nothing. Well, with nothing on the ground, I tried the sky. I squinted and held the scope to my face, peering through the magnified lens and up into the trees.

Branches bounced a few feet away, and I zeroed in on the squirrel. I pulled the trigger and the squirrel dropped, and a satisfied grunt in my throat. I lowered the gun and was on my way to seize our meal of the day. I picked up the not so small animal, satisfied with its descent size and wondering how it got so fat when the rest of us were doing just the opposite.

A small grunt behind me caught my attention. A stiff was gargling and pushing forward onto Armin, who had his gun up as a barrier as he fought to push it back. I watched from my distance, not feeling any urgency to give him a hand. It was kind of repetitive, really; stiff comes for him, he pushes back, lather, rinse, repeat. I exhaled sharply and decided I’d offer him some assistance.

“Why don’t you just shoot it?”

“I don’t have a silencer.”

“What about a knife or crow bar or something?”

“Jean, this really isn’t the time.” he pushed it back a little further and whipped the butt of his gun against its head. It did some damage, but not enough to take it down.

“It’s the perfect time. If you’re going to survive out here you need to be prepared. You know, you seemed like a much better fighter when you were with the group. What happened?” I glimpsed to the side and noticed another stiff approaching. “Oh, look. Another one.”  Maybe I was being a little cruel, but in all honesty, I couldn’t understand why he was struggling so much.

The second stiff was too invested on joining the other in ganging up on, completely ignoring me. I stood back and watched to see what he would do. At least he wasn’t reduced to crying out for help yet. He let the stiff push forward and jumped out of the way so it would fall face first to the ground then slammed his end of his gun on it, shattering its skull and everything inside.

I gave him a light golf clap and a mocking cheer.

Never mind, I cheered too soon.

The second stiff was on him, knocking him over and snapping its jaw inches from his face, its drool dripping down onto its face. “Jean!”

“Already?” I droned, taking my time walking over and crouching next to the two on the ground. Armin’s wide eyes glanced at me.

“Stop wrestling. If it were anyone else, this would have been over with like yesterday.”

“Jean, please,”

I scoffed and drew my knife, tossing it up and down. “I mean, really, where’s your strength? These things are so soft in the skull you could smash a rock into it and ‘bam’! Done.”

“Jean!” He said through a grunt, its brown teeth almost grazed him that time.

“Alright, no need to shout.” I lined the blade to its temple and slid it in.

The stiff fell forward onto Armin. He pushed it off of him and scrambled away from it, letting out a shaky breath. Armin stared at me, eyes wide.

“Where you scared?”

He swallowed hard, “Yes.”

My disconnection gave way to anger again, and I could feel the deathly glower I held on him. “Good.” I wiped the bloodied blade on the stiff’s cloths and stood, putting it away. “Now imagine what Marco is going through.”

I left him panting and afraid on the ground and headed back for the road. It didn’t take long until his footsteps were behind me again.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what else I can say to you. What I did was horrible, and selfish, an-”

I spun on my heels and practically bared my teeth “No, what _you_ did was unforgivable. We found your family, and that was good enough for you, and you can sleep at night because you got what you needed.”

“Jean, that’s not-”

“You’re no better than those things.”

That sure shut him up. I returned to the road and got to skin the squirrel as I walked, tossing the coat to the side. I was tying it to the strap of my bag to dry out when I noticed Armin was feet away from me appearing anything but amused. Good. Ignoring him, I continued down the path. I had already regretted agreeing to him coming three days ago, but I was _really_ regretting it as the days passed. Armin wasn’t completely weak, he just didn’t come prepared. He was too busy trying to justify himself to think that part over.

 

* * *

 

Another two days passed, and I didn’t have a choice but to rest before I started hallucinating from the lack of sleep. Armin was gracious enough not to put his two cents in about how I went about things, more than likely for his own sake. It was noon and the sun was at its highest and hottest. The road ahead was a mass mirage of water, teasing us along as we walked. Tall yellow grass was on either side of us in the long and dry terrain. The sun beat down on us without the coverage the forests or towns provided us. It was rough and exhausting, but I had to keep going.

Two pairs of footsteps crunching along the dirt covered road dropped to one, and my solo steps didn’t last long as I realized Armin had come to a complete stop. “This isn’t the place to rest, Armin.”

“Jean…look.” He stood facing the field, his eyes wider than usual and he raised his hand to point at something.

His voice held a hint of wonder, so I _had_ to look. I followed his finger to where he was pointing and narrowed my eyes as I peered out. A small group of stiffs trudged along in our direction. I clicked my tongue and exhaled a drawn out raspy breath, “We’ll lose them before they even get to the road.”

“No, Jean.” Armin said in a breathy voice. I turned around and he urged me again, “ _Look_.”

I held back the aggravated growl in my throat and stared out at the stiffs again. They dead didn’t walk as fast as they were, but it was hot and distant objects were skewed by the waves of humidity. The sun was relentlessly beating down on my back without the low dose of wind walking gave us, and I was still wondering why the hell we were wasting our time sightseeing when we should have been looking for Marco. Just about ready to go back to what was really important, something happened. One of the stiffs turned to another, then back as if they were talking.

No, that wasn’t right. Stiffs didn’t talk.

I stepped off of the road to get a better look. They were a few hundred yards away when it became clear that there really _was_ something different about them. They didn’t stumble or trip or lag, but walked one foot in front of the other at a steady, even pace. They moved like people. Armin’s eyes were still fixed on those in the field when I took a few more steps until I was in the waist deep grass.

Some of their features were starting to stand out. There were three of them; one tall and with hair as blonde as Armin’s, the next was almost as tall, and thin with dark hair, and the third was tall, not as tall as the others, and he was fairly bulky with light hair.

I don’t know what possessed me to stand there staring at potentially deadly beings, human or otherwise, but there I was, standing less than one hundred feet away like a deer in headlights. I turned to Armin, expecting him to urge me to hightail it out of there. Instead he held the same expression. They were near enough that I could faintly hear their voices when they spoke, but not enough to catch the words. The brawny person turned his head and leaned back.

 

And then one more stepped out from behind the taller blonde.

 

I was running toward him like hell. My heart was pounding hard in my chest and loud in my ears, and I couldn’t move fast enough. I wouldn’t blink out of fear that my eyes were playing tricks on me, praying it wasn’t just a mirage. He was _right there_ and I could so clearly see his bright smile and brilliant wide eyes and his crazy dark hair, and he was running too.

It was him

It was him

My god _it was him_

I was already sobbing when he came crashing into me and he was screaming my name into my shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me in a tight embrace and my feet didn’t touch the ground until Marco dropped to his knees, taking me with him. I clawed at him, pulling him as close to me as possible and chanting his name, and he was laughing and crying at the same time, and all those shards of my heart were piecing themselves back together. He dragged his arms up my sides until he held my face in his hands. I leaned back and saw his face, tears streaming down past his beaming smile that I never wanted to go another second without.

 _I had him back_.

He pulled me into a kiss and I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer, also using my knees to push myself against him, but no matter how much I crushed myself against him, I couldn’t get enough of his scent, his taste, of feeling his arms around me. We were crying and laughing into each other’s mouths, hands desperately seeking more of one another, fingers raking through hair and over skin. Marco scattered quick kisses all over my face, wet from our tears, and we could only hold each other because it was so terrifyingly _real_ , and my god _I had him back_.

I leaned back and ran my thumbs along his cheekbones, then up to push his hair back so I could see every inch of his face. I chuckled and kissed him again, and pressed my forehead to his. “I found you.”

“You found me.” Marco murmured, closing his eyes and smiling.

I rested my forehead on his shoulder and he laughed softly, running his fingertips up and down my spine. I was breathless, holding onto him like my anchor while my mind scrambled to convince myself that he was there with me, not a dream or mirage, and so very much _alive_. I trailed small kisses along his collarbone and stopped to burrow my nose into his neck. I took a slow, deep breath, and then another, savoring his scent. His shoulders twitched when he sniffled and there was a small whine in his throat.

I placed my hands around the nape of his neck and pulled him into me, whispering words of adoration and chants, “I’m here, I’ve got you, I love you.”

His arms were circled around me and he was holding me tight again. A little too tight. I swallowed a grunt from the jolt of pain in my side, but I wouldn’t let go no matter how much it felt like _he was really breaking my ribs_. He must have heard me struggling to breath, tilting his head to the tide to see my face. I smiled down at him and hooked my arms under his, pressing my fingers into his back to bring him in close again. The fluttering in my chest started growing and filling in the gaps as we soaked each other in, mumbling sweet words and banter to each other, giggling and exchanging tearful kisses in between.

He pulled away a minute later and sniffled as he ran his wrist along his forehead. I was too lost in him to remember ‘oh hey, it’s the middle of a draught’, and I couldn’t help but laugh at his cried out eyes and red, glistening face. He chuckled and pushed my hair back, showing me I was sweating just as much, and he snorted at how my hair spiked up.

“You’re so gross,” I grabbed his wrists and fought to keep his hands from further harassing my hair. He pulled me into him and nuzzled his damp hair into my neck. “Ew, Marco!”

He laughed, and thankfully he didn’t move right away, and that was fine because was set on keeping him with me forever anyways. “I love you too, hun.” he whispered, his throaty hum tickling the nape of my neck. He rose to his feet, holding my hands to help me up. I hissed from the change in position of my torso and held my side once I stood. Marco’s brows furrowed and he looked down at where my hand pressed. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing, just a little pain.”

“Jean? W-were you…?” He looked about ready to cry again.

I waved my hand and chuckled. “No, no, I wasn’t bitten.” I raised my shirt to show him the bruising, and he winced just looking at it. I peered over my shirt and frowned at the returning black and dark purple. Yep, he did some damage. I smiled up at him, and in return he backhanded the side of my head.

“ _Don’t_ make me worry like that.” He ran the back of his hand down the side of my face and I leaned into the touch. He smiled and his eyes flickered over my shoulder and back to me.

I spun around, surprised to see three more people, and then I realized they were there the whole time, I was just too caught up in the world of Marco. Two of the men, the stocky blonde and the tall slinky one, stood beside each other on the road, looking on with faint curiosity while third man stood a few feet away and was talking to Armin.

He sensed my apprehension and spoke softly, “They’re friends, Jean.”

I licked my lips and deliberated his words for a moment. It wasn’t that I thought they weren’t good people. On the contrary, they were like angels in my eyes for bringing Marco back, but was a frightening thing seeing that there were more people in the world, people like _us_ …but Marco trusted them, and the last time he trusted outsiders, we got ourselves a family.

“Then they’re mine, too.”

That beaming smile was back. “I should introduce you.”

Marco took my hand in his as he walked us through the long dry grass and onto the road. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of him, studying his defined jawline down to his broad shoulders and the graceful strides of his long legs beside me. I still couldn’t believe he was right there next to me, smiling and glancing at me, talking to me and holding my hand in his. It was still so surreal that he was there, his solid hand gripping mine and squeezing to validate that yes, I was there, too. I slipped my fingers between his and held on tight, because if I didn’t, he might have drifted away.

“I take it you’re Jean.”

My eyes were torn from Marco’s sweet face to the man in front of me, his arms crossed as he looked down at me. I would be lying if I said he wasn’t intimidating. Other than his massive build, his face didn’t exactly come off as friendly; his thin eyebrows furrowed over narrow eyes and equally thin lips pressed to a line.

“I am.” I said warily.

His judging eyes opened and then he smirked, his whole demeanor flipping from intense to welcoming as he held his hand out. “You’re all Marco ever talks about.”

Marco’s race turned a furious shade of red and I chuckled at his expense and shook the blonde’s hand, praying he wouldn’t crush my mine.

“I’m Reiner,” he pointed his thumb over his shoulder and at the tall man behind him, “This here’s Bertholdt.”

Bertholdt had a curious look about him and his brows rose at the sound of his name. By the way he looked us over it seemed he was the observant type that kept to himself, while taking in the details from the outside. He held his hand out and I wasn’t as apprehensive about the second handshake.

“Nice to finally meet you.” His voice matched his appearance, hushed and not completely connected. He seemed strange, then again so did Reiner. Pleasant, but strange.

“Thank you,” I glanced at Marco and we exchanged a smile, “for keeping him safe.”

Reiner and Bertholdt exchanged glances of their own and the blonde shrugged. “It didn’t take much. From what we’ve seen, he can hold his own and then some. He was tackling a bear when we found him.”

“I’ve never even _seen_ a real bear.” Marco mumbled.

I chuckled and gave our hands a little swing. “I wouldn’t put it past you.” He rebelled with a mocking smirk and I simply put my hand over his face and reconsidered easing him away to cup his face in my hand and run my thumb across his cheek. It was a natural gesture, but his amused smile reminded me that we were still in conversation with two other people.

“Hey, Jean.”

I cleared my throat and for the first time in days I was happy to see Armin walking over to us, saving me from an awkward moment. The much taller man was one long stride behind him, his features even more intimidating than Reiner’s. From the way he walked to his unfaltering dissecting gaze, he was stoic, almost too regal for our era. To say I didn’t want to take a step back with how close he was getting was an understatement, but I willed my subconscious to shut up and waited for them to approach. Marco found my reaction amusing, giggling quietly and thrumming his fingers on my knuckles.

Armin stopped and looked at the other two, nodding in greetings, then back to me. The tall man had stopped a few paces back, his eyes fixed on me. As intense as his gaze was, it was also placid. I couldn’t see anything about him in his posture and definitely not his poker face, as if a blinder was placed on me.

“This is Erwin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the amazing feedback! I was really excited writing this chapter, and I hope you enjoy it just as much :D  
> (psst listen to Be Not So Fearful by A.C. Newman at the end)
> 
> Song lyrics: In the Wind by Lord Huron


	8. Premonition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group welcomes both new and old people...for the most part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *major fluff warning*  
> i want to apologize profusely to you and to myself for how long this took. a LOT has been going on lately, both good and stressful, but i've got things caught up and planned ahead so fingers crossed  
> my hand slipped hard with this chapter. hard.  
> *i've got a very non spiffy tumblr ---> imgnchar-latte.tumblr.com

 

_For several hours we lay there, last ones of our kind_

_harder days are coming, maybe I don't mind_

_Sounds kind of dumb when i say it, but it's true_

_I would do anything for you_

 

* * *

 

 

“So, Erwin is the other soldier who was with Levi’s group?”

“Mhm,” Marco smiled, gently swinging our clasped hands between us while we walked.

We had barely parted them since about four hours ago. I still needed to feel him and know he was there. I was afraid that I would wake up and he would be gone or if the sun had finally gotten to me and I was hallucinating. Marco being Marco, he would squeeze my hand every time the thought entered my mind, his manner unwavering and contagious. I couldn’t shake the grin off my face. Then again I wasn’t trying too hard. I was on cloud nine and damnit I was going to show it all I wanted.

“Didn’t they get split up a long time before we met them?”

“Yeah,” Marco raised my hand to his mouth and grazed his lips up my wrist, lingering over the back of my hand then placing a tender kiss there with a content sigh. My god, did I love him. His eyes rose to meet mine and I bit my lip and smirked when his face flushed a shade deeper. He smiled and returned our hands to sway between us. “I forgot what I was talking about.”

I chuckled and leaned toward him to nudge the bridge of my nose to the angle of his jaw, quiet giggles bubbling out of him when I hummed against the sensitive skin. To be honest, I forgot, too. We still had so many questions for each other, but soaking in and enjoying each other’s company felt more important.

The trees that lined both sides of the road shaded us with their masses of leaves. I closed my eyes and took in the cool air without straying from my spot on Marco’s neck, listening to him as he hummed a soft tune.

Armin and Erwin were some ways ahead of us, distant enough to be out of earshot, just like he and Levi had days ago. Other than the introduction to Erwin, neither had said much, instead invested in their own secret conversation.

Marco’s grip on my hand tightened for a second and I opened my eyes, rolling my head back to gaze up at him. “Did something happen between you two?”

I groaned with disapproval and slid my chin to his shoulder. “No, not really.”

“Hun.”

“Kinda.”

“Can I ask what?”

I shrugged and watched the gravel zoom by under our feet. “It doesn’t really matter.”

“It matters enough that it’s bothering you.” He leaned forward to gain my attention, and I automatically grinned like an idiot simply from seeing that face, despite the conversation. It didn’t last long until was back to mulling things over.

“We sort of…we each had a different perspective on things. I stuck to mine.”

Marco exhaled a laugh through his nose, “Stubborn ass.”

“I try.”

He pressed a kiss to my temple and gently nudged his forehead there. He didn’t probe the topic, and knowing him, he would wait patiently until I blurted it out.  “When this is over, I’m putting a tracking chip in you.”

“Nah, you won’t need one.”

“You’re right, leashes are cheaper.” He deadpanned.

“Damn, kid. You’re feisty as always.” I chortled, earning myself a suggestive wink from Marco.

 

 

It would be a few days journey getting back to the rest of our group, assuming they hadn’t moved on already, but we had enough conversation to amuse ourselves. Marco told me about what happened after we got away and how he came to meet the three men walking ahead of us. He’d managed to escape the mass of stiffs after him, outrunning most and by some strange turn of events, he came across a town on fire which did the rest of the work.

I choked and waved for him to ignore me and continue.

It was the middle of the night by the time the coast was clear before he could return to the car. He wanted to find us, but had no idea what direction we went, so he made a starting point and hoped for the best. He took the two guns, and confirmed that, yes, he had a pretty good feeling that we would come back to the parkway, thus leaving the map in the bag.

It had been a few days after the crash when he ran into Erwin and the other two. They snuck up on him and held him captive so they could interrogate him, asking the standard questions about who he was and where he came from, or if he was with any more people. What they didn’t know was that Marco had the effect of melting anyone’s cold demeanor with his doe-eyed appearance and smooth voice. Hell, it worked on me. He told them about our group and what had happened, and where we were supposed to be going. Erwin questioned how many people were in the group and who we were, which Marco also explained, and hours later Erwin declared that they would help him find us.

I told him we found the bag the next day and followed what we thought was the right trail, how we found Eren and Mikasa’s truck, and soon after found them in a completely not on fire neighborhood. His grip on my hand tightened and I relaxed my jaw, not even realizing how tense it was, and saw the distressed expression on his face.

 I reassuringly ran my thumb up and down his. “I wasn’t going to give up on you, Marco. No matter how long it would take.”

“I know, love.” He cooed.

“I know you know.” He chuckled then reached his other hand over to tousle my hair. I ducked my head in response and batted his hand away, only to grab it and admire his alternative engagement ring. “I had a dream the night I thought I lost you. I think it was supposed to be after this was all over. We were married, and coffee existed. I didn’t want to wake up.”

“Are you sure it wasn’t a premonition?”

“Mm, I’d like to think so.” I caught a glimpse of the blue spots of sky through the mass of leaves shading us, smiling over at Marco. “I’m good for now, though.”

“You’re so sappy sometimes.” He teased and stuck his tongue out.

“Wha- _no_ , I just…” I sputtered and tiny sparks of heat pricking my cheeks. Okay, so maybe I could get a little sentimental sometimes, but Marco was like the king of all things lovey-dovey.

“Heads up,” I caught the water bottle Reiner tossed me and nodded in thanks. Ahead of us, Armin, Erwin, and Bertholdt had come to a stop. “We’re taking a break for a few.” He announced and joined Bertholdt as the tall brunette set the heavier items of their gear down and slowly paced the side of the road.

Marco and I sat in the cool grass in the shadier spot under a thick tree where we could stretch our limbs. I took a sip of the water and passed it to Marco. He shook his head and held his palm up.

“Marco, this is the second time you’ve turned it down.”

“That bag Bertholdt’s carrying’s got enough water to keep us going for a few more days, so I don’t need any. Now, drink.”

I side-eyed him but did as he said and set the half empty bottle down to cross my arm behind my head to rest on, the other sliding over to find Marco’s and twine our fingers together. I think I took a step up into cloud nine. I mean, the sun was shining, birds where singing, and a certain freckled treasure was back in my life. I turned my head to face him and his serene smile and accidentally let a boyish giggle escape me. I slapped my free hand over my mouth and Marco grabbed it, rolling onto his side and snickering at my embarrassment. The effects that man had on me were insane. Marco tugged my hand until I was on my side and facing him, and I kept my eyes on his, gentle and loving.

He reached up and ran the back of his hand smoothly down to my jaw, cupping my face in his hands. “I missed you.”

I tipped my head down to kiss his palm and sighed. “I missed you.”

His sat up and held his weight on his elbow, our hands still bound together, and leaned forward to press his lips to the corner of mine. I caught his in a kiss before he could pull away, both of us exhaling our own pleased sigh. My head was swimming while I overdosed on Marco, and I think it was making me crazy because I’d never felt so at peace in a world full of sorrow.

Well, shit. I really was getting sappy.

“Break time’s over love birds.” Reiner snorted and adjusted his gun’s strap on his shoulder.

Marco hushed any displeased sound that hadn’t even come out of my mouth yet and leaned back, running his hand down my face one more time before he pulled me up to my feet along with him. We stepped back onto the road and met Reiner and Bertholdt as they did so, too.

“It’s finally cooling down,” Bertholdt sighed and picked up the water-filled bag. “Do you think we’ll travel through the night?”

Reiner huffed and rested his hands on his hips. “We might have to. Jean, how long did your friends say they’d squat there?”

“A few days.”

“Are they the waiting type?”

I bit my cheek and glanced at Armin. “I’m not so sure.”

“Whether they did or not doesn’t really matter.” Bertholdt stared down the road we had ahead of us. “Either we’ll catch up to them or we’ll meet them wherever that camp is. Speaking of,” He brought his attention back to us, “how exactly do you know how to get there without directions?”

“He’s got the thing memorized.” I jerked my chin toward Armin and Bertholdt nodded.

“Alright kiddies, let’s get a move on. We’ve got a lot of ground to cover.” Reiner yawned, already walking toward the other two, Bertholdt shortly in tow.

“I hate walking.” I grumbled, and Marco snorted and grabbed my arm to tug me along.

“C’mon cry baby. We’ve got our people waiting on us.”

 

 

 

Two days later we were close to the halfway point to where we split off from Eren and the others. In that time, I got to know Reiner and Bertholdt more. They came from the same close-knit town somewhere south, the type of place where everybody knew everybody and likely had no plans on leaving such a homey place. At least, not by choice. With them being so far out from the other towns, they didn’t catch wind of what was going on in the world until it was happening. The two of them made it out, along with a few others, the virus forcing to leave everything behind. They had another person with them, but their body language suggested they didn’t want to talk about it.

They didn’t disclose much more about their past, nevertheless they were decent guys. I’m pretty sure that if I opened a dictionary and searched ‘teddy bear’, a picture of Reiner would pop up as the first result. He also had a penchant for rectal oriented comments. Bertholdt, as I suspected, was quiet, mostly adding a short comment every so often. His expression didn’t change much from stress and boredom, but he meant well I’m sure.

Erwin, on the other hand, was too mysterious for my liking. He and I spoke briefly, when we were introduced and a here and there through the days. He asked about my history and though I didn’t understand how it was at all relevant, he paid close attention, as if he was dissecting me. Several times a day for the past three days, Marco had to reassure me that he was a good person, but that wasn’t so easy to believe. Not when I couldn’t see a single speck of his character. The last few years rough enough to harden a person and he was a soldier, after all, but I had a feeling he’d always been that way considering I had nothing else to go off of.

 

 

Marco had been talking for the past hour but I was paying more attention to the sound his voice than what he was talking about. I’ll admit it wasn’t my best habit. A smile pricked at the corner of my lips when he sighed, his voice a rising a few octaves higher with his long exhale, but the pleasant sound was interrupted.

“Jean,” Armin materialized beside me, “Can we talk?”

I didn’t get a chance to open my mouth before Marco did. “I’ll be over here.” He smiled as I frowned and gave a small wave before walking ahead of us to join Bertholdt and Reiner in small talk.

My eyes briefly following Marco, I huffed and waited for Armin to say whatever he had to. The wait was a little longer than I expected until he quickly cleared his throat.

“I felt I was doing the right thing, trying to save everyone we still had first.” He sighed and his brows rose slightly, “I was wrong,” then he turned his head to me, brows lowering to crease and accentuate the sincerity in his eyes, “I’m sorry.”

“No,” the words came out as a low rasp as I watched the others ahead of us. I had barely considered everyone else and really, whether my decisions would put us in danger or not. While Armin took the time focusing on getting there, I was only thinking of the result. I must have been the biggest jerk in history. “You weren’t the one who was wrong.”

He hummed, “Maybe neither of us was wrong.”

I was about to agree when I remembered how I treated him, how I was so close to letting him die. “Yeeaaaaah no.”

He chuckled and shrugged a shoulder, “I’ll call it even.”

I glanced at him and shook my head with an airy laugh, “You’re crazy if you’re seriously forgiving me this fast.”

“Things happen.” He paused briefly then asked so innocently, “Is it too soon to ask if we’re good?”

I snorted when he closed his hand into an awaiting fist, to which I bumped mine against. How he could brush it all past him was besides my comprehension. “We’re good.”

There was a comfortable silence between us, and any leftover tension vanished by the second. Armin inhaled quick, breaking the silence before asking, “What do you think it’ll look like?”

“What what will look like?”

“The Wings of Freedom camp.”

I bit at the corner of my lip. I never really thought about what it would _look_ like, just that it was someplace stable. Somewhere we wouldn’t have to fear what could be around every corner, where we didn’t have to count our bullets and pray it was enough. Somewhere we could breathe and not worry that it could be our last. I let my mind wander back to the dream I’d had, the only image I’d even considered for the future.

Streaks of sun shone through curtains, running across sheets disheveled by the legs tangled beneath them and trailing up exposed freckled skin, outlining dark tousled bed head of the half asleep man smiling at me. “I’m not sure.”

“Maybe it will be something like before. Maybe there’ll be real food. I’ve been craving a bagel for a year.”

“A bagel. There are hundreds of thousands of foods you could ever think of, and you want a bagel.”

“With extra cream cheese.”

I couldn’t hold back my roll of laughter with how serious he spoke.

“What about you?”

“I don’t know. I kinda forgot what anything other than meat tastes like. Maybe…” I racked my brain until the image of my mother smiling softly and sliding a plate in front of me crossed my mind, and I smiled at the memory, “A big ass omelet.”

“Onion rings.”

“I mean, onion rings are fine, but how about mashed potatoes, stuffing, fries, or a-”

“Stop, stop, stop.” Armin put his hand up, “You’re killing me over here.”

I chuckled and shrugged. “You’re right. We’re starting to sound like Sasha and Connie.” The smile I’d been wearing immediately dropped and I stared holes into the ground.

“It’s okay to talk about him, Jean.” Armin said softly. “He’s gone, but he isn’t really _gone_.”

“I know, but…” I wasn’t sure which was worse; that I let it slip, or that I almost forgot. Connie existed. So did my mother and all the others we’d lost. They crossed my mind every day, but over time I got used to the holes they once filled. Time doesn’t heal wounds. It just numbs them. “I know.”

There was a long pause before Armin clicked his tongue and spoke up. “I think they’re still waiting.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he breathed, “Don’t worry about Levi, the others won’t leave without us. They’re stubborn like that, you know?

I glanced at him and he smirked, “Yeah.”

“Hey, Jean?”

“Hm?”

“I’m glad we’re friends again.”

I scoffed and dramatically rolled my eyes, “You are _such_ a nerd.”

He laughed and just like that, we were talking to each other like everything was back to normal, somehow able to put the last couple of weeks behind us. At some point, Marco peeked over his shoulder and cocked an eyebrow. ‘ _Are you behaving_?’. I quickly wrinkled my nose and stuck my tongue out at him, earning myself an approving smile.

 

 

We moved through the night as we had the first day on our way back. The sun had risen hours ago so the breeze was still cool and it didn’t feel so much like a desert. The water supply was low, and though coming across something that wasn’t dried up would be problematic, there Marco and I stood in the middle of the woods listening for any sign of running water.

“You know,” I narrowed my eyes and scanned the woods, breathing in the fresh air, “I’m beginning to question my tracking skills.”

“We’re in the middle of a drought. There isn’t much we can go by.”

“Maybe there’s a town nearby. We are on a main route after all.”

“The next town is fifteen miles down the road.” Marco huffed and massaged the bridge of his nose, “We’d be straying pretty far from our path, not to mention we’d be losing a considerable amount of time finding the others.”

After a long pause, I sighed and headed deeper into the woods. “Alright, let’s try a little longer.”

A little longer turned into an hour of my nose to the ground with no luck of a single drop of water, and if he didn’t want to hold up the others, we had to backtrack toward the road.

“Think they found anything?”

“The chances that they did are pretty low.”

“I like you better when you’re motivational.”

Marco snickered and dipped under a massive spider web, the nasty critter sitting a foot or two above us, “I like me better when I’m motivational.”

“I hate spiders.” I grumbled, glaring it down as I crouched under its elaborate death trap. I was barely off the ground when a guttural hiss triggered a bolt of adrenaline through me. I rolled forward and took aim, firing at the stiff that decided to sneak up on me. The first bullet was a headshot and the body dropped. I breathed deep to calm my nerves and get my head on straight, a pointless action, because another stiff was suddenly on my back, another approaching from ahead.

Decrepit fingers grabbed at my arms and I could smell the rotted breath as the stiff moved to bite down on my shoulder. I pointed my gun up and fired. The unbelievably sharp ringing in my ears was disorienting. I felt like I was drunk, cross eyed, and deaf all at once. The stiff went limp, taking me down with it and making the dizziness worse. I saw the other stiff-or maybe two, as I was seeing double- limping toward me. I rolled off of the other and out of the way just in time to avoid its lunging attack. I got to my hands and knees and pressed my palm to my temple. I learned my lesson never to fire right next to my face.

The other stiff was still making a ruckus, but wasn’t too bright in the ‘get back up after falling’ department, so there was no need to waste a bullet. I sat back on my heels and rattled my head until my equilibrium was right enough to move, and turned to see Marco, firing at a group of stiffs heading toward us. I got to my feet and met his side, gun up and aiming.

“Are you okay?” Marco glanced at me between shots.

I nodded and fired, at the same time estimating how many stiff there were. A glimpse over my shoulder told me too many. Turning the opposite way of Marco, I was firing at the dozen or so moving in on us. “We don’t have enough bullets.”

“You run while I distract them.”

“ _No_.” I growled low through my teeth. “We aren’t doing that again.” I was able to take down a handful when I pulled the trigger and only a click came out. “Shit.”

“I still have a few. I can hold them o-”

“Can you shut up for like five seconds, Marco?”

I dug around in my pockets, sure that a few fell out of the box Eren had given me. I gave a silent victory cry when my fingers grazed against two, then hurried to get them into the gun. I took down two stiffs that had come too close for comfort, but there were still too many.

“I’ve got maybe seven left.” Marco shouted over another shot, “Make that six.”

On the fifth shot, the trigger gave. We were out of ammo, and we were screwed.

“Okay, no problem. We got this.” I reassured myself more than Marco, drawing my knife and stepping into a fighting stance, as did he.

“Ready?”

“Ready.” I sprang toward the closest one. Half the stiff’s head splattered across my face and I jumped back. “What the-”

“Get down!” The next thing I know, Marco’s hand was on my head, pushing me to the ground and holding me there as bullets whizzed through the air.

The sound quickly ceased and I jumped up the second his hand freed me. “What the hell just happened?” Marco was looking past me, a vibrant grin on his face. I turned around and the confusion was knocked right off my face to be replaced by an amused smirk. “ _No way_ ,” I barked with laughter as Eren lowered his gun, an excessively cocky grin on his face.

“Dibs!” Sasha darted around him and came barreling toward us. She tackled Marco, nearly throwing his balance as she giggled excited greetings.

“What are you doing out here?”

Eren gave my shoulder a hard smack and snickered, “You took way too long, so we came to find you guys instead.” His eyes darted behind and around me, widening slightly. “Where’s Armin?”

“He’s fine, just taking a break on the road.”

“Alone?”

“Of course not,” I was cut short when Sasha rammed into my back and wrapped her arms around me to give a tight hug. “Aaahhhhowowowow ribs, ribs, ribs,” I whimpered, drawing a mischievous giggle from her.

“Sorry,” she winced apologetically and glanced over her shoulder as Mikasa pulled away from embracing Marco. Sasha stepped aside and joined Eren and Marco, catching up on the days apart.

Her usually limited demeanor softened and a smile played on her lips as she pulled me into a hug, much gentler than when we parted ways.

“Thank you.” I spoke quietly and gave her an appreciative squeeze. She held onto me a few seconds longer, during which I peered over her shoulder and my sight fell on Levi. He stood a short distance away, his features softened and tranquil, almost. The faintest smile crossed his lips and he nodded his head in a way that I could only interpret as a welcome home. Mikasa pulled away, and like before, kindly patted my cheek.

Eren was right in front of me again, shifting side to side on his feet. “You said Armin wasn’t alone, right?”

I nodded. “I think there’s something you’d all like to see.”

“Yeah, what?” Eren’s scrunched up face suddenly dropped, his eyes wide like he’d seen a ghost behind me, and then he was gone. “Armin!” He shouted the blonde’s name as he threw his arms around his friend and picked him up, whirling him around a few times before holding him back by the shoulders to examine him, and pulling him back as ecstatic laughter tumbled out of them.

Sasha and Mikasa immediately froze at the sight of the three men coming through the woods, both of their hands moving back to grab the handles of their guns.

Marco stepped in front of them and waved his hand before turning back to them, “They’re okay.”

The women exchanged a silent agreement and dropped their hands from their waists, watching as the tall trio grew closer.

“We heard the gunshots.” Bertholdt announced, glimpsing at each of us.

“Only we were expecting to find some corpses, not…” Reiner halfheartedly held his hands out, “a bunch of people.” He peeped over at Marco. “ _Your_ people?” Marco confirmed with a nod and Reiner’s friendly smile stamped onto his face.

Sasha, ever the inspector, walked around him several times. She paused in front of him, her head tilted back and she held her hand to her chin, peering up at the blonde. “What’s your name?”

“Reiner.” He wasn’t fazed by her scrutiny. If anything he was amused. “I take it you’re Sasha?”

“Maybe.” She turned to the tall brunette, eyes squinting with suspicion. “And you?”

“Bertholdt.” He answered slowly, a few drops of sweat leaving trails down the side of his face. He probably felt as uncomfortable as he appeared.

“It’s okay, Sasha. They’ve been helping us get back.” Armin grunted and pushed at Eren’s fist as it rubbed into his head and disheveled his hair.

Her eyes darted between them and she glanced back at Mikasa, whose focus was on the taller blonde walking around them. Sasha followed her gaze, as did Eren, and the threes froze. Marco, Armin, and I seemed to be the only three unaffected.

Levi was entirely still and possibly wasn’t breathing. His lips parted and eyes widened more than any of us had ever seen before, zeroed in on Erwin  as they came face to face. The silence that hung over everyone was going to drive someone insane.

Erwin’s harsh features relaxed and a minute smile tugged the corner of his lips when he spoke.

“Levi.”

Hearing his name must have done something terrible to him, because Levi’s entire being twitched and then the bridge of his nose crinkled as his brows furrowed deep, giving him the snarl of a wolf ready to attack. Without a word, he stepped around Erwin and headed right for the road. Erwin wasn’t deterred by the reaction. On the contrary, the entertained smile stayed on his lips as he followed him and left the rest of us in a state of confusion.

“What was that?” Reiner mumbled.

“I think,” Bertholdt’s eyes moved from the two growingly distant men to Reiner, “I think that was their way of saying hello?”

“Or ‘fuck you’.” Eren snorted.

Mikasa sighed and broke the strange veil hanging over us by heading back for the road, the rest shortly following suit.

 

 

To say the least, the vibe around our bigger group had become tainted with Erwin and Levi’s puzzling relationship with one another. Neither spoke, yet they moved relatively close. Levi was tenser than any of us had ever seen him, other than the moment back in that horrifying forest, brows consistently furrowed over narrow eyes and the corners of his lips turned down into a frown. Erwin on the other hand, and from what little he revealed about himself, was in a lighter mood and moved much more fluid than his much shorter, edgier companion.

From what little I knew of them, they had both been high rank soldiers in the same corps division. They were leader figures for the group of survivors they managed to gather and had just barely made it two years before a swarm, almost as large as the one that separated us, had unexpectedly come. Most of the group had either been killed or split off and never seen again. Until Erwin, that is. Marco and I had only witnessed joyful reunions, so the two soldiers’ reactions were off putting.

It had only been a few hours since we regrouped and the daylight was going fast. We hadn’t been following the map Levi still had in his possession. His objective for the time being was to stay in a place large enough to fit our newly sized troupe securely long enough to figure out what the hell we were doing since our major derailment weeks ago. Houses of crazy shapes and styles started showing up in the woods, their weed-covered driveways mind as well have been their own street. Some exaggerated oriental or Spanish style, some like cubes randomly stacked and windows for walls, and others were mansions. As in ‘what you see on television’ mansions. MTV’s Cribs style mansions.

Levi slowed his pace and walked off into the woods, his hand rising and signaling for us to follow. To our enjoyment, he had spotted a house, if you could call it that, with a brick foundation, the mass of land it was sitting on blocked by tall metal fences. It was more for show than to actually keep people out, but we would find out shortly how they held up against stiffs.

Bertholdt was able to squeeze his reedy body through a gap between the fence rails while the rest of us circled around to wait by the entrance, ducked down behind some brush.

“I heard Johnny Depp lives somewhere around here.”

“Damnit, Armin, why would you bring him up when you _know_ how much I hate that guy.” Eren said slowly, visibly restraining his growing fury.

Armin snickered, “I don’t think you’ll be seeing him anytime soon.”

“Good. Fucking pirate hat wearing cabin wood loser.”

“Wow,” Sasha said flatly, Reiner next to her and turning red trying not to bust out laughing.

“All of you, shut up.” Levi snapped and returned to keeping his eyes peeled.

Bertholdt walked along the fence on the other side, regularly eying the house, before unlocking it and letting us in. Levi went first, keeping low and alert. There wasn’t much to keep us covered on the long stretch of pavement so we had to move fast, ungracefully being discrete and efficiently sneaky out in the open. The house was much bigger up close, the front door alone at least eight feet tall and five feet across. It took me ten minutes to pick the rather intricate locks that the pristine homeowners thought they absolutely needed, and stepped aside to make way for Erwin as he took initiative. He cracked the door open and knocked loud enough that anything in there would hear. When it was clear that nothing was in there, we entered one after another.

The foyer was a huge, open space with a wide staircase of white stone steps, a giant chandelier hanging over us, and an elevator shaft toward the back. Whoever owned the place had way too much money to play with.

“Split up into pairs. Three upstairs and two downstairs. Make sure you clear every single room.”

Upstairs, Marco and I took one wings, Armin and Mikasa another, and Reiner and Bertholdt in between. Every door opened up to a bedroom or a study, all empty and appearing untouched by human, or otherwise, hands for years. A sharp whistle drew us to the railing along the top floor. Sasha and Eren appeared and looked up at us.

“Clear.”

Marco checked down the wing at the others where Bertholdt and Armin nodded, and he stretched over the railing. “All clear.”

“Alright little shits,” Levi said as he appeared behind Eren and Sasha, “We’re staying here for a few days, so start unpacking and get your rest. We’ll need it.” Levi immediately shut his eyes and sighed, rubbing his fingers along his temple. He’d realized too late that he flicked the switch for every one of us to scramble to claim a room in the new house.

I grabbed Marco’s arm and power walked to a bedroom at the end of the hall that I’d had my eye on. We were giggling like kids when I pulled him into the room, the two of us moving fast enough to slide on the hardwood floor and come close to wiping out. I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pushed him against the door, and I was on him in a second, crushing our lips together like my life depended on it. Marco laughed into the kiss, his arms around my waist and pulling me against him.

Keeping our hands off of each other ever since I found him was nearly impossible and we finally had the perfect opportunity to make up for that. So, damn right I was going to jump his bones.

My hands went to his jeans, popping the first button open and Marco groaned deep, his hands moving to rest on my hips. I moved quickly, diving my hand down to grope him through his boxers, the other around his neck. He rutted into my palm, his lips parting with a gasp, and I stole the chance to slide my tongue into his mouth. He deepened the kiss when I worked my hand faster and his breaths were straining.

I nipped his bottom lip and got to my knees, staring up at him as I began tugging his jeans down and my breath hitched. His eyes were glossed over, dark and pupils dilated with lust and love and focused only on me. He was beautiful. I remembered breathing was a good idea and inhaled sharp as I got back to work, hooking my fingers around the top of his straining boxers. Throwing my patience to the wind, I pulled them down and took him into my mouth. Marco’s hands were in my hair, raking through and clutching it as he let out a shaky sigh, whispering small praises. He tipped his head back to rest against the door and swallowed back a moan as I gave the tip a hard suck before taking in as much of his cock as I could, swirling my tongue around in rhythm as I bobbed my head.

I was too caught up in watching the amazing faces Marco was making to hear the hard knock at the door. But no, not Marco. He jumped and his hips bucked forward, knocking me on my ass, coughing my lungs out with tears running down my face. I was not prepared for that.

“Marco,” Mikasa’s voice was muffled by the thick door. “Sasha would like your help downstairs. She found the pantry.”

“Y-yeah, okay, thank you, I’ll be right down!” Marco said, his voice cracking while he got himself together and zipping up his jeans. He kneeled, grabbing my hand and helping me up while I hacked up my esophagus, his eyes wide and apologetic.

“Jesus ch-” I struggled through a coughing fit, “your dick almost killed me.”

“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” Marco whispered and kissed my head, “Later, okay?” I could hear the smile in his voice and quirked a brow, but didn’t say anything on the count of he was already out the door and closing it.

Luck was not on my side.

 

 

Eren shifted on the bed, crossing his legs and leaning forward to rest his blows on his knees. He exhaled loudly and scratched his head. “No, idiot. They were together, like _together_ together.”

Armin and Mikasa nodded in unison. “Erwin and Levi?” I repeated slowly, to which they nodded to. “Together?” I held my index fingers up and tapped them together. “Really?”  More nodding. They remained quiet while I digested the new scoop on Mother Goose. I sat back, not wanting to imagine it but at the same time it wouldn’t stop clawing its way into my brain so I was stuck imagining it. Suddenly I took breathed deep through my nose and ran my fingers through my hair. “But he’s like a third of his size,”

“Seriously, Jean?” Eren slapped his head and groaned. “I just told you their entire history and all you got from it was the part about sex?”

What could I say? My mind was busy with other somewhat related thoughts.

“Oh, boohoo with your teenage high school drama,” For a moment we all turned to look at Armin, sitting in a cushy chair in the corner of the room, in his own world of skimming through a stack of books. “Try living in a zombie apocalypse. Next,” He tossed the book and grabbed another to skim through. He finally realized the room was silent, and looked up to see all eyes on him. “What?” he asked, slightly offended. I didn’t know he could be so bitter.

I shook my head and turned back to Eren, continuing our conversation. “No, I was listening. So then, why is Levi so pissed at him? It wasn’t like they planned to get split up.”

“Actually,” Armin rubbed the back of his neck and glanced at Mikasa.

“In the midst of everything during the night we were run out by the stiffs, Erwin made a deal with Levi. They were both capable of getting enough people out and try to meet up at a later point. Levi found us and a few others. Erwin vanished along with over half of the people.”

“How is that Erwin’s fault?”

Eren scoffed like I had asked something so obvious. “Don’t you think Marco would be upset if you did the same thing? Only it’s Levi we’re talking about. He’s only got so much patience.”

I chewed at my lip and traced the crisscross design on the bed’s thick blanket. “I guess.”

“He’ll get over it soon if he hasn’t yet. I suggest we steer clear of them until then.” Armin droned, dropping another unsatisfying novel. “Their hostility might spread.” His eyes flickered between me and Eren.

A knock at the door got our attention and Sasha leaned in the doorway, “There’s food ready downstairs. Also, Levi and Erwin have some things they’d like to say to us.”

Eren scooted himself to the edge of the bed and put his feet on the floor. “So much for steering clear.”

 

 

Downstairs, we were all gathered around a long dining table, thanking the universe for allowing the likely deceased homeowner for keeping a room specifically dedicated to being stocked like a grocery store. Neither Levi nor Erwin had been in the room, leaving us to our own shenanigans while we waited for their arrival. I was teasing Marco about his Martha Stewart style cooking, the others in their own chats. Bertholdt and Mikasa look on as Eren tried to arm wrestle with Reiner. Sasha hummed as she braided Armin’s hair, the poor guy dozing off still sitting up. Things were like it used to be, with the exception of few added members.

Within the same day they’d met, everyone was quick to accept Reiner and Bertholdt as our own. They fit in with our functional dysfunctional family of crazies who decided we’d stick together, just two more weirdos.

“Listen up,” Our recess was cut short when Levi pulled his magic trick of appearing out of nowhere, walking mostly into the room and crossing his arms, leaning back to rest against the wall. “As I said earlier, this is where we’ll be staying while we get our shit together.” His eyes flickered over each of us as he counted, making us squirm one at a time under his parental gaze. He went on to set the new house rules. “You’ve all been incredibly stupid these past few weeks but I’ll allow the heat and lack of intake to take the blame this time. I still expect you to spend your energy wisely and ration correctly. No stepping outside before we clear the area or without someone on watch. If you decide to be an idiot, leave your weapons. It’s common courtesy. Lastly, there will be no more of that running around like little kids getting lost in a Walmart shit. Got it?” We nodded slowly. “Good. Now that that’s out of the way, it’s time to pay attention.”

His eyes lifted from us and we followed to where his focus had shifted to. I nearly grabbed my chest when I saw Erwin behind me, standing along the wall and as statuesque as ever. Maybe it was a soldier thing to unnecessarily sneak up on their acquaintances and scare the soul out of them. He scanned the room, lingering on Levi longer than the rest of us.

“The Wings of Freedom Salvation camp is two hundred miles from here. As Levi said, you’ll need to gather your strength and be ready for anything. The dead aren’t the only threat to us. The map you’ve found was found hanging on a highway, correct?” he glanced at me and back at the others, “Certainly we haven’t been the only people to find it. If in fact there are more, keep on your toes. It’s about taking and surviving now, and they will take from you what they can.”

I watched Marco beside me as Erwin continued it war-like speech. He was sitting up straight and staring a hole into the mahogany table. His hands were fidgeting in his lap and his leg bouncing. I reached over and slid my hand over his. He grabbed it and although he didn’t look up at me, his ticks slowly disappeared. Something Erwin had said triggered something in him, a reminder of the incident he had still been keeping to himself until a later time.

Once his weird pep talk was over, Erwin exited the room and Levi was back to being the first and only in command, barking orders to clean up after ourselves and to actually get rest as opposed to causing a ruckus all around the house. He left the room soon after, leaving us to chaperone ourselves.

Marco and I remained at the table, telling the others to leave the dishes to us. His grip on my hand had loosened and he absentmindedly ran his fingers along my knuckles as we spoke quietly.  The troubled look in his eyes was long gone, back to holding their usual calmness. A brief silence brought my attention back to the room, which was empty. Even after so long together, somehow we would always find something to talk about, absorbed in each other for hours.

He turned to me and smiled softly, slightly lopsided from fatigue. “It’s been a rough couple of days. We should probably get these dishes done and go upstairs.”

“You’re telling me.” I blinked, my brows furrowing when I caught the mischievous glint in his eyes. “I…o-okay.”

 

 

Inhaling a sharp breath, I quickly turned my face into the sheets to stifle a whine, Marco’s arm held strong around my waist, my back flush against his chest. Everything was magnified, his warm breath on my skin as he whispered soothing words in my ear and sending sparks throughout my body with every lazy thrust. I reached back and thread my fingers in his hair, tugging as Marco dragged his parted lips across the sensitive spot behind my ear, trailing messy kisses down my neck and to my shoulder blade where he rested his forehead.

He sighed and worked himself deeper, filling me completely and sliding across that bundle of nerves that set off sparks behind my eyes. I moaned loud into the sheets, quickly untangling my fingers from his hair and reaching back to claw into this thigh.

Marco raised his head and nuzzled his nose along my jaw. “You okay, hun?”

I was on the verge of mindlessness with his loving caresses and caramel whispers breathing hot on my skin. I was more than okay. Instead of a fruitless attempt to form words, I nodded and squeezed his thigh, fingers frantically digging in his arm around me as I rocked back onto him.

He kept up his agonizingly slow pace, leaving me shaking and breathless. “Can’t see your face when you’re hiding,”

He bottomed out again, lingering for a few beats, and I grabbed the sheets as he inched himself back and drove back in, trying to contain my noisy keening. I shook my head hard, too afraid that if I let go someone might hear us and ruin it.

He propped himself up on his forearm and granted me another patient roll of his hips, hitting me just right. I pushed my face harder within the sheets in an attempt to hush a loud, sharp wail. He continued the motion, torturing me with loving words and drawn out thrusts.

“Jean,” Marco cooed softly and buried his face in my shoulder again. “Please?”

I wanted to see him, I wanted to so bad, but I also wanted it to last as long as it could. I’d been without him for too long, and I needed him in so many ways.

He lowered himself onto his side again, slipping his arm under my waist to meet the other and pulled me back, grinding hard and moving his hand down, warm fingers wrapping around my cock and stroking lightly. A pitched whine of his name sent whatever blood that wasn’t in my groin to my face, but instead of laughing, Marco groaned and nibbled at my collar bone.

“Jean,” he was panting and his was starting to pick up, and I couldn’t stop the series of whimpers and moans tumbling out of my mouth, and I _needed_ to see him. I patted his forearm a few times and he got the idea, slowing his pace again. When I gained control of my voice, I turned and blinked away the blurriness from my vision, and a jolt of pleasure went through me when I finally looked at him. His coffee colored eyes were incredibly dark as he stared up at me, his mouth hovering on my shoulder and his chin grazing my arm with the roll of his hips.

Seeing him like that had me scrambling to muffle a whimper, but he was quick, already cupping my face and keeping me from hiding again. He pulled me into a kiss, breathing in the desperate sounds slipping past my lips. He brought his forehead to mine, moving his hand from my face and watching me closely to make sure I wouldn’t retreat before dipping his hand down to stroke me in rhythm with his hips.

Marco hummed and kissed me again before pulling out, and I gasped at the sudden emptiness he had been filling so perfectly. His hands weren’t on me and I shivered at the loss of his heat, but it only lasted seconds when he turned me onto my back, settling between my legs and holding my thighs to his waist. I wrapped my legs around him and Marco leaned forward, balancing himself up on his elbows with some of his weight resting on me. His mouth was on mine again, licking and nipping along my bottom lip.

He lined himself up and slid in smoothly, and I was keening for him again, my arms rushing to wrap around him and bury my face in the crook of his neck. Hugging my legs around him, I turned my head to kiss his hair. “Marco,” I tried to swallow down the shakiness.

He raised his head and gazed down at me with hooded eyes, his lips parted with shallow breaths. I squeezed around him and he gasped, his head dropping so his cheek grazed mine. Putting all of his weight on one arm, Marco reached up and pried my hand from his neck to weave our fingers together, holding on tight then leaned back again, waiting for me to give him the go ahead.

My heart was racing as I stared up at him, his eyes flickering over me with wonder like I was something he’d never seen before.

I missed him.

I missed him so much.

A timid smile tugged at my lips and he nodded, pulling out to the tip and snapping his hips hard, knocking the wind right out of my lungs. I clasped my free hand over my mouth, but Marco wasn’t having any of that. He grabbed my hand and entwined our fingers like the others, pinning me down and exposed to him as he continued his steady rhythm.

“I wanna hear you, hun,” he exhaled hard, nuzzling his nose against mine, “C’mon,”

For the second time I denied him, shaking my head frantically and shutting my eyes tight. “Th-ngh, someone might h-hear, too.”

Marco smirked and placed a tender kiss to my forehead, his whisper raspy and more than alluring. “I don’t care if the whole house hears.”

I shivered and felt the goosebumps rise on my skin, and I was writhing under him. His grip on my hands tightened and he bent his knees to give himself a better angle and he was pounding into me. Sparks of white flashed across my vision and I was already crying out, the sound so loud in the room. Marco pressed his temple to mine, his strained growls in my ear sending endless trembles down my spine.

He released one of my hands, which went right back to tangle in his hair, and ran his palms down my side, kneading my side and continuing down. Marco hummed and ran his finger over the slick slit of my cock, making me gasp and my toes curl. Neither of us were going to last much longer, not with Marco bucking wildly and hitting my sweet spot every time or his hand pumping hard. After a few moments of remembering how to use my limbs, I grabbed his hand and pushed it away. His brows furrowed with confusion and I shook my head quickly, not wanting the added attention and still trying to drag it out to the end. Nodding, he looped his arm over my leg and held it tight against him, arching my back just right, and all I could do was wail his name and hold onto him for dear life.

My hand was fisting in his hair, his head bowed and he burrowed against my neck, biting and sucking hard, and I was a sobbing and trembling mess under him finally begging him for release.

“C’mon, hun,” he rumbled low in his throat and sunk his teeth into my neck, “Love you so much,”

Those words sent me over the edge and I was seeing white. My body went rigid and all I could feel were the relentless jolts of ecstasy strong enough to leave me breathless. Marco’s husky panting was as erratic as his shallow thrusts as he came hard, groaning loud into my collarbone, his head dropping to my chest as he rode us through it.

Gasping to catch my breath, I tugged at him until he lowered himself onto me, ignoring the hot fluid spreading across our stomachs, and his hand slid up my thigh to my waist. His grip on our clasped hand loosened but he didn’t let go, his thumb running up and down the side of mine while I combed my fingers through his hair and cupped his face, bringing him close to press our lips together. He sighed contently, massaging circles in my side.

“When this is over, we’re definitely getting married.”

He chuckled along with my breathy laugh and came back to meet me in another kiss. “You’re not giving me a choice, remember?”

“I remember.” I smiled and brushed his hair away from his face to admire him. “I love you.”

“I know,” He grinned, his stomach _sliding_ down mine to bump my nose with his. “I can feel it.”

I sucked in a short gasp and grimaced, halfheartedly hitting his arms, “ _Don’t_ get fresh,”

“Hm?” He rolled his hips, smirking when my fingers dug into his biceps from the oversensitivity.

“Shit, Marco,” I had just caught my breath before he did it again and chuckled menacingly, “H-hey, don’t start what you c-can’t finish.”

Marco pushed himself up so he was looming over me with intent eyes locked on mine and slowly pulled out. He pressed a quick kiss to my lips and rolled off of the bed, and I watched him move around in the dark room. The moonlight enhanced the smooth muscles of his back when he bent down to pick up a shirt, then every dip and curve of his abdomen and he cleaned himself off, and I was surely drooling even when he was on me again, taking it upon himself to scrub me down.

He tossed the shirt into the dark and lowered himself, sliding his arms under my shoulder and combing his fingers in the shorter hair on the back of my head. Marco shifted himself so not all of his weight was on me and settled between my legs again before his mouth was on mine. I groaned into the tired and messy kiss, coaxing Marco to grind hard against me.

I immediately covered my mouth and he snickered darkly, leaning down to nip my wrist. “No quiet game this time, Jean.”

Breathe shaking with each inhale, I obeyed and brought my hands around his waist along with my legs, pulling him to move with me again. It felt amazing and too much at once, but my body was already reacting on its own. If what I was feeling on my leg was any indication, the feeling was mutual.

“Marco,” My head fell back onto the pillows as he gave a rough buck.

“I know, hun,” he whispered hot in my ear, his breathing unstable as mine, “I’ll finish what I started, ‘kay?” I nodded furiously and dug my heels into his back, the friction just about killing me. He paused and held his fingers to his lips for a moment and lowered his hand to slick himself with his saliva. “Ready?”

I bit my lip and bowed my head, and watching him line himself up had me twitching for him, “Yeah.”

We would have to apologize severely to everyone in the morning.

 

 

_Somehow the stiffs had caught up to us, a sea of swaying and rotted bodies moving in waves. They had ambushed us in a super market, breaking through the glass and flooding the isles. I was trying to keep everyone as calm as possible. It was the only way we had a chance of making it out alive. Sam and Thomas were holding up with me, and I could see the fear threatening to snap them any second. I kept my arm out, creating a human barrier for my mother. She was breathing too fast, panic already taking hold of her, and there wasn’t anything I could do but to protect her with my life._

_I glanced at Sam and Thomas, my eyes darting back when I saw an opening. Along the empty meat section of the store, one of the isles was at such an angle that the stiffs weren’t able to get through. But we would. It was our only option. Both noticed I had stopped shooting and turned their heads to the empty space, then back to me._

_“Take her and go first,” Thomas stepped away from the wall we were backed up against to swap places with us._

_I turned around and put my hands on her shoulders. “We’re going now, maman.” I pointed to the opening, “Can you climb over with me?” She nodded quickly, her eyes swollen from so much crying and her whole body was trembling. I smiled at her and lead her over, helping her up and over the fridge shelves first. She was on the other side and gripped my hands in hers._

_“I’ll be back in a second.”_

_“Jean,”_

_I kissed her hands and smiled again, “One second.”_

_She was hesitant to let go, but I assured her again that I’d be back. I stepped back and fired a couple more rounds, not doing much other than creating a wall of bodies for the waves of stiffs to stumble over. There was a shout and Sam cursed, spinning on his heel and firing at the stiffs that pushed their way through an improvised blockade we had created. Daz had dropped his gun, shouting like he’d lost his mind._

_“Daz, stay in line!”_

_“There’s too many! We’re gonna die! We’re gonna die, we’re gonna die,”_

_They’d gotten in. Stiffs were pouring into our tiny space, screams erupting around us._

_“Pick up your gun!” Sam shouted._

_“Jean!”_

_I turned to my mother. She was still safe and alone in the space. “Get down.” I mouthed, and she did so, for the most part hidden and hopefully undetectable. The screaming grew louder and I was shoved against the wall. Thomas and Sam had backed up, and I looked over their shoulders to find out why._

_The floor was red, blood pooling and spreading under the people being torn apart right in front of us. Daz, Mina, Mylius, Hannah…all of them, gone within seconds, the overwhelming crowd fighting for the next piece, mercilessly devouring them._

_“They’re distracted,” Thomas wheezed, looking over his shoulder at me, “Take her first and we’ll come one at a time.” Before I had a chance to protest, he was pushing me over. “We’ll meet you outside. Go around back.”_

_“Ten minutes.” I warned, raising my mother from her kneeling position and holding her against me, “If you’re not out, I’ll come for you.”_

_“Have some faith in us, man.” Sam forced a chuckle and was back to shooting. “Now go already!”_

_I waited a moment and took my mother, racing her through the few stiffs around the back. We made it outside, the sun instantly blinding me. I held my arm to my head to block the light and looked around, keeping my eyes sharp and focused through my own panic. My mother’s breathing was loud and quick, but she was calming down. I backed us against the cement wall of the building, checking my watch again and again._

_Seven minutes._

_Her wheezy gasps turned into quiet sobbing, and I tried my best to calm her more, telling her to be strong._

_Three minutes._

_“Jean,” She was pressing herself into my back and I followed her hand as she pointed her finger. “Ils arrivent.”_

_They were coming around the corner. A lot of them. I grabbed her and pushed her along, walking to the opposite side of the building. We could avoid them for a limited amount of time, until Sam and Thomas got out. “It’s fine, maman. Keep walking.” I glanced at the door and at my watch._

_Time was up, and neither of them came._

_We rounded the corner and stopped short. I nearly twisted my knee when I pulled her back, now making a break for another way out. We were cut off once again, a tall chain fence blocking us from our only way out. I cursed and slammed my hand along the metal. There had to be an opening somewhere. There was no way she could climb over._

_A few yards away I spotted a lock and dragged my mother with me. The stiffs were all around us again, cornering us against that damn fence. I pushed against the metal again, the lock keeping a small part of it pinned together I pulled and the fence moved, giving enough room to squeeze through._

_She looked at the fence, then at me and shook her head._

_“We’ll make it,” I tried to sound as soothing as I could, but it was more and more difficult with her not cooperating. “I’ll hold the fence while you slip through.”_

_“Je ne rentre pas.”_

_I growled low and lowered the fence. She was right that she wouldn’t fit. She wasn’t as thin as me, and I could easily slip through, so I did. I got to picking the lock, fully aware of the countless stiffs just feet away and growing closer. I grunted and pushed the fence, opening it so she could finally get through. I called out to her and she turned around._

_The fence was slammed back on me, blocking me out from her as stiffs clawed at the fence._

_And then I heard her screaming._

_I pulled out my gun and fired at the stiffs blocking me, only able to take down a handful before I ran out of bullets. She was calling my name, and I could feel the pain and fear in her voice. I ran along the side of the fence, eyes darting around to find her._

_Everything stopped. She was reaching out for me, screaming, so many teeth sinking into her and ripping at her flesh. I ran back to the entrance and pushed against it, shouting at the stiffs to move so I could get to her, but the more I pushed, the more they pushed back in their attempt to get to me as well._

_“Jean!”_

_My mind could barely make sense of it all except one thing; get her out. I slammed against the fence again, her cries the only thing I could focus on. A couple of the stiffs figured out that the fenced moved the other way, and soon enough they all caught on, moving to follow the others around. I lunged for her only to be yanked back._

_“No, no, no, that’s my mom!” I fought against the arms dragging me away. “That’s my mom!”_

_“We have to get out of here!” Thomas shouted, pulling me away. He was soaked in blood, his focus not completely there._

_“She’s still alive, we have to get her!” I could hear the hysteria in my hoarse voice._

_I could see her again, on the ground and still alive, still screaming, still being torn apart. She was barely recognizable, and they were gathered around her until she was gone._

 

 

I was gasping and thrashing around, the weight holding my arms down trapping me. My eyes were open but I couldn’t see anything. I could only hear her screams contrast with silence. My heart was racing loud enough to pound in my ears and almost block out my weak cries.

“Shh, you’re okay, you’re okay,”

The familiar voice was working quickly to bring me down from the nightmare I was still caught in. My breaths came loud and desperate as I grasped at the arms around me, grateful for them holding me tighter so I wouldn’t lose my sanity.

“Look at me, hun.”

I tilted my head back to see Marco looking down at me with apprehension in his eyes, his chest heaving slightly as he held my arms at my sides even though I had stopped moving. I stared up at him, concentrating on his gaze and his voice as he whispered calming words. He reassured me that I was safe, that it was a nightmare, that I was okay and he was there. He hushed me and released one of his arms from around me, brushing my hair out of my face. I was drenched in sweat, the cool air against me giving me goosebumps.

“You’re okay now.”

“Where am I?” even my whisper was scratchy. I must have been screaming in my sleep.

“In bed.” He leaned down and pressed his lips to my clammy forehead, “You haven’t had that dream in a long time.” His breath was warm on my skin. I reached up, putting my hand around the nape of his neck and inched myself up until I was lying in his lap and pressed myself into his warmth. I was still dizzy and disoriented. I closed my eyes and held onto him until I could function as a human again.

Exhausted from the sheer panic that had rushed through me, my body went limp on its own. I groaned at the sudden slackening of my muscles and Marco held me up, the side of my head resting on his collarbone. I breathed him in, trying to make my mind as relaxed as my body, but I couldn’t shake the uneasiness in my head. It was the same feeling you get when something bad it about to happen. 

 


	9. In Cold Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin has a disturbing message, Jean continues to question Erwin's intentions, and the group finds a familiar morbid act, and a strange pair is unconventionally introduced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this chapter contains implied torture and maiming

_Did you hear that?_

_I’ve got a real bad feeling_

_How many bones do you suppose they’re keeping?_

_Don’t make a sound_

_They’re not dead, just sleeping_

 

* * *

 

 

With one swift slam of her shoulder, Mikasa knocked the door in. Eren was thrashing around in Levi and Marco’s grip, his eyes large and wild, not entirely there as he screamed and gasped for air in between. They brought him into the house and placed him down on the table, Levi pinning him down as Marco ripped a piece of Eren’s shirt and wrapped it around his thigh, tightening it to stall the blood flow to the chunk of flesh missing.

Sasha and I made a hurried sweep of the house, the halls echoing with Eren’s shrieks and cries. Reiner, Erwin, and Bertholdt kept watch outside the front and back of the cabin. When we returned to the room, Armin was holding Eren’s legs down to stop him from kicking and lashing about while Mikasa held his head up to keep him from bashing into the hard surface, gradually losing her composure. She leaned down and brushed his hair away from his clammy forehead with unsteady hands, speaking inaudible words to him. Eren lost all and any focus he might have had before, staring up at the ceiling and his body still. It only lasted a moment before he was jerking around, his eyes rolling back and his mouth open with a silent cry.

“What’s happening?” Mikasa asked, terrified. Her voice as unstable as her hands while she watched her brother convulsing on the table.

“He’s having a seizure. Get him on his side.” Marco ordered, his hands still working to try and stop the bleeding.

Levi pushed Eren onto his right side, lost in what was happening. He could only follow Marco’s instructions and hope Eren didn’t bite his tongue off. “We can amputate his leg, stop it from spreading.”

“We are _not_ cutting his leg off.” Mikasa snapped.

“It’s too close to such a major artery, anyway. He’d bleed out ten times faster than he already is.” Armin said quickly. He kept Eren’s legs restrained, the calmest of the other two trying to keep themselves together for everyone else’s sake. “What do you need, Marco?”

“See if there’s any alcohol in here.”

“That won’t do much.” The redhead behind him said plainly, looking on with interest. “He’s already infected.”

“Shut up!” Levi yelled, his full attention remaining on the boy flailing under his hold. “Jean,” his tone changed to desperation.

I was gone before he could say another word, searching every cabinet and drawer for anything containing alcohol. Every single one was void of anything other than cookware. I started to check the most random places, sure that if there was anything in there, it would be hidden. There was nothing in the kitchen, the bathroom, or any of the closets. I was beginning to lose hope as I searched one of the bedrooms, but then I considered checking under the bed. Trying one last place, I pressed myself onto the floor and lifted the bed skirt.

The smell was awful, enough to string my eyes. I blinked away the blurriness from my vision and quickly took in what was in front of me. A mummified corpse lie spread out, its head blown straight through and had made a mess of the floor. Beside it was a gun and two bottles of whiskey, one of which contained the dark liquid. I grabbed the bottle and ran back to the room.

Eren was motionless and on his back again when I handed Armin the bottle.

Marco raised his gaze to mine and Sasha’s and jerked his head toward Mikasa. “Get her out of the room,”

“I’m not leaving.”

“Get Reiner.” Levi growled.

Sasha sprinted out the door and returned with him. Reiner’s mouth fell agape as he took in the catastrophe unfolding in the room.

“Take Mikasa out of here.” Levi commanded.

Reiner nodded and gently put his hand on her shoulder and she pushed it away. “I’m not leaving _,”_

“Damnit, Mikasa, go already!” Armin shouted, opening the cap of the bottle and handing it to Marco.

She stared at her brother, losing her sanity with each passing second as Reiner coaxed her out of the room and taking her further outside.

Drops of sweat rolled down the side of Marco’s face as he kept his concentration on putting the right amount of pressure on Eren’s leg, at the same time removing any rotted teeth decay that wasn’t his from the wound. He glimpsed up at Levi and Armin. “Keep him as still as possible. This is going to hurt.” He took a deep breath and moved the blood drenched fabric away from the wound before pouring the liquid over it.

Eren was conscious again, blood curdling screams and distorted cries filling the room. Levi was having trouble keeping him flat on the table. He had the strength but not the mentality, not when he was holding Eren down, ears flooding with his tortured wails.

“Okay, we need to get more gauze on it.” Marco fumbled for the table cloth, but Sasha was one step ahead of him, holding folded sheets to the outer side of his thigh.

I moved fast, stepping up and gently brushing her hand out of the way to take over, and I gave her a small nod. She’d already been through it once. It was too close to Connie. She nodded and backed away, leaving the room entirely and opening the door to get outside. Mikasa’s screaming rang in our ears before the door shut, we could see her calling for her brother, and Reiner was doing his best to hold her back.

I turned back to Eren. Spots of blood were already seeping through the sheets. “The bleeding isn’t stopping.” I breathed quickly and glanced up at Marco. “What else can we do?”

He paused and his expression quickly grew grim.

“What?” Levi asked impatiently.

Eren was, for the most part, motionless other than the occasional tremors and sobs shaking through his body.

Marco shook his head, his brows furrowing deep. “His body won’t be able to take any mo-”

“ _What is it_?!” Levi snarled, still holding the boy down.

Marco raised his eyes to Levi’s, uncertain if he should answer, but Levi wasn’t giving him any other choice. “We cauterize it.”

He paused and stared down at Eren. He didn’t appear to be conscious, but his body was still reacting to the pain. Levi moved one of his hands and rested it on Eren’s head, giving his damp hair a gentle stroke. He nodded and his jaw clenched.

“Whatever it takes.”

* * *

 

 

Levi was right about us needing to gather ourselves. Sure, our bodies were run down, but so were our minds. Marco and I were drained our first morning in the house. The nightmare I had wouldn’t let me fall back asleep, and Marco, the stubborn idiot, wouldn’t either. He stayed awake with me, exchanging whispers in the otherwise silent room. He managed to lighten my mood once I was able to calm down, making each other laugh at tired old jokes and wisecracks until the sun started to rise, and only then did we drift off into sleep well past noon. Whether it was a result of any of the noises that likely travelled through the house the previous night, or they were taking the opportunity to catch up on their rest as well, we weren’t bothered.

We were at the large house for almost a week, much longer than any of use expected, not that anyone was complaining. We knew our time there could only last so long, but we had food, water, and four secure walls, and we were grateful for all of it.

  

“I can’t find it.” Eren mumbled, holding the book too close to his face.

Armin had found a collection of Mystery Private Investigator books in his bedroom, using them as something to pass the time. Apparently it was more stressful than fun for his friend. Armin chuckled and brought his fingers to the top of the pages, pulling them down to check out the page. “What are you trying to find?”

“An anchor.”

“Oh?” Armin craned his neck and inspected the picture. He opened his mouth and Eren shook his head.

“ _I_ want to find it.” He glowered down at the page, brows creasing as he huffed and finally raised his eyes to his friend. “Can you give me a hint?”

“Isn’t that cheating?” I droned from across the room.

“It’s not cheating if he doesn’t give me the answer.” Eren scoffed.

“A hint is a clue that leads to the answer.” I deadpanned.

“Loser.”

“Jerk.”

“ _Jean_.” Marco said my name in warning. He flipped another page of the book he’d been holding over his face, tilting his head back and peeking over the hardcover. “Don’t start a fight.”

“Yeah, Jean. No fighting.” Sasha teased, pulling a wooden piece from the Jenga tower she had been building with Reiner and Bertholdt. The tall brunette glimpsed from his hands fiddling in his lap to the blocks, clearly dreading his turn.

“Whatever.” I groused and returned to threading my fingers through Marco’s hair. He gave a soft purr and got back to his reading, resting his head correctly in my lap again. We’d all been lounging in the window seat of the living room for most of the morning. The sun was heating my back thus making me somewhat uncomfortable, but I wasn’t about to disturb a tranquil Marco.

I turned to peer out the window and my eyes narrowed to adjust to how bright it was. At the end of the long yard, three figures emerged from the woods. One of them being Erwin, a large buck strewn over his shoulder, the second being Levi, who had a semi-stuffed bag that hopefully was of ammunition because we were doing poorly in that department, and the third, Mikasa, a cluster of birds slung over her shoulder.

“Their attitudes seem to have improved, for lack of a better word.” Bertholdt commented, sitting up straight and stretching his arms over his head. I wouldn’t doubt he could see out the window from his point on the floor, what with his height and all.

Marco whirred in response, nose still buried in his book. “I could only imagine what’s been going on from Levi’s perspective.”

“What do you mean?” I questioned him. Well, the book’s cover.

“He seemed like he was about ready to kill Erwin when he saw him, yeah? He’s probably still angry.”

“Did Erwin speak to you about him?”

Marco shrugged and lowered the book to rest on his chest as he blinked up at me. “Well, no. Not like that. Whatever they’ve been through in their relationship is between them, and they’ve managed to keep it that way. Ask Reiner and Bertholdt. They’ve been with him since…”

“About three months after their group lost each other.” Reiner said, so absorbed in pulling the little wooden block from the lower half of the tower. “hey, it’s news to us, too. Apparently calling Levi his partner really meant _his partner_.”

“Yeah.” I said flatly. Marco chuckled and reached up, soothingly running the back of his hand down my cheek and coaxing a soft smile out of me.

“We came across these guys around the same time.” Sasha said, weakly motioning toward Eren and Armin.

Reiner glanced between the two and to Sasha, somewhat puzzled. He knew Marco and I had stumbled into them along the way, but he and Bertholdt had assumed that Sasha was with the group as well. “We?”

Sasha exhaled heavy through her nose and didn’t speak another word. Reiner, as understanding of any of us could be, nodded and watched his perspiring friend take his turn.

“I found it!” Eren shouted, slamming the book down with a cackle. Poor Bertholdt yelped, his arm jolting, and the tower came crashing down. “Sorry.” Eren smiled apologetically, to which the other brunette nodded, obviously glad the game was finally over.

A door opening and shutting in the distance was heard, and soon after, Mikasa entered the room. She sighed and took a seat on one of the room’s smaller couches then flopped onto her side.

“Long day?” Armin asked, flipping through the book Eren had abandoned.

“We got a few things out of it.”

“Just a few?” I chuckled and she tilted her head to make a hint of a mocking face at me.

“And what did you do today?” Levi stepped into the room, standard bored expression on his face. “Play games, I see.”

“Check this out.” Eren held up the book he’d previously discarded to an open page, pointing at the picture. “This can help train the eye to find things in the hardest places. That’s pretty productive, right?”

Levi blinked, unamused. “Nice try.” Eren put the book back down and sulked over his failed excuse.

“He has the right mindset.” Erwin said as he entered the room and he regarded us with a polite nod. The harshness of his features had softened over the days. Still, he was as intimidating as a Doberman. “Levi’s told me about your system of decision making. Therefore I have something I’d like to discuss with all of you this evening.”

“Concerning what?” All eyes turned to me, and that was when I realized that I was the one who had spoken.

A minute smile crossed Erwin’s lips. “How to get to the camp.”

“We have the directions right on the map.”

“Maps aren’t always accurate.”

My brows creased as my questions grew more interrogative. Something about him… “No?”

He was beginning to appear to be amused. “No.”

…irked me. “Then that defeats the purpose of any map.”

“Jean, do you find it hard to understand the meaning of ‘this evening’?” Levi butted in, arching a stern brow. My teeth grinded a little, but I stayed silent. “Good. Its past noon and you all have shit to do, so stop playing children’s games and get to it.”

I gave Erwin one last wary glance before looking down at Marco. I could see the crossness growing in his eyes, but that would have to wait until later when I had cooled down. I tapped his shoulder and he sat up so I could stand, and without another word, I left the room.

 

 

 

“Dude, you really should ease off on the twenty one questions.” Eren whirred, folding the sheet messily in his arms.

I unclipped another sheet from the clothing line and handed it to him. “Tch, yeah right. Call it what you want, I’d rather listen to my intuition.”

“Intuition? You mean your paranoia?” I shot him a dirty sneer and he snickered and gave the fabric in his hands a quizzical stare. “Say, these aren’t your and Marco’s, are they?”

“Yep, all five. We go through them fast.”

“I really hope you’re joking.”

“Why? Are you paranoid?”

Eren shook his head and dropped the sheets into the basket by his feet. “What do you have against Erwin, anyway?”

“I can’t put my finger on it.”

“Give it a little time. He might not grow on you, but you’ll see he isn’t as big of a weirdo as you.”

“Isn’t that a relief.” I said flatly.

We cycled through hanging and folding until every sheet and shirt was off the lines. There was a stone bench in the back. We sat there, peering out past the fenced yard and to the stretch of land. The sun was starting to set, meaning we would be having our house meeting soon.

I thought about what Erwin had said. Not earlier in the day, but the first night we’d gotten to the house. People are out for themselves, for survival, he said. I had to wonder if he had come across more people since the beginning, if they were strangers or those in his own group. I wondered about the things he’d done to get where he was and know what he knew. Someday, whether I wanted to admit it to myself or not, we would be faced with the choice between killing and being killed. Marco had already been through that, and it was something he said he would always regret. The mention of it alone shook him to the core.

I blinked and turned to Eren, watching him search for a particular piece of grass before he held it between his thumbs and blew, eliciting a sound like that of a dying crow. He’d been through it too, but he didn’t seem as phased as he did the earlier weeks after. I hadn’t exactly been paying attention either.

“Hey, Eren?”

“Hm?” He moved his hands from his mouth, fiddling with the blade of grass.

“What’d you think of what Erwin said? About other people, I mean.”

Eren lowered his hands to his lap, slightly clenching together, and his shoulders slumped as he stared out at the setting sun. “You mean maybe having to kill someone?”

“…Yeah.”

“I don’t want to. Even if we have to, I don’t want to.” He bit at his lip. “I don’t think I could. Not again.” His hands were beginning to shake and he cleared his throat. He picked up the heaping basket of laundry at his feet and shrugged a shoulder, a forced smirk on his lips. “Hey, it’s not like I saw his face or anything. I’ve heard its worse when you see someone’s face as they...well, you know.” He gave a curt laugh and made quick strides into the house.

I sat there for a few minutes, watching the sun disappear under the horizon. The crickets and lightning bugs were too impatient for the dark, putting on a show of flashing and singing across the yard. It was possible Eren didn’t speak about it to anyone, including Mikasa and Armin. He tended to keep his own troubles to himself, but after our quick chat I was positive that it was eating at him. If those two couldn’t get anything out of him, I definitely couldn’t. I had an idea who could, though.

 

I entered the house and immediately was met by Marco, wearing an unnervingly firm expression. He backed me up against the door I’d come through and I felt myself shrinking under his increasingly intense glower. I hadn’t seen him after the confrontation between me and Erwin.

“Before you say anything, I want to ask you something.”

His expression softened a little and he huffed. “What is it?”

He backed off and I regained my composure, keeping my back to the door for the impending lecture. “It’s about that incident you haven’t…uh,”

He stared at me for a moment before he caught on, “We agreed that I will tell you when I’m ready to tell you.”

“And I’m not asking you to tell me.” I waved my hands in defense. “But maybe,” I lowered my gaze and scratched the nape of my neck, knowing I was very much walking a thin line between seeking help and causing more unease than he needed. “Maybe you could talk to Eren. I don’t think he’s spoken to anyone about it.”

“Alright.” I looked up at him, his empathetic brown eyes meeting mine. He smiled and threaded his fingers through my hair before giving it a rough tousle. “I’ll talk to him.”

“Thanks, Marco.” He withdrew his hand and knocked me upside the head. “Ow! Why?!”

“I didn’t feel like giving you a lecture.” He hummed and turned away, “C’mon, the others are probably waiting.”

I gave the back of his head a weak excuse for a glare and dawdled along behind him.

 

 

We sat around the stupidly long diner table like some sort of council meeting, which in retrospect, it was. It hadn’t started yet, so casual conversation buzzed around the room. Across the table, Eren and Levi were talking, that is if one can consider Eren talking _at_ Levi a conversation. Levi, all too used to Eren’s jibber jabbing, allowed him to talk his ears off for the time being.

When we lost Connie, Levi made an effort to comfort Sasha. It seemed to help her some. Out of our bunch, he was closest to Eren, so he must have noticed _some_ disturbance in him. Levi was a soldier. He had done things to survive. He had to have some sense of what was going on. He was more than qualified to help Eren, yet it appeared he hadn’t done so.

“Hey,” Marco’s voice was in my ear and I jumped from the sudden sensation. “Try to listen this time?” His genuinely insistent tone was too hard to ignore.

“I will, I will.” I said quietly.

His eyes flickered to the side and back to me and he gestured for me to turn around. I peered over my shoulder to see Erwin standing at the end of the table. The solemnness had not completely gone from his features, but it was better than watching a moving marble sculpture. The map was spread out on the wooden surface, the thick line to the camp visible from where I sat. He studied us sitting around the table and stood with his shoulders back and hands behind his back; the picture perfect authoritative posture of a soldier.

“In two days’ time we’ll be leaving for the Wings of Freedom Salvation camp. As I’ve mentioned, it’s a long journey. You’ve all made it this far, and I respect you for your bravery and skill to get here. I believe you have what it takes to make it to the camp. However,” He paused, “Famine, dehydration, lack of weapons, loss. These are all things you’ve faced before. These are all things you will be faced with again, and there are things you’ll have to do which you have never imagined you would have to. There is no guarantee that everyone in this room will make it there. ” Erwin tapped his finger on the map, and for a split second his unreadable eyes fell on me. “Levi and I have come to the conclusion that a change of course is necessary to avoid as many of these troubles as possible, but make no mistake. No matter which course we take, it will be a difficult one.”

What was he doing?

Why was he saying all of this?

“As for the course we’ll be taking. Due to the recent events, we’re already off course by twenty or so miles.”

All of us wouldn’t make it there…

“Keeping this distance would be wise. We don’t know who these people are,”

…Some of us would die.

“and we don’t know who else might be coming. Many parts of this trail go through areas of condense populations. Large cities, main commute trails,”

I didn’t want to die.

I didn’t want any of us to die.

“The dead can lay dormant, in a catatonic state for months on end. This is plausible enough to believe that these areas are still highly populated, highly dangerous sites.”

This was wrong.

We had to stay on the path.

We were fine before he came along.

He was going to get us killed.

My hand was enveloped with warmth and I sucked in a sharp breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding. I turned in my seat to see Marco, his brows knit with concern as well as reassurance. He lifted my hand that, at some point, had been digging into my leg, and placed it in his lap. Shouldn’t I have been the one to comfort him? Wasn’t he scared?

“Are there any objections?” Erwin asked.

Everyone around at that table wore the same grim expression, yet none of them screamed out, to say ‘no, I don’t want to do this, I don’t want to die’. Why was no one speaking up? I looked back to Marco. I had to say something. I couldn’t let everyone walk into a deathtrap. Marco simply shook his head. I’d heard enough of what Erwin had to say.

“Marco,” I said through a shaky breath.

“Don’t.” Still, he wanted me to listen.

“Very well, then. I suggest we begin our preparations tomorrow.” With that, Erwin bid us a restful night and excused himself, and then the room was quiet enough to hear a pin drop.

“We aren’t doing this.” I said weakly.

Marco leaned toward me. “Jean, please.”

“No…no, this isn’t right.”

“You had your chance to say so.” Levi said.

“Levi, we shouldn’t be doing this. There’s got to be another way.”

“The decision’s been made.”

I glanced at everyone around the table. “Is this is what you want?”

“Weren’t you the one who wanted this so badly?” Levi spat, “To find to this magnificent place where you could tip-toe through the tulips?”

“Not at this cost.” I paused, hardly thinking my words over before they came spewing out. “I would rather we live this hell everyday than consciously lead them to their deaths.”

“Excuse us.” Marco grabbed my arm and forced me to my feet before pulling me out of the room. Once we were down the hall, my back slammed into the wall. “I told you not to say anything.” He said with a guttural hiss.

“So some guy steps in and tells us we’ll get to where we’re going, but some of us will die, and we still follow through with it? Why?”

“ _Because it’s a chance_. It’s crazy and dangerous and yes, it may get us killed, but we have to try. This isn’t life. I can barely remember what the world was like before and I don’t want to lose what little of myself that I have left. I’m so tired, Jean,” He swallowed down the waver in his voice and took a breath, his expression softening but his gaze didn’t falter, “but now we have a chance to actually _live_.”

I studied his face, his messy dark hair, the ever growing splatters of freckles dusting the bridge of his nose from too much sun, the sallow circles under his glassy eyes. “You really do want this…”

“Yes, I do. So does everyone else.”

“I don’t want to die.”

“We’ll make it.” the corner of his lips tugged up into a tired smile. “And when this is over, we get to live again. Together.”

I contemplated his words for a moment and dropped my head, a satirical chuckle slipping past my lips. “That’s a cheap trick, Marco.”

“I know.”

“I don’t like this.”

“I know.”

“I really hope I don’t regret this.”

“I kn-”

I put my hand over his mouth. “Stop that.” I dropped my hand so that I could slip out from between him and the wall. “We’re leaving in two days. Mind as well get things ready until then.” I stated and headed toward the staircase.

“Jean?”

I kept keeping my gaze on the steps.

“We’ve made it this far.” He said. His voice sounded small compared to the passion he held moments ago. I nodded and briskly climbed the steps.

 

 

 

I wish I could say we had our fill of recuperation during what remained of our time, but rest didn’t come easy. It’s hard when your mind and heart are racing throughout all hours of the night and day, when you’re too nauseous to eat though you’re starving, when every creak in the floor or shadow in the corner of your eye shoots adrenaline through your veins because you’re faced with the fact that shit just got real and you’ve agreed to walk into a mine field. It had taken a week for us to feel some semblance of peace, and just a few sentences to lose it.

The house was quiet for those next two days. We had all barely spoken to each other, too wrapped up in our minds to talk about anything else and silently debating with ourselves if the camp was truly worth it anymore. Small talk became limited, none us wanting to slip up a simple ‘have you seen my other sock?’ with a ‘do you think we have enough bullets?’.  We were used to preparing ourselves to get back out there, from sitting around a table eating dinner together to locking ourselves in a pool shed and waiting out the stiffs, groaning and clawing to get in, to forget our existence and move on.

The difference now was that it was going to get much worse.

Within the first few days we had fallen back into step, our guards up and minds sharp once again. Back out there, thinking about what was to come was pointless. The present was what was important; watch your step, don’t be too loud, keep your gun where you can draw it as fast as possible. We focused on each day, one at a time.

 

 

“When this is over, I’m shaving my head.” Marco huffed and ran his wrist across his forehead and face to catch the drops of sweat running down to his neck. The extreme temperature changes were something we would probably never get used to.

“The hell you are. Here.” I reached back into the side of my bag and handed him a water bottle, glancing up at his disheveled locks. “Maybe a trim, but the hair stays.” I said strictly.

He chuckled and had some lukewarm water, compliments of the relentless summer. “Fine, but I get to choose your haircut, too.”

My brows rose with interest, “Oh?”

“Mm,” he hummed with a smirk and lightly tugged the ends of my hair. “You’re stuck with an undercut. We just need to find you a razor, maybe some gel, and voila! A masterpiece.”

“Poor Jean, stuck looking like a tool until the end of time.” Eren snorted.

“I’d rather look like a tool than _be_ a tool.”

“Don’t talk about Reiner that way.”

Upon hearing his name, Reiner peeked over his shoulder. “No, he’s right.” he deadpanned, “They called me The Hammer when I was on the football team in college.”

“The Hammer?” Eren asked.

“Yep.” Reiner nodded, sighing as if he was revisiting a fond memory. “Ever since a teammate caught me pounding Bertholdt into a wall.”

“ _Reiner_!” Bertholdt screeched and hit his arm, “That is _not_ true!” he yelled back to us, his face beet red, “None of that is true! It’s another one of his ass jokes.”

“Call it what you want.” Reiner sang with a smile.

Marco and I muffled our laughter while Eren scrunched his nose up at the tall blonde. Somehow an innocent conversation about hairstyles went sideways and we ended up watching with amusement as Reiner and Bertholdt bickered over what information was considered private as well as the meaning of the word private. It was a flicker of relief and we soaked it up while we could, and as fast as the laughter had come, it was gone.

Again, few words were spoken through the hours as they passed into the late afternoon. The feeling of overwhelming dread would creep up on us now and again, sending chills down our spines and making our hair stand on end as if our thoughts were real and were actually happening. We had to deal with it, like we would any other day.

A branch broke to our left and suddenly all of our weapons were up, only to fall at the sight of Mikasa returning from her perimeter check. She stepped lightly along our group until she got to Levi. They exchanged a few words and she shook her head before finding Eren and taking her pace beside him. Eren mumbled a short talking-to about how she shouldn’t sneak up on us, to which his sister ignored.

Another snap came from our right, but we knew better than to aim a second time.

“L-Levi,” Sasha walked through the woods, pale and rigid like she’d seen a ghost. Levi noticed her distress as soon as she said his name, already meeting her where she stopped. She took a few quick deep breaths and bit back a whimper. Her words came out a dry rasp, “I-I…there’s a…”

Levi waved his hand for her to stop and calm down. “Can you show me?” She looked over her shoulder and into the woods then turned back to him, nodding robotically. “Marco, Jean, and Bertholdt. You come with me, the rest stay with Erwin.”

“Fifteen minutes.” Erwin said.

Levi nodded and we were following Sasha’s disoriented steps.

“What do you think it is?” Bertholdt whispered as he leaned toward Marco.

“I don’t know,” Marco shook his head, his eyes on Sasha. “I don’t think I want to know.”

  

We were out of sight from the others, but not too far out. Suddenly Sasha stopped and turned around, pacing back and forth as if she was deciding to run or not. Levi called her over and her head dropped, shaking furiously as she grabbed at her arm, rubbing hard enough to turn her skin pink.

“Where?”

She shut her eyes tight and pointed behind her with a stifled screech.

Levi held his arm out for us to stay put and stepped around her and in the direction that she had pointed. Marco and I glanced at one another with mutual uneasiness, and I patted his shoulder before I walked up to Sasha.

I tilted my head, hers still ducked as she tried to steady her breath. “Sash?” My fingers grazed her arm, “What is it?”

She shivered when she whispered, “I think s-sh…she’s still alive.”

I drew back my hand, unsure if I heard her correctly. “Who?”

“Marco, bring Sasha back to the others and get them back here.” Levi ordered hastily, briskly emerging from the distant woods. “Keep your eyes open until you reach them.” He noted our apprehension and brought his voice down to a softer tone. “You’ll be fine, just move quickly.”

Marco nodded and gently steered Sasha back toward the group. ‘I’ll be right back.” he said faintly as they walked by.

“The same goes for you two.” He said to me and Bertholdt. “Stay behind me and be on your toes.”

We trailed behind him to whatever seemed to scare the soul out of Sasha, already edgy about what was waiting for us. He led us through the woods to a part more condensed than the rest, setting a darker cast over the layout. Levi’s pace slowed and he bent his knees, moving quiet and vigilant.

Bertholdt and I dropped to half his speed, which mind as well have been a complete stop. Levi stepped around a tree, halfway out of sight, but I could see his head tilt back. He put his hand out, pausing for a few beats before signing for us to come over. We hesitated, nonetheless approaching with caution. I noticed a rope tied around the tree a few feet above his head. The way it was positioned seemed like it was holding something up. As we grew closer, I could see that it wound around another tree, then two more. Bertholdt gasped loudly like a fish out of water and my eyes dropped to the ground, wide and failing to block out what we’d just seen.

“I don’t see any bite marks or scratches. She hasn’t been up there long.” Levi said dimly.

“You mean,” Bertholdt swallowed, trying his best to keep his queasiness at bay, “she’s been here for days?”

Levi paused, still looking up at the woman. “Yeah.” He slid a knife out from his belt and reached up to grab one of the ropes. “Well, let’s get her down.”

Bertholdt stepped forward to assist him, but I stayed put, keeping my focus to the ground. I wasn’t ready to see yet.

“Jean.”

I took a shaky deep breath and stepped up to one of the other trees, drawing my own knife. The more I refused to look, the more my brain seemed to fight it. I reached up and grabbed the rope, taught under the weight of the body it held up, and my eyes dragged themselves down the line.

The woman was tied up by her wrists and ankles, spread eagle and parallel to the ground. She was half dressed, remaining clothes and skin caked with dried blood. It had come from the multiple stab wounds across her body, as well as her exposed skull where hair once was. A wave of my own nausea shook me and I whipped back to fix my gaze on the rope.

“Make sure she doesn’t drop until we’ve got them all cut. I’d like to keep this as clean as possible.” Levi said, dragging the blade across the thick rope. I nodded and breathed hard through my nose, trying to keep my mind on getting the job over with.

A small, broken moan paralyzed us.

That was impossible. At least I hoped it was.

_“I think she’s still alive.”_

I turned like molasses, and didn’t have to wait long for Levi to give orders. His expression conveyed all the alarm I needed to keep my gaze level. He put his finger to his lips and motioned for us to start cutting. Bertholdt was shaking hard enough to see from where I stood as he started slicing at the rope. Levi’s came loose first, and he held the rope up tight to keep her arm from going limp, then gently loosened his grip before moving to the next line. Once she was free, we lowered her to the ground and stood back, watching Levi crouch down beside the body, his head tilting to inspect her.

“Levi,” I whispered and reluctantly looked at the body, “this was done by the same person… wasn’t it?”

He didn’t look up as he put his hand on her shoulder, carefully rolling her onto her back. “It’s possible since a similar method was used.” He murmured.

A sharp gasp tore through the air and the woman jerked up, her arm lashing forward and her hand tightly clutched around the arm of Levi’s shirt. He inhaled sharp through his teeth and nearly fell over, but balanced himself on his heels. She choked on two, three, four gasps and her eyes rolled back, her body going totally limp.

Somewhere in those few seconds I’d pushed my back into the tree, fingers tangled in my shirt over my racing heart. “I-is sh-she, is-” I hadn’t been that stunned in a while.

A whistle rang through the air, catching my attention. Our people were on their way. Levi shifted on his feet but remained beside the woman. “Bertholdt, bring Erwin and _only_ Erwin here.”

Bertholdt mouthed an ‘okay’, his focus half gone along with his vocal functions. He was quick, fleeing the scene in seconds. I sure would have. Moments later, he returned with him. Erwin looked at the woman, then me, and then Levi and the woman’s body.

“How did you find her?”

Levi pointed to the four trees around us. “Strung up.”

Erwin knelt beside the woman, looking her over as Levi had. “Dead?”

“No, probably left here for that reason.”

“Maybe.” His brows furrowed for a moment and he raised his gaze to Bertholdt and me, “Both of you can return to the others.”

Bertholdt and I didn’t waste a second, spinning on our heels and putting as much distance between us as possible. It was all too disturbing to knock out of the mind, and a glance at Bertholdt, shivering sweaty. Yeah, he was on the same level of fucked up.

We were a longshot from that eerie forest we had come across after the car accident, over a month’s worth of travel, yet an identically cruel…technique was used so close to us. There was no mistaking that whoever’s work it was had to be same person responsible for those bodies, too. Chances were there was an unfortunately decent amount of twisted people out there, however no two individuals or groups could think so similarly. Whether it was reason or my gut feeling, I came to an unsettling conclusion.

We were being followed.

The way back felt a lot longer. I was still pretty shaken, certainly not in the right mindset to handle getting lost. I held my fingers to my mouth and blew out a sharp whistle. Another responded and Bertholdt and I darted in the direction it came from. The group wasn’t far from us when we found each other.

Marco’s expression flipped from curiosity to alarm when he spotted me. He came to a stop a few feet away. “Jean?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you alright?”

My mind went blank and I paused. “That depends.”

His eyes narrowed with concern. “What did you see?”

I weakly waved my hand over my shoulder. I was still trying to figure it out. “I don’t know, I don’t know.”

“Sasha mentioned a body?” he asked.

I glanced over at the group and quickly found Sasha, still very much shaken up. Bertholdt’s back was to us, the stress on Reiner’s face expressing his own concern for his friend.

“Hey,” Marco whispered and my attention fell back on him, “Can you tell me what happened?”

“Uh,” I gave a low whine and gnawed on my bottom lip to the point of drawing a little blood. “There was a woman in the woods, tied up between trees. She was scalped and stabbed. A lot.”

“What?”

“She was alive when we cut her down.”

His eyebrows shot up and his jaw dropped open until he found words. “Is she still alive?”

That was a good question. It was a wonder she was alive when we got there. Still, we didn’t have the necessities for treating such extensive wounds.

A pop made me jump, and everyone stared in the direction of the gunshot. I looked at Marco, blinking slowly. “No.”

Soon after, Levi and Erwin appeared through the trees. “Listen up. There’s a bit of a situation.” Levi said, holstering his gun. “One I plan to discuss it later. For now we’re pairing off and spreading out, carrying on in the same direction. Now it’s possible that there’s someone, or some _thing_ , out here, so keep your weapons ready.” He held up his index and middle finger and tapped them to his lips. “We’ll communicate through whistling, per usual. Silence is vital so only use it in case there’s an emergency. Got it?”

 

 

Marco pushed a branch aside and weaved through the others. “You okay over there?”

He had let me brew in my thoughts since we paired off and hummed softly to entertain himself while I glared daggers into the ground.

I grumbled and dodged the branch that slipped past Marco’s hand, almost hitting me square in the face. “’M trying to be.” It was hard to shake the image. I’d been able to before with other occasions, but that was on a whole new degree of crazy.

“We haven’t split up like this in a while.”

“And in such small groups. Kind of makes you wonder if we’re on the offense or defense, doesn’t it?” I mumbled, scanning the area to make sure we were still right on track.

“I’d say we’re somewhere in between. Are you worried we might lose the others?”

I turned to him, puzzled. It took me a moment to get what he meant. “No. We’re close enough to hear if something went down.”

“You sure?”

I knew the voice, nonetheless I nearly jumped out of my boots. “Eren!” I whirled around, fist flying.

He ducked down, barely missing getting a black eye and snickered. “You’re so easy to scare!”

“Yeah? Try it again and I won’t miss.” I sneered. “What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be like way over that way.” I said, theatrically waving my hand to the right. “Aren’t you paired with Levi? Where is he?”

“Behind you.”

I inwardly groaned and turned around, first seeing Marco hiding a snort of laughter behind his hand, then Levi beside him in all his gloomy glory. “Pay more attention to your surroundings. I could have killed you ten times over by now.”

I was glad to hear his tough love again. For a second there I was beginning to think he actually liked me. Trying not to roll my eyes, I pushed aside his comment. “I thought we were using whistling to find each other.”

“We are, but your terrible hearing was an exception. Lucky for you, Marco is much more aware and saw us coming.”

The bridge of my nose crinkled when I made a face at Marco, causing him to stifle another giggle.

“We found something.” Eren blurted out, suddenly so serious.

I glanced between the two, then at Marco. His smile was gone as well as he bit at his lip. Apparently one traumatic experience a day wasn’t enough. We couldn’t catch a break. “Let’s see it.”

The small clearing they led us too didn’t appear to be different than any other one, but Levi put his arm out to stop us. He walked ahead, but instead of straight, he curved as if he was avoiding something. He motioned for us to follow and repeat his footsteps. Once we were at his side he pointed to a patch of fallen leaves and moss.

“What do you see there?”

“A bunch of leaves and moss?”

“Good job. Now, what do you hear?”

I blinked. Other than the usual bird songs, I didn’t catch much else. Levi stared at me intently and I focused on listening closer. Faint shuffling and breathy moans came from the patch.

“Step back.” he picked up a stone and tossed it, walking backwards a few paces.

The patch dropped and started moving, the moans growing louder. Soon the earthy cover fell through the ground, revealing a pretty deep ditch occupied with stiffs. They were too low for their fingertips to graze the edge, so we weren’t in any danger from them, but they were noisy as hell when they saw us.

“We’ve seen things like this in the past.” Eren muttered, standing close to the edge and peering in. “Not really sure what they’re for. Catching stiffs, killing people…who knows anymore. This could have been here for a while. Look how sluggish they are.” To prove his point, he leaned down and passed his hand over the space just out of their reach, leathery fingers slothfully grasping for it.

“Eren, get away from there.” Levi scolded, not in the mood for carelessness. Eren listened, snatching his hand back and stepping back from the ditch.

“Should we do something about them?” I asked and gripped the handle of the gun across my back.

Marco shook his head with contemplation. “We don’t have the bullets to spare, not to mention how difficult it would be taking them out by hand.”

“Leave them.” Levi was staring out into the woods. “They aren’t going anywhere.”

“They’re getting riled up. We should go before something hears them.”

Levi’s posture shifted to an attentive stance and he took his gun in both hands. As second nature, we did the same, our eyes searching for what stole his attention. He lowered his guard before we even knew where to look. Maybe it was a false alarm.

“Yoohoo!”

Our arms snapped back up again, frantically trying to find the source of the howl. Someone was hurtling out of the woods, too undiscernible from the mass streaks of sun and shade warping them. From behind, I could hear Eren grunt, followed by a high, panicked whine. Levi turned, his eyes going wide, and Marco and I quickly followed suit.

Eren dropped backwards, his foot through the ground a few feet away from the ditch, and instead of falling on his ass like he should have, the ground gave way into another hole in the ground. Levi didn’t hesitate, running to the ditch as a stream of shouts left Eren’s mouth.

“Jean, straight ahead,” Marco said quickly, one eye squeezed shut as he aimed.

I took another glance back to see Levi jump in after Eren before aiming. The figure was much closer, arms waving about. “Don’t move!” I shouted.

The person slowed to a walk but didn’t completely stop. “Those are mine!”

“I said don’t move!” I growled, taking a few steps forward. They didn’t listen, and we could hear the struggle going on behind us. “Stop!” I aimed at the ground inches from their feet and fired. Marco’s head jolted and he stared at me with surprise. I wasn’t going to shoot them, but there was an emergency and dealing with a stranger on top of that was going to be a pain.

A strangled cry rang through the trees. Whatever was happening in there sounded like it was getting worse by the minute. Minutes this person was wasting.

The discernable person came to a halt, hands clenching into fists. “They’d better not be killing my subjects.” Their wish was denied as a sequence of gunshots fired.

“Marco, go help Levi.” I said quickly. He left my side and I took a few steps back, still aiming. “Don’t. Move.” I said low, but enough for them to hear me.

Another shriek.

Their eyes shone white when they tilted their head directly in the sunlight. Their hand came up and pushed the bridge of their nose. “This is ridiculous.”

“Jean!”

I whipped around to see Marco pulling Eren out of the ditch, Levi pushing, and a good amount of fresh blood. I glanced at the stranger and lowered my gun, bolting to their aide. A stream of blood flowed from the deep concave wound on Eren’s upper thigh, in between his knee and hip. He was screaming and grabbing for his leg only for Levi’s shaking hands to hold him down. I stepped away and started blowing a series of loud whistles, praying the others would find us soon.

“What the hell are you doing?”

I turned around to find myself face to face with a pair of glasses and a mess of red hair. I jumped back and pointed my gun right in their face. “I told you to stay back.”

“ _Please_ , you would have killed me by now.”

“You shouldn’t test someone who’s holding a gun to your head.”

Behind me, bone chilling screams ripped out of Eren and I heard a sort gasp from either Marco or Levi.

“You’re right.” There was a ‘click’ in my ear and I went still, looking out the corner of my eye to see a man holding a gun of his own to my head. It was hard to make out his features at such a limited angle, but he was a big man, both in broadness and height, and he had long dirty blonde hair. How he could see past the locks over his eyes was beyond me. “Now put the gun down.”

The red head rolled their eyes with a scoff. “Don’t waste the bullet, Mike. He won’t shoot.”

“He won’t.” That voice was semi-familiar. Beside this Mike person was Erwin, looking very displeased as he pressed the end of his gun to the dirty blonde’s temple. “But I will.”

“Eren!” Mikasa and Armin shouted in synchronization, out of my sight but I could hear their steps reach Eren.

“Looks like we’re outnumbered. What a way to start the day.” The redhead sighed, their eyes flickering around behind me. “Alright, Mike. Put it down.”

Mike sniffed and slowly lowered his gun, putting it in his belt behind his back. Erwin waited for him to put his hands up to back off, but kept his weapon aimed. He jerked his head to the side and I turned, able to move freely again. Sasha, Reiner, and Bertholdt were spread out, all ready to fire at the strange pair. Beyond them, the others were trying to assist Marco and Levi.

Mikasa looked up and spoke through clenched teeth, “We need to get him somewhere safe.”

The redhead chuckled. “Yeah, good luck with that.”

“Hanji,”-So that was their name- Mike said calmly despite having four guns pointed at him. “You know as long as we’re out here with that kid making all that noise we’re just as vulnerable.”

“They killed my subjects.”

“There’s plenty more out there.”

Hanji clicked their tongue and groaned. “There’s a cabin back in the direction we came from. No promising it’s clear, though.” They crooned.

I glanced at Erwin. “We aren’t far from what Sasha found.” I mumbled, attempting to be as general as to not give away what I was referring to.

“We don’t have time to ask questions,” Levi snapped as he and Marco lifted the squirming Eren. His screaming was replaced with sobbing and choked whimpers. “Which way?”

 

* * *

 

  

“This is taking too long.” Bertholdt said, impatiently blowing on the tiny tuffs of smoke coming from the pile of dried wood and grass. 

“We just need enough to…hold on.”

I ran into the garage and searched the shelves, carelessly knocking half the items over until I found a gallon of gasoline. It was a rare find, but Eren’s life was more important than a few miles in a vehicle. I came back outside and dumped the gasoline on the pieces of dried out logs and Bertholdt set it on fire.

“What do we use to burn it shut?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never burned anyone’s leg shut before.” I cursed under my breath and searched for something metal that not only was large enough to use in one shot, but something metal that could withstand the heat. There, leaning against the shed a few feet away was a shovel. It wasn’t ideal, but we had to work with what we got. I grabbed it and threw the metal end into the growing fire, barely waiting for the silver to glow a bright orange. I took it by the handle and jogged toward the back door. “Keep Mikasa out for as long as you can.” I called and entered the house, burning shovel at hand. My stomach did a summersault and my grip tightened around it. “This is gonna get so ugly.” I grumbled.

Levi looked up as soon as I entered the room, his eyes dropping to the shovel. His mouth moved with silent and unreadable words but shook his head and returned to soothing Eren, who was in and out of consciousness but a constant flow of pained noises and tremors shook his body. Marco did a double take, hesitating a moment before waving me over. He took the shovel and held back most of a grimace.

Marco took a deep breath. “Hold him down. Just like before, don’t let him go. He can’t be thrashing around or it’ll cause more damage.” He eyed the shovel again, then me. “Jean?”

I watched Eren struggling on the table and I nodded, switching places with Marco, and pinned one of hisarms down, the other placed over his chest. Armin and Levi swapped as well. Levi held his legs down, which would be the hardest part to control. Marco took another shaky breath and held the shovel a few inches away from the wound. The heat was dying fast, and so was Eren.

“Wait,” I said, moving my hands to the hem of Eren’s already torn shirt and took another piece off. Before any of them could ask, I twisted the fabric and opened Eren’s mouth, setting it between his upper and lower teeth. I moved my hands back in position. “Okay.”

Marco nodded and held the metal closer to Eren’s leg, hands trembling as he took deep breaths. “One…two…”

The sound that tore out of Eren was almost inhuman, unlike anything I’d ever heard before. He tried to toss around again, unable to due to the force on his limbs. Tears streamed down his face and his eyes nearly rolled back, and his voice left him, leaving a silent and breathless cry. The smell of burning flesh was horribly strong, and the sight along was nauseating, flipping my stomach over and over again.

“Stopstopstop _please_ stop!” Eren cried out, sucking in a loud gasp through the cloth in his mouth.

Levi made a distressed sound and Marco carefully pulled the metal away, making sure that if the wound wasn’t completely shut that it was for the most part. Some pots still bled, but they were treatable. It was clear how hard Eren was trying to swallow back the agony. We couldn’t let go of him just yet.

“Bend his leg a little. I need to wrap it.” Marco breathed, somehow still able to concentrate and stay calm.

“You’re doing great, Eren. Hang in there a little longer.” Levi whispered, slowly lifting Eren’s leg up. Eren clenched his hands into tight fists that drew blood and nodded.

Marco quickly dressed the wound and gave Levi the okay to lower his leg. He stepped back and wiped the sweat from his forehead. “The bleeding’s stopped for the most part. I’m sorry. This is all I can do.”

Levi shook his head and removed the torn shirt from Eren’s mouth. “No, thank you, Marco.” he brushed Eren’s hair out of his eyes and gave him hushed words of encouragement.

A throat cleared behind Levi, and Armin and I looked over at Hanji. “You do realize that, not only did you waste an hour on a dead guy, but inflicted unnecessary pain on said dead guy?”

“He’s _not_ dead.” I growled, circling the table.

Marco held his arm out to block me from them, only allowing a threatening glare. He turned his head toward Hanji but his eyes remained on me. “I suggest you leave the room.”

Hanji sighed with a shrug and left the room without question, going out the front door to where Erwin and the others were.

“Easy, Jean.” Marco said softly, his eyes heavy with exhaustion.

Eren was still, other than the heavy breathing through his nose. Levi was still leaning over him, his expression worried but not as frightened as he studied his face.

Armin let out a harsh breath and stepped away from his friend. He looked just as drained as he walked along the table and toward the door. “I’ll get Mikasa. She’ll help move him to somewhere more comfortable.”

Marco nodded and headed through the threshold leading to the living room. Noting his staggering steps, I followed him. He turned and pressed his back to the slightly cold wall before sliding down to sit on the floor. He pulled the leg of my pants and I sat beside him, bending my knees and resting my arms on them as we looked up at the ceiling.

“You did good.” He spoke quietly.

“It was all you back there.” I tilted my head back to rest against the wall, lolling my head to face him. “When this is over, you should consider becoming a surgeon.”

He exhaled a light chuckle and leaned sideways to rest his cheek on my shoulder. “I just might.” He closed his eyes and let his body to limp, deflating the leftover adrenaline still coursing through him.

I tilted my head to press my lips to his forehead. “Was Hanji right?”

“They weren’t wrong. Eren was bitten, and we all know what that means. All we did was slow it down. He has anywhere from a few hours to a couple of days depending on how hard he fights.” He chewed at his lower lip. “I wish I could have done more. I’m sorry.”

We heard Mikasa run into the next room over, whispering her brother’s name through small hiccups and sniffles.

“Don’t be. You did more than any of us ever could.” I mumbled into his hair before turning my head and swallowed hard, my eyes beginning to sting.

Once again, we were left helpless. It was hard enough losing Connie, and our only option now was to wait for Eren’s clock to stop ticking. It wasn’t fair. It was what I feared, what I was trying to warn everyone about, and it wasn’t fair. Surely Levi knew what was going to happen. Still, he was so desperate to keep Eren alive. It was going to wreck him.

Small whimpers had Marco sitting up. Both of us listened as Mikasa and Levi carefully lifted Eren, words muffled about getting him to one of the bedrooms. We sat there for a while, unmoving and not speaking, letting ourselves ease off of the physical and emotional roller coaster while the house became tranquil, everyone either in the room with Eren or outside on watch. Somehow, through the hellish two hours, not a single stiff came for us. I wasn’t going to think much further than that, too afraid to jinx it.

I sighed and stretched my legs out in front of me before bending them again and slightly curling toward Marco. “You should get so-” I paused when I saw that Marco’s eyes were shut, his chest rising and falling slowly with each breath, snoring softly with each inhale. I wrapped my arms around him and eased his body to relax against my chest. I shut my eyes as well and pressed my temple to the top of his head.

A few hours to a couple of days. That’s all Eren had.

He was going to die.

And all we could do was wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you have a favorite quote or moment so far? Please do share them, I think it would be fun and interesting to read :)
> 
> ps: I'm not-so-secretly happy that the walking dead season ended, because shit was getting way too similar. I should work for them right?? Right!?! lol, nah.  
> pps: happy easter bahaha


	10. Good Mourning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things come to a stand still for Jean and the others after Eren's misfortune.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its only been two months since my last update. no biggie T.T  
> life is still weird right now, so writing is getting pretty hard to keep up with, hence this slow chapter. (slow, but NOT a filler!) and if you've read this, i hope you know what happens after a slow chapter >:]

 

“Jean?” The smooth voice whispered. A warm hand fell upon my shoulder and gave me a gentle shake.

“Mmph.” I grumbled, keeping my eyes shut. My body was rigid and in a pretty uncomfortable position.

“Wake up.”

The hand on my shoulder moved up my neck to cup my face. I blinked my eyes open and groaned. After my vision regained focus, I smiled drunkenly at Marco’s lazy smirk. The dim candle lighting made his eyes heavy like he’d just woken up as well.

“You’ve been out here for a while.” He leaned back as I went forward, turning to see that I’d been sleeping on the floor, my back pressed against the doorframe of the room they’d put Eren in. Mikasa, Levi, and Armin were in there with him while I stayed out, only there to offer any services they might have needed. It was quiet, but every so often their hushed voices travelled under the door. “Go get some real rest, okay? I can cover from here.”

I inhaled in a lungful of air and stretched out in my awkward position, giving him a tired ‘k’. He eased me up and took my place in front of the door as I staggered down the hall, ending up in the dining room. The table was caked with blood and alcohol, grubby gauze and sheets on one side, and the shovel reeking of singed skin on the floor. The front door was open and I could hear the Erwin talking in a quiet voice I didn’t know he had.

I looked at the table again and picked up the gauze and sheets, then the shovel, and brought them into the garage. I dropped them into a tall garbage bin and made sure the lid was on tight before returning to the living room. There were some dishcloths and bleach under the sink. The bleach may have had some power in it still, but liquid was liquid and it would do the job. I poured it on the table and got to scrubbing.

“Why are you doing that?” Levi stepped into the room and glanced at the table then at me. The dark circles under his eyes were terrible.

I studied the table and the diluted streaks of blood. “It’s probably better if no one sees this tomorrow morning. I figured I might as well do it while they’re asleep.”

He stood by the door and watched for a moment before taking the cloth from my hand. “Have you never cleaned a day in your life?” He took the container of bleach and poured more on the table. “You have to start in small circles.” He demonstrated, moving from one small spot, only moving onto the next when the filth loosened.

What I thought was a short lesson turned into the two of us scrubbing away evidence of the day. We were able to get most of the blood off of the table, not so much the mess on the rug under the table, but Levi would remove that later. I took the empty bottle of bleach and the almost black cloths and placed them in the bin in the garage. Upon my return to the dining room, Levi was leaning against the kitchen counter, his arms crossed as he stared at the table.

“Thank you.” I said, my shoulders slumping with exhaustion.

“For what?”

“For helping me.”

Levi halfheartedly scoffed. “If I didn’t, we’d wake up to a poor excuse of a cleaning job.”

I smiled tiredly at the floor and joined him by the counter, glimpsing up past the table and to the open front door. Erwin and mike were still out there chatting away, their volume much lower, and occasionally Haji’s voice chimed in.

 I took a silent moment before I got to the looming question. “How is he?”

“Alive.” Levi said quietly, eyes still trained on the table. He paused, his mouth opening then closing as he contemplated speaking or not. “He’s been in and out of it, rambling nonsense. Armin says he has a rising temperature.” His posture slackened and he let out a long breath. “Would you consider what I did selfish?”

My brows rose with surprise. He’d never asked me anything like that before. I bit the corner of my lip and nodded. “Yes.” I said as I turned to face him. “If you’re willing to do whatever it takes to keep your family alive, you’re gonna to have to be. I wasn’t able to-” I cut myself off there to avoid going into my own past, “I guess what I’m trying to say is that you did what you could to save him, and now he’s alive. Eren would have done the same for you, you know?”

The expression he gave me was one of defeat and exhaustion. “He’s alive, for now.” He turned his head away and squeezed the bridge of his nose. “How did this happen?”

I had a feeling the question was rhetorical, but if anyone knew about blaming themselves it was me, “It was out of your control and was something none of us saw coming.”

“You did.” He said and dropped his hand. “How?”

I shrugged. “I was out there alone for a long time until I met Marco. Maybe during that time I learned to follow my intuition. I sound crazy sometimes, I know, but I guess it’s engraved in me.”

“Eren says you’re paranoid.”

“I am paranoid.” I chuckled.

“I _might_ consider taking your advice. Get some sleep. It’s been a long day.” He pushed himself away from the counter and headed for the hallway back to Eren’s room. “You’re a good kid, Jean. Dumb as a rock, but good.”

“I-i…thanks.” He was gone though, the door closing behind him after a few short words to Marco.

 

 ***

 

It was raining.

I woke up on the living room couch, one of my arms strung over my head, one foot touching the floor from abandoning the small space, and over a buck-fifty’s weight in Marco on my other half. I yawned and sat up as much as I could to take a gander around the room.

Almost everyone was in there, with the exception of Mikasa and Armin who stayed with Eren. Sasha, by some strange ability, was curled up to have her size on a recliner. Reiner and Bertholdt were on the couch opposite from us, Reiner sitting up with his head back as he snored and Bertholdt was in this strange position where one leg was over the back of the couch, the other across Reiner’s lap, and his torso twisted enough for him to rest his head on the arm of the furniture. It seemed painful.

Erwin was in the corner of the room in a similar position Levi always held. His back was leaned against the wall, arms crossed, and eyes shut. It was hard to tell if he was sleeping or not, even with the shallow rise and fall of his chest didn’t give him away. The man that held the gun to my head, Mike, sat on the ground, arms resting on his bent knees and his head hung to the side. Hanji was outside, softly talking away rather absorbedly to some unfortunate soul, also known as Levi. They’d been out there since we all gathered to sleep in the living room.

One of the few times that Armin left the room, he said that Eren had spiked a fever. They were doing what they could to break it and give him some relief, but that’s not how it goes. A scratch or a bite ended in death, whether it be by bullet or the infection. Right beneath his thin veil of distance was despair for his lifelong friend. He knew Eren’s fate when he watched him constantly waking up in a cold sweat, when he held him down on the dining room table, when he found us in the woods and heard the screams. Armin hid it well, but the person he should have been strong in front of was barely conscious.

Shifting under Marco’s weight, I was able to squeeze myself out and gracelessly stand on my feet before leaving the room. I paced around the house for a bit and ended up in the backyard hiding from the rain under a tiny gazeebo. I breathed in the cool air and closed my eyes, taking a step or two back until I was leaning into a post. Again, I took a deep breath, and then another.

I’d never seen anyone turn before. It had always been a before and after. One day they would be alive and breathing, and then the next time, they weren’t. Considering I used to believe I was the last person on earth, or at least that corner of the country, I never thought I would have to. Now I did, and it was one of the last people I’d ever want it to happen to.

The rain started coming down harder, pounding on the cone-shaped roof and making puddles large enough to call lakes. Tilting my head back until it tapped against the post, I opened my eyes and stared up at a long abandoned beehive. It was huge inside the tiny gazebo, taking up most of the ceiling.

How many bees did it take to make that thing?

I lowered my head only to jump back with a yelp comparable to a dog whose foot had been stepped on, and dug my fingers into one of the wooden banisters to keep myself from falling out. “G-geez, Mikasa. Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

Mikasa hadn’t left Eren’s room ever since they placed him in there. She was staring out at the rain, holding her tattered scarf up over her nose with a fisted grasp. Somehow, through all the time we’d been out there, she had kept the scarf mostly intact. It wasn’t red anymore, but a deep crimson stained by earth and death. She blinked, eyes still focused on the millions of droplets. “The drought’s over.”

I followed her gaze and glanced up at the sluggishly swirling gray clouds. I didn’t even notice. “Yeah,” I said distantly, “I guess it is.”

She sighed deep, pinching the fabric between the thumb and index finger until she quietly spoke again. “He woke up a few times. He even asked for you, once.” Her gaze fluttered to the ground and her grip around her scarf tightened. It was hiding half of her face, but I could see her mouth moving, or trying to.

I rested my temple against the post and closed my eyes again, listening to the rain and frogs croaking while time passed. A sound like rolling boulders came from the sky. I peeked and eye open in time to see a chain of lightning strike down miles away before the black sky roared again. It was louder than it was close, and if wind was any indication of a storm’s path, it was moving away from us.

“He’s fighting so hard.” I glanced over at Mikasa when I heard the tremor in her voice. Her shoulders jerked a few times as she buried more of her face in the scarf. “What if he-” she cut herself off with a sharp inhale and held her red-tangled hands over her face to muffle her gasping sobs.

What did people say in moments like that? Everyone knew what would happen. It was right in our faces, but we were pretending it wasn’t there for as long as we could. I would definitely never have considered myself well-spoken, especially on the topic of death. That was evident with Sasha. I could only listen, even if she didn’t speak. So I would listen. I stood back and watched the storm fade away.

Something moved along the side of the house and I peered over to see Levi. By the way his hair stuck to his face and his clothes clung darkly to his body, he’d been standing out in the rain for some time. His typical impassive expression had gained a substantial amount of empathy, and it was there as he stared over at us. He didn’t stay long before he disappeared into the cabin.

I took another glimpse at Mikasa and pressed my head against the post again. “A lot of people are counting on you, Eren,” I mumbled to myself. “Try not to fuck it up.”

 

 ***

 

Two days had passed, and Eren was still fighting, though unconscious since the previous night as Mikasa had mentioned. Other than her, Armin and Levi were really the only ones who had seen Eren since they moved him to the bedroom. Except for Marco, who occasionally came and went to offer as much medical help as they could ask for. Every time he left the room, guilt was painted all over his face. He was being hard on himself, as usual. He did everything he could and then some, yet he didn’t feel it was enough. It was both understandable and a mystery to me that he was able to hold a job where the patients were legit knocking on heaven’s door. However, I had a feeling his exhausted frown was something that he reserved for truly worrisome situations.

“How is he?” Bertholdt asked quietly and brought his knees close to his chest to rest his crossed arms on.

Marco sluggishly shook his head, his eyes on the floor. I moved from my seat on the couch to perch myself on the arm so he could at least take a break with some sort of comfort. He put his hand on my shoulder and used me as leverage to lower himself onto the sofa’s pliant cushion as he let out a tense sigh of someone who hadn’t had a day off in weeks.

Hours went by, nightfall came, and Marco had finally fallen asleep, as did Sasha and Bertholdt. Reiner went out on night watch with Erwin and Mike, and Hanji…well, I’m not sure what Hanji was doing. They would come and go, mumbling nonsense under their breath and waving their hands away as if shooing a fly.

I, on the other hand, had to get out of that living room. I’d been sitting in there for too long for my liking and had to get the nerves out. I roamed around the house slowly, as every crack in the wooden floor didn’t go unseen from my previous pacing, and I was in no rush or I’d have almost every room covered in minutes.

It turned out wandering around with an occupied mind did wonders to pass the time; about three hours’ worth, actually. And nothing snaps a person out of their thoughts like a sharp sob. I couldn’t tell where it came from, so I stepped lightly on the old warped floor in hopes of finding the source. Another sob and I was heading down the stairs.

Marco passed by the stairs in a jog-like pace, headed right for the room with Eren. Although he couldn’t see me, I was briefly able to see the fear he was trying to contain. Without a second thought, I jumped down the stairs and followed him. He was standing in the open doorway, his head turning left to right as he spoke quietly to the others in the room.

“…Marco?”

He turned when he heard my unsure tone and frowned. “Jean, would you mind checking on the others?”

“They’re fine.”

“Jean, _please_.”

Something was wrong for sure, but not the extent of it. Keeping strong eye contact, I slowly bowed my head and took a step back before turning and moving into the living room. Just as I thought, they were still sleeping. I left them that way, deciding it was for the best. Waking them up would only set them on edge, and Marco was barely telling me what was going on.

I gnawed at my lip, and peered down the hall. The door was shut, leaving no way to see or hear what was going on. I couldn’t do much about that, so I set out to pace the front porch. It had rained again earlier that day, as it did since two days ago. Either nature couldn’t decide if it wanted to drown or starve us, or it was trying to be cute given the morose situation. I couldn’t see in the pitch black night, so I listened to the rare raindrop or two fall from leaf to leaf. My legs had had enough moving for the time being, so I took to sitting on the steps.

“Anything?”

I turned to see Reiner heading my way from a slim trail that might have been a driveway at one point. He didn’t have to ask, given my broken down body language. I shook my head and sighed as he took a seat beside me, the step creaking under the much added weight.

“He’s been holding out longer than we thought he would. He seems like a strong kid.”

I kept my gaze to the ground and hummed in agreement. “Have you ever...” I paused, wondering for a moment if I should have asked, but went ahead anyways. He might have known more than I did. “Have you ever seen it happen?”

It was his turn to pause, his lasting longer. “Yes.” He said low, distant. “Too many times, in my opinion.”

I glanced at him then back at the ground. “That’s…I’m sorry.”

“You want to ask me what happens. Don’t you?” His tone was lighter yet still heavy with exhaustion. He didn’t wait for me to respond to continue. “It’s only natural to want to know. Are you sure you want to?”

“Yeah.” I breathed, returning to biting my sore lower lip.

Reiner took a deep sigh. “Bertholdt and I were in a smaller, more secluded town. We didn’t know what was going on until it hit us. It was a disaster. Bodies both alive and not, people everywhere were screaming and running, everything was literally being ripped to shreds right in front of us. We got out, had a few people with us. Like you guys, it didn’t last long. There was this guy ,” Reiner chuckled with disdain, “I don’t even remember his name anymore. Anyways, we encountered a few stiffs, which was pretty fucking crazy at the beginning. I mean, we still had little to no idea what it was. So, this guy is fighting off a stiff, and it didn’t bite him, not really. The teeth grazed his hand and barely broke the skin. No big deal, we thought. Well about an hour later he’s sweating and holding his hand saying it felt like it was on fire and the pain was moving up his arm. He wasn’t actually bitten, so there wasn’t much to worry about, right? Another hour went by, and he’s screaming and squirming all over the ground, and just like that,” Reiner snapped his fingers and let his hand drop to his lap, “he was gone. And when he woke up, he was one of them.”

He paused again, his eyes unfocused like a film was playing in them. He cleared his throat and went on. “You can already tell by what Eren is going through just how painful it is. It could take anywhere from hours to a day. I guess the speed is different for everyone.” He scratched the short hair at the nape of his neck and grimaced. “It gets more and more violent as it spreads throughout the body. It’s not something people want to see or hear.”

“Wait,” the word came out so quiet, I wasn’t sure he heard me until he faced me. “That guy…he turned, but he wasn’t bitten?”

Reiner shook his head grimly. “I guess it doesn’t take them sinking their teeth in for it to happen. Bertholdt has this theory that they’re saliva is like Komodo Dragons. You know, those giant lizards? That stuff gets in your bloodstream and you’ve got all sorts of shit in you. The difference is that people survive a Komodo bite.” He turned to me and his brows rose as he saw my face start to pale. “I think that’s enough for tonight. I should get back out there before Erwin spots me slacking off.” He brought himself to his feet and took a few steps toward the back of the house.

“Reiner?”

“Yeah?”

“…Thank you. You know, for telling me.”

He smiled faintly and continued on his way.

“ _Jean_ ,” A harsh whisper caught my attention.

“Marco,” I said, knowing who it was before I turned around, I mimicked the volume. “What’s going on in there?”

His brows creased and he waved for me to come in. I was barely on my feet and he grabbed my arm and yanked me inside and down the hall right outside of Eren’s room. We stood there in silence, facing each other, but Marco wasn’t making any eye contact until I gently took his wrist in my hand. His eyes darted around my face, then around the room as his lips barely parted with a shaky exhale. I’d seen every side of Marco, whether they were his usual self, or outraged or frightened. But I’d never seen him struggle so hard to tell me something.

“What is it, Marco?”

“He uh…” his eyes moved around the room again and he swallowed hard, his facial expression changing with each passing minute that he stood gaping for words.

“Hey,” I tilted my head and made an attempt to soothe him by running my thumb up and down the back of his hand.

He was pale, lighter than me even, like he would be sick any moment. “Eren’s gone.”

You know how people say time stops once something so overwhelming happens? I think that’s what happened to me. I hoped I wasn’t out of it for too long, because by the time I regained my composure, Marco was losing his.

“I’m sorry, Jean.”

I stared blankly at him for a few more long seconds until my body at least did something. I wrapped my arms around him and he pressed his face to my shoulder. He was shaking his head and trying to steady his breathing while I rested my chin on his, staring over at the closed door. I could faintly hear Mikasa’s hushed crying, then heavy footsteps.

To my and Marco’s surprise, the door swung open and Levi emerged, hell in his eyes. He barely acknowledged us and stormed down the hall and outside. I looked at Marco and he shook his head again. The crying was louder since the door was still open, and there more footsteps again, much lighter than Levi’s.

Armin appeared in the doorway, one hand on the threshold, the other on the door handle. His eyes widened the minute he saw me, and for a while he stood there. “Jean.” Lost, distraught, surprised. Despite all of those emotions, the detachment was the one veiling them. He glanced at Marco and nodded. He knew I knew, and he seemed slightly relieved. I was one less person he had to explain to right away. “Do you want to see him?”

I couldn’t cover my surprised gasp.  Did I want to? Of course I’d seen death before but not where they came back as undead cannibals. I’d been to one of my mom’s friend’s wakes, however I was sure seeing a friend of my own like that wouldn’t have been anything close. Apparently I took too long to answer.

Marco had his hand on my shoulder and leaned close. “You don’t have to, Jean.”

“No,” My brows furrowed as I tried to come to a decision. “I should. Yeah, I should.” I said, the second time more confident.

Armin looked between me and Marco and held up his finger for us to wait before shutting the door.

“I’ll be just down the hall, okay?” Marco asked, his voice soft with concern.

I considered saying no, that I’d be fine; however I wasn’t sure of that. For all I knew, I could take one step inside and turn around before I saw an inch of him. Truth be told; I was nauseous with fear. I shifted from one foot to the other and nodded uneasily. Marco took my hand and tried to give me the best smile he could muster. He was still shaken himself, so in my attempt to return the comfort I rested my forehead to his.

“I’ll be fine.” I murmured, closing my eyes. “I’ve got you here, right?”

“Right.” he exhaled.

We moved apart upon hearing the door open, and Mikasa took long strides out of the room and up the stairs, but not before I could see her very red and very puffy eyes, her white knuckles pressing her scarf hard to her mouth to choke out the sobs.

“Please don’t take too long,” Armin said as he appeared in the doorway again. “We don’t know how long until-I don’t mean to rush you, but,”

I held my hand up for him to let me speak. “I’ll be quick.”

Armin hesitated a moment and silently went in search of Mikasa, and Marco gave my shoulder one more gentle pat before going down the hall. For a moment I stalled and peered over my shoulder. Everyone was still sleeping or completely unaware of what was going on. I wondered if I should tell them instead of them waking up to immediately find out their friend was gone. I didn’t give myself enough time to ponder it. I was already short on that.

With a deep breath, I stepped into the room and shut the door. I let my eyes wander around the room, glancing from the chairs to the cloth slung on a large bowl of water colored a murky brown from old blood.

No time, no time. I was in there for a reason.

I dragged my eyes up to the bed, tentatively moving up until they fell on his face. My stomach knotted. He didn’t appear as dead as I figured a dead person would. He was slightly pale, distorting his natural tanned skin, and his hair was a mess. I cleared my throat and pulled a chair up next to the bed. Clasping my hands in my lap, I stared down at them for a good minute before turning to him.

I could barely believe he was dead. He was fine just days ago. He was laughing and hopeful and a sarcastic asshole. But then, in that room, he was an empty shell, the only thing left of him in our world. I swallowed hard, only then realizing a lump was forming in my throat. I shook it off and took a deep breath.

“You know, Eren,” I said, pinching the bridge of my nose, “for someone who considered himself my brother, you’re really shitty at it.” My jaw tensed and my hands went to the edge of the chair, gripping it, but not hard. “And then you go and pull this? Brother my ass.” Then I was grabbing the seat for real. I wanted to punch the shit out of him.

“Why did you give up? What happened that you decided you’d leave without even considering the rest of us? Mikasa is a fucking mess, Armin is barely holding himself together, who the hell knows where Levi is, and Marco thinks it’s his fault. What about the camp? Did you figure this was the easier way out? It’s funny. I never considered you to be the coward type-ah” I brought my hand up, frowning at the blood under my nails and my slowly coloring white knuckles. “Fuck…” I rubbed them against my jeans both to ease the splintering pain and get most of the tiny clots off. Prepared to continue my rant, I met his eyes and scowled. “And you know what else? You-”

His eyes were open.

The hairs on my arms and the back of my neck stood on end and a deathly chill ran up my spine. My mouth hung open like a fish gasping for something to say, and when his arm moved I jumped out of the chair. I stumbled backwards but my eyes were glued on his.

Of course Eren had to go and turn when I was the only one in the room, that inconsiderate dick.

What was I supposed to do? My mind was blank so I could only stare. I didn’t want to be the one to do it, and I didn’t know who else to ask. Mikasa, Armin, and Levi were too close, I knew Marco couldn’t, and it wouldn’t feel right if anyone else did it.

“J-just stay right there,” I glanced at the door and slowly shuffled myself toward it.

I all but yelped like a sissy when Eren let out a long, silent but raspy breath. “You should see…the look on your face.” Eren wheezed, but managed a dark chuckle.

I realized my hand was clutching my heaving chest as if my heart would jump out any second, and let out a sharp breath. “W-what?”

“I’ll have to remember to have Armin blacklist you for my funeral. That was some ruthless shit, man.”

“What?!” I must have lost my mind. He was dead minutes ago.

Eren smirked up at me with dark ringed, slowly brightening eyes. “Give me some…credit. Staging a death…is so,” he made another wheezy inhale, “it’s so....cliché. Kinda like you.”

 “Jean?” Marco swung the door open and his big, confused eyes focused on me. “What happened?”

I pointed an accusing finger at Eren with a seething glare to match. “ _That_ is what happened.”

“What?” Marco asked breathlessly and turned to Eren.

Eren brought his hand up to frailly wave at Marco. “Hey.”

Marco wasn’t the slightest bit amused. His brows furrowed and he stared at the two of us for a solid minute before he finally spoke again. “Excuse me for one moment.”

“Uh,”

Marco shut the door and Eren and I exchanged nervous glances. I shouldn’t have been nervous. I wasn’t the one who died and decided it wasn’t his thing.

The door opened again and Marco walked in, quietly shutting the door behind him. His eyes floated from me to Eren and back again. “Can either of you explain this?”

“I would _love_ an explanation.” I said dryly.

“Same here. I-” Eren coughed, “I know as much as you guys do.”

Marco sighed and pressed his fingers to his temples to rub small circles there. “I don’t know how we’ll even begin to tell the others about this.”

“We should start with Mikasa, Armin, and Levi, wherever he is.”

“You can’t find Levi?” Eren’s voice pitched slightly and he unsuccessfully tried to sit up.

Marco scoffed with disapproval and helped him. “Bertholdt, Mike, and Erwin came back a few minutes ago. None of them have seen him.”

“He bolted out of here when…you know.”

Eren gazed down at his lap and bit his lip. “I didn’t mean to…”

I expected another strained sound to come out of him, but he remained silent, watching his hands as he slowly fisted and unfisted them. Marco side eyed me and quirked a brow. I exhaled a dramatic sigh and sat on the edge of the bed. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. Sure, everyone thinks you’re either dead or dying and they’re complete messes, but-” Marco was quick to cut me off with a hoarse ‘ahem’ and I realized Eren was looking at me with sheer horror. “What I mean to say is, once they know you’re alive and well they’ll be fine. Even Levi.”

Marco stepped over to the door and smiles over his shoulder at us. “I’ll go get them. They could use some good news.”

“Thanks, Marco.” Eren said quietly. The door shut, and he turned to me with a conniving smirk. Here it comes. He pointed at his injured leg. “Remember that whole argument that you were the better survivor because blah, blah, blah?”

I narrowed my eyes in a prickly scowl. “Yeah, and?”

“This right here? This is what me kicking your ass in the awesome line looks like. Zombie bite trumps hunting trap.”

Ooh them’s fightin’ words.

“You know, I could strangle you to death right now and no one would even know.” I said cynically.

Our argument was cut short once we heard footsteps pounding down the stairs. Mikasa burst through the door and stared shell-shocked. “E-Eren?”

He waved again, smiling timidly at his bewildered sister. “Hey, Mikasa.” She closed the space between them, forcing a grunt out of him when she had her arms wrapped around him tightly.

Armin was quiet enough that none of us noticed him standing in the doorway until he sucked in a sharp breath. Eren smiled with relief and gestured for his friend to come over, that it was okay. Whatever Armin was holding in had flooded out in that moment. He kneeled by the bed and took Eren’s hand, holding it to his face as the tears flowed. Eren managed a short laugh when his sister wrapped her arms around him, forcing a raspy gasp out of him.

“How?” Armin asked in a feeble whisper.

“I don’t know.” He paused and stroked his sister’s hair.

Marco placed his hand on my shoulder and leaned down. “C’mon.” I nodded and followed him out of the room, giving the three their privacy.

By then it was the early hours of the morning, making everything appear deep blue and black in spaces where no candles were lit. I would have much rather have gotten some sleep than hype everyone up, though half of my fatigue was my own doing.

I wasn’t surprised to see that everyone was awake. If it wasn’t the early morning that woke them, it was most definitely the commotion we’d made. Sasha was rocking from one foot to the other, biting at her nails and staring holes into the floor. When she spotted me and Marco enter the room, Marco smiling tiredly, she strode right up to us and her head cocked to the side.

“Why are you smiling?” Then she turned to me. “Why is he smiling?”

I tried to hold back my own amused smirk as I delivered the news, loud enough for those in the room to hear. “Eren woke up.”

“What?” She blinked.

Marco took a deep breath, ready to explain further and, hopefully, clearly. “Last night Eren’s heart stopped.” He put his hand up when Sasha’s mouth fell open then clamp shut. “He was, what appeared to be, dead. He remained that way for almost twenty minutes, and then he woke up.”

“He woke up, still human?”

Marco paused and we turned to see Hanji jump up, eyes wide and a huge grin on their face. “Yes, but-”

“I need to see this with my own eyes!” Hanji’s hands rose in front of them, fingers wiggling like a child begging for a toy. “Such a lucky day!”

They were barely able to skip out of the room when Mike grabbed their shoulder, pulling them right back against the wall where he stood. “Hanji, it’s not the time.” Hanji huffed and crossed their arms in a moping way.

“Bitten, but not turned.” Erwin mumbled to himself. “Is he fully conscious?”

“Yes. However, he’ll definitely need some healing time.”

“What’s going on?” Reiner asked as he entered the room, scanning the room’s mixed emotions.

“We don’t exactly know.” Bertholdt said, “It seems that Eren survived the bite.”

“You’ve gotta shittin’ me.”

Bertholdt shook his head and jerked his chin in me and Marco’s direction. “They saw it with their own eyes.”

Reiner’s brows rose. “Did he really?”

I nodded.

If it was possible, Reiner was even more shocked at the confirmation. “Jeez, I didn’t know that was even possible.”

“Up until now, no one did.”

“Does everyone know?”

“Everyone but Levi.” Marco said, “He left soon after we assumed Eren had died. Armin and Mikasa are with him now. Let’s give them their space for the time being.”

 

 ***

I was startled awake when a throaty stream of shouted curses echoed through the house. I sat up on the bed, rubbing my eyes hard as I tried to figure out where I was. Marco was lying beside me, his occasional soft snores vibrating against my side and he squeezed his arms around me when he took a deep breath. It was close to dusk, which meant we literally slept the day away.

Remembering what woke me up in the first place, I listened closely. The rough voice was gone, but I could hear the others’; Sasha and Reiner’s totally synced rolling laughter, and the highs and lows of Armin’s voice fluctuating quickly. He did that when he was geeking out about a topic. By the sound of it, there was no immediate danger. So then why was someone shouting?

I was pulled from my straying thoughts when Marco hummed and shifted, nuzzling his nose into my ribs. Stifling a laugh, I wiggled to get out of his grip only for him to hold on tighter. I scoffed and settled back down on the bed, lying on my side to face Marco and run my hand over his hair. “Paging Doctor Marco.”

Marco groaned and buried his face as deep as my side would give. “ _Jean_ , whaaat?”

I grinned and leaned down to playfully bit his earlobe. “Phone call on line one.”

“Call back later.” Marco curled into my side and a darker growl rippled through his throat as he grazed his teeth against my neck.

I chuckled at his response and leaned back to try to see his face. The day’s quickly fading light cast a grey filter on his skin and obscured his freckles. Their loss made me frown and I leaned down and brushed my lips over his shoulder as if that would make them reappear. After a few more minutes of cuddling and letting Marco go undisturbed passed by and I slipped—more like pried—myself out of the bed to get my nose in whatever business was going on.

Once downstairs, the voices were still hushed but more clear. I started with the dining room, finding everyone except Sasha, Reiner, Bertholdt, and Levi.

Speaking of…

I cleared my throat and Armin glanced over from his conversation with Hanji. His brows rose and one corner of his lips tugged up into a weak smile as he quickly closed or postponed his conversation with the eccentric redhead. Armin took long paces toward me, and for a second I thought he was going to run straight into me but he grabbed my arm, dragging me along with him.

“It’s about time you woke up.”

“What’s the deal?” I obviously missed something, but I wasn’t sure what it could have been if it was both urgent and good.

Armin and I ended up in the hall, where he finally let go and turned to face me. “Eren is stable, Levi is in there him now, Hanji believes that Eren is immune hence his surviving such a violent bite, they have a small lab where they’re based, and we’re going to try and find a cure. We leave tomorrow morning.”

I stared at him for a moment, blinking slowly. I just woke up, and he was speaking way too fast for me to hear. “Eren is immune?”

Armin nodded. “It’s very likely. Hanji is a virologist, so they have more insight on it. We’ll know for sure once we get him to the lab.”

I blinked and looked off to the side to gaze blankly at the wall. Eren might have been immune. We might have had the cure with us the whole time. How was that for a slap in the face? Up until that point, the possibility of a cure never crossed my mind. It was hard enough believing there could have been something out there that could shield us from the world we were living in, let alone an actual solution.

Of course I couldn’t have much time to rejoice before the survivor thoughts began to kick in. Were we really going to trust two people we just met; one of which was a complete nut job? Hanji’s hole-in-the-ground death traps were suspicious enough, not counting the nearby murder site or the fact that they referred to the stiffs as their ‘subjects’. For all we knew, Hanji and Mike were the ones behind both if not one of the gruesome acts.

“Earth to Jean,” Armin drawled out, waving his hand in front of my face.

I shook my head to clear it and quirked an eyebrow. “Does everyone know?”

“Since this afternoon.”

I bit my lip and glanced down the hall, hearing calm and cheerful voices. “What do you think?”

Armin let out a deep breath and his shoulders dropped with what looked like relief. His smile was slight yet confident. “We give it a go. Hanji knows what they’re talking about, as hard as that seems.”

I hummed with satirical agreement. Might as well have said what was on my mind, “Their base is awfully close to that woman we found.”

Armin’s lips pressed together and his eyes flickered to the ground for a moment. “While they freely admitted that the ground traps were theirs, neither Hanji nor Mike claim they had any idea about it. It’s possible they’re telling the truth, Jean.” He said when I scoffed and rolled my eyes. “Just as Levi said, that woman was out there for a few days by the time we found her. That’s a short enough period of time that those two hadn’t been that way. And don’t forget, the traps were covered but there was some natural growth already taking place. That takes longer than just a few days.”

“Alright, alright, I’ll keep it in mind.” I groaned and rubbed the back of my neck. “So what happens after we find the cure, assuming there is one?”

Armin’s frown deepened. “That’s another thing we won’t know until we get there.”

“That’s a lot of unanswered questions, Armin.”

“Yeah, I know, but there isn’t any other choice. What about you? What do you think about all this?”

I paused, already knowing my answer but still wanting to think it through once more. We could’ve gone, maybe found a cure and live, we could’ve been ambushed and possibly killed, we could have continued on with Erwin’s plan and possibly die, _or_ we could have gone right back to my idea and driven off a bridge again.

“Yeah,” I sighed and nodded my head until I convinced myself that I was sure of my answer. “Let’s go.”

Armin smiled and took a step away, “Well, I should check on Eren. I’m sure Levi’s torn him a new asshole or two by now.” Then he dropped his voice to a whisper. “Even though we all know it, he won’t admit that Eren’s his favorite."

I snorted and waved him off before returning upstairs to see that Marco was still asleep. I ended up falling back into my niche beside him and waited for him to wake up to tell him the good news. It took Marco until the middle of the night to wake up, and as drained as he still was, a wide, sleepy grin plastered itself on his face. I let him fall back asleep. The next morning was very likely going to be messier than a family road trip.

 ***

 

I had never seen Eren’s face so red until the moment Levi effortlessly picked him up and carried him on his back the entire three hour trip to Hanji’s lab. Eren groaned like a kid embarrassed by their parent and kept his face hidden between Levi’s shoulders. His leg was still pretty messed up. The infection definitely took its toll on him, and although he was the same loser as before, he would be a loser out of commission for a while.

When we arrived at the location Hanji said their lab would be, I was sure I wasn’t the only one who was confused. The lab looked a lot like a thick wall of vines and flowers draped over a giant rectangle; a pretty basic yet efficient way to camouflage them.

Hanji leapt forward with a happy note and wrapped their fingers around a vine then gave a yank, revealing a sliding door that was the entrance. “We’re back, friends!” They shouted, running into the darkness.

There was a sliver of silence afterward, and people in military gear were bursting out of the entrance. Levi growled and strode toward Mike, only to stop when bullets hit the ground inches from his feet. Mika smirked and cocked his head to the side with an awfully snarky sniff.

“Looks like you’re the ones outnumbered this time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to those who've read this far. your comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!


	11. Selfless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brought into the safety of a shut-in town that goes by the name The Walls of Maria, we're given the chance to start over. But chance comes with a price, and it's more than what we'd bargained for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been wayyyyy too long since I updated and I'm so sorry! My motivation hasn't been very high until the past few days.  
> I wish this chapter was so much longer to make it up to you, but a lot will be happening at once and it would take me another 500 months to write it. So here's 13k words of angst, fluff, and death. 
> 
> WARNING: there will be a major character death in this chapter. please, please try to refrain from spoiling it for others in the comments! Thank you!

“What were you when it began?”

I watched the man in the white lab coat tie a rubber band around my upper arm. He flicked his finger against my vein a few times to wake it up then partially spun in his chair to retrieve a needle and a few empty tubes. I glanced around the room, decorated and organized as if it was a real doctor’s office. It even had that same disinfectant smell.

“Doesn’t matter.” I muttered, watching the needle pierce my skin. He taped it in place and connected a tube that filled with my blood.

“What makes you say that?” He asked, not bothering to look at me as he labeled it and moved on to the next one.

I shrugged my shoulder. “The plain fact that it doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter. It shaped you into who you are right now. It made you quite the survivor.”

“ _Fear_ is what made me a survivor.” I said sharply, fixing a glare on him. That got him to look at me.

He nodded and lowered his gaze back to my arm while he finished up and pressed a small cotton swab to where he removed the needle. He rolled his seat back and folded his hands in his lap. “Fear is a human coping mechanism. It can make people do things they likely couldn’t otherwise do. Fear can bring bravery.”

I caught a glimpse of nervousness and pity on his face and my teeth grinded, suddenly overcome with resentment. “And what would you know about that? This whole time you’ve been living safe and sound behind these walls that you’ve built.” The bridge of my nose crinkled while I continued, “How many stiffs have you killed?” I glanced at his coat pockets for a nametag. Moblit. What a stupid name.

He hummed in agreement and his gaze drifted off to the side. “It’s true that I’ve never had to confront the world as it is now, but that’s why you’re here.”

“We’re here because you can make a cure.”

“Yes, however there’s more to it than the cure. We need people like you, people who can show us how things have to be done out there. It’s inevitable that we’ll have to face it someday, cure or not.”

I scoffed and slid off the table. “You’ve got the wrong guy if you’re looking for a teacher. Ask someone else.” I passed him on my way to the door, pausing before I turned the knob, “The only way to learn is to figure it out for yourself; to be _in_ it. Otherwise you’ll never understand.” I murmured my last words, maybe to myself, and left the room.

 

\--

 

The previous day, Mike and Hanji led us back to their base, a town they named The Walls of Maria. It turned out the giant mossy wall was only a façade to hide their camp. It wasn’t a long distance before we came across the twelve-foot stone walls that went on for, what Hanji informed us, two miles each way from the entrance. Apparently the walls had started out as simple metal fences surrounding what was once a gated community. When the outbreak began, they’d already begun construction to make them stiff-proof.

Imagine that.

Once we were identified as ‘good people’, Eren was immediately brought to the medical area to treat his leg and start testing his blood. Levi had disappeared along with him, no questions asked. The rest of us were taken to a building where we’d be tested for anything that might have been dangerous to our own health. As if we wouldn’t be dead already if we had. But that’s the way the cookie crumbles; precaution, precaution, precaution.

When we first entered the town, the residents staring on like we were some kind of show. It was painfully obvious that a majority of the people there had never seen anyone who’d been out there, or if they’d seen anything past a ten foot radius of the place. A group of feral people thrust into a place of normalcy. We were a sight to behold, I’m sure.

But all it took was being hosed down, poked, and prodded to blend right in.

 

\--

 

Not knowing where the hall led to, I backtracked the way they escorted me and went from there. Occasionally, another unfamiliar face walked up or down the hall, sparing me a quick glance before hurrying along. So maybe I didn’t blend in so much. A shit ton of scars _would_ draw the attention of people like them. I snickered at the thought of Moblit’s face when he walked into the medical room and saw me. I entertained the thought of the possibility that I looked like Freddie Kruger to them.

I hear a few familiar voices a couple of doors down and let those guide me, stopping in front of the doorway. The room was a large lounge or cafeteria, or a mix of both—something they probably improvised for the whole ‘hospital’ vibe. A few groups of people buzzed around the room.

“Jean, over here!” I followed the voice to find Marco sitting at a table by a large window, arm stretched out and waving me over. I glanced around the room, wary of the mass amount of strangers, before heading towards him.

Marco met me halfway, linking his arm with mine and pressing a quick kiss to my cheek. “You look confused.”

I took another once-over of our surroundings before meeting his eyes. “That’s kind of an understatement.”

He nodded with his crooked smile and jerked his head in the direction of the table he’d been sitting at. I followed, still caught up in trying to understand the concept of what was going on. Armin and Sasha were at the table as well. She watched on as Armin went through a stack of books; science and biology judging by the covers, and jotted down things he was mumbling.

“Studying for exams?” I asked humorlessly.

He looked up at us and sat back with an exasperated sigh and scratched his bangs. “These are too outdated, even if that were the case. There’s hardly anything about viruses other than common knowledge.”

Marco and I took a seat as Sasha stopped tapping her pencil on the notepad, “Even high school taught more than this. I can’t help but wonder how ancient these library are.”

“I know it’s frustrating, but I’m sure Hanji and their team knows what they’re doing.” Marco said in a reassuring tone, “They have the tools and knowledge.” As true as Marco’s words were, they weren’t very convincing. Silence fell over us for a moment before Marco noticed my growing confusion and linked his arm in mine. “Come on. I’ll explain.” He said, walking away and bringing me with him.

“Have fun,” Sasha smirked and opened another book.

 

\--

 

Marco and I walked down a hall where sunlight beamed in through the windows, stretching along the wall and partially blinding me when Marco wasn’t blocking it out. He looked at me with an amused grin as my eyes darted all over the place, unable to stare at the same thing too long. And everything was so _clean_. Levi must have been in heaven.

Marco had taken me on a tour of everything I missed the previous day. He thought it would be better to start back where we left off at the main buildings—which were for medical, literature, and grocery purposes. At some point I noticed that every thirty feet or so, a colorful flyer hung on the wall, advertisements written by who I could only assume was a fully grown adult.

_‘Arts and Crafts Next Saturday at Church! Come Join Us!’_

I frowned and turned to ask Marco what the joke was when a pitched scream made my heart jump. I flattened myself against the window to see a playground, which would have meant nothing if it wasn’t for the mass of children playing around it. They were all so carefree, so innocently oblivious to anything outside of the woodchip covered ground and the plastic toys strewn around it. They were purely laughter and squeals of joy muffled through the glass.

“Marco, what is…?” I trailed off as panic began to set in. They shouldn’t have been out there. They were vulnerable. Why wasn’t anyone going to get them? It took me by surprise when I was suddenly jerked back. I hadn’t realized until then that I was ready to sprint outside.

Marco’s grip on my arm was firm but his smile remained soft. “Its okay, Jean. They aren’t in any danger.” I continued to stare out the window for a moment before slowly turning my head to face him. He pointed to an adjacent building’s rooftop. Two people with guns walked close to the edge, occasionally peering through their scopes. “There’s more above us, on the grounds, just about everywhere outside. The walls are far and strong enough to keep out any stiffs, but they make the people feel safer. C’mere, there’s more.” He said, grabbing my hand and continued leading me a short distance down the hall until we reached another window on the opposite wall.

Below was a field, people dotting the rows of green and hints of reds, oranges, and purples among more. The people wore sunhats, like my grandma used to when she gardened, and each had a basket full of whatever they had been harvesting. “I haven’t seen everything yet, just what’s around here. I wanted to wait for you to get back before going through the town. It’s a little nerve-wracking, isn’t it?”

I nodded and tried to take it all in. It was more difficult than I thought. Days ago we were eluding stiffs and fighting if we had to, scrounging enough food for ten people, and almost lost another one of us. Yet just a few days ago we had woken to how things used to be.  I felt the warmth of his thumb glide across my knuckles and looked down. I was still trembling hard though our fingers were tightly laced.

I took a deep shaky breath as Marco cupped my face in both of his hands. “It’s okay to be afraid, Jean. I am.” He said, brows furrowed with concern, softening as he smiled, “It’s kind of trippy, right?”

“Psychedelic.” I said and rested my forehead against his then closed my eyes so I better hear the laughter and casual conversation of passerbys. I never would have thought that such simple things could so easily shake me to the point of exhaustion.

When I opened my eyes, Marco’s gaze was fixed on them, slivers of gold and green vibrant in the sunlight. He lowered our hands without letting go and leaned back to place a quick kiss to my forehead. “Do you want to head back?”

“No,” I said and noticed a few lounge chairs lining the hall, “We don’t have to.” Marco grinned and pulled me along with him to take a seat facing the playground.

I’d never been a child-friendly guy, but they were interesting to watch. Kids were honest, like how that one girl suddenly pushed a boy down and shouted something, fists clenched at her sides and her face visibly reddening even from where we sat. Whatever the quarrel was, it ended when he got up and hugged her. I could only imagine what adult would have been like if we’d settled arguments the way children did.

Marco and I snickered, pointing at their separate little interactions. After a few minutes, he turned to me, waiting for me to face him. He wore an expression that’d I’d hardly ever seen on him. He was embarrassed or nervous about something, his gaze shifting like he was studying me face.

I leaned over and gave his shoulder a reassuring nudge with my own. Marco parted his lips before shutting them again. He bowed his head, the corners of his lips turned to a frown he couldn’t hide as he looked back out the window. Well, shit. I should have guessed it sooner. It wasn’t hard putting the pieces together once it was right in front of me. I grabbed his hand and tapped his ring finger. I really hoped the town had a jewelry store or whatever so I could give him something great instead of a rusty earring. Pushing that thought aside for the moment, I smirked and kissed the corner of his lips. “First comes love, then comes marriage,” I sang.

Marco was laughing behind his hand. “You’re so lame.”

I chuckled and pulled him against me, and he rested his head on my shoulder. We were quiet for a moment before I spoke again, “We could, y’know.”

“When this is over?” I could hear the smile in his voice.

“Um…yeah, that’s probably for the best given the living conditions.”

Marco hummed in agreement.

We sat there for a little longer, Marco staring out the window while I focused on him. The fond shine in his eyes and serene smile on his lips made my mind swirl. He made me want everything I never thought I wanted or even considered. I didn’t care about the impossibility of it happening. I’d make it happen. I’d do it all if it made him smile.

I turned to Marco with a doting expression which quickly changed to horror when a large hand that wasn’t Marco’s landed on my shoulder. The hairs on the back of my neck rose and I spun around to see that the hand belonged to Reiner and his huge white grin.

“Did I scare ya?”

I brushed his hand off and cleared my throat. “ _No_ …..You just caught me a little off guard, is all.” Marco snorted and I shot him a dirty look.

Bertholdt caught up with him from wherever they had come from and side-eyed the bulky blonde. “We’ve been looking for you two.”

Reiner nodded and motioned over his shoulder. “They want us to meet up at the town hall.”

“They?” Marco asked.

“The town people…er-owners?” Reiner’s brows pulled together as he struggled for the right words, “Whoever the hell runs this place.”

“When?”

“Right now.” Bertholdt said.

Marco and I exchanged a glance and let the pair show us the way.

 

\--

 

On the way to the town hall, I fought back the urge to snoop around everywhere.

The streets were void of rubble and overgrown weeds, no posters looking for missing loved ones, no bloodshed or vacant cars. An elderly man walked his tiny dog down the street, and I nearly lost it when two women jogged by. I had immediately assumed they were running _from_ something, not running for _fun_. I couldn’t help but look over my shoulder at the slightest movement or sound. I shouldn’t have felt as relieved as I did when I saw Marco’s on-edge, yet much more stoic demeanor.

We entered the town hall, empty other than the disembodied voices echoing. We entered a room in the basement where the voices rang loud and clear.

While taking our seats with Armin and Sasha, Hanji’s voice drew our eyes to the front. They waved their hands around animatedly, as the only way I’ve ever seen them do, while speaking.

Levi pinched the bridge of his nose and tilted his head back. “Will you get to the point, already?” He growled. Oh, was he _pissed_. What the hell did we miss?

Armin leaned toward me while keeping his eyes on the three of them, “Eren’s been in stable condition for a while now. He had a few minor complications during the operation, but the good news it he’ll be able to walk again.” I nodded and Armin paused, turning halfway to face me, “We were right. His blood is the cure, and not some crazy fluke.”

Marco leaned in, his eyes slightly wider. “What are they going to do with it?”

Armin hummed low and nudged his head to Hanji, “That’s what we’re about to find out, that is if Levi lets them get a word in.”

“Oh good, the gang’s all here!” Hanji shouted cheerily and clapped their hands together. We’d been sitting there ten minutes. “I was just getting to the important part.” Hanji’s manner changed to something more solemn disturbingly fast. They leaned forward in their seat at the table, resting their elbows on the top and pressing their face to their still clasped hands. “As you all may know, Eren’s blood does indeed contain the antibodies needed to fight the virus,” they sigh and lower their hands to the tabletop before their eyes flicker to us. They just stated what we’d all been saying for days. Get to the point, already. “However, we don’t have the technology to make it.”

_What the fuck?!_

“What the f-” Levi got up and stormed over to Hanji, grabbing them by their lab coat’s collar, all the while Hanji waving their hands in imitation surrender. “Then explain to me what the point in bringing us here was? To look under a microscope for fun? Did you not say you could make it?”

“Let them finish, Levi.” Erwin, who was so quiet that I forgot his presence in the room, said calmly.

“Shut the hell up, Erwin.” Levi sneered then let go of Hanji’s collar and took a step back. “You’d better have a good explanation.”

Hanji cleared their throat and adjusted their lab coat. “We can, we just don’t have the technology _here_. Assuming it hasn’t been breached, this lab’s headquarters contains everything we need to create the antivirus.”

“And you failed to tell us this before because…?”

“We had to make sure this was the real thing. It would be stupid to make that run for nothing. Besides, why would I tell someone who wants to beat my face in?”

“Where’s the lab’s headquarters?” Erwin asked.

“Stohess.” Mike said upon entering the room. A man I hadn’t seen before walked in him was a man I’d never seen before. He was old, his eyes half open and cheeks tinted pink like a drunk’s. His thick mustache wiggled when he sniffed, but he said nothing. He looked on with interest and folded his arms behind his back the way Erwin did during his horribly terrifying speech.

“Ah, Captain!” Hanji grinned and held their hand out as they introduced the old man they called captain. “Everyone, this is Captain Dot Pixis. He’s the one who got the idea to make our walls and keeps this little town running! He’s a retired cop who looks really old, but he’s still sharp as a needle.”

Pixis crossed his arms, chin high with pride…and then he reached into his jacket and drank from a flask. “Thank you for that marvelous introduction, Hanji.” He stepped forward and looked us over before sniffling. “Well, isn’t it refreshing to see such young and brave soldiers,” Levi mad a sound of utter disgust, but he contained anything else. “I apologize for my being late. Please carry on.”

 “So,” Reiner broke the silence and disregarded the monopoly guy, “Stohess, you said? But isn’t that like…”

“One hundred and sixty miles.” Armin let out a stressed exhale. “An estimated total of twenty days to get there and back.”

“Indeed it is a long ways away, but Pixis will explain how we’ll go about things.” Hanji gestured to the old captain.

Pixis took another swig from the flask and sighed deeply. “It goes without saying that you will be joining us on this important mission. Unlike the majority of the people here, you know how to handle high risk situations. That alone makes each of you vital to go. While I appreciate your democratic mentality, I have decided that this is neither the time nor place for that.”

I prayed he wasn’t saying what I thought he was saying.

My stomach was churning already, and the others weren’t faring too well, either. Sasha slowly shook her head in defeat, Bertholdt was sweating up a storm, Reiner sat as still as a statue, and Armin was chewing at his lip.

I glanced at Marco. His hand was scratching through his hair and down to the shorter part of his undercut. He wouldn’t be picked. Armin either. They’d be stupid to lose people with medical and scientific experience. For the most part the rest of us were even in strength and physical skill.

“Mike, Reiner, and Marco.” Erwin called our names, “The three of you will be joining Levi, Mikasa, and Hanji on the way to the Stohess Headquarters.”

Beside me, Marco sucked in a sharp breath.

No. That wasn’t right. Why would they…Why Marco?

“Are there any objections?”

“Yes!” I shouted, too loudly for the half-empty room. What the hell was I doing…“I’ll go.”

“We don’t need anyone else.” Levi snapped.

“Then I’ll trade places with Marco.”

“ _Jean_ ,” Marco hissed next to me, “ _Sit_ _down_.”

I shook my head, eyes darting between Pixis and Erwin. “He’d be better off here anyways. He’s got medical experience. You could use him here.”

“Knock it off with your hero shit.” Levi turned in his chair to face me. He had that dagger-sharp glare and a hint of something else I couldn’t pinpoint. No one really ever could when it came to him.

“It’s the truth and you know it. Armin should stay, too. Hanji, you’ve already got all the knowledge you need for this.” Armin whirled around, eyes wide. Everyone was looking at me like I was crazy, but I didn’t care. “Don’t send those who can help in _here_ out _there_. Please.” I wasn’t one to beg or plead very often, but this was important.

Pixis’s mustache wiggled and his eyes narrowed. He looked me up and down, and then stared me in the eyes. I wouldn’t back down. I couldn’t. To my surprise, Hanji was suddenly right in front of me, glasses shining as they do their own inspection. Mike grumbled something about my smell being right and hummed in unison. Both turned to Pixis. I swallowed hard, anticipating that they would agree with me.

“Alright, young man.” Pixis said. I let out a sigh of relief I hadn’t known I was holding and my fists unclenched. At least I was able to save two people from- “That one stays in place of you.” Pixis pointed to Marco, then his wrinkled eyes landed on Armin, “However he’s needed.” Armin stiffened and bowed his head, his hold on the sides of his chair tight enough to turn his knuckles white.

“What? No, I-”

“The decision is final.” Erwin interrupted.

“And who the fuck put _you_ in charge?” I spat at him. Marco was gripping my arm hard enough that I could feel his nails digging into my skin through my sleeve. I couldn’t look at him yet. Not without being heard. “You give us orders without taking responsibility. You, who doesn’t even _know_ us,” If I could have physically spat the venom in my next words in his face, _oh_ , would I ever. “You’re a coward, Erwin.”

His expression didn’t change in the slightest fraction. Always that stone-cold, empty stare. I, on the other hand, glared flaming daggers into him, hands clenched into tight-knuckled fists again. I wanted him to feel how _stupid_ , how _selfish_ he was because if he did, I didn’t see it.

“You leave in three days. That’s more than enough time to prepare.” His gaze left mine when he exited the room with Pixis. Hanji and Mike said a few awkward words before taking their leave.

“Listen, you loud mouthed brat.” I turned to see Levi. His words sounded more bitten than the stressed out expression on his face, “We go, we get this shit done, and we come back. We do that, and we’ll be saving everyone else the misery of _that_ world. Do you understand?”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Are you really that thick headed? It’s our responsibility, too. Of course we have to do our part.”

“But you just sat back and watched. Why didn’t we get a say?”

“Because of outbursts like the one you just had.”

“Levi! I was trying to-” Marco’s grip was still firm on me. I glanced at everyone, who’d still been gawking at me, and shook off Marco’s hand. “I’m sorry,” my voice was so small compared to the minute before, “I’m sorry.” I said again, brushing past Levi and leaving through the emergency exit.

 

\--

 

Sitting in a secluded place outside behind the rec building, I privately wallowed in my own self-pity. Once again, I’d managed to make a complete fool of myself. It really shouldn’t have mattered in the bigger picture. I only made things difficult and uncomfortable for everyone. How I was going to face them was something I’d rather not think about yet.

I picked at the grass, pulling the thicker blades and spinning them between my fingers until they turned dark and frail before tossing them and moving on to the next one. The sun was already going down, dropping the temperature by the hour.

I jumped nearly a foot from the ground when a sharp whistle rung in my ear. With eyes wide as a wild animal, I spun around to see a boy, maybe ten years old, holding a piece of grass between his thumbs. He blew again, making that same whistle, albeit shakier with how much he was giggling.

“Shouldn’t you be home or something?”

He shook his head and grinned. “My mom hasn’t called me back for dinner yet.”

“You won’t hear her if you’re all the way over here.”

The boy shrugged and took a seat next to me, sprawling his legs out in front of him and wiggling his feet side to side. “She won’t mind if I’m late since I made a new friend.”

Was he referring to me? What the hell made him think I was his friend? Who even was he? Not really sure how to answer that, I looked back out at the darkening field.

“What’s your name? Mine’s Kristopher.”

“Jean.” I said dryly.

“Why does your hair look like that?”

I made a gargled noise and sneered at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It looks like my Uncle Auruo’s.”

“Okay?”

“He doesn’t have all those scars like you, though.” He looked at me with hazel eyes that sparkled when he grinned, much wider than before. “Do you have them because you’re a soldier?”

“I’m not a soldier.”

“I heard you were. You and your friends who came from outside, too. The guy with crutches was cool. He said you guys are soldiers.”

The guy with crutches, huh? I rolled my eyes and leaned back to balance my weight on my hands. Eren _would_ say that. “He’s not cool, he’s stupid.”

“Ouch. That wasn’t very nice.” Came a familiar voice.

I glanced over my shoulder and groaned. “Speak of the devil, and he will come.”

Eren chuckled and limped over on his set of crutches. He set them aside and eased his way down to sit on the other side of the boy. He looked better. He put his hand in the kid’s copper blonde hair and ruffled it a bit. “Kristopher, Your Aunt Petra’s been calling for you. Says your mom isn’t too happy you’re messing around outside after dark.”

Kristopher turned a light shade of pink and gave me a sheepish smile. “Oh, then I should go before I get grounded again. But I can’t wait ‘til tomorrow! I’m gonna tell my friends I met the soldiers!” he squealed and ran off, waving until he disappeared around the building.

Neither Eren nor I said anything for a while. We just sat there, staring up at the darkening sky. I noticed a while ago that we stare at nothing a lot when we talked alone. Eren decided he’d be the one to break the silence. “I heard about what went down earlier.”

“News must travel fast around here.”

“ _Please_. Dented old toys in the suburbs? That makes us the tabloid of the week.” Eren said, wincing as he adjusted his legs to stretch out in front of him. “Anyway, to be honest, I wish I could trade places with someone.” Meaning Armin, “If it wasn’t for me, you guys wouldn’t have to go at all.” I peered at him through the darkness to see his downcast gaze and how he kept glancing at his leg. “It’s kind of my fault, you know?”

“Yeah, Eren. How dare you have the potential to save everyone whose made it this far. So fucking selfish.”

“I’m serious, Jean, okay? It’s something I wasn’t ready for. And now I can’t even take action for it. I feel so useless and guilty about it. I just wished that…I don’t know.”

My brows furrowed when I turned to him. “That what? That it was someone else?” I sounded angrier than I wanted to, and loud like earlier, only realizing it when he bowed his head and looked ahead again. “Eren,” I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose, “Listen. Yes, this is one big shit storm no one was prepared for, but remember our plan before? We figured we’d find a place to hide and live out the rest of our lives like these people have. You’ve given us something more than that. There’s a chance of stopping this thing.”

He slowly rubbed his hand just under his bandaged leg, eyes unfocused on the emptiness in front of us. “That’s what I’m afraid of. I don’t think I’m cut out to handle this. What if things go wrong, and this ends up being a huge mistake?”

“Do you know what would have happened if you didn’t have the blood that you do?”

“I would have died.”

“Yeah, you would have died. And eventually, so would we. Mikasa, Armin, Levi, Marco, all of us. We would still be out there fighting an endless battle until there was no one left. But here we are, because of you. Because you fought through to fight for others. So don’t go saying stupid shit like it’s your fault.”

Silence fell over us, while crickets and frogs took over the rest. Just as I was brewing over the thought that I’d just convinced myself that going on the impending journey was the right thing to do, Eren snorted and slapped the back of my head. “Thanks for the ego boost.”

I glared at him until I saw the smirk on his face and returned it, “Don’t get too ahead of yourself. You’re still a loser.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He grabbed his crutches and held his hand out. “Help me up.”

“Oh no, the soldier can’t do it himself?”

“At least I had the decency not to call you the village idiot.”

I rolled my eyes and got up before pulling him to his feet. He hobbled next to me, somehow keeping up with my strides as we met the road. I stared down the lantern-lit street and bit my lip.

“Think Marco’s gonna beat your ass?”

I winced. “I hope not. I won’t get my hopes up.”

“Just keep it down. I need my beauty sleep.”

He took a few hops away before I called out to him. “Wait, where am I supposed to go?”

Eren pointed down the left side of the street. “That piss yellow house. That’s where they’re keeping you kiddies.”

“And you?”

“Gotta stop at the medical center again. I’m their prized little guinea pig now.” He grinned, and off he went.

I looked down the road and took a deep, preparing breath.

 

\--

 

Walking up the steps to the house felt like I was walking to the gallows. If what Eren said was true, then Levi and Erwin wouldn’t be there. That would be a relief. However, the main source of my fear was composed of a pair of brown doe eyes full of disappointment. I wasn’t sure if I could manage to avoid them. I couldn’t even hide behind anyone else with how things ended.

Soldier my ass.

The door wasn’t locked and most of the lights were off. Everyone must have been sleeping already. That was a good sign so far. Quietly shutting the door behind me, I waited in the doorway until my eyes could adjust. The last thing I wanted at that moment was to walk into walls and furniture and wake everyone up. Staying low-key was my goal.

Once I was able to make out dark silhouettes, I ran my hand along a wall until it bumped into a something hard and round. I felt around it, my hand gliding up to where it stretched diagonally up. I gripped onto the railing and slothfully made my way up the stairs. I tripped over the landing, cursing harshly under my breath before I froze to listen for any other sounds. Assuming I was in the clear, I continued my awkward blind voyage to find wherever I was supposed to be. I felt along a few closed doors, the open door of the bathroom, which I almost fell into, until I reached the end of the hall. I reached my other hand out to feel for the opposite wall and hit something else. Something softer, kind of like flesh.

Somehow I managed to wheeze instead of shout, but I couldn’t control my body from jumping back and slamming into the wall. My hands immediately went to my belt, frantically looking for my knife or gun, anything really. I lost out on my option to move out of the way when I was spun around, one arm gripping hard against my chest and pinning my arms to my sides. A large hand pressed hard over my mouth. I kicked out as I was dragged backwards and into a room, the door promptly shutting behind.

“ _Shhh_! Jean, shut up!” A familiar voice hissed in my ear, sending a shiver of both fear and relief down my spine. I abruptly stopped trying to flail my way out and turned my head to see over my shoulder. It was too dark to make out his finer features but it was unmistakably Marco. He let go and watched me stumble back against the bedroom wall before he pinned me against it.

“Marco, what the f-”

“What the _hell_ were you _thinking_ , Jean?” He hissed. _Keeping you safe_ , I wanted to say. Instead, I clamped my jaw shut at the dim sight of the twisted scowl focused on me. “You couldn’t keep your mouth shut for just this once. For someone who can’t stand it when others make choices for you, you sure are quick to do it yourself.”

“Wh-Marco, no, I was-”

“No,” He pushed me harder into the wall. I didn’t do anything to stop him, “No, I think you’ve done enough talking.” Just as quickly as he pinned me, he let go and walked the other away. He roughly ran his hand through his hair and let out a huff, his back still to me. “Sometimes I don’t have a clue what’s going through your head. It’s like you’re trying to have all of this control, and when a plan fails, the world falls apart in your eyes. You see anyone else’s help as a threat, and you immediately fight it.”

I kept my mouth shut, opting to lower my eyes and nod, not that he could see me in the lightless room. He wasn’t wrong, but didn’t he see the obvious reasons for why I did the stupid shit I ever did? I was selfish. I always was and I always knew that I was. I believed that selfishness was my best motivator. I was selfish enough to fight for myself and the others, but especially for him. I never went a day without fear of losing him. I was too selfish to ever let him go.

I felt two hands on my face and looked up to find that Marco was inches from me again. His dark eyes were still hardened and the anger had faded away into empathy. “You could be _such_ a great leader, Jean, but you _have_ to hear out what everyone else has to say or you’ll get nowhere.” I parted my lips only for a light breath to slip out. Marco let out a strained sigh and faintly shook his head before touching our foreheads together. “I know how you feel about letting people in, especially these days. The thing is we _need_ more people if we’re going to survive, and sometimes that calls for taking direction. Did you understand what Levi was saying earlier?”

I shook my head. As far as I was thinking, the mission would be completed and it would end with us being dismissed afterwards so they could continue to live in peace.

I could make out the smile on his lips when he pulled an inch away. “After you left, he explained to us what would happen after the cure.” Marco was still smiling, and when he spoke, it was quiet but excited. “ _Jean, we can stay_.”

I stared at him long and hard, brows furrowed and eyes squint. Of course they were staying for now. They didn’t need to take everyone on the mission.

Marco let out a small laugh. “Do you understand what I’m saying, Jean?”

Y…no. I don’t know.

“Why aren’t you saying anything?”

Because I don’t understand. “You told me not to.” I said dumbly.

Marco blinked. “What? I didn’t mean don’t speak _forever_ , you dweeb.” He laughed a little louder and gathered me into his arms. “They’ve offered to let us stay here.”

I felt the breath leave my lungs, for other reasons than the arms around me. “…For how long?”

“As long as we want.” He sighed, nuzzling his face into my neck.

Another shaky sigh and I shook my head. “That’s not funny.”

“I’m not joking, hun.”

“Marco. _Marco_.”

It took me a few minutes to let what he said set in. What we’d been looking for, for going on three years, was right there; a place we stumbled upon while searching for another, fell right into our laps. I didn’t think that was possible for anyone who’d been out there—still out there. I’d take what good I could get, even if it wouldn’t last. I returned his embrace and let my head dip forward onto his shoulder. “Okay.”

 

\--

 

Three days had gone by much too fast. It goes without saying that Marco and I didn’t leave each other’s sides the entire time, though we couldn’t completely enjoy those days of peace when we knew what was awaiting us. It was bittersweet. The majority of the time was spent alone together, usually sitting in the field beside the gardens, just being beside one another. Whether we spoke or not, we soaked each other up as much as we could. For Marco’s sake, I pretended I was confident, that I would come back unscathed and things would be fine from there on. I didn’t know if he was hiding it as well, but on more than one occasion, I considered that I might not coming back at all.

Marco was sitting on the side of the bed, gaze downcast as he twisted the earring on his finger while I was packed as little amount, and mostly needed, things as I might need on the twenty-day run. He was biting at his lower lip, brows knit close together. I stopped what I was doing and frowned

I got down on my knees in front of him, taking his hands in mine. His eyes flickered to mine, uncertainty and sadness swirling in brown speckled with gold. I held his hands to my lips, placing a kiss on each one without looking away.

Marco sucked in a shaky breath and faintly shook his head. “I want to be there.”

We’d already made a deal, both knowing it would hurt, but it would only be worse if we didn’t. “I know, but it’s better if you aren’t. They’d drag me away a blubbering mess. This way is easier.”

“For which one of us?”

My frown deepened and I pressed my nose and forehead to the back of his hands, nuzzling them. I wasn’t expecting that our planned goodbyes would unfold the way I thought they should have.

“I want to be there.” He said again.

A smiled sorrowfully, “I know.”

“Remind me why.”

I inhaled deeply, letting it out slowly to control the trembling starting in my throat. I raised my head to see his jaw clench with a hard swallow, quickly reaching up to catch a new droplet about to fall from his eyes. We promised no tears. My hand lingered until I tangled my fingers in his hair, “Because of _this_ face. I’d rather remember you smiling.”

Marco glanced away, his voice smaller. “You say that like you aren’t coming back.”

“I didn’t mean it that way.” I said reassuringly and kissed his hands again.

“I hate that you did this.”

“I know.” I kissed the corner of his lips, his eyelids, his forehead, his hair.

“It doesn’t even make sense.”

“I know.” It did make sense, though. To me it did. Marco was more than capable of the task, but it didn’t feel right. He didn’t belong out there. It was never a life that was meant to live. Not Marco. If I could keep him from it, I would do anything I could. “Okay, time to go.”

I quietly cleared my throat and stepped away, his arms suspended where they once held me, before I grabbed the travel bag and tossing it over my shoulder. I didn’t look at him when a nearly silent whimper resonated in my ears. I didn’t look at him when I passed him to get to the door, or when he gasped for air again.

“Jean,” I stopped. How could I describe the sound of his voice when he said my name? An unbearable pain—no, something deeper— that wrapped my heart in ropes made of thorns. I turned around to see him sitting where he’d been for the last hour and a half, watching me with wide, glassy eyes.

One step, two, two more, and I was kissing him with enough force to push him back on the bed. I was leaning over him, taking what I could from him, breathing in his scent, his soft, sob-broken moans and kissing away fresh tears, some of which were my own. His arms found their way around my neck, pulling me as close as he could, while I slid my arms underneath him and around his waist.

I pressed my forehead to his for a moment so we could catch our breath. “I love you,” I whispered, swallowing the lump in my throat. “I love you, I love you, I love you. I’ll come back, I promise.” He nodded frantically, never taking his eyes off mine. “Don’t adopt any kids while I’m away, okay?”

“I’ll try not to,” He laughed, bringing me down to place a series of short kisses across my face.

 

Marco wasn’t there when we left. I was glad he wasn’t too stubborn to follow through with it, and I wished it didn’t sting as much. I couldn’t numb everything for a little while when I was lucky enough to see him smile and laugh before parting. It would be enough to keep me going.

 

\--

 

Eight days. That was how long we’d been traveling and we were just over half way there.

 

It seemed that the number of stiffs had grown from sporadic groups by the dozen at a time, and then some. They wandered aimlessly as always, a sight we’d never witnessed them do before. Hanji explained that—from as far as they had come with studying them—though they lacked any semblance of human intelligence, their motor skills and primal instincts remained intact. Eat, wander, join a pack if one comes along, and repeat until they rotted away into nothing but bones.

The weather had rapidly begun to change as well. The further north we moved, the colder it became. The trees had started to change faster, shedding greens tinted with yellows and oranges, dusting the roads and hiding tracks.

Shaking our cans of spray paint, Reiner and I got to work tinting the windows of an old coach bus. “Think this thing will last long?”

I shrugged and moved on to the next window. “Taking into account the weight we’ll and be putting on it, Armin thinks it has enough gas for sixty miles if we’re lucky. After that, we’ve got forty miles to go.”

“Maybe we’ll find another ride by that point.”

“Yeah…” I trailed off, my mind fading elsewhere.

“Marco is okay. You know that, right?”

At the sound of Marco’s name, I came back to the present and pressed my lips together for a moment. “I know that.”

Reiner smiled empathetically and stepped back, examining the windows, “So is Bertholdt. I just gotta keep telling myself that. I miss him like hell, though. Bert and I have never been apart from each other before until now.” His smile faded into a frown and he turned to me, “How are you doing? You and Marco were separated before.”

“That doesn’t make it any easier.” I hissed, finishing off the rest of the spray paint and going to the back of the bus for another. I didn’t want to talk about it, let alone think about it. The latter, I wasn’t so successful at. I was being selfish by wishing I had stayed with him, but it wouldn’t have worked that way. All because of Erwin and his ignorant fucking decisions.

“Fuck,” Reiner’s heavy footsteps stopped behind me. “Jean. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say it like that. It’s just, what you did for Marco…by trading places with him, it says a lot about you.”

I thoughtlessly rummaged through the useless objects, not really looking for anything other than a reason to occupy my mind. I wasn’t particularly interested in what it said about me. What was done was done.

Reiner must have taken my silence as a go-ahead and continued, “You’re willing to do anything to keep him alive, even if it’s costing you your own life. That’s-”

I spun around and gave him a warning glare, “Don’t say it was courageous or brave or whatever stupid word you were about to say.”

He nodded and raised a thin eyebrow. “I was going to say selfish. He didn’t get a say in it, but you’re too stubborn to listen anyways. That much should be obvious, even to you.”

I stared at him for a moment and sighed. He was right. I’ve never been one to make smart or calculated choices. I didn’t regret it. I made a promise to come back, and I very well intended to keep it.

“But,” Reiner said exasperatedly, “I would have done the same for Bert if he was chosen.” It was also a given that they’d spare a nervous beanstalk. “I guess they needed two idiots to tag along, since they let you come.”

“Your honesty is appreciated,” I snorted and rolled me eyes. I closed the trunk, giving up pretending to search for something since the conversation lightened.

“You two,” We turned at Levi’s call as he holstered his gun across his back, “On the bus. We’re leaving.” We boarded the bus, Mikasa coming up after Levi, both double-checking the grounds before getting on and locking the door. She took a seat in a more isolated part of the bus and stared out the painted window. Mike started up the bus, and we were on our way.

 

The bus surpassed Armin’s estimated distance by ten more miles before the transmission blew. Considering how slow our progress had been, we’d shortened the travel time by over a week in a single day. The thing about walking is that it gives you too much time to think. I thought about how far there is left to go. Thought about how things would go if—when we got there, praying it would be as Hanji said, and we would have the antivirus. I thought about the way back, and how it would be just as dangerous, if not more, than the way to headquarters. I thought about Marco.

He was safe, however that didn’t mean I wouldn’t stop worrying about him. It didn’t meant I could ignore the fear and longing I’d felt the last time we lost each other. I hoped he pulled himself back together soon after I left. Marco wasn’t the type to mope around. He was too strong for that. I thought about him playing with bratty children and comforting elderly people in the medical center.

I smiled and my worries for him greatly diminished.

“Head out of the clouds.” Something wacked the back of my head and I turned, already scowling. I was surprised to see Mikasa and the sly but subtle smile playing on her lips. Someone must have been feeling better.

“Yes ma’am.” I chuckled.

 

\--

 

Cities were the last place anyone wanted to be. They didn’t have many places where someone could seek cover, and even less likely to have anything resourceful than a side store in the middle of nowhere. Stiffs moved by the masses. Buildings were dilapidated by bombs, fires, and floods. _Any_ possible damage mankind’s panic could cause, it was in the city.

I got firsthand experience of all of the above, resulting in over half of my scars. So you could imagine I’d be a little skittish.

“It should be one block ahead, another to the right.” Hanji spoke quietly, carbine rifle held in both their hands as they pressed flat against the building we’d stopped behind.

 “’ _Should’_ better be enough to keep us alive.” Levi scoffed and drew his pistol. “We’ll go in sets, clear the area, keep moving until we meet up before the last stretch. Hanji and I will go first, followed by Armin and Mikasa, then Jean and Reiner. Mike will cover the back.” He took out the radios and moved the dial on his own until it clicked before giving us the three others. “Set these to the base station so we can hear everyone at all times. Anything happens that you can’t handle, get to whoever is closest to you.” Levi clipped the radio onto the holster strap across his chest and held his gun up, looking from around the corner and back to Hanji.

With just a quick nod of his head, he and Hanji were gone, running down the stretch of a building until they reached the next alleyway. Mikasa was gripping Armin’s wrist, ready to sprint at Levi’s signal. Reiner and I stood next to them while Mike was already keeping lookout behind us.

“You okay, man?”

I turned at Reiner’s harsh whisper and looked him up and down. “As okay as I can be. Why?”

He lowered his gaze and jutted his chin to my hands. “You’re pale as hell.”

I could imagine. I was gripping my gun like I meant to break it, and my jaw was clenched hard enough to give me a migraine. At least he couldn’t see my heart pounding a mile per second. “Yeah, well,” I shrugged off the breathlessness in my voice.

“ _Go_!”I froze up as Mikasa and Armin disappeared from my side, leaving me to wait for the command. I looked around the corner and saw Levi and Hanji at the end of the block, Mikasa and Armin at the first cleared alley.“ _Jean_.” I jumped. Levi’s hushed voice came through the radio and I looked again. He motioned the opposite way of Armin and Mikasa, “ _Get to the other side_.”

That wasn’t part of the plan. Reiner sighed and grabbed his rifle before glancing down at me. “Want me to go first?” I shook my head, already crouching down and ready to run. It seemed like hours before the one-worded order came through the speaker.

“ _Go_.”

I’d gone into things like this before, alone and blind. It was still a walking nightmare. Every noise was magnified; every crunch on the ground under my foot, every shadow, every heartbeat pounding in my ears, the slightest breeze on my neck.

I ran into the alley, gun pointing left and right, then again. Reiner approached from behind me and I lowered my gun, pressing my back to the wall and ready for the next sprint. Across from us, Mikasa and Armin were gone. I didn’t hear anything on our radios. Reiner shook his head. He didn’t know what was going on either. It was quiet for three agonizing seconds while waiting for something other than static and the loud pumping in my ears. The sound grew louder until it hit me—right in the back when Mike ran up and grabbed my shoulders and pushed me out of the alley, hissing a sharp ‘Move quickly’.

I didn’t ask where I should have been running to, but didn’t have to worry about it long when I caught sight of Levi. He, Hanji, Armin, and Mikasa were in between two buildings on the last block, the final one hundred feet until we made it. There was a problem, though. Levi’s hand was moving wildly. I was close enough to _see_ the muted growl of an order to hide. I would have missed the side entrance of a thin pub if I wasn’t grabbed by the collar and pulled into the wide brick walls.

Before I could ask any questions, Mike was already speaking, “A few dead ones are coming around our corner. Might be nothing, or they might be the beginning of another damn stampede. We’ll wait until they pass til we can keep going. You can turn the radios off now.”

Moments passed since the stiffs came and went, and we made the last dash to the others.

 

“There she is.” Hanji whispered through a smirk.

We looked at where they were pointing. It looked like the city ended right there, going right into green grass and gardened sidewalks of the Stohess Headquarters. The building wasn’t as large as I thought a lab headquarters would be; it was white, tall and skinny, and looked like it ran exclusively on electricity.

“Armin, do you remember how to get in?” Mikasa asked quietly.

“Yes. The exterior layout was pretty basic. The emergency exits are on the sides, in the back, and one on the roof. They’re a bit tricky since the way in requires a card. That’s where the muscle comes in. these aren’t doors you can just kick in. We’ll have to pry them open ourselves.”

“But…?” I asked. There’s always a loophole.

“It isn’t a quick and silent job. It’s definitely going to draw some attention from anything in the immediate radius and we can’t afford to lose much firepower.”

Reiner huffed, “Is there a plan B?”

Armin hummed, still staring at the building. “There’s one on the roof. It isn’t any easier to get into, but it’s definitely safer, out of the stiffs’ range. The only problem is getting up there.”

“Oh, there’s ladder,” Hanji chimed in, “It’s in the back. We’ll have to jump a fence—likely barbed wire, and maybe a few other small obstacles. It’s the best bet we have.”

My arms were tingling at the thought of a barbed wire fence. The last time I jumped one, they were basically shredded, granted I was in a rush to escape the jaws of mangy guard dogs. Fences in general weren’t things I chose to come across. Just a fair share of bad memories, I suppose. Well, there’s no better time to get over my fears than the end of the world. “We’d better move fast. It’s already dusk.”

 

As Armin and Hanji said, there was a barbed wire fence which Reiner practically threw me over for staring at it for too long. The weed-laden courtyard was clear, save a dozen or so stiffs. We passed by them, blocking them with the gates of a second fence—one that had opened with a quick pick of a couple of locks.

“Look,” Mikasa had stopped, tilting her head toward the first fence and she locked the second behind us.

A few stiffs roamed back and forth across the fence, hissing and growling at us and attracting more of their kind. They pressed against it, arms stretching through the spaces between the wiring. I swallowed down the disgustingly familiar feeling.

“Oh, it’s fine.” Hanji said, noticing our hesitance.

Mikasa nodded skeptically and went ahead, giving me a quick glance as she passed by. I took another look at them before following close behind.

We turned a corner around a small shed-sized electrical box and Hanji gave a victorious breath at the sight of the emergency ladder. Hanji scoffed and looked up at it, “Why are there steps missing?”

“It wasn’t very reliable.” Mike said, jutting his chin to the right. A few meters away were a decayed arm and a pole that was a missing step.

“Good to know.” I said dryly. A nasty gargle that echoed from around the electrical box put my hair on end. Knife drawn, I went back to get it, leaning back against the cool metal and waiting for it to get close enough. I whirled around the corner when it was where I wanted it and got it right in the head. As the body dropped, I looked up and gasped, turning back around the box and pressing my back hard against it. “ _Shit, shit, shit, oh shit,”_ I rasped between breaths while trying to regain control of my racing heart.

The first fence was down, stiffs by the dozen stomping and stumbling over it while the second fence’s gate was being pushed open, letting them two at a time. They must have seen the others trying to get through and tagged along.

“Jean, what’s wro-”

I slapped a hand over Armin’s mouth and hushed him. “We need to get up there _right now_.”

Armin pushed my hand away and cautiously looked around the box. He had the same reaction as me, turning back with wide eyes and his jaw had dropped. His eyes found mine before he ran over to Levi and quietly told him about the situation.

Levi grimaced and started the orders. “Mike, you and Mikasa go first and clear whatever’s down there. We’ll keep things under control and follow behind.” Mikasa obeyed, jumping impressively high enough to reach the ladder and using her arms to hoist herself up. Mike was right behind her, moving up until they disappeared onto the roof.

A shout and a grunt drew my attention to Armin as he fell onto his back, a motionless stiff landing on top of him. I was quick, shoving the dead weight off of him and helping him up. “You okay?”

Armin nodded, though a bit breathless. “I’m fine. It almost got me.” He chuckled. Our nervous laughter was gone, the animalistic moans of several stiffs quickly growing closer.

“I think it’s time we get up there.” Hanji said with a quirked brow. They jumped up and grabbed the rail, easily climbing their way to the top. Something rang like a coin hitting the ground, probably a bullet, but one less didn’t matter considering we had to make haste in the situation.

“Armin, you’re next.” Levi said, gun out and standing facing the other side of the electrical box. Using it would make everything worse, but there were few enough of us to make it. Maybe. It didn’t go unseen by me when Armin winced as he pulled himself up, though, the gunfire opening up inside the building didn’t leave me much time to dwell on it. “Jean, go.”

I shook my head and drew two pistols. I’d only used two guns at once a few times, and while my aim was decent, I wasn’t so confident I could do it at such close-range. “You’re a much better shot. It’ll be easier if you get to the top and shoot at the rest while we take care of the frontline.” It was a spur of the moment plan, but by some miracle, Levi trusted it.

“Looks like it’s just us two idiots,” Reiner snorted, lifting his gun over his shoulder and aiming at a few stumbling stiffs before taking the first shots. I immediately followed suit, facing the opposite direction and firing successfully at the approaching stiffs’ heads. They were closing in at an alarming rate, only being held off by Levi’s rapid firing above us.

The trigger on one of my guns clicked, followed by the other. Out of bullets. I swore and holstered them before drawing a colt pistol.

“Jean!” Reiner shouted, “Go on, I’ve got enough to make it.”

“It’s fine, I have another gun.”

“Trust me, I’ve gotten through much closer calls than this.”

“So wh-ah!” I let out an embarrassing squeak as he grabbed my waist and, for the second time, threw me up to the stairs. I just barely grabbed hold of the rail and a step. Looking down, I was surprised at how high he’d tossed me. I scrambled to the top and looked down in horror.

The fence was down, stiffs galore flooding in. Where the hell did they come from? Levi called my name and ordered me to start firing down and for Reiner to ‘stop messing around and get the hell up here’. “Come on!” I screamed over the popping of my gun. “You’ve got enough time!” I knew he could hear me, but he kept firing. He was cutting it too close if he waiting much longer. Too many were coming from the other way. “ _Reiner, come on_!” I was screaming my voice hoarse at that point and before I knew it, I was halfway down the ladder.

“Jean!” Levi snapped. He ran to the railing and grabbed the collar of my shirt as he tried to drag me up again.

I reached out my hand for him, just barely brushing his shoulder. “Rei-”

“Catch this!” Reiner suddenly dived forward and swiped his hand across the ground before turning and throwing it up toward me. I snatched it out of the air and barely took a glance what looked like a small piece of glass before stuffing it in my shirt pocket.

A scream of pure anguish.

Reiner was…

I could barely see him. There was just so much…and the sound of his screaming and I was still reaching out for him and it was just too familiar and their dead hands were scraping at the soles of my boots and I _couldn’t move_ to even try save him.

“Jean, _move_!” Levi said, the roughness in his voice giving away his own shock. He was still holding my shirt and gave a hard enough tug to pull me up to the edge of the top, but I wasn’t paying attention over Reiner.

A lot can go through a person’s head in such a short time. Questions of what’s right and what’s wrong, telling themselves think smart and think fast because someone is depending on them, a million scenarios of what if’s. Sometimes the mind goes completely blank, and maybe sometimes that needs to happen.

Without another thought, I aimed and fired.

Reiner’s head jolted back and there were only the stiffs and their strained and satisfied noises, and occasional distant shot continuing inside. I was dragged back onto the roof, laying on my back and staring up at the sky. I tossed my gun from my hand to press both palms to my eyes. I inhaled sharply through the unexpected rapid wheezing and sobbing that racked through me. I couldn’t stay for that much longer.

The fist in my collar was back and I looked up to see Levi pulling me up. He pushed me to the open emergency exit and guided me with words as I climbed down the sturdy stairs. There wasn’t any gun fire, just Mike, standing there under an emergency light and watching us with a short look of confusion. His brows furrowed at my grim expression and soon realized there wasn’t anyone else coming and nodded before gesturing for us to follow his lead. “This part of the building’s been cleared. We plan to do the rest later. They’re already in the lab.” Mike said.

“Jean,” Levi whispered, grabbing my arms and ushering me to face him. “You did a good thing.” He shook me when I looked down silently forcing me to listen. “He was in pain, and you ended it.”

“I…” I felt sick. I was going to be sick. I pushed Levi away and was able to get myself far away enough to puke without being seen. I spat and wiped my mouth, still kneeling forward. After I gathered myself, I assured them I was okay and we continued.

 

When we got to the lab, Mikasa was waiting outside the glass walls of the oddly bright room. She glanced at us, then back at the room where Armin and Hanji were already working. Again, she glanced back, now scanning over us before they went to me. I leaned against the glass beside her and watched the seasoned and novice scientists work on the reason we were there in the first place. Inside the room was a generator, rumbling under its dusty surface, but still running. I found it a kind of relaxing sound if I focused my hearing on it.

It only took a few minutes for my body to start crashing from the adrenaline rush moments before. I excused myself, going down another hall and turning a corner. My back against the wall, I slid down until I was sitting, bending my knees to drop my head between them and breathe. I dragged my fingers through my hair. I was still shaking.

What the hell was Reiner thinking, jumping head first into a sea of stiffs? What was so worth it? What was going through _his_ head?

Just then I remembered the object he’d thrown to me. I reached in my jacket and pulled out a round glass tube, slowly turning it. The second and only backup of the antivirus. That was how much people wanted it? There were people who were actually willing to die for something that could save others?

I held up the vile and sighed. “Turns out you weren’t selfish after all.” No, Reiner was selfless. He died so the rest of us could finally have a chance at winning against the odds.

Body feeling like lead and my mind too scrambled to think, I closed my eyes. A few hours later, or so it felt, I was brought out of my light sleep by the sound of cloth and rubbed dragging down metal. I opened my eyes and watched Mikasa slide down the wall the way I had. She sat crisscrossed and tilted her head back until it bumped the wall, letting out a ragged sigh.

“Hanji and Armin think they’re getting close.”

“At least we have backup.” I said and rolled the vile to her.

She picked it up and frowned. “Why do you have this instead of Hanji?”

“They dropped it when they went up the ladder.” I paused and turned my head away, “Reiner got it back.” My tone changed to something brash, “He could have made it, Mikasa. He was supposed to be here to go back with us. He could have left this behind. I-I know why he did it, but at the same time I can’t understand.”

She didn’t respond, other than a single nod. We sat in silence for a while. At some point Mikasa fell asleep, as I did shortly after.

 

\--

 

I woke with a gasp and my hand was already on my knife’s handle when something hit my foot. Mikasa was gone, probably to sleep somewhere more comfortable. The dull emergency lights were still on. I could easily make out a shape sluggishly moving down the hall. I stood up and quietly followed behind. They passed under one of the lights, bringing to light the messy, tied up blonde hair. It was Armin. He was breathing heavily and stumbling. He took a step and his balance went completely off. He caught himself by leaning against the wall.

“Hey. Hey, Armin,” I jogged up to him and helped him upright, and I couldn’t help but stare at his ghostly appearance. He was so much paler than usual, his face clammy with cold sweat, and he was breathing like he’d just run a mile. One of his hands flew to his side, grasping it tightly with a gasp. _That_ was why he looked pained earlier.

I slung his other arm around my shoulder and helped him down the hall, finding a vacant room of shelves stocked with what were probably some kind of virus samples. Settling him into one of the comfortable chairs in the room. He slouched forward, hardly keeping his head up and he panted. He supported himself by putting his hands on his knees to keep as upright as possible.

Kneeling down in front of him, I pushed his top layer shirt to the side. Reaching toward him, I tried to keep a neutral face. I didn’t touch the large red blotch on his shirt. “Jesus, Armin,” I rasped. He was still bleeding.

“I might have lied when I said that stiff almost got me.” He said with a weak laugh then a grunt.

“Does Mikasa know?”

He shook his head slowly and cleared his throat. “I’d rather she didn’t. Might make things worse at this point.” He swallowed loudly.

I grabbed the closest box of tissues and wiped the sweat from his forehead. He hummed with appreciation and chuckled. “This really, _really_ sucks. Hanji and I…we’re so close. I just needed to take a little break.”

“You can barely stand. Hanji can take care of it themselves.” I spoke in a hushed tone. I don’t know exactly why I was acting so calm. Maybe it was because he had that same tranquil air that Marco had, even when burning up with a fever.

Armin shook his head and waved his limp hand dismissively. “Bah, it’s fine. We didn’t come all this way to slack off.”

“ _Armin_ -”

“ _Jean_ ,” He said in a mocking tone then sat back in the chair and sighed. “Let me do this.”

Arguing with a genius was a fight I wouldn’t win. Once Armin was set on something, everything else was in one ear and a logical response out the other. I bit at my lip and reached into my pocket, showing him the vile before putting it in his hand. “You’d better make one for yourself. Show Eren up by being the first cured human.”

“Yeah, right. That guy’s head is made up of a bunch of bricks. Don’t tell him I said that, though.”

I snorted and stood up. “I say it enough to his face that he won’t mind.” Armin raised his hand for me to take, and I begrudgingly did so. With or without my help, he was going to go back to the lab, so I chose to help him. He pulled himself together in the short walk back enough to look halfway decent when he entered the room. Hanji glanced up at him before saying a few words, Armin nodding in response.

I stayed by the lab, watching from the other side of the glass as they continued on.

 

\--

 

Hours passed well into the night and they were still in there. Hanji was rushing back and forth, a huge grin on their face. Armin, on the other hand, was holding himself up with one hand on the table, the other trembling terribly as he held up a sample vile.

I rubbed my face with both hands and groaned. How could I not tell Mikasa? I didn’t want Armin going through the pain Eren had. Armin was the one to tell me I was strong and convinced me to go with them. No matter how stubborn and cruel I was, he worked through it and helped me find Marco again.

I didn’t want to lose another one of us.

I couldn’t lose one of my best friends.

“He’s very good at pretending.” I lowered my hands to see Levi standing beside me, arms crossed as he watched on. “It’s a wonder he’s able to continue.”

“You sound like it’s no big deal.”

“No?” Levi took a tired breath and spoke. “I’ve had this one as long as the other two.” He looked at Armin as he spoke. “That’s quite a while. I’ve spent every day with them, and the rest of you kids. I know your tempers, your weaknesses, your strengths. I even know your favorite colors, for god’s sake.” He trailed off for a moment, blinking when he got himself back on track. “Armin likes to keep his problems to himself, kind of like you only he’s not a snob about it. Even something like this…he’ll put it off as much as he can until he’s caught. He trusts you won’t say anything to Mikasa.”

“Should I?”

“Betray his trust? That’s up to you.” Levi shrugged.

“What about Mikasa? Do you know how she’ll handle it? You know, if anything happens?”

Levi closed his eyes and shook his head. “Ever the optimist, always at the wrong time,” he sighed, “She won’t take it so well. None of us will. And you…” he raised a brow at me, “Sometimes you’re just as unpredictable as Eren. You still have little control over your emotions, anger being the top of the list. Keep yourself in check until we get back.”

“You know,” I scratched my hand through my hair in distress. “I’m starting to think I’m losing my mind.”

“Chances are you joined that club a while ago.”

“I wasn’t thinking when I shot Reiner.” I blurted out.

“Good.”

My jaw dropped and I turned to him. I would have found his answer appalling had I not considered it hours ago. “How is that good?”

“Listen, Jean. There are people out there who would do things worse than a stiff could.” I thought back to the things we’d seen in the woods. “If you’re going to make it, you’ll have to kill them. Hesitate, and surely you will be killed. Don’t think when you pull that trigger. Do what you have to do, and you get to live another day.”

A sudden shout drew our attention back to the lab. Hanji was jumping up and down, cheering and holding two viles of green liquid. Armin looked out at us with a weak smile, mouthing ‘we did it’.

Somehow, it wasn’t as exciting as I thought it would be.

 

\--

 

After revealing the big success to everyone, Armin dismissed himself, saying he was going to get some rest. Mikasa didn’t seem to take it for anything more than exhaustion, and she was speaking to Levi, Hanji, and Mike. That left me time to slip out of the room and follow him. Guessing where he might have been, I walked down the hall toward the room we were in earlier. I knocked on the door, the first time without a reply, the second I got a small grumble. I twisted the knob and opened the door. It jammed for a moment and I pushed harder. There was another small sound and I looked down, seeing Armin’s body blocking the door. I dropped to my knees and picked him up, turning him face-up.

“Armin?” I shook him hard, and still he didn’t open his eyes. “Armin?” He wasn’t dead. I could still hear his shallow breaths. I lowered his head to my lap, watching wide-eyed as his chest stopped, then started again. “Armin? Armin, _Armin_ , c’mon, not you, too. Please don’t-” it stopped again. “No, no Armin…someone…Someone help!”

I only had to shout once before Mikasa and Levi were there. Mikasa let out a strangled cry and I moved out of the way so she could take hold of him. She put her head down, listening for his life. “He’s still breathing,” She said, her voice trembling as she was on the verge of tears. “What happened?” She didn’t need us to answer when she looked down at the growing red patch already seeping through his jacket. “Oh, Armin,” She choked back a sob and pressed her forehead to his.

“Is everything okay?” Hanji leaned in the doorway, eyes widening at the scene before them. “Was he bitten?” They asked ominously.

“You…you have the cure now. You have two of them.” Mikasa said, glancing at me to hold Armin again. I do so without question. Mikasa stood and approached Hanji in a threatening manner. “Use one on him.”

“We can’t afford to-”

“I’m not asking you!” Mikasa growled in their face. “Where is it?”

“Mikasa, I understand you’re upset, but it’s probably too late for him.”

“You don’t understand jack shit! Now where is it?!” No one did anything to stop her, although Mike looked on closely in case Mikasa did anything. “This is your chance to test it, make sure it really works. Go on, show us how right you think you are.”

“This isn’t-”

“Just do it, goggles.” Levi growled.

“Goggles? Hm…” Hanji sighed, glancing back and forth between her and Armin. They thought for a while before Mikasa shook them with impatience. If they were as smart as they put on, Hanji wouldn’t piss her off even more if they valued their face. Hanji reached into their coat, withdrawing one of the viles. “I hope you realize what a major mistake this might be.”

Mikasa snatched the bottle out of their hand and walked across the room, knocking things off of the shelves until she found a box of syringes. She kneeled beside me and Armin, hurriedly ripping it open and taking one out. She looked at the vile, then the syringe.

“Do you know what you’re doing?” Hanji scoffed. When Mikasa didn’t answer, they took the objects out of her hand and grabbed Armin’s hand. They pushed his sleeve up and filled the syringe, then pushed into his arm.

“How long will it take?” Mikasa whispered, brushing his loose hair out of his face.

“Minutes, maybe hours. With his blood loss and the severity of the infection, I have no idea. In the meantime, since we’ve already wasted one thing, I can sutra that bite while we wait it out. We can’t stay here long now. The generators will run out and I’m tired. We’ll go sunup the day after tomorrow.”

“Thank you.” I said breathlessly. Hanji shrugged and walked down the hall, calling out that they would roll a table over to put Armin on. I wasn’t thanking Hanji, though.

I was thanking Reiner.


End file.
